Picture of Heaven ^^

~~~~~~~~~~

The drive back home was silent.

Blake and I didn't speak a word about our moment in his tree house, but we didn't completely ignore each other. Until the sun began to set, we stayed in each others arms.

To think how far we have come, and such a long way my feelings for him have developed is crazy. To think that we used to 'hate' each other and now he was showing me places he hasn't shown anyone before. Back when I first started at Lake Wood High, if anyone were have told me that I would be making out with the bad boy Blake Martinez, I would have laughed in their face.

Speaking of faces...

My face was currently pressed against Blake's back and my arms clung tightly around his torso as we drove to my house. I let out a small sigh as I watched cars drive by us.

I wish we could stay like this forever, because I didn't want to think about the reality of what we were. Which was just friends.

But after that kiss, I was confused on where we now stood. I mean we have kissed before but that did not compare to the kisses we shared today. I didn't know how to feel.

I didn't want to be used for that-even though I loved him, I still had respect for myself. I didn't want him to think that he can just get with me and that was it. I wanted to know what I meant to him. I didn't want to be just a girl. I wanted to be with him.

I sighed again as i stared out into the distance. He probably doesn't even want me in that way and i was already thinking about dating him.

He did start the kisses that has to be some sort of sign. I mean he wouldn't be wanting to kiss me unless he felt some kind of feelings for me... right?

Ughhh I needed to stop giving myself false hope.

The sound of Blake's bike coming to a sudden hault caught my attention. The engine died down and we were now met with silence. It was the late afternoon which meant that my neighbourhood was pretty quiet.

Untangling my arms from around his torso, I lifted my head off his back and got off his bike. I glanced at my house, seeing my mothers car not in the driveway.

Blake leaned on the end of his bike, his shoulders squared as they tensed. There was something about the way he stood that almost seemed rigid. I silently stood opposite him, fumbling with my fingers nervously.

I glanced up at him only to let out a shaky breath when I saw that he was already looking at me. An unreadable expression was on his face. His eyes held no emotion, making it almost impossible for me to read him.

I shakily threaded my fingers through my hair, swirling a single piece around one finger and repeating it until I decided to break the building silence.

"Thank you for today" I whispered. "For showing me your special place, it was beautiful" I spoke softly as I envisioned his tree house in my mind.

My thoughts were cut short when Blake swiftly shot forward, causing me to stagger back in surprise. I searched his eyes with furrowed eyebrows, hesitantly taking a small step back.

He was playing a dangerous game with me and I didn't like it one bit.

My hands fell down to my sides only to be grabbed by his. Just as I was about to pull away from his grasp, he swiftly pulled me forward, causing me to smash hard against his chest. I breathed in deeply, my skin beginning to crawl with goosebumps from his touch.

His icy eyes stared into mine sharply, before one of his hands pulled back to softly caress my right cheek. I felt myself leaning into his hand, my heart squeezing tightly with adoration from his touch.

He was always so hot and cold. One minute his soft, gentle and then the next he is cold and sharp. When he shows me this soft side to him, all I wanted to do was see more.

I stared deeply into his eyes as his thumb gently caressed my jaw.
My cheeks reddened as my mind drifted back to the steamy kisses we shared in his tree house. The way his touch made me feel- lust, warmth, security. My heart rate began to speed up as I felt the pressure of Blake's lips nearing mine. I sucked in a breath once they gently brushed mine, his masculine cologne filling my nose with how close he was to me.

My body ached for more of him but I restrained myself from kissing him back. Instead, I did what I had to do. Using all of my power, I pushed at his chest, not hard enough to send him flying back- but firm enough to allow some distance between us.

My entire body felt empty once his lips left mine, causing a coldness to settle on my skin.

"What are we?" I blurted those three words out before I could process the damage his answer would cause me to feel. I regretting those words instantly as his whole composure crumbled down. His shoulders tensed, only making his muscles appear larger. His face was nothing but a blank mask, preventing me from seeing his true thoughts. His eyes were how I was too used to seeing them, cold and emotionless. Complete icy blues.

I dropped my gaze from his face, staring down at my feet. "Do you have any feelings for me?" I silently prayed that his answer was yes. Nerves and anxiety instantly consumed me as I tried to control my fast beating heart.

"What do you want me to say Heaven?" My shoulders sagged in relief that he finally spoke. His voice was husky and deep-sounding completely unfazed. I could practically feel his eyes which were burning through me, but I didn't dare look up. I couldn't.

I mentally debated with myself what I can possibly say. My heart was beating faster by the minute, my palms begging to sweat anxiously.

"yes" My reply was barely above a whisper.

I forced myself to look up at him. "Yes." I spoke louder.

An emotion flickered through his eyes but just as quick as it came, it went away. I glanced down at his hands to see them pulled into fists- The only give away that he was indeed effected by my questions.

"Why?" he snapped.

I flinched at how harsh his tone was.

what did i say wrong?

I stood my ground, however, acting as though his tone didn't bother me.

I kept my hands glued to my sides, clenching my fists tightly in attempt to calm myself down. I'm pretty sure by now that my heart was about 20 seconds away from exploding in my chest.

"Because" I clicked my tongue to prevent myself from blabbering on any further.

"I don't want to be one of your girls" I snapped. I noticed Blake's jaw clench as he took in my words.

"So that's what this is about?" He glared at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat, merely nodding.

"Well if you really think i would just use you, your wrong. I'm leaving." He gritted sharply before turning around.

My mouth flew open at his words. Is he being serious?

Anger flared through me, my eyes instantly narrowing. "Well what do you expect?!" I scoffed.

His shoulders squared again, before he slowly turned back around to face me.

"Honestly Blake what do you expect me to think? You have some nerve saying that shit to me when all I'm used to is you kissing me and ignoring it like it never happened! I have seen you getting with Tiffany even when I know she annoys you, do not get mad at me for thinking I mean the same to you as her! You are so confusing! Ugh!" I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration.

"I just want to know what you fucking want with me! We used to fight so much and I want to hate you but I don't. Do you know how annoying that is? Do you? I have cried to you! Trying to express my feelings and then after that you act like i am the most precious thing in the world! I am confused and tired of your mixed messages, I want to know where I stand!" I breathed heavily, trying to calm myself down.

"Why do you even care?" He spat.

The tension between us was so thick that it was suffocating.

I stepped closer to him, poking my finger hard at his chest "What I want is to know if you have feelings for me!" I yelled.

I glared up at him, breathing heavily.

"Why!" He shouted.

I growled, pulling at my hair, "Because I fucking love you, you asshole!"

My hands immediately flew up to my mouth.

Blake's body stiffened.

I froze.

Silence.

Shit shit shit shit shit

What have I just done?

I clamped my hands over my mouth roughly, wishing that I could take those words back. This was not happening oh no oh no! He was not supposed to know that.

My eyes grew wide when realization suddenly dawned upon me that I fricken told Blake- the bad boy of the school that I fricken loved him!

"I-I t-that's not what I meant" I stammered quickly. I gulped, feeling my skin begging to grow hot in embarrassment.

Tears began to feel the brim of my eyes and I knew that I would be shedding tears soon enough.

"I... Umm.." i closed my eyes, breathing in deeply.

I was too humiliated to speak.

I have ruined everything. This was not supposed to happen!

I didn't dare look at his face because I was too terrified to see his expression. I knew that if I saw his reaction, I would start breaking down, so instead I glanced behind him at my house.

"Hea-" I shook my head, sidestepping his arms as he reached for me.

I did the most understandable thing a girl could do in this situation.

I ran fast.