Chapter thirty-five: It hurts (Faith's POV)

We finally reached the lakehouse and were dead tired. I left my stuff by the kitchen counter since we had two bathrooms and Hayley and I were showering first in them. I was sitting on the kitchen counter while Alex wrapped a plastic bag around the cut on my forearm because I wasn't supposed to get the bandage wet today. 

Once he finished he tried talking to me. "Faith-" I hopped off and went into the bathroom before he could say anything. 

I locked the door and stared at myself in the mirror. What the fuck happened? In the span of an hour, everything went so wrong. I wasn't mad at Alex for saving me, I wasn't mad at him for punching Cody, I was mad for taking it so far. I know he didn't do it single-handedly, Cody took it just as far as Alex, but what more could I expect from him? 

I think somewhere it stung me that Alex didn't even try to think from my point of view about why I wouldn't tell anyone and why I wouldn't ask for help. It's not something to be proud of, even for me. It's not something I like to talk about so why would I tell people? 

I stripped out of the colored clothing and got into the shower, rinsing the colors and Cody's touch off of me. I stepped out and realized I left my clothes outside. I wrapped the towel around myself and opened the door, peeking my head out to see Alex sitting on the floor. 

"What are you doing?" I asked softly. 

"Waiting for you to come out." 

To talk? 

"So I can shower," he finished. 

Nevermind. 

"Can you pass me my bag?" I requested. 

He stood up and gave it to me and I quickly got dressed and stepped back out. 

I was about to walk past him but he grabbed my hand. "Wait." He carefully pulled the plastic bag off and looked at the bandage. "I'll change it once I shower," he said before taking his bag and going to shower. 

Hayley came downstairs from the bathroom upstairs and sat beside me on the couch. "You okay?" she linked her arm with mine and rested her head on my shoulder. 

"It hurts, Hayley," I bit back a sob. 

"What hurts?" she asked in concern. 

"Seeing us fight," I let out a shaky breath. 

"You two will get through it. You'll figure it out, it's okay," she hugged me. "What upset you?" she asked. 

"They took it too far. It didn't have to get so violent and bloody. And how can he say I don't tell people and that's why no one can help me? Who am I supposed to tell? Who the fuck can even help me with this?" I sighed. 

"What are my parents gonna do? What is anyone gonna do? My mom knew and she told him to stay away. Did that work? No," I scoffed. "There's nothing more for her to do. You knew, but there was nothing you could do. Alex knew." I mumbled. 

"He did something, no? He might have taken it too far, Faith, you're right. But think about how angry he got when he saw Cody lay his hands on you. When he saw Cody hurt you. This whole thing was a ticking time bomb, Faith. It had to happen." 

She was right, I just wish it didn't happen like this. "Thanks," I sniffed. 

"It's my job, honey. I'll be right back," she went upstairs. 

I was sitting there and staring at the fireplace that wasn't lit when I heard a door open and Alex appeared. 

"Can I change that for you?" he asked. 

I stood up slowly and sat on the kitchen counter while he grabbed the first aid kit and set it down beside me while standing between my legs. 

While he was unwrapping the bandage, Daniel and Hayley came downstairs and walked over to us. "Faith, where do I keep your bag?" he asked. 

"In any of the rooms," I shrugged. 

"Um- we only have two rooms. The other room is locked and I don't have the key to that one," he said hesitantly. 

"I'll take the room with Alex," I replied. I felt his eyes snap to my face, his gaze burning into me while I kept mine focused on Daniel. 

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly. 

"Yeah," I nodded. 

Hayley grabbed my bag while Daniel grabbed Alex's and they went to the room upstairs. 

"Our room's upstairs, they're staying in the one down here," Alex said while assessing the wound. 

"I just don't wanna ruin this for them," I clarified. 

He nodded while wrapping up the wound. "It's not too tight, is it?" he asked. 

I just shook my head in response. I was expecting him to move so I could get off but he didn't. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, resting his hands beside my thighs on the counter, leaning in. 

"I'm fine," I shrugged. 

"He hit you, Faith. I had to take it this far," he replied. 

"No, you didn't. You could have punched him a couple of times and that could've been it." I huffed. 

"You didn't hear the shit he was saying about you even when I was throwing punches. About you, about your body," he mumbled. 

"He wanted you to hit him. He didn't think he'd hurt me the way he did so he thought you'd get in trouble but it ended up being him." I kept my eyes down on my hands that rested in my lap. 

"He deserved it," Alex replied. 

"I don't doubt that. But did it have to get so violent? Look at your face, your lip, look at your knuckles, Alex." 

I ran my finger over his cheekbone, just below the cut. 

"You should've told someone about this, Faith. How long has he been harassing you like that?" he questioned. 

"Alex, he hasn't. You've been there with me and every time he's tried something, you were there to punch him and you did." I sighed. 

"Because I knew about it. But if people don't then how can they help?" he sighed back. 

"People do know. Hayley knows, my mom knows, you know and you're the only person that did something." I explained. 

"Did the cops know? That was most important," his thumb grazed my cheek. 

"It's not something I'm proud of, I don't like talking about it. Especially to strangers, even if they're a cop," I replied. 

"Faith, I can't always protect you. The cops can," he explained. 

"Can they? Do I get their word that they will show up in time when I feel like I'm at risk? No, Alex, they can't." I said. "How the hell did you think no one helps me because they don't know? People know, Alex. And people did nothing." I pushed him aside before going upstairs and into the room. 

I crawled into bed and just went on my phone. I planned to do that for the rest of the night but he came up to the room. 

Oh, right. It's his too. 

"I did something, people can too," he sat beside me. 

"No, they can't. People don't do so much for people." I just didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I wanted a minute. 

"Why did I do it then?" he asked, turning me to face him. 

"Because," I huffed. 

"Because I love you," he pulled me close. 

"No, you don't," I whined and pushed him away. 

"Faith," he looked at me. 

"Today has just been the worst day ever. I feel like shit, I look like shit, everything went wrong because of me and I really hate myself right now." I didn't realize I said that out loud until he replied. 

"Faith, you look beautiful, and nothing went wrong because of you. I love you," he pulled me closer. 

"No, you don't." I lay on my side, pulling the covers over my head. 

"Faith, what's wrong?" he asked in full concern. 

"I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone, Alex. Leave me alone," I huffed. "I just bring problems wherever I go, I'm ugly and then everyone just leaves," I mumbled to myself. 

"Faith, I dare you to say that one more time." He threw the covers off of me and kneeled on the floor beside me. 

"I'm ugly! I bring problems! Leave me alone!" I whined. 

"Faith, you're not ugly." 

I covered my face with my hands. I guess it's just one of those days where you feel insecure and you just want to crawl into a hole and die. 

"You're beautiful. Faith, look at me." He pulled my arms down. "You're beautiful. I love you," he held my hand. He tried pulling me into a hug because I really don't think we're at a time where we can kiss, but I pulled away. 

"Alex, don't." I wiped my eyes dry. He sighed before staying quiet. 

"Can I just lay with you, then?" he asked. 

"Please?" I shifted over to one side of the bed, leaving him the other. 

He hugged me like I secretly wanted him to while running his fingers through my hair. 

"You're beautiful," he kissed the top of my head. "You're so beautiful." He repeated that a couple of times and I began lulling into a slumber. 

"I know you're upset with me, and I know I can't kiss you any time soon. But you're beautiful Faith, and I love you."

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