"Are you okay?"

The doctors hadn't been sure when dad would wake up. It could be a few days or maybe even a few weeks. I'd been able to see him at least. Breathing, healthier, given a second chance. Now he just had to recover and I'd make sure he did this time. I wouldn't let him go through this alone.

"Yeah," I whisper into the darkness, entwining my fingers with Teagan's. "I will be."

Tea's parents had told me that I could stay with them for as long as I wanted. It had been hard to hold in the tears as I stood in front of them, thanking them profusely for having me.

I don't know what time it is but Tea and I can't get to sleep. It had been like this for a few hours now, both of us staring at the ceiling. Today had been scary and we both knew that everything could have been very different.

"What's going to happen when he wakes up?" she whispers.

I can't see her but I can imagine her expression. Concerned, brows furrowed.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "I can only hope it changes his perspective about his life."

"Me too," she agrees. "I miss how your dad was. Full of light. Always laughing."

Dad hadn't been like that since mum went missing. I doubt he ever would be again. Until we find her.

"I miss him too," I croak. "When he was around, it was like he was there but not really. Like a ghost."

"I'm sorry that you were trapped in a house alone," her voice is barely audible but I hear every word.

I'd never seen it that way, but maybe Tea was right. I hadn't felt like I belonged anywhere in a long time.

"Tell me about you and Cam," I need to change the subject desperately, tired of feeling empty.

"I like him," she admits, "but...I don't know. We've just been friends for so long and—"

She stops abruptly and I know without a doubt what she wants to say but is to afraid to.

"And you saw what happened between Ryan and I," I sigh. "But you aren't me. Cam isn't Ryan."

"What if it doesn't work out, though? What if we break up and then it ruins our friendship entirely?"

"I'm still friends with Ryan," I say. "Everything went back to normal when we broke up."

"Normal? Look how well that turned out," she muses. "He still has feeling for you but you like Rhys Laderman."

"I don't—"

But I couldn't lie to her. I felt something for Rhys. Something that unnerved me. Something that made me wonder if any of us could control how we felt.

"He kissed me," I suddenly blurt. "And I didn't— I didn't stop him."

"Thought as much," Tea sighs. "I could tell the other night at the beach. The way you looked at him. How you acted. I knew something had happened."

"You're not mad?"

"I already told you I have my reservations about Rhys. Has he even told you why he's helping you yet? I just— I can't stop you from wanting to be with him. And you're my best friend. If he— if he is honestly a good person around you then, sure, I'm not mad."

"I can't be with him, Tea."

I feel the bed shift as Teagan moves to her side, her eyes finding mine in the dark. "As much as the boys are important people in our lives, you can't let them stop you from being happy."

I know that if the boys find out, if Ryan finds out, that I'd risk losing them. I know what it would mean for me to like Rhys. The boys would see it as betrayal, that I was trying to be someone I had always despised.

"I don't want to lose them," I whisper.

"If they are truly our best friends, then you won't. Give them time at first to get over themselves but eventually, they will have to learn to live with it."

"I don't want Rhys to come between us, though. I don't want them to think that I'm choosing his side over—"

"It won't if you don't let it," she says sternly. "You've always played by your own rules, Cora. You get to decide what happens between you and Rhys."

"It doesn't matter anyway," I mutter. "Rhys might not want anything serious. I don't even know if I want it to be serious."

"Oh, please," Teagan suddenly sits up, turning on the bedside lamp. I squint against the light, adjusting as she looms next to me, frowning. "The day you got a concussion, I saw the way he was looking at you in the hospital. I know he likes you, I just— I just hope his intentions are good."

I still want to be cautious around Rhys, but I can feel myself slipping. I know it's only a matter of time before I let him see me entirely. I'd already told him about the horrors of my life and there wasn't much left to tell.

"I just don't want to see you heart broken again, CeCe. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I don't either, Tea," I bite my lip, staring up at the ceiling fan.

She leans over, turning off the lamp and grasping onto my hand again. This time, it takes only a few minutes for us to fall asleep side-by-side.

A chill runs through me as soon as I step into the hospital. I had gotten a phone call earlier this morning, informing me that dad had woken up and was asking to see me. I'd accidentally woken up Teagan from my pacing, as I wondered around her room, thinking about how I would talk to him. Tell him that things needed to change.

I'd always tiptoed around my dad since mum left, worried I'd break him more than he already was. But I couldn't be like that with him anymore. He could have died. He was too young and it wasn't right that he was just wasting away in front of me. And I had let it happen. I hadn't told anyone to help him, too worried that he'd been taken from me. Selfishly, I had thought about how I would be affected first. And even if I was the kid, I needed to be there for dad. Because God knows he couldn't be there for himself.

Doctor Benson waves at me when I approach the desk. He doesn't have to ask questions before he's leading me towards dad's room, shutting the door behind me.

Dad is peering up at the ceiling as I walk towards him. His eyes slowly drift towards me and I notice how withered he looks, like he's hardly slept at all.

"Corrie," he croaks and my heart breaks. I will myself to hold it together for him. I can't be weak now. I have to be the strong one for both of us.

"Dad," I whisper, sitting down in the chair beside his bed.

Silence fills the room. Not from a lack of knowing what to say but from a lack of not knowing where to begin. I had so much to talk to him about, so much to ask that I had avoided. That I had been forced to avoid when he had hardly ever been sober.

"You're not okay, dad," I say sternly. "You haven't been for a long time."

He gulps, his eyes staring up at the ceiling again. I can see his mind ticking, thinking about what he can say to me.

"You've been drinking yourself to death," I can't help but hear the anger building in my voice, the rawness taking over and consuming me. I try to stay calm but it's hard. So, so hard.

"These past five—" my voice breaks but I don't let myself falter. This was too important. "These past five years, you haven't been there for me at all. And I miss mum— god, I miss mum too. It physically hurts, dad. It hurts every day that I wake up and I remember— I remember that she's gone. And that we don't have any answers. That's what makes it worse.

"It feels like I lost both parents the day she was reported missing. And it still feels like that. It feels like you aren't even there anymore. Like I'm living alone."

He gulps and I watch as he closes his eyes, a stray tear falling down his cheek, hitting the pillow. I don't let myself pity him, not right now. I need to continue before I physically can't.

"I found— I found the paternity test in your office. I wish you would have told me, dad. I wish you would have also told me that mum had been unfaithful."

A sob suddenly rips from his throat and I reach for his hand, squeezing it. But I don't meet his eyes, knowing how distraught he'd be.

"I wish you would have told me because it wouldn't have changed anything. You're still my dad. Blood isn't always thicker than water. I don't give a fuck what some test told you. You're my dad. No matter what."

I release a shaky breath, my chest shuddering violently. I grit my teeth, stopping any unwanted tears from appearing. I've said all there is to say. I just need the answers now.

"I'm sorry," he croaks. "I failed you, I failed you and your—"

"Don't," I snap, "blame yourself for mum being taken from us. We are not to blame for her disappearance. Someone is, but that someone is neither of us."

"She ran away," he whispers.

I can't help but stand, gripping onto his shoulder. "You don't believe that! You cannot believe that forced-fed shit the police told you. She didn't run away. It doesn't make sense. Didn't you see her file? Didn't you see all the inconsistencies? Her handbag being left behind? Her car left stranded on the side of the goddamn road?"

I could feel the rage rolling off me in waves. Dad had given up on mum just like every other fucker in New River. But I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't fall over and die just because some asshole thought they could cover up their crimes and get away with it. I knew my mum had been taken and I would find her. I would find her because I wouldn't allow her case to remain cold, I wouldn't allow people to forget her name and I wouldn't allow people to think she had abandoned her only child.

"You've seen the file?" dad whispers, his brows furrowed. "I always tried to shield you from the case. I didn't want you to worry."

"Worry?" I laugh angrily. "Worry? So instead you just thought it would be better for me to think she left me? Abandoned me?"

He closes his eyes and I see how much he's aged in the last week. I wasn't here to fight with him. I was here for answers.

"Your mum she— she wasn't unfaithful, Corrie," he wipes a hand across his face, brushing away the stray tears. "I had always questioned whether you were mine because it didn't quite make sense. The timing...it didn't seem to match up with the beginning of our relationship. But she had been adamant that you were mine, and I was young, so I didn't question it then. But as I got older, I just had this feeling, this feeling that something wasn't right. And as much as it hurt me, I knew that it would only kill me not to know the truth. So I took that paternity test five years ago and it told me what I had feared for years.

"I confronted her a week before she went missing. She had broken down, telling me that she would never cheat, that she loved me more than anything. She explained that a month before we got together, she had gotten drunk and had slept with a man. She never told me who, despite my persistence to know. But she did tell me that she was afraid of him. That he was powerful and that when she had told him she was pregnant with you, he had told her to terminate it.

"But you know Zeila, she couldn't do that. She already loved you before you were born. So she kept it hidden as best she could, and when we got together, she told me it was mine. Your grandparents were horrified that she had gotten pregnant out of wedlock and so they began to home school her. She was able to keep away from town, so the man never found out that you were going to be born.

"Only, that couldn't last forever. And when you were born, she faced him. She told him that she had kept you and he had been furious. By then, he was already married and his wife was pregnant. He offered your mother a monthly allowance for her to keep quiet. And so, she accepted it and I didn't know. Until five years ago."

The money. I had been right all along. My biological father had paid my mother to stay quiet every month, wanting to hide up his own infidelity.

"Your mother never spent the money, despite needing it. Instead, without my knowledge, she opened a new bank account under your name. A trust-fund. Which you can access when you turn eighteen."

My breathing stops. A single tear rolls down my cheek and I let it. It falls against the duvet covering dad, splattering and staining the cover.

Mum had always put me first. Mum would have never left me.

"I will get better, Cora," dad says, his tone changing significantly. His stern eyes catch mine and I can't look away, scared that if I do, his promise won't mean anything. "I'm going to rehab. Which means I won't be able to stay at home with you."

"I understand," I nod vigorously, "I just want you to get better. I don't care how long it takes."

"I've been speaking with Teagan's parents," he coughs, raising himself up. His arms shake as he holds his weight, grinding his teeth. "They have agreed to sign a short-term foster care form. You'll be under their care until I am deemed fit enough to come home or until you turn eighteen."

I lean my head against his chest, a shudder running through my body. I don't let myself cry, but for one moment, as dad's hand rest upon my head, stroking my hair, I imagine what it would have been like if mum were here. What my life would look like.

I stay like that with him for another hour, his finger stroking my hair as I wish and pray that everything would be okay.