Kaiden

I am so angry, my jaw is aching from my teeth grinding against each other. One question from me got him all defensive? He doesn't deserve to be mad at me. I'm not interfering in his life, am I?

It was a harmless question. What is so complicated that he can't tell me?

Man, I am stupid. I should just stop pretending we're friends and leave him alone. It's probably what he wants. He acts hot and cold. I can't understand him.

I storm inside my house to find my mother in the living room, watching television. I blink. I didn't expect to see her today.

"Woah, you look like you're about to hit something! Are you okay honey? You're back very late! At least text me if you're going to be late!"

"I did call you, Mum. You didn't pick up," I sigh, sitting beside her.

"Oh. I was in a meeting then. I haven't checked my call log yet," she says, running her fingers through my hair. I rest my head in her lap.

"Something bothering you?"

"I had a fight with a friend. Because I asked him a question about his relationship with a girl from our class."

Mum laughs.

"Why did you ask such a personal question?"

"Because he's my friend! I should know things about my friends right?"

"Hm, of course you should. But sometimes, people have stuff they don't share because it is either hurting them or because it would uncover a part of themselves they have buried deep."

"Oh? So I shouldn't ask questions then? Is that what you're saying? Because I don't see why to have friends if I know nothing about them. What is the point of such superficial attachments?"

Mum shakes her head, her kind brown eyes looking at me.

"Of course you should ask things Kai. But learn to read people too. Most times, we only see things from our perspective. Give people some time and they will come around, eventually. If they don't, well, let them go."

I sigh. She's right.

"Thanks Mum, I needed that. How do you always know the right thing? Being an adult must be nice, huh?"

She laughs.

"Trust me, the wisdom part is the only good thing. But with great power, comes great responsibility!"

"God you're quoting Spiderman! Officially world's best mom."

"Haha, it's an ancient adage Kai, originating in fourth century BC. It's trickled down into a lot of literary works since then."

"And now we know why you're old," I laugh, sitting up. She hits my arm. "Where's Dad?"

"He's gone on a hiking trip with Charles Everton and group. You missed him by thirty minutes. He'll be back by tomorrow."

"And how are you at home? No OPD today?"

"I've been tired lately. It's hard to not get involved with patients you know? The terminally ill ones at least. I went to Dr. Menzel, the therapist and she said I needed to recharge my brain's batteries."

"Oh. That's all, right? Mental fatigue? Nothing else right? You should get a full body checkup done."

A slight fear grips my heart. One which I don't want to address. Ever.

"Aw baby, don't worry. I'm fine! I'm thinking of going to Aunt Carol's for a few days. You know, a change of scenery. Will you hold the fort?"

I nod, patting her head.

"Sure. You deserve the break Mum. I'll manage. By manage I mean have a mad party every other day!" I yell, jumping up from the couch.

She laughs, chucking a cushion at me. It falls on the floor and I pick it up.

"Have all the parties you want but keep everything breakable hidden first. And clean up is entirely your duty, I will not have Nora and Shailene do any of your dirty work! Our bedroom is off limits and so is the gym and study."

"I wish you weren't so chill. It takes away the thrill of being a rebellious teenager!" I groan. "You're supposed to tell me off!"

"I know you're a sensible kid, you'll take care of yourself and the house. What's there to reprimand you? As long as I know what you're doing, where you are, that you're safe and not involved in drugs, I don't mind anything you do. You should experience everything at this age. Make mistakes, fall in love, have a few mad parties!"

If there was any more love in my heart right now, it would explode.

"If you're drinking, don't let anyone drive home. They can sleep on the floor if they have to but nobody is drunk driving okay?"

"Fine. God, I can't hide anything from you. The guilt would drive me mad!"

She chuckles. I give her a tight hug, trying to put all of my feelings into it. I don't know what I would do without her.

*****

After school next day, I spot Nathan talking to Vanessa again and she storms off. He looks annoyed. I don't want to talk to him but I have to return his blazer.

I meet Sasha in the middle of my lazy walk out of school.

"Should I pick you up for tonight?" she asks.

"Hm? For?"

"It's game night. Friday, remember?"

"Fuck, I had forgotten. The week really flew by. I'll meet you there though, I have plans after the game. Also, don't breathe a word of the reason I'm coming to the game. Okay?"

Sasha nods.

"I think Vanessa's coming because you are there. It was supposed to be just us two. Be careful of her Kaiden, she's clingy."

"Thanks for the heads up. Make sure you take her far away from me when I find Sam after the game okay?"

She nods.

"I'm so overworked, I feel like I've aged ten years this week," she sighs, stretching.

"I know, I can feel myself running on empty. See you tonight Sasha."

Nathan walks past me, ignoring me. I grab his hand. He narrows his eyes. I open my school bag and hand him my old iPhone and charger, along with his blazer.

"I called you last night for the blazer, but didn't receive a response. Figured your phone is still broken so I got you my old one. It's in perfect condition since it's a fairly recent model. Keep it as long as you need. I think you still have the sim card?"

"Thanks but I don't need it. I'll get myself a new one."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Fine, until then keep this."

He sighs, accepting the phone. He puts it in his bag and thanks me quietly.

"Do you want a ride home?" I ask. "I won't ask you anything, promise."

"No thanks. I can walk."

"Beats me why I can't pick you up everyday. I live close by. Isn't it exhausting walking around everywhere?"

"I'm not a charity case!" He snaps, making me shut up in surprise.

"Is that what you think I think?" I ask, incredulously.

"You certainly act like it! You don't ever say no to dropping me places and you gave me free medicines and you're agreeing to paint my room free of charge and you also gave me your old phone?"

"I do that because you're my friend! I would do that for all of my friends!"

"Oh shut up. You're doing it out of pity, aren't you? Poor Nathan, can't do anything by himself, doesn't have any money so let me brag about my own wealth to make him feel worse about his situation than he already does? Does it feed your ego?"

Ouch.

"You know what, fuck you. Who the fuck do you think you are?! Go to hell for all I care!" I snap and get inside my car, driving away.

How dare he?

*****

"You made it!"

Seth, Sasha, Vanessa, and a girl and guy I don't recognise are waiting for me in the parking lot of Westbrook High.

"Hey man, nice to see you again!" Seth says giving me a brief hug.

"Are you excited for the game? Good luck!"

"Thanks bro. This is my girlfriend, Anastasia." he says, introducing the very pretty redhead to me. The other dude's name is Paxton.

"Hey Kaiden!" Vanessa says, when we walk to the school grounds.

"Don't talk to me."

I don't want to talk to either her or Nathan ever again.

"Aw come on, I'm sorry! Sasha told me you didn't intend anything to do with her!"

"You were out of line, Sasha or not. I don't think I want anything to do with you anymore."

I leave her behind and walk with Sasha instead. We find our seats and I make sure to put everyone between me and Vanessa.

The game begins. I'm not very versed in lacrosse things so I just watch.

The players are all wearing helmets but even then, Sam stands out the most. He plays like he owns the field and the team, his number 7 jersey making him conspicuous.

Does he have a boyfriend? Is he out to everyone here? Do they support him? He has a reputation, but is it because he sleeps around or is it because he's a genuinely great person? I know as much about Sam as I know about Nathan, that asshole.

I watch Sam slide between his opponents and effortlessly shoot the ball into the goal. The students go insane and he raises his stick to the bleachers in acknowledgement.

"What do you think about Sam?" I ask Anastasia.

"Oh, Sam? He's a sweetheart!"

She doesn't look surprised I know him.

"Really? Seems cocky to me."

"Well, initially he can be. Seth and him are inseparable, I have to compete with him to get Seth to myself sometimes. But he's loyal, grounded and a great person. It sucks that he's gay as fuck though," she laughs.

Vanessa and Sasha are too busy talking to Paxton to pay attention to us and I am glad.

"Oh? Um, everyone knows?"

"Shit, no, please don't tell anyone!" she whispers, frantically looking around. "I wasn't supposed to mention it!"

"Oi, calm down. I won't tell, I promise!"

So he is gay. Then, why the hell was he flirting with Raven?

"He has a reputation here. Please don't tell anyone! I would appreciate if you kept it a secret, Kaiden."

"I promise, don't worry."

She nods.

The game ends and Westbrook wins unopposed. Students roar in celebration. The team carries Seth and Sam on their shoulders.

"They would meet us in the parking. It will be a while, since they have to shower and all. I hope you don't mind waiting," Anastasia says as we disperse.

Soon, the team emerges. The parking is half empty by now.

"Kaiden, you made it!" Sam gives me a fist bump. "We're going to the burger barn to celebrate before we head to Evan's for the party. You guys wanna join?"

"Not for the party, thanks, although burgers sound like a great idea!" Sasha agrees.

They head to the cars. I pull Sam back, a little jolt going through me when I hold his hand.

"Sup?" He smiles, his blue eyes sparkling.

"Ride with me to the burger place."

"Sure, I came with Seth anyway. I guess I should give the two love birds some privacy, huh?" He chuckles and follows me to my car.

"Did you enjoy the game?"

"I did. You play really well!"

"Thank you. So, you left a little abruptly from my house that day. It almost felt like you were running," he says.

"I was."

"Hm?"

"I was running. I've - um, I don't know how to phrase this - but um, Sasha kind of sent me a picture" I begin, nervously.

I don't even know if he remembers the thing either. This was a bad idea.

"And? Does it include me?"

"Yes. Uh, we were kissing in that picture."

"Is that why you were at my place? Was the medicine an excuse?" He laughs, confusing me a bit. I didn't think it was funny.

"No! I didn't even know you lived there!"

"Oh. We kissed, so what? People kiss all the time right?"

"Well, I don't remember anything from the party, including the kiss. And we woke up in the same bed and you were shirtless if I recall correctly? So uh, well... did we... you know..."

He laughs.

"No Kaiden, we didn't have sex. You were way too drunk and I am a gentleman!"

It feels like a ton of weight is lifted off my chest. I'd like my first time with a guy in all my senses, if I ever wanna go there.

"So you do remember that night! Why didn't you mention anything earlier?" I groan.

"Because you didn't. I didn't want to embarrass you, knowing that you weren't out yet."

"How did you know that??" I ask curiously.

"Hm, maybe because you literally spat ' I'll kill you if you tell anyone' before you passed out in my arms."

He laughs and I blush, looking away.

"Ahem so, uh, how did you know you're into guys?"

"Who said I am?"

I shoot him a look.

"I mean, you have a reputation for being popular among girls, so it's clear you get around a lot. If you can have sex with them, how are you gay?"

"Well, the reputation is just empty words. I have never slept with a girl. Just one boy," he says. "But who told you that?"

"Why else would you kiss me if you weren't into guys? Why did you kiss me though? Do I give off a gay vibe?"

He laughs again.

"Actually, it was a fluke. I was drunk and you looked really good. Also, those enchanting green eyes of yours, I was imagining how beautiful they would look when you had your mouth around my dick. It got me so horny, I knew I wanted to kiss you. I didn't expect you to let me suck you off though... "

"WAIT, WHAT?!"

"Well, yeah. I sucked you off and then you passed out. Then you woke up and demanded that I let you do the same!" he laughs. "You kept saying something about fair play."

Fuck my life, I was so wasted!

"Then you were too drowsy to walk so I had to drag you to the bedroom and you threw up all over me. I had to throw the shirt away! That's why I was shirtless. And I was too tired to sleep somewhere else so we woke up in the same bed."

I can't believe myself. The car seems like it shrunk.

"Well, if your moans that night were any indication, I'm pretty sure you were having a lot of fun!" Sam laughs, interpreting my silence correctly.

"Oh god, what the fuck?" I whisper. My face feels like it's on fire.

"Please don't tell anyone about this Sam, please. I'm - I'm not ready to come out yet!"

"Sure Kaiden. I trust you to do the same okay? No one knows and I prefer it that way. This will be our little secret."

"Thanks, Sam. Also, I'm sorry for the puke."

"Don't worry about it. At least you didn't puke over my dick," he laughs.

I shudder at the thought. It's quiet for a while.

"Kaiden listen - you, uh, you don't have to rush to label yourself, okay? Take it easy. You can be whoever you want to be and like whoever you want. Always remember that! Also, just make sure you love the person you decide to be with."

He pushes back my hair in a soothing manner.

"Yeah. Thanks," I mumble, trying to process everything.

I have given a guy a fucking blowjob.

"Suppose if we did have sex, would you have liked it? Uh, with me?" I ask, gripping the steering tightly.

"Have you seen yourself, Pierce?" he whispers. His gaze tightens the already uncomfortable knot in my gut.

"I would bend you over right here, in this car, if I had the chance, and fuck you till you forgot your name and only remembered mine."

What is air?!

He has a way to make my insides turn to jelly.

"You were cute when I was flirting with Raven at the Carnival. You were so jealous, it was adorable!"

"I was not!" I lie, voice an octave lower.

"So, you didn't feel annoyed when I flirted with her?"

Sam runs a finger on my jaw, making me nearly stop breathing. I hit the brakes abruptly.

"Stop!" I whisper. His touch is cold and I am feeling things in places I didn't know existed.

"You didn't feel the slightest bit jealous when I had my hands on her?" he whispers in my ear, fingers running down my arm.

"Sam...." I whisper, closing my eyes.

I don't want us to get caught but I also don't want his wayward hands to stop. I am going crazy. He is driving me crazy. He stops his movements suddenly and I open my eyes.

"Not jealous, my ass," he laughs.

"You - ! Oh, you asshole!" I groan, starting the car again.

"Go on, drive now. We don't want to make our friends suspicious by being late," Sam says, wickedly grinning, leaning back in his seat.

"I hate you."

"Mmhm," he sings.

I hide a smile. We reach the place and he gets out.

"Aren't you coming?"

"Oh no, I have work to do. Bye Sam, enjoy your night."

"Bye Kaiden. If you want a recap of how the kiss felt like, you know where to find me!"

He winks and walks off, leaving me speechless.