chapter fifty six
florence thompson
song: forever - lewis capaldi

The next morning was a whirlwind of emotions that I could barely keep contained from the moment I woke up around four thirty. I had already cried three separate times between getting out of bed and packing my bag.

I decided I was going to road trip to NY to see my mom, maybe the time by myself on the wide, open road would help my aching heart. Maybe all I needed was some time with myself.

I would leave before he woke, call me a pansy if you'd like. I couldn't stomach the idea of telling him I was leaving to his face. Telling him I was walking away, because I knew he could easily convince me to change my mind and I would find myself stuck in this messy situation over and over again.

I called a taxi to pick me up from the lake house and while I waited, I packed my belongings back into the bag that I came with and sat down at the kitchen table with a piece of paper and a pen. I decided I would write him a letter to tell him all the things I never got to.

The hardest part was walking back into the room to find him comfortably sleeping on the right side of the bed where I'd left him. It brought me back to this morning when I'd woken up tangled in the sheets and Vincent himself, his legs lost in my own as his arm held me against him.

He looked so peaceful when I walked back in, the letter in hand. His dark hair that I'd come to love was messily tousled, falling slightly over his forehead. His even breaths were the only sound to be heard other than the morning birds chirping away outside of the cabin, singing their song and going about their days.

I came to the side of the bed that I had been lying on and folded the letter before gently placing it onto the sheets. My heart ached when I thought about him opening it upon waking up. I hated the idea of hurting him, but I had hurt myself far too much these past few months.

The sound of a car pulling up floated through the cracked window, and I stood on my tippy toes to assure it was the taxi.

I sighed heavily, grabbing my bag off of the floor by the bed and looking at him for a long moment. I hesitantly reached forward, brushing his dark hair out of his face as I felt my eyes beginning to burn again.

I turned on my heel and moved towards the door where I grasped the handle, pulling the door closed behind me. I released a deep sigh with furrowed brows, closing my eyes for a moment before I started towards the front door.

When I made it outside, the older gentleman smiled warmly at me, he was already out of the car.

"Mornin' miss," he chirped, nodding politely at me, his hands deep in his pockets.

"Good morning," I spoke, my voice a little hoarse since I hadn't talked at all within the time that I've been awake.

He held open the door for me to his car where I quickly slid in with my overnight bag in hand. I closed my eyes once he slammed the door shut, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. The many different emotions swirling through my body made me more nauseous than anything else.

The older gentleman climbed into the drivers seat before bringing the car to life and slowly driving down the wooded, twisty driveway.

I watched the house get smaller in the side mirror, my heart climbing carefully up in my throat. As I got further away, all I wanted to do was demand he stop and run back. Tell him that I loved him, ask him to fight for me. Ask him to love me back, but I knew that wasn't how it worked.

The log cabin began fading from the mirror, and I turned around in my seat to see it better. I couldn't help the absolute gut-wrenching feeling that was within me.

I had given Vincent so much of myself over the short period of time that I'd come to know him. I had given him my trust, time, and love. I know he had given me money and other things, and for that I would be forever be grateful, but it didn't negate the fact that I gave him things too. Pieces of me.

My letter was the last piece of me that Vincent would ever have, the last piece of me that I would give him.

Dear Vincent Alexander De Bellis,

I always thought people who said "If you love something, let it go," were crazy and too poetic for their own good. I guess it turns out they had a point after all.

You aren't mine, you never were.

After so much deliberation, I've decided I need to leave. If I keep myself in a position where I have to choose between you and myself, I'll always choose you. Over and over again.

So I'm going to go see my mother in New York to get away from here, from everything that reminds me of you and I.

I want you to know what a pleasure it was to get to know you. I never thought in a million years I would get to know you as well as I did, and I believe that makes me lucky. You are such a fun, caring, giving, compassionate man who has taught me so much in the little time that I have known you.

Not only was it a pleasure to get to know you, but to love you. I know I shouldn't, love you that is. I surely shouldn't tell you, but I know that I would kick myself if I never told you how I felt. In all honesty, I never meant to fall in love with you. That was never the plan, it just sort of happened over the time that I got to know you and spent time with you. The more I was around you, the more I realized I didn't want to look for anyone else.

I like to believe that we are soul mates in an alternate universe somewhere. Somewhere where maybe we aren't so complex and different. But maybe we are soul mates in this life, and maybe we just met at the wrong time.

And maybe we aren't even soul mates at all, maybe we are simply two people who were meant to have a bright fire that burned fast because we had lessons to learn.

You taught me a lot, Vincent De Bellis, and for that I am forever grateful. I can only hope you learned half the lessons I did during our time together, that I was able to show you things you didn't know before.

Thank you for all the smiles you gave me, and all the times you made me feel like the most special woman in this world - whoever ends up being your always will be the luckiest girl.

I hope you smile broadly, I hope you sing loudly and dance freely. I hope you live wholeheartedly and never take anything for granted.

I know I never did you.

I would do it all over again, the same way, in case you're wondering, because for a short moment in time, you were the answers to all the problems. You were the thing that made me smile most, and made me feel most alive.

You made me feel like I was on top of the world each day I was with you, and for that, I am so grateful.

I am so grateful for you, and for every second of every minute that I ever got to spend with you. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

You were undoubtedly my very (unconventional) first love. You are my first love, and I think a piece of me will always love you. I will see pieces of you in me for years to come, and when I notice them, I'll remember the times we spent together.

I hope you enjoy your life, Vincent Alexander De Bellis. I hope you enjoy every second, of every minute.

Yours truly,
Florence.

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q: how much do you hate me rn??