Kaiden

The excitement in the air is nice. The students are wearing different types of hats, making our monochrome uniform look cheerful. For once, it doesn't feel like a dull Monday anymore.

"I can hardly see your face!" Nathan laughs when I approach him and Raven.

It makes me a bit sad, seeing them, but they make perfect sense together. Nathan may not be into Sasha but he didn't deny liking Raven.

"That hat is gigantic!" he says.

"I know. Mum got it on her Bali trip. On the plus side, it keeps my personal bubble empty!" I grin. "Stay away ya filthy animals!"

"Bella should have kept a size limit," Raven giggles, lifting the front of the wide brim of the straw hat and peering at me.

"I'm not wearing this in class, just for photos. I brought a tweed beret too! I like yours, it's a funeral hat right?" I ask Raven, lifting the small black veil from her eyes.

She nods.

"Funeral for my sanity," she sighs dramatically. I laugh, putting the veil back in place. Nathan is wearing his usual grey beanie.

"Nice to see you put in the effort."

"This the only one I have," he shrugs.

He looks good as usual but tired, bags under his eyes. There's a light stubble on his face. It suits him, he looks older, more mature.

The bell goes off.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, as we walk to the lockers. Raven went ahead with a girl from the other division.

"Yeah, why?"

"You look exhausted, didn't you sleep yesterday? Did your Mom give you a hard time about the painting?"

He opens his locker, not replying.

I don't know why I ask him things even after he told me not to. I literally need to control this impulse but everytime he looks even the slightest bit sad, I want to fight against everything that made him feel like that.

It's concerning, isn't it?

"It's just exam stress. They're immediately after Homecoming so I'm a little worried especially since Coach is making us practice all the time. With work and homework, I don't get much sleep."

I blink. I hadn't expected such an honest answer. I contemplate his words, putting my own books in my bag. We walk to biology together.

"Do you maybe want to study together at the Starbucks after your shifts? That way I could help you with homework too. We could also have group studies at my place whenever you're free. It would do you good to be around people. You enjoyed my friends' company right?"

He smiles, nodding. A bubble of pride pricks my chest. I really do have the fucking best of friends.

"Yeah well, they're carefree. You're right, it'll take my mind off things. It's been a crazy few days," He sighs, sliding into a seat. I sit beside him.

I like him this way. No hiding stuff, no white lies.

"So it's decided then. I'm pretty sure Raven would be the happiest to have you around," I tease, nudging him.

He hits my arm repeatedly with a notebook. I laugh, rather half-hearted. He definitely likes her.

"I'm worried about Daniel. It's been tough with him. Ryan adjusted fairly quickly and well, Max and Alex were always good to me. It's just Calum, Daniel and the others. They're still very fucking cold."

Hm, so soccer's not going too well for him either.

Mrs. Rodriguez starts the lesson, making us fall silent. Nathan listens attentively, jotting down notes. I find myself extremely distracted by him though. The more I spend time with him, the more I'm falling for him.

I wish I could tell him.

Would he take it well? Or would he end up completely dissociating with me? He probably thinks I'm an annoyance anyway. It's almost zero chance he will like me but the heart wants what it wants, right?

"It's rude to stare Kai-Pie!" he says softly, smiling. "Honestly, you're always staring, makes me wonder."

I go redder than the stain of the slide.

"Um, uh, I zoned out! I don't stare at you, I'm looking through you when I zone out. In that moment you don't exist, you're a part of vaccum, invisible."

"Oh okay, understandable." He grins.

We go back to work, a comfortable silence between us. I'm beginning to make him suspicious, I really should tone down my wayward thoughts.

******

Next two weeks passed by in a flurry of Spirit activities. The student council went all out and arranged a college fair. It really helped many seniors decide prospective colleges, since our SATs are almost here.

Mum was elated when everyone came to my house to study everyday after school. She left us alone mostly, only dropping in to make sure we had eaten. 

Dad and Nathan was a different story. It was awkward as fuck in the beginning but eventually Dad got used to his presence. We got into a few verbal tussles but I firmly told him that he didn't get to judge my friends.

Nathan, Max, Ryan and Alex joined us after practice, until Nathan had to go to work.

He fit in perfectly with my group and I am super glad.

As promised, they are significantly less loose- mouthed around Nathan while still poking fun at him. He seems happier and looks a lot less lonely.

Ryan and him share a mutual love for FIFA and they hog my PS5. Bella has the most intelligent discussions with him, talking politics and climate change and things. Nathan's smart as hell, I realise. I mean Bella is almost a prodigy but the fact that he can keep up with her conversations is amazing to me.

Alex is sort of indifferent to Nathan. but then again he is like that with us too, so I guess that's as good an acceptance as any.

Aaron is his F1 discussion partner and they've got me hooked on racing too.

Raven is the happiest though, unable to stop smiling. She and Nathan grew closer than anyone else. I wonder what they talk about when they're alone. It makes me happy and also unhealthily jealous but I've been able to keep my thoughts in check.

For the most part.

When it got too much, I did silly things in school, like running to my classes with Nathan without waiting for her and accompanied him to the Starbucks, after she left my house, just so I got my share of alone time with him.

I'm losing my head, trying to keep my feelings a secret. If Nathan has noticed, he hasn't said a word, but he's been less guarded with me.

He brought us all coffee on Wednesday and a venti frappe for just me. He's been at my place almost the whole week.

He brought Zeus home too, yesterday. I think Bella likes Zeus more than Nathan.

Benji went feral but Zeus was so good to him, he didn't even mind the rapid paw attack Benji gave his snout. Thank God I cut his claws.

Eventually they made peace although Benji hates having to share Nathan with Zeus. When he goes to Nathan, Zeus just comes to cuddle with me.

Funny how our pets adore the other person more.

It's Friday already and the University party is tonight. I'm too lazy about going but everyone else seems excited. We're going to meet here and then drive down together.

Right now, it's just me and Nathan in my room.

School let out an hour early as the faculty had a meeting.

Nathan decided to tell his mother he'll be at work and then was going to a friend's for a project, so she wouldn't ground him.

Instead, he was staying with me so we came home directly from school. It's nice to see he's comfortable now. He hasn't spoken to my dad much but at least dad doesn't mind him coming over anymore.

I'm glad.

"School was so lax today!" Nathan smiles, removing his blazer. He puts his bag on the floor and takes out a change of clothes. "Even the faculty didn't want to teach!"

I nod, going inside my walk-in wardrobe. I need a bath.

"Do you mind if I shower? I feel like we could use a nap since we'll be out all night," He asks, peeking in.

"Sure."

He walks off to my bathroom, grabbing a spare towel from the cabinet.

I pick my outfit for the night, deciding on a black Calvin Klein tshirt and black ripped denims with a grey bomber jacket. I grab a shorts and soft tshirt to wear after my bath. Nathan's right, I really could use some sleep.

I scroll through my Instagram, waiting for him to get out of the shower. To my surprise, there's a follow request from Sam. I hit accept and send him one back.

He accepts instantly. A dm pops up from him.

S - Hey stalker! ;)

K - Hey yourself! :) you're the stalker.

S - Says the person who showed up at my
      home.

K - Touché.

S - Are you free tonight? We could go

I bite my lip. I wonder if he's asking me on a date or just as two new acquaintances hanging out.

K - Nah, I have plans. Maybe some other
      time?

S - Fine :(  Lmk when you're available. Gtg,
      bye.

Well that was abrupt.

Nathan walks out, in all his shirtless tattooed glory, the towel dangerously low on his hips. His happy trail distracts me so much, I don't realise he spoke.

"Uh what?"

"Weren't you going in? I used your bodywash, if that's okay."

I nod, getting up from my bed, feeling fluttery all over. I hate being so close to him and not having him.

"Do you fancy hot chocolate with peppermint?" I ask, stretching and yawning. "I'll make it when I get out."

By the time I finish my bath and dress, he is fast asleep and snoring lightly, the blanket upto his head.

I curl up next to him, making sure to put the throw pillows between us. I don't want him to ignore me for another three days because he woke up cuddling me.

Within minutes, I drift off.

*****

Turns out the pillows don't work.

It's sunset when I stir. Rubbing my eyes, I realise Nathan's head is on my chest, arms around my torso, one leg on top of mine. He's the one moving towards me, because I'm in the same position I slept.

I gently push him away. He groans and shifts but doesn't wake. The neon lights of my clock tell me it's six. We've been out for three hours!

I freshen and dress. The others would be here by seven, since it's about an hour's drive to the university.

Nathan wakes and dresses quickly, in a black hoodie and blue denims, his signature black beanie on his head. He ditched his Docs for a pair of black Converse.

"Do you want something to eat before the others come?" I ask when we go downstairs to the living room.

He nods, sitting on the leather sofa. I trudge to the kitchen and tell Shailene to make us some chicken nuggets and sandwiches. I return to see he's turned on the TV and is browsing Netflix. He presses play.

"Have you watched this?" he asks.

The opening instrumental alone gives away the movie name. Of course he had to pick this out. It's like he's doing it on purpose.

"I've heard it's nice. Got an Oscar I think," I mutter. I don't wanna tell him it's literally my guilty pleasure movie.

"Call Me By Your Name, hm. Book adaptation?" He asks. I nod.

He watches movies like a fucking robot, not one expression changes. I keep glancing at him, since it's a very Obviously Gay movie but nada, not even an eyebrow raise.

Shailene brings out two plates of food and keeps them on the coffee table. We both greedily finish the snacks, having skipped lunch.

"Raven says they'll be here in twenty minutes," I tell him, checking her text. He sighs, cracking his neck.

"I'm sore," he mutters. "Yesterday's practice was gruelling. I'm still not able to get the tension off my shoulders."

He lies down and puts his head on the pillow in my lap.

Fuck... His proximity to my nethers is making me extremely self conscious.

"Do you need a massage?" I ask tentatively. He shakes his head, engrossed in the movie.

I run my fingers through his hair out of habit. I do it often to Raven Bella and even Alex and Ryan. It's a very relaxing feeling, having someone else's hands in your hair.

He moans. I stop abruptly at the sound and bite my lip, looking away. My mind is going places right now!

"Don't stop," he whispers. "Please."

Don't make those sounds again. Please.

I continue the action, feeling a blush creep up. It feels nice and normal to hang out with him like this. He's holding my other hand, fingers laced in mine over his stomach. I look down at his beautiful face.

Fuck, I like him so much, I'm going mad. My stomach is swarming with butterflies.

"Chalamet looks like he's battling scurvy!" he laughs, bringing me out of my thoughts.

I flick his forehead.

"Ow, what was that for?!"

"Fuck off, he is phenomenal!"

"Nah, Armie is hotter I think."

The sex scene comes on and we fall silent. I am suddenly hyper aware of all the places my body is touching his but he seems relaxed, eyes half closed.

The doorbell rings and Nathan springs apart from me, like he's been electrocuted. I frown, immediately missing his warmth.

I turn off the TV and trudge to the door, letting my friends in. It's just Alex, Ryan, Aaron and Raven. She immediately runs to Nathan and gives him a hug. He returns it, kissing the top of her head. She smiles sunnily, looking up at him like he hung the stars in the sky.

I turn away, miffed. I have no right to be mad but my friends ruined a very nice moment.

"Where's the others?"

"Bella's going with Max, Luke and Daniel, she'll meet us there directly," Alex says, texting rapidly on his phone.

At least Daniel wouldn't be around Nathan longer than needed. From what I know from Ryan and Nathan, he's not yet warmed up to the latter.

"Cool. So what are we waiting for? Let's go partayyy!"