Chapter 63

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"You coming to bed?" I ask Noah. My elbow is placed down on the bed as I rest my head against the palm of my hand.

Noah doesn't answer. Instead, he's leaning against the door, typing on his phone, which prompts me to ask another question. "Who are you speaking to so late?"

He finally picks his head up to look at me. "Sorry, it was...it was Justin." He walks over and sets his phone down on the nightstand before lowering his body to mine and planting a kiss to my forehead. "Try and get some rest."

"Where are you going?" I ask when he walks away from the bed.

"Just need to wash up quickly," he says, and my eyes follow him to the bathroom.

When Noah's done, he shuts the lights off and gets into bed, bringing the covers over our bodies. He places his hands on my waist and pulls me closer to him, making me feel safe. Like nothing can go wrong so long as I'm in his arms. It feels so right to be in his hold that I almost forget about my brothers leaving tomorrow.

"Noah," I call out. "Can you drop me home tomorrow morning around 9? I want to see my brothers before their flight."

"Of course," he says.

Noah lays on his back while I lay on my side, but my head leans against his chest. My arm spreads across his stomach, while his fingers runs through my hair.

We stay like this for the entire night.

***

We waited outside for Maggie's camp bus to pick her up before heading to my place. I almost lost my cool when the counselor started checking Noah out, but decided to let it go the second I saw that he wasn't reciprocating any interest. Come to think of it, Noah's been in a weird slump this entire morning. Besides giving me a quick peck on the lips after saying 'good morning', Noah hasn't touched or looked at me once. Not a hug, not a kiss, not even a cute gaze.

"You okay?" I ask him as we make our way to his pickup truck.

"Fine." He fiddles with his keys before unlocking the doors. "Just didn't sleep much."

I keep my eyes on Noah as he focuses on the road, but he's still acting weird; his expression blank. I trust that he's me telling the truth, so I push my worries aside.

"So, now that you've got me for the next three weeks, what kind of fun surprises do you have in store?"

All my question gets me is a chuckle from Noah. No answer.

"Okay, fine," I continue, "I'm calling the shots then. Cassie told me she went rock-climbing with Kyle the other week. She said we have to try it. What if we go this weekend? I mean I'm afraid of heights but if we do it together, I'm sure I'll —"

"Fee," Noah cuts me off; his tone completely serious.

"What?" I say, at first with a smile. But when I see he's holding back, I start pushing for answers. "Okay, what's wrong? I know you're keeping something from me, Noah. Tell me what it is." I was hoping that I wouldn't have to resort to asking, but he's left me no choice.

"It's nothing," he says, but I can see his eyes begin to tear up.

"Noah, we promised each other no secrets," I remind him. "Whatever it is, we can get through-." But I stop speaking when it hits me that we're not going in the direction of my house. 

"Where are we?" I ask.

"Fee, I..."

"No, Noah. Where are we?"

My eyes stay on him as I wait for an answer, but, nothing.

Five minutes later — nothing.

My navigation skills are completely nonexistent at this point, and I have no idea where we are. That is, until we pull up to a wired gate.

No.

"Noah, what's going on?" But all he gives me is silence. "Dammit, Noah, answer me," I snap.

"20156," Noah ignores me and tells the security guard who's standing by the wired gate. He won't look at me, but I'm looking at him and his expression is stone-cold; his body stiff.

The gate lifts up and Noah drives straight until we come to a stop in front of a SUV. But not just any SUV.

I see Jacob and Liam emerge from the car as two baggage handlers walk towards the trunk. Wait a minute — why are they rolling my suitcase to the private plane over there?

Jacob looks stunned to see me. Liam, not so much. He was expecting me.

This has to be a joke. What am I doing at the airport? And why did Noah bring me here? Was this his idea, or did Liam put him up to it? Is Liam who Noah was texting last night?

I have so many questions, and yet, I can't even think straight.

Noah unbuckles his seatbelt and looks at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, Fee," he says as he reaches for my cheek. I don't pull away because my body is numb. I can't believe what's happening. "But this is for the best," he explains, and now I'm starting to think that this was Noah's idea. He planned to bring me to the airport all along.

I have so much that I want to say right now but the words won't come out. I feel broken inside. Betrayed. It took weeks for Noah to earn my trust, and now he's lost it all at once.

"I want you to know how much you mean to me," he continues, but I keep my head down as I attempt to process what's going on. He tries to bring my face to look at him, but I resist. "You had my heart the first time I saw you, and you'll probably always have it," he goes on to say, but his words mean nothing to me anymore. They're just words.

I shake my head out of disgust. How could he do this to me? I was willing to fight for us and this is what he gives me in return?

And before he can say anything else, I'm out the door.

"Fee, wait," Noah shouts.

I hear his door slam shut, and he runs over to my side, but nothing fazes me at this point. I feel nothing. Nothing at all. Every piece of liveliness has been stripped from my body, and I feel depleted. I have no energy.

I walk over to my brothers. Jacob still looks shocked; Liam...ashamed.

"Fee, I...," Liam starts to say when I stop in front of them, but I don't want to hear it.

"Don't," I cut him off. "I don't care anymore. I'm done. You win. I just want to go home."

I pass my brothers and make my way towards the private plane, where the pilot, co-pilot, and flight attendant greet me by the stairs. But I'm stopped from walking up when Noah grabs me by the arm.

"I don't want to say goodbye to you like this. Will you please just let me explain?"

Explain? What could he possibly say to me right now for me to hate him any less?

"I want to be with you," he says.

Bullshit. This is all bullshit. I try to walk past him again, but he grabs my wrist.

"Will you wait, Fee? Please, wait."

"What?" I turn around and scream. "What do you want from me?"

Noah's eyes search mine, looking for forgiveness. Too bad he won't find any. "I want you to believe me when I say that this isn't what I wanted. I don't want to say goodbye to you, but it's for the best."

"It's for the best?" I mock. "Really, Noah? For who?"

"For you and you know it."

"Does this have to do with what I told you last night? About Jacob and Sarah?" When he swallows hard, I know that I have my answer. "Newsflash Noah, we're not them. I won't let that happen to us; I promise I won't." My tone is desperate, but I'm not ashamed. I'll fight for him with all that I have.

"I know you won't, but Fee, I need you to be honest with yourself. You know that this isn't going to work. I would give up everything if I knew it could, but it can't."

And, just like that, everything feels like a lie.

"So, you got what you wanted, right? Slept with the virgin, messed with her head, and broke her heart?"

"That's not true and you know it."

"Do I? Do I know it, Noah? How can I trust anything you say at this point?"

"Because you know me. Better than anyone else."

"That's the thing, Noah, I don't. I thought I did, but I was wrong. I was very wrong."

I try to walk up the stairs, but he stops me again, this time with his words. "I love you, Fee," he shouts from behind me. "I love you."

It's funny, I've been waiting to hear Noah tell me that he loves me, and now that I have, I never want to hear him say it again.

"If you loved me you wouldn't be doing this."

He shakes his head at me like I'm wrong. "I'm doing this because I love you."

I need to get on this plane. Now. I can't listen to this; it hurts too much. So, I look at Noah one last time and give him something I know will break him for good.

I give him a lie.

"Well, maybe you shouldn't. Because I don't." I pause as I take a massive gulp. Here goes nothing. "I never did."


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