She did want it. "How?"

That was how she discovered BDSM.

Master Michael intended the discipline aspect of their play to level out Vivian's obsessive tendencies. It did, but it had a side effect. Her view of her sexuality as being fundamentally dirty was too deeply ingrained in her to be shaken by anything so simple as logic and reasoning. Incorporating punishments and spankings into her sex life had a very cathartic effect, emotionally releasing her to enjoy being a slut. It was almost like the pain she accepted was the price to be paid for guilt free sex. She could throw herself into pleasure and then purify herself in pain.

She hadn't realized how much stress she was walking around with until she felt it lift.

At his insistence, Vivian expanded her horizons beyond school, and sex. She had always dabbled in video games, so she got more competitive at them and found that being good felt very rewarding. Susan was delighted to bring her to UConn basketball games and Vivian was surprised to find herself getting into them. She moved away from the former judgmental friend group and sought out the knitting club, which was much less like a bunch of grandmas than most people thought. Many of the people she met at that time were still her friends today, even if they had scattered across the country after graduation.

That was the state of things when she left college. Neither she nor Master Michael were interested in a long-distance relationship, but he had shown her how to keep herself balanced. She could have the best of both sides of herself. She could be the cock hungry whore who ached to swallow cum, and she could also be the intelligent young woman in the cap and gown who walked across the stage for her diploma and hugged her crying father. All she had to do was let her dark side out in moderation.

Vivian got a job in New York, found a good apartment and found a Michaels location with reasonably priced yarn. All she needed to find was somebody to feed her inner demon.

Master Paul was exactly that and more.

Maybe she would have preferred it if they spent more time together. If they shared more of an emotional bond along with their physical attraction, similar to what Devyn, Nicole and Susan all seemed to have. Maybe then she wouldn't struggle with sub drop as much as she did.

She had a text message waiting for her when she got off the train.

Master: be ready for me at 10:20. Have the lube ready.

Vivian glanced around to make sure nobody could see she had somebody called "Master" on her contacts list. Excitement rushed through her, along with apprehension. The lube could only mean one thing...

She had a few hours to prepare for him, so she took her time and enjoyed it. Dolling herself up was part of her ritual - putting away the Vivian who blushed whenever somebody looked at her chest and bringing out the slut who wanted to be naked

It took longer than usual in the shower to be clean in the places she anticipated needing to be, then came her makeup. Moisturizer and foundation, then she went to work on her eyes. Master Paul liked her to have eyeshadow and eyeliner to make her features stand out. Then a little bit of blush and a little lip gloss completed her slut outfit. That was all she needed to "wear" - no clothing required. Sometimes he wanted some lingerie, but it never stayed on her very long.

None of her preparations were meant to last. With a grin, Vivian realized that she was essentially making a beautiful blank canvas of herself for Master Paul to paint on. She combed her hair perfectly straight to dramatize how messy it would be later. Her makeup would smear and run and she'd definitely need another shower.

Anticipation grew inside her minute by minute. 10:15... 10:17... Vivian settled onto her knees by her front door and waited. She checked her posture in the mirror she'd put there exactly for this purpose. Back needed to be straighter. Her instinct to hide her breasts by slouching had no place here. She breathed deeply, feeling her chest come up and knowing it would be the first thing he saw. Hands resting on her thighs palm up and her eyes downcast. Perfect.

As always, he arrived exactly on time. Vivian had been straining to hear signs that he had been early and waiting in the hallway until 10:20. Nothing. Just the key working in the lock and his greeting.

"Good evening, my little slut."

Vivian sighed contentedly, feeling the final touch to her transformation slide into place with his recognition. "Good evening, Master."

It started immediately. Vivian was grabbed and dragged on her knees back into her apartment. Her body responded to the rough treatment, excitement and arousal building as she crawled to keep up. She was tossed at the foot of her bed, onto which Master sat.

At his command, she removed his shoes, socks and pants, neatly folding and setting them aside without ever raising her eyes beyond his waist or rising from her knees. His belt was reverently placed into his hands. Vivian knew she would be feeling it soon.

The next order was extremely basic. With his semi-hard cock in her face, Master Paul gestured and said simply: "suck."

She did with gusto. Within seconds, he'd risen to full mast. Reckless of her throat and gag reflex, she took him as deep as she could as fast as she could while keeping her teeth clear. She loved it, the smell of him, the feel of him, the way he involuntarily thrust into her mouth and the way her body responded. She gagged on him, her eyes watering and little droplets of drool trailing over her chin. Her fingers found their way to her cunt, finding it wet from all the anticipation. She fingered her clit and moaned onto him, feeling herself get lost in the wonderful filthy sex.

Master Paul stopped her bobbing sucking motion with a hard hand on the back of her head. Slowly, deliberately, he forced her down. Down past her gag point, down to his base, her lipstick leaving a kiss imprint at the apex. He held her there as she struggled. Her throat tried to close and Vivian willed her body not to panic. He was so deep in her, all the way in her face, crushing her against his pelvis.

Five seconds... Eight... Ten... tears rolled down her eyes as she ran out of oxygen and her body rebelled. Fifteen! Finally, he released her and she collapsed backwards, coughing and spluttering for air.

"Good slut. All your cock sucking practice has paid off." Vivian couldn't tell if she was blushing or if her head was full of blood because of all the choking she'd been doing. If she was blushing, would it be shame or pride? Both? Through all of it, she'd never stopped rubbing her clit. Master motioned her back and she was bent over her bed at her waste, her upper body laying out and her legs kneeling on the floor.

"Let me tell you about my day," he said, a hint of evil amusement in his voice. Vivian knew she should be dreading this, but her shiver was more anticipation than fear. This was a therapeutic ritual for both of them.

His belt hissed through the air out of sight and cracked against her skin. Pain blossomed through her. She groaned and instinctually recoiled, but didn't protest. He would whip her once for every bad customer that had made him powerless. All the assholes who abused him while he was forced to smile and be fake politeness. He'd recount all of it, venting his frustrations that all he could do with his acting degree was indulge drunk assholes at his bar.

She lost herself in the pain. Vivian had an interesting relationship with pain. She didn't like it exactly. Not as such, anyway. Pain hurt! The harsh sting of the belt burned into her wherever it struck. Up and down her back, her butt, her thighs, even reaching around to hit her breasts, she felt like her skin was on fire all over. Fresh tears trickled rivulets of destruction through her makeup. It hurt... but something about it felt freeing. It felt good to cry. To give herself up into something as selflessly as this - being the loadstone for her Master to regain the control he had to give up during the day.

Every time the belt landed on her, a little bit of weight seemed to lift off her shoulders. A little bit of the stress she felt for needing to be perfect at work, a fraction of the pressure to always push for more, a little of the worry that she was a disappointment, a little of the pressure to be happy for her family, all floated away from her. God, it felt so good to give it up!

Vivian hadn't followed anything he'd said. Dimly, she realized that there were no new bursts of pain and it was just the lingering sting that continued beating in on her. Master Paul was behind her spreading something cool and fluid into her anus. Lube. That's what it was, lube.

Anal sex had to be the guiltiest of all her guilty pleasures. If there was a dirtier way to get fucked, she hadn't found it yet. The pressure of him pushing his fingers in very quickly dispelled any haziness left over in her mind. It was a completely different sort of discomfort than the belt, more of a very extreme stretching in an area that wasn't designed to be stretched. It had been painful beyond agony the first few times she had tried it, but her body had learned to accommodate. Somewhat. It still hurt a bit at first, but that gave way to a feeling of being tremendously and overwhelmingly FULL in a way that vaginal sex could only shadow.

Slut Vivian loved that. She shook her ass invitingly while he coated her in lube inside and out, hoping to show him what a good little whore she was.

"Mmm, you want it?"

"Yes, Master!"

"What do you want?"

"I want your cock, Master!" He spanked her hard. "Ohh - Please! I want your cock in my ass, Master! Please fuck my ass!" He gave it to her with ferocity. After working the tip past her sphincter, he thrust the rest of the way into her in one huge push.

Vivian screamed! So full - so deep - so much of him pounding inside her and against her already beaten ass. Frantically, she forced herself to breath deep, willing her muscles to relax and accept him. It was hard, she hurt so much already and every time he slammed into her butt cheeks was like being spanked. It made her clench down against the pain, which was exactly why he did it. He loved feeling her squeeze his cock.

He slid easily in and out of her fast on the liberal layers of lube. Gripping her hips firmly, he pulled her into him as he thrust forward, rocking her hard against the bed like a rag doll. Vivian took it and loved every second of it. Vaginal sex was an intimate experience of making love. Anal was purely getting fucked. That's why she loved it. Only a whore could love it, and she did.

Vivian planted both her hands between her legs and let his forceful pounding drive them into her cunt. Semi-coherent strings of words spilled from her mouth in a torrent. Curses, cries, moans and every variant on "fuck me harder" she could think of.

She was free! Under Master Paul, she was completely free from herself, and it was divine. He was hot from the blowjob and sadism, but she was cumming long before he pumped her ass full of his cum.

And just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. Vivian fell limp onto her bed and watched Master Paul pulling his clothes on.

"You were great, as always," he praised her. Vivian grinned broadly. She loved the rough dominant part of him, but she also loved it when she'd drained all the lust out of him and he complimented her for it.

"Thank you, Master! You were too." Vivian paused, biting her lip. He didn't always leave after sex. Sometimes he stayed the night and they would be a normal couple for a few hours. Her sub drop didn't bother her nearly as badly when he did. "Do you have to leave already?"

"Yeah. I'm going to see a show. I'm sorry, I would have invited you, but it's a friend's term project and the venue is tiny." He checked the time on his phone. "I probably should have gone straight there, but I couldn't resist coming to see you."

Why did Vivian always have to hope? She tried not to, tried to be logical and look at his history of having excuses. It would be so much easier to watch him leave if she hadn't been hoping...

As soon as the door closed behind him, she felt herself beginning to drop. There were things she could try to hold it off. A hot bath and then sugary snacks. There was a carton of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream in the freezer just for this purpose. She hadn't realized how tired she was until she settled into the hot water. Yawning, she left the water running and the tub unplugged so the constant flow down the drain would sweep the love juices from both her holes away. She might have dozed off for a few minutes.

Sub drop wasn't guilt or self-recrimination over letting her slut out to play. After rough sex, she was always at peace with that. She'd done her penance for it with the belt and it was settled. When Vivian dropped, she wanted company. Longed to feel desired by somebody, not for her body but for herself. For both parts of herself at once.

She wished she was the kind of person that Master Paul would want to bring with him to see his friend's show. It didn't even need to be a good show, she would have been so happy just to be introduced to his friends as his girlfriend. But that wasn't for her. Master Paul liked playing with the slut. Regular Vivian wasn't any fun for him.

It had always been the same. Even Master Michael hadn't tried to include her. He had encouraged her to pursue her own interests, but never wanted to be a part of them. He'd had his way with her in the bedroom then left boring old Vivian to play with her yarn and needles like the grandma she was.

Tears threatened to spill from her eyes again. Vivian usually called her sister when she felt like this. It always made her feel guilty to impose on Susan, god knows she had better things to do with her time than put her sister back together again, but Susan always made her promise to call her if she needed to.

There was a ton of background noise when Susan answered the phone. "Hey Sis, what's up?"

"Hey, where are you? I can barely understand you."

"I'm at a bar."

"Another one? Didn't we just come from one together?"

"Yeah, I know, that's what I said! But Dean insisted that we had to watch this game and there was no beer in the house." Susan laughed in a boys-will-be-boys sort of way. Vivian bit back a sob. Dean had wanted his girlfriend to be with him. Master Paul wouldn't have bothered to take her, he would have just gone drinking himself.

"Did you say something?" Susan asked. "I'm sorry, I can go somewhere quieter -"

"No need! I'm fine," Vivian lied. "Enjoy your game, I'll talk to you soon."

She hung up before Susan could get too concerned.

She sat staring at the phone in her hand for a good five minutes. It wasn't any easier. It never got any easier. With her ice cream and her red rimmed eyes, she was the perfect stereotypical image of lonely female misery.

-----

I'd gotten out of bed to use the bathroom when my phone lit up. If I hadn't been using it as a flashlight to avoid turning on the lights and waking Malcolm up, I wouldn't have noticed. I always keep it silent because turning the ring on and off whenever I go to work is annoying.

'The hell does Vivian want at midnight?' I thought, stifling a yawn. It was weird. Vivian had always just texted me before. This the first time she'd called me. Maybe she was in trouble? Just as I decided I would answer rather than go back to bed, the blinking lights stopped. 'Damn!' I quickly texted her:

Devyn: sorry i missed ur call

Devyn: malcolm is sleeping, ill call in a few minutes

My building has some nice amenities that I never use. One of them is a lounge area with big comfy couches and a fake fireplace that's supposed to feel homey. I eased my way into some pajamas, hoping that Malcolm didn't wake up and wonder where I'd gone, and was pleased to find the lounge empty.

Vivian had texted me back, frantically telling me that it was nothing and no trouble and I shouldn't be bothered to call. That raised my eyebrows a bit. I'd said those kinds of things enough times to know how untrue they usually are.

Still, I was unprepared for how awful she sounded.

"Hey Devyn, I'm sorry! I didn't realize. I mean, I should have, it's late and I knew you were with him, I just didn't think. I'm so sorry I woke you up, you should go back to sleep," she said in a rush. Now, I might be bad at reading people, but even I knew what her voice and that kind of speech meant. It meant that I was going to have to do my best therapist impression.

"It's fine, I was up anyway," I lied, trying to make my voice calm and reassuring. "I usually stay up later than Malcolm. The diva needs his beauty sleep. Vivian? What's bothering you?"

She sighed deeply, sounding like she was working herself up. With just the phone, I couldn't really tell. I felt a little helpless, staring into the fake gas fireplace. After a few seconds, she said, "it's just, I called my sister and she was out, and she's the only one I can really talk to. But then I realized that you're a submissive too and you might understand. I'm sorry, I know we just met a few weeks ago—"

"Don't worry about it," I said warmly. "You're my friend and I really like you. Clearly, I like you enough to answer your midnight call," I laughed and was relieved to hear a snort from her. Not a proper chuckle, but I'd take it!

"Thanks. That means a lot to me." I heard her sniffle a few times. She really sounded awful. "Does Malcolm ever have to leave after you guys... you know... have a heavy scene, and you just feel like you have to talk to somebody?"

My eyes went wide. Sub drop had been part of Malcolm's required reading list. For me, it manifested in the extreme clinginess I'd just spent the last few hours indulging with Malcolm. How would I have felt if he'd left? I balked away from the thought. Abandoned, alone, unlovable. 'I'd probably feel as bad as Vivian sounds.'

How would Malcolm handle this? I felt woefully underqualified. He was the people person, not me!

'But I don't have to wonder what he'd do if I called him in tears. I know! I've done it! He gets me talking and he finds a way to identify with me and then he somehow makes me laugh!' I knew what to do! Great. Now, how do I do it?

Getting her talking turned out easy. Once she started, it was like a damn burst and she kept unloading. It started with Paul and expanded to college and on to encompass her whole life story. Unfortunately, it was a little hard to follow, she kept jumping around between people and times, but I eventually got the impression of what her life had been like. It was hard to keep myself sounding calm. I had no idea that my friend, who always seemed so upbeat and excited and happy, was carrying around so much baggage! I hated the negative way she spoke about herself. Malcolm hates the word "Slut" for a variety of reasons, partially because it's so powerful. Few words have the power to wound quite so deeply as that one.

I also hated Paul. I hated the way he let Vivian think that asking him for aftercare was a badly overstepping her submissive bounds. I hated the way she religiously called him "Master" and placed the blame for everything onto herself. I hated that he could take my happy friend and turn her into this wreck. I'd never met nor even seen his picture, but if I ever did, I resolved chop his dick off with a rusty spoon.

Deep breaths. I