"He's legal bitches!"

The salty air has a different feel to it. I wasn't sure what it was, but my heart clanks loudly as I watch the sun setting on the horizon. Another day gone.

Dory hoots, tackling Cameron. They thud against the sand, swearing at each other.

It was Cameron's birthday. Out of all our birthdays, his was the only one in the summer, which meant that our annual tradition was to light a bonfire on New River beach, roasting marshmallows. It was tradition as old as time, dating back to the first year we had ever been game enough to sneak out of our houses after dark.

"Happy birthday, Cammy," Tea grins, pulling him into a hug.

He picks Tea up off the ground, swinging her around. I give him a warning glare when he walks towards me, but regardless, my feet lift off the ground within seconds. He's holding both Tea and me, squishing us against each other.

"Hey boys, who would have thought I'd get both of them at once," he laughs.

"Pig," I retort. I slap him on the back, warning him that if he didn't put me down right now my knee would be accidentally finding his balls.

Teagan offers him the present we had all put in for, wrapped in newspaper. Cam sits down on the log opposite us, opening the paper slowly.

"You know I didn't expect anything, right? I know that for all of us the money could have been used elsewhere."

"Shut up, dick," Wesley snorts. "You think we wouldn't buy you something for your eighteenth?"

"And we aren't that poor," Ryan scoffs, downing his beer.

"I mean..." Dory cringes, "we kind of are."

"Shut up, Theodore," we all chorus. I can't help but laugh, watching as he begins to grumble to himself about being ganged up on again.

My eyes flicker to behind Dory's head, finding Rhys. He's sitting further down the beach. I'm not surprised when I find Lucas, Dale and Carter not far away either. A girl from school was talking to Rhys, leaning in close and giggling. I couldn't help but feel the slightest churn of my stomach.

After leaving Rhys's the other night, we hadn't spoken as he drove me home. I'd barely said goodnight before I left the car, trudging up the driveway. I wasn't sure what the kiss had meant and I didn't know if I was ready to discover the possibilities either.

"Fuck, you guys," Cam croaks, holding out his new phone. "You shouldn't have."

"Well, when you own a Nokia that was made before you were even born, it's kind of a given that you needed an upgrade," Dory snickers.

Cam's arms go around Wes and Dory's head, pulling them in so he can drag his knuckles through their hair. "Thanks, wankers. I love you."

He stands up to give Ryan a grateful pat on the back, before doing their weird handshake. He walks towards us next, but I hold up my hand, warning him not to come any closer.

"You've already thanked us, Cammy," I smile softly. "One hug was enough."

Despite my warning, Cam leaps —literally leaps— at Tea and I. We fall backwards off the log, crashing into the sand. Teagan's laughter is contagious, setting me off. Cam isn't far behind.

"Jerk!" I gasp, trying to breathe. "I hate you!"

My thunderous shriek must gain Rhys's attention. My hair brushes against the sand as I look out toward him, our gaze meeting. His jaw tenses as his eyes flicker towards Cam, sitting above me. I smirk at him, raising my eyebrow in a challenge. Even from here, I can see him bite his lip, shaking his head as he stares back at his friends.

My hearts racing when Cam pulls Tea and I back up to sit on the log. I couldn't get the kiss with Rhys out of my head. It was consuming my every thought, burning into me like a brand. I'd tried so desperately to stop thinking about his hands as they caressed my hair, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Hey," Teagan snaps her fingers in front of my face, drawing my attention. "You're staring. At Rhys."

"What? I—"

"No point denying it with me," she whispers, taking a sip of her beer. "I know you, CeCe. I know you. Just don't be too careless. One look this way and Ryan will be able to see exactly who your ogling."

I hadn't yet told Tea about my kiss with Rhys. I wasn't sure when, or if, I even would. Not yet, anyway.

I gulp, staring into the fire. Its orange embers made my eyes water but it was enough to stop me from looking to my left. The last thing I needed was for Ryan to start an argument with me about Rhys on Cam's birthday. That wouldn't be fair on him.

"How about a good old game of Never Have I Ever?" Dory smirks. I roll my eyes but agree with the rest of the group regardless. It was another tradition as old as time for our group. Sometimes I wondered what the point was really, we knew nearly everything about each other already.

"I'll start," Wes continues, clearing his throat. "Never have I ever wanted to sleep with my best friend."

Wesley jabs his elbow into Cam's stomach, making him double over. Dory stifles a laugh as Ryan takes a nonchalant swig. I do the same. What the hell was so funny about that? They obviously already knew that at one point in time Ryan and I had been together. It wasn't anything new.

"Boys," Teagan warns, her face red. Her gaze lingers on Cam, sending him a small, almost apologetic smile.

"Am I missing something here?" I sit forward, head cocked.

"No one told you?" Dory hoots, his eyes dancing mischievously. I knew that look. It always led to getting arrested for Theodore.

"Shut up," Cam growls, momentarily covering his face. "We really don't need to rehash—"

"The other night, Cammy boy here decided it would be a great idea to get drunk and then text Teagan a confession of his."

"Dor—" Teagan sighs, trying to silence him.

"Tea, I've dreamt about having you since I was a fourteen-year-old boy. You're all that I want, you're all that I need," Dory says in a high pitched voice, his hand plastered to his heart.

"Prick," Teagan snaps, standing up from the log and walking off down the beach. I call after her but she walks faster, her arms folding across her chest.

"Don't worry, Cece, I'll go," Cameron whispers. He shoves at Dory's head as he jogs past, trying to catch up with Tea.

This was not something I had expected. I look over at Ryan, mouth agape. He offers me a small shrug, informing me that he hadn't expected it to happen either.

"So...Cam likes Teagan?" I ask.

"Likes?' Wesley scoffs. "That boy is in love."

How had I missed this? I'd thought I knew my friends so well, yet I'd never imagined this at all.

"And you all knew?" I gasp.

"It was pretty obvious, CeCe. Cam's drunken behaviour just confirmed it," Dory shrugs. "Call it guy intuition. We could see how into Tea he was."

"Did Tea know this whole time too?"

"Definitely not," Ryan cringes. He leans his arms against his legs, the soft glow of the fire illuminating his sculptured face. "I think she thought the text was a joke at first. Until he spoke to her about it the other day."

Why hadn't she told me? Why had no one told me any of this?

It was a hypocritical thing to think, really. It wasn't like I wanted to tell her about Rhys, so what right did I have to feel upset that she hadn't spoken out about Cameron?

"And you just all happened to forget to tell me?" I frown.

"You've been...busier lately," Dory shrugs, taking a swig from his beer.

"You shouldn't have told me like this, though," I seethe. "That wasn't fair to either of them. Dor, you idiot."

He holds up his hands in surrender. "You know I find it hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes, CeCe."

"Not a good enough excuse," I glare. "That definitely won't keep you out of a jail cell either."

He flips his middle finger at me as the boys laugh. Ryan's gaze lingers on my face before he inclines he head, motioning for me to follow him. "Can we talk?"

"Uh-oh, another lover's spat," Dory whistles. I ruffle his hair as I walk past him, following Ryan down to the shore.

We stand side-by-side, watching the waves crash against our bare toes. Ryan's hand suddenly reaches out, latching onto my pinky. We used to do this as kids but we hadn't done it in years. It was something that had stopped when we started dating. Something else that I'd lost when being with him.

"What's going on?" I incline my head, watching him as he stares out to the ocean, his eyes never quite meeting mine.

"I want you to tell me— tell me how you felt when we were...together."

"Where is this coming from?" I whisper, my eyes widening.

"Cameron just— it made me realise what it had been like the first time that— that I saw you as more than my best friend. It hurts. It hurts to think about. So, I just wanna know. I wanna know how you felt when we were together and what it was like...after."

He didn't need to elaborate on what after meant. After the breakup, after he broke my heart. After I realised I may have never even loved him as more than my best friend, that I had been swept up in the beauty of feeling loved. Loved by a boy that I wanted in my life forever.

"In the beginning," I clear my throat, "I felt like I couldn't have achieved anything greater in my entire life. You were there for me when mum disappeared. I knew I could rely on you for everything. I felt safe, I felt protected around you. It felt like love.

"When you kissed me that first time, I thought it was a dream. Everything else was crashing down around me, but at least I had you. Someone to hold me when the nightmares were too much when I was worried about what the future would hold.

"But then it changed. After a while, the magic wore off. You went back to being just my best friend without even realising it. At first, it didn't bother me that you never told me you loved me because I was so caught up in the feeling of you telling me that everything would be okay. But then something changed.

"I don't know when, I don't know how, but I realised that feeling safe and protected, that wasn't what I needed. I needed to find my mum, I needed to face the truth. As much as you cared about me, you shielded me from reality and it wasn't good for me. And the last straw was when I realised you truly couldn't tell me that you loved me. So I knew then, being your best friend would be better than pretending to be something else."

I take a breath when I finish, realising I had been holding it the entire time. I wasn't sure if my mumbled words made any sense, but I knew that if I spoke quickly, I wouldn't be able to back out. I wanted Ryan to understand, I wanted him to realise what had gone wrong between us. But I'd never been the one to tell him the truth because this was the moment that I had needed. Ryan needed to be the one to come to me for answers, because I wasn't the one who held the questions.

"I never— until our last fight at the beach, I didn't even realise that I'd never said those words to you," he whispers, his jaw tense.

"That was the issue, Ryan" I croak, "You never saw me as more than a friend. Otherwise, you would have seen how much it meant to me, if you truly loved me."

"That isn't true, Ceeks," he shakes his head rapidly, turning to face me. "I did— I do love you."

"As your best friend," I finish, tears welling up in my eyes.

He shakes his head again as I close my eyes. I feel his hands cupping my face, drawing me closer. "I am in love with you, CeCe. And I was a fool to ever think twice about it."

Before I can finish, his lips are on mine. His hand rests against the small of my back, pulling me closer. I'm so frozen to the spot that I can't comprehend what is going on.

Suddenly, I push him back, stunned by his actions. He pulls away, breathless. His darkened gaze fixates on mine, wiping my dampened cheeks. "I want you, CeCe. I want to be with you again. I promise it won't be like last time. I'll be better. I'll do better."

I want you.

The words ricochet through my brain. But I don't hear them in Ryan's voice. I picture Rhys, his body pressed against me in the darkened elevator, his breath against my ear, sighing my name.

"You don't really want me," I say, hoarse. "You just want what you can't have."

"That isn't true," Ryan snaps, grasping my hand. "I do love you, CeCe. I always have."

"Why are you only telling me this now, huh?" I choke on my tears, trying to pull away from him. "Why didn't you tell me this almost a year ago when I was breaking up with you? When I begged you to tell me?!"

My anger was brewing, the rage coiling within me. It wasn't even about loving Ryan anymore, because I wasn't sure I ever did. I was just angry that he thought he could do this to me now when I had once begged him for those three words.

But I wouldn't beg again. Not for anyone.

"Because lately, I've come to realise what a terrible fucking decision that was," he breathes out, wracking a hand through his hair.

"It's too late, Ry," I sniff. "You're too late."

I begin to walk towards the fire, ready to go home. He draws me back, his arm resting against my waist.

"I was afraid, alright? I was afraid that if— if I said it to you then, that it would be the final thing you needed. I was afraid that if I told you, you'd feel like you'd gotten everything you could from me. That there wasn't anything else to learn."

"That's bullshit," I seethe. "I would have stayed with you. I would have given you another chance if you had just told me that you loved me. You weren't afraid, you just thought that nothing would ever make me leave you. That you would always have me."

I didn't know if it would have lasted, but I could see it now. If Ryan had told me he loved me that day, I would have stayed. I may have even been with him now. But it didn't matter, because I would have realised eventually that we weren't the soulmates I had once thought we were.

"If you really had loved me, you would have told me you wanted me back right after we broke up. If you really had loved me, you wouldn't be saying all this after you see me talking to Rhys Laderman this summer. If you really had loved me, you wouldn't be doing this to me right now," I whisper, plucking his hand from my waist.

I begin to trudge up the beach, noticing that Teagan and Cam were back, talking to each other. I didn't know what Cameron's confession meant for them now, but I knew Tea would tell me in her own time.

Before I get close enough to the fire to tell my friends I'm leaving, Ryan is behind me again. At least he has the decency not to grab me this time.

"How can I prove it to you, huh? How can I prove to you that I fucking love you."

I whirl around to face him, pointing a finger at his chest. "You can't. You need to prove to yourself that you don't. That's what you need."

"Don't tell me how I feel," he glowers, clenching his fists.

"Ry," I sigh, scraping a hand down my face. "You were never affectionate, you never seemed to show me you loved me. When we had sex, I don't think you once told me I was beautiful or..."

I needed to stop. My insecurities had nothing to do with Ryan. Somethings didn't need to be dredged up, not tonight when I had already aired our dirty laundry.

"I'm finished with this conversation. I have nothing left to say," I quip.

"Well I have plenty!" he shouts.

My periphery vision tells me that we've gained the attention of our friends. They watch us apprehensively, Teagan throwing me worried glances. Cam holds her back, whispering something in her ear.

"I don't care," I growl. "Everything your speaking is utter bullshit!"

"So, what you're trying to say to me is that I used you for sex? Is that it?" he snaps, his murderous gaze pinning me to the spot.

"You're the one who literally spoke to Rhys, telling him that he'd never get what you got!" I throw up my hands. "So yeah, maybe you did just want me for your own pleasure."

"What about when I held you at night whilst you cried over your mum? Or what about when you'd wake, screaming from nightmares? Was I not affectionate towards you then?"

"You were affectionate when I was scared! Just like a best friend should be! Don't you see my point here? We were never meant for each other in that way, Ryan. You're my best friend. We're best friends."

"That's bullshit!" he screams, the veins in his neck popping as he points a finger at me. "You can't seriously stand here and tell me that you never felt that way about me. That you think it was all a mistake."

"I never said it was a mistake!" I yell. "Being with you, it taught me a lot about myself but that doesn't mean I want it back."

"I can't just let this go," he shakes his head.

"Yes," I step closer to him, our eyes almost level. "You can. And you will. Because that's exactly what I did."

"I love you—"

"Ry, stop. Don't keep saying it."

"Ceeks—"

"Have we got a problem here?"

A shiver instantly goes up my spine when my head whips towards him, my brown hair momentarily blindly my vision. Rhys stands stoically, his hands shoved into the front pockets of his shorts. He smiles lazily when our eyes meet, but I don't miss the jealous hint in his expression, the way his jaw ticks when Ryan steps towards him.

"I've really just about had it with you," he seethes at Rhys. "You think you can always play the hero? Nobody fucking asked."

"Look, we," Rhys turns back to point at his friends, smirking mockingly, "were just trying to have a nice time. When you," he jabs a finger at Ryan's chest, tormenting him, "decided to have a screaming match with your ex-girlfriend, who, by the way, seems to want to leave this situation."

Fuck, he really did love to torture him, didn't he? Rhys wasn't achieving anything but boiling rage by speaking to Ryan. Why did he always have to be a prick at the worst times?

"Rhys," I warn, sidestepping Ryan to stand in front of him, "don't do this, okay? Go back to your rat pack before you start something that really isn't necessary."

He pulls his eyes away from Ryan looming behind me. The intensity of his emerald orbs shocks me to my core. I gulp as he smirks at me, sneakingly bring a hand out to graze mine.

"Why don't you come sit with me?" he whispers, so low that I know Ryan would