Nathan

I watch the beautiful green eyed boy asleep in the driver's seat, beside me, my heart thundering. His jacket is on me and his seat his reclined all the way back. He's turned on the car heater so that we don't freeze. It must be running all night because I passed out.

The sun is just about to rise and I am dreading the day.

How the hell did he find me? Fuck, I am surprised he even bothered to look for me. I wouldn't have ever gone searching for someone who broke my best friend's nose. Except maybe to beat him up, not make sure he's comfortable in a warm car.

I may have gone a bit too far by punching Daniel.

I hate Vanessa for telling him about me. I just know it's to get back at me for telling her to stay away from Kaiden. But instead, he decided to sleep with her and now I'm the one with a faggot tag on my forehead.

So much for starting over in a new school.

I'm just glad Kaiden is here, no matter the circumstances.

The fact that my hand is still in his, is making me giddy and scared at the same time. I shouldn't have kissed him. It just complicated everything. I watch his pink lips parted slightly, his breathing even.

Kaiden doesn't deserve me. He deserves someone who isn't full of issues and unresolved trauma, someone who can fit into his lifestyle. He has a perfect life - friends, family, a social standing. But all of these families, these upmarket people, are the same.

Who's to say I won't end up with the exact same fate as before? I can't go through all of that again, my wounds are still too fresh. I would die if I lost Kaiden. He does so much for me and I've only known him four months. He's treated me better than the people I've known my whole life.

And I will not let anything or anyone ruin this.

Not Vanessa or Daniel or my mum or my own feelings for him. Nobody. Even though I like him to the point of no return, I will not have a recap of my past. Him and I will be strictly friends.

I rub my eyes and sneeze, cursing quietly.

He wakes, bolting upright immediately and looks around dazed, sporting a colossal bedhead. He really needs a haircut.

"What time is it? We're late for school?!" he mumbles, rubbing his eyes.

"We don't have school today."

He seems to realise he's still in the car with me. Yawning, he stretches and turns the car off.

"I'm going to freshen up, you can come with me or go home," he says, not looking at me. "My friends are still here so unless you want to face them... Daniel is pretty pissed at you."

He trails off, running his fingers through his hair. I search his face for any sign of emotion, it is unreadable.

"I shouldn't. I don't want to intrude," I mutter. "I brought my suit with me though, it's in the hallway cupboard."

"I'll just change and drop you home then," he says, getting out. I follow, shivering from the sudden temperature difference. I hand him the jacket which he gave me.

There are so many things I want to say to him but I don't know how or where to start.

"Thank you Kaiden but I'll find my way back."

He shrugs and walks up the garage. I follow quietly.

"Wait here, I'll get your suit," he yawns and walks off.

I look at his three storeyed mansion, sprawling amongst the lush green trees. I have been here the whole of the past two weeks and it has felt more like home than my mum's house ever did.

He is a lucky guy and he deserves all of this.

Kai comes back, looking significantly more awake. He hands me my suit.

"Thanks. Bye Kaiden, see you at the dance?"

He nods and goes back inside without a word. He's never been this cold to me before, not even when I yelled at him for interfering in my life. He must be really upset I hit Daniel.

I have to apologise.

*****

To say Kaiden looks ravishing is an understatement.

I cannot take my eyes off him. His fitted black blazer over a simple white shirt and an undone bow tie makes him look sexier. His normally messy hair is gelled back and a single strand of hair falls on his forehead, accentuating his thick eyebrows.

Raven looks stunning beside him, wearing the exact outfit he picked. He has an awesome sense of style. I walk to her.

Kaiden ignores me and it feels like a punch to my throat.

"You look beautiful!" I smile.

She blushes, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You look handsome too! Every girl here is jealous of me I bet. Come on, let's dance!" She laughs, leading me to the floor.

The school gym is decorated with blue and white balloons and fairylights. It's completely transformed from it's usual drab look. Faculty and students mingle and dance on the slightly outdated tunes.

The music changes into a slow dance and she wraps her hands around my neck, smiling up at me. Her maroon lipstick brings out her caramel skin even more.

We talk about random things. She is a good conversationalist but tonight my mind is occupied by a certain ravenette.

I watch Kaiden, standing alone at the makeshift bar. He looks so goddamn beautiful. As though he sensed my gaze, he looks to me.

I smile hesitantly.

He turns away and the hope dissolves. The music changes into a more upbeat tune and everyone separates, dancing in their own style.

Sasha and Daniel take center stage, doing an impressive salsa dance routine. How girls manage to dance in five inch heels will always be a mystery to me. My ankles are screaming just watching her twirl around.

Daniel looks battered, his jaw purple. It fills me with a smug satisfaction. He deserved it.

Bella and Max dance goofily, with complete disregard to the rhythm, laughing. Aaron cheers, his camera in his hands, recording everything. They get sidetracked by a group of juniors who take the stage, doing hip-hop.

Raven goes to get herself a drink and I walk to the voting ballot for the Homecoming King and Queen, in the corner. Kaiden's name is on the list of nominees. I don't even have to look at the other names and shove my card into the box with a neat crown cut on it.

I walk to the washroom, the music a bit much right now. I do my business and head to the basin to wash my hands.

The door to another stall opens and Kaiden steps out.

"Enjoying the dance, are you?" I ask. "You're a nominee for homecoming king. I didn't know you did so much for the school?"

I am desperate for him to talk to me, even though I know I shouldn't be. I want to stay away but I don't want him to completely exit my life. He's a great friend.

"Eh, the system's rigged. I'm only there because my dad gives a donation every year since we moved here," he shrugs.

He turns on the faucet, washing his hands. His hair is back to the messy version, falling on his eyes. The top two buttons on his shirt are open and it's distracting me.

"But you can still win by majority vote. I voted for you!" I laugh, forcing my eyes to his face.

"Did you now? Why?"

"Because I want you to win obviously."

"I'm touched!" He says dryly, placing a palm on his chest. I sigh.

Now is a good time as any to apologise.

"Kai..."

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry about last night," I begin, facing him tentatively. He turns, his eyes fixed in an unwavering glare. I can tell he doesn't want to listen but he does anyway.

"I'm sorry you came looking for me so late. I shouldn't have yelled at you, it was stupid. I am not sorry about punching Daniel though, he deserved it," I say, fidgeting with my fingers.

A small smile plays on his lips. I blink, surprised.

"Yeah well, he was being a homophobic piece of shit, he definitely got what was coming. And don't fucking go around wandering alone at night again. You have a death wish or something?" He chuckles.

It feels like an enormous weight is lifted off me. Kaiden isn't mad I punched his friend? I inhale deeply, feeling my shoulders relax.

"What he said though - is that true?" He asks.

Two juniors walk in and eye us curiously. They enter the stalls.

"Let's go somewhere else," Kaiden says, pulling my hand.

I follow him outside, out of the gym and to the bleachers behind the field. We come here quite often it seems.

"So, is it true then?" He asks again, tugging his blazer cuffs.

"Of course not! It's just some stupid rumour, you know how high school is," I mutter.

"You're lying to me again. Stop fucking lying Nathan, I'm tired of playing hot and cold with you!" He groans.

How the fuck does he always know when I'm lying? It's got to be a superpower. But I can't tell him the truth. I just can't. What if I do and he leaves me?

"What else do you want me to say? I'm not lying, you idiot. Look, I'm sorry about the kiss. I didn't think it through. Let's just get past that and be friends? I mean, it was an impulse. Let's be normal around each other, like how Aaron and Ryan are."

I'm aware of him stepping closer to me.

"It's that easy?!" Kai snaps.

His jade eyes are watery.

"What?"

"You think you can kiss me and make me question my whole existence and then have the audacity to come to me and say you're sorry?! Is it that fucking easy? Answer me, Nathan!"

He pushes me back and I collide against the bleachers.

"What the hell man!" I push him back, annoyance building up in me. "Stop acting like a kid!"

"I'm the one being a kid, huh? And you? You cannot just kiss people and expect everything to be fucking dandy! Because some people actually care about the emotions behind physical touches!" Kaiden snaps, his hair obscuring one eye.

"What are you on about?! Why are you so worked up over a stupid kiss?! I said I'm sorry," I snap, irritated.

"Because it killed me when you said it meant nothing to you! I am not mad at you for punching Daniel! I am mad because you kissed me and are acting like you don't care!"

I blink, his words slowly registering in me.

"I'm sorry I slept with Vanessa. It was a shitty thing to do, but I couldn't think of anything else that would hurt you, the way it hurt me when you said the kiss meant nothing!"

"I don't understand..."

He laughs, a dry, hollow, humorless laugh.

"Do I have to spell it out? I like you, okay? I was upset that I saw you with Sasha!"

He likes me?!

"Stop!" I whisper.

He can't fall for me! It's just... someone will eventually find out and then he would be taken away from me. It's a pattern.

"What?"

"Whatever you're feeling, is not real. You'll get over it. What I did, was an impulse. I don't know why I did it. We should stay away from each other."

"Are you listening to yourself right now?!" He yells, eyes wide.

"I just told you that I don't hate the kiss, don't hate you and you're telling me you don't know why you did it?"

"Kaiden, you're confused. You're into girls, you're straight. But it's okay, you'll get over me eventually."

I can't have him fall for me. His words are everything I want to hear but... this won't end well. It never ends well.

"I'm confused?!" He yells, tears pooling in his green eyes. "I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life!"

Every fibre of me is telling me to run to him, hug him and forget about the world. I can't fucking believe he likes me. That's like a dream come true. This sweet pure innocent guy likes me?!

But I can't. I can never ruin his life and mine along with it again. So I do something I'm going to forever regret. I know he will never forgive me.

"What are you, twelve?" I sneer, my heart breaking with the words too.

"Did you really think you sleeping with Vanessa would make me come after you and make me acknowledge the kiss? You're pathetic, you know? You need to stop getting so attached to people. It was one kiss," I say coldly.

I'm a horrible person.

He steps back, as if recoiling from my words. I know I crossed a line. After all he's done for me, I'm being so cruel to him again. He doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve me.

I don't want to go through the drama and possibly get kicked out again, I've only just started to feel like I belong here.

"Nathan - " He whispers, tears falling down his beautiful face.

"Stay away from me," I mutter and walk off.

It's for the best. I know.

Or at least I will try to convince myself of that until this debilitating ache in my heart lessens.