What if.....Max has a nightmare in the middle of the night while still blind? (Angst and Smut) (Picks up after chapter twenty one)

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Thoughts

Something so hard to just throw away when somebody wants to, Lucas just wishes it can be like paper, to where he just balls it up and throws it away whenever he is done and never gives it a second thought. He wishes that it can be that simple, he wishes that he can just erase it out of his mind completely.

But no...it's in permanent ink.

Everything.

Lucas stops the car and takes the keys out of the car, him still just looking ahead of him with teary eyes, his gaze just saddened but blank at the same time, not even knowing what to feel anymore. He scolds himself because today is suppose to be a happy day, Max just got her sight back a few moments ago, he should be rejoicing, he should be smiling.

But he isn't.

And it is not the fact that Max can see now he is absolutely ecstatic about that, he just knows it was emotions he was holding in for so long coming out. The more Lucas thinks about it the more he purses his shaking lips, them lightly quivering a little bit.

"Hey." Max says softly to him, going to take his shaky hand, him looking over at her. "We can just go upstairs and talk okay?"

Lucas nods his head, him going to wipe the tears from his eyes. "Okay." His voice shakes.

"Come on." Max says, both of them going to leave out of the car. Lucas puts the key through the door, him going to open it and both of them making their way inside.

"SURPRISE!"

Max and Lucas both jump when the party horn sound, all of them smiling wide at Max while they move their pon pons around with food around the table, their faces suddenly dropping when they see their expressions, really Lucas expression. "Shit." Max lightly curses to herself.

"Lucas?" Sue questions.

"Are you alright?" Erica says.

"Dude?" Dustin questions, going over to him. "What's going on?"

Lucas looks between them. "I—"

No one deviates from the plan.

Okay but the minute you start to float, I'm bringing in Kate Bush.

Deal.

Maxxxxxxx!

No Max stay with me!

Please stay with me!

No no no no no no!

Erica help!

Please Max stay with me!

Please don't leave me!

"I....I..." Lucas tries, tears welling up in his eyes once again while he shakes his head, him quickly running up the stairs.

"Lucas!"

"Wait!"

"Wait guys!" Max stops with her hands out when they try to follow them upstairs, all of them stopping and looking at Max, them hearing the door shut. "I know you guys are concerned okay it's just...he's to overwhelmed right now."

"What happened?" Charles questions concerned.

Max looks down a little. "I didn't....realize how much he was truly hurting." Max admits. "All of this time of him taking care of me and making sure I was okay I was being a complete bitch to him, I realize that now."

"Max you were hurting too." Eleven mentions softly.

"No." Max shakes her head. "I mean I was but....that's no reason for me to not look at his feelings, and this whole time I was blinded with my own problems to see his....no pun intended." She mentions simply while looking ahead of her. "I have to make it right but please, I know it's hard and I know you guys want to talk to him right now but he can't take it right now, he just needs time. I'll let you guys know then if you all don't mind calling around."

"Yeah sure." Mike immediately responds. "It's...good to see you back...you know seeing."

Max smiles softly. "Thanks guys, and I promise we'll celebrate another time just...not tonight."

"No we get it." Nancy says.

"Just...please keep us updated Mayfield. Please." Steve says.

Max nods her head. "I will."

They all go to give Max hugs before most of them make their way out of the house.

Lucas hands go through his hair while he lightly fists it, him pacing around the room to and fro while he grits his teeth a little bit, feeling the thoughts just rush back inside of his mind and it hurts. Him trying to put it in the back of his mind no longer works anymore, it no longer works.

Because he can no longer keep this in.

Max stay with me!

No no no no!

Please!

Please don't leave me!

Come on Max!

No no please don't do this to me! Max please!

Erica help!

Erica hurry!

Please! Please save her! Please!

We'll do everything we can.

"Please stop thinking about it." Lucas says to himself in shaking voice. "She's here with you she's here why do you keep thinking about it it's over it's over please make it stop make it stop!" He cries, him closing his eyes hard while tears roll down his face. "Please stop—"

Please help her!

Please!

Max please stay with me!

Stay with me!

Max please!

"Please." Lucas shakes. "She's here please she's here!"

"Lucas."

Lucas whirls his body to look at Max who closes the door softly behind her and locks it, her looking at Lucas in pure concern. Lucas quickly wipes the tears from his eyes, rubbing his hands against his jeans. "I umm...look I'm sorry I don't know what's going on but...I can talk...talk...with the others and we can have fun you know you just...got your sight back and...we should be celebrating and they surprised us so—"

"Lucas you're breathing heavy." Max says softly, her taking his shaky hands. "Babe." She mentions softly, going to cradle his face making him look at her. "Just take a breath, try and calm down okay?"

"I can't." Lucas breaths quickly while shaking his head. "Max I'm sorry! I'm so so so sorry it's all my fault it's all my fault." He cries.

"Lucas what do you mean? Nothing is your fault." Max feels tears well up in her eyes.

"No it was it was it was me I'm sorry I'm so sorry!" Lucas wails out. "I tried I tried so much he was so strong! He just...he just came in and he tried to shoot me and I tried to stop him but he stepped on your radio and I couldn't get to you in time and I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm sorry—"

"Lucas." Max cries, her cradling his face harder. "What happened to me is not your fault you hear me? It wasn't."

"It was!"

"It wasn't." Max corrects while shaking her head. "Lucas it was not your fault. You didn't know he would suddenly come in you did your complete best and I am proud of you for that."

"I tried I tried so hard and I wasn't strong enough I tried I tried!" Lucas sobs out. "Then I saw you floating and I couldn't I tried then you started....start....e..."

"Lucas." Max says in concern, noticing how veins begin to pop out of his forehead and temples. "Lucas?" She lightly shakes his shoulders.

"I can't breathe." Lucas gasps a little, his hand going to his chest. "I can't breathe."

"Okay sit down. Sit down." Max quickly says in a concerned tone, Lucas falling on his bottom on the floor. "Lucas you have to calm down, you are having a panic attack okay? You have to breathe okay? Breathe...breathe..."

Lucas breaths out hard, him clutching onto his chest tightly while he breaths out, Max holding onto him tighter and tighter.

Max please stay with me!

No no no no!

Please save her!

How is she?

We don't know if she will wake up or not.

Most likely...

She'll die.

"Ahhh!" Lucas screams.

"Lucas I'm here." Max softly says, her putting his head on her chest while rocking him a little. "I'm right here and I will be. I'm sorry I wasn't here before but I am now, but right now I need you to breathe, I just need you to breathe. Deep, slow, breaths."

Deep.

Slow.

Breaths.

Please!

Deep.

Noooo!

Slow.

Maxxxxx!

Breaths.

Lucas only cries harder, his eyes closing hard and him burying his head more in Max's chest, his breathing still rapid and not calming down, his chest beginning to hurt more and more.

What if she doesn't wake up?

Nooo!

Don't say that!

Don't you say that!

Shut up!

Shut up!

"Shut up!" Lucas yells out, him wailing out once again, going to fists his hair in his hands.

"No no Lucas don't do that." Max takes his hands from his hair, going to still rock him a little. "Shhh, it's okay Lucas. I'm right here, I'm right here and I love you okay? I love you." Max says softly in his ear. "I love you and I'm here okay? I'm right here. I'm here. Just hear my voice, hear my voice, listen to my voice."

Max stay with me!

"Listen to my voice."

Please stay with me!

"I'm right here with you."

No no no no no no!

"I'm right here."

Erica please help! Please hurry!

"Hear my voice."

Please!

"See me."

"Feel me."

"Hear me."

"I'm here."

"I'm here." Max whispers again softly in his ear, going to kiss his temple softly. "Just listen to my voice, hear me, see me, feel me. I'm here, I'm right here and I love you, you know that?"

Lucas closes his eyes, his breaths finally calming down and that tight feeling in his chest subsiding, him just going to lean on Max. He is so tired of being strong, he is tired of depending on himself so he doesn't, he leans all of himself on Max, him letting his racing heart calm down as well. He nods his head softly with his eyes closed, keeping his eyes closed.

"I always will okay?" Max assures him softly. "Want to know why? Because you are the only guy that makes me feel safe. I know I can lean on you Lucas, but right now I need you to lean on me, everything that you feel, all of it, just give it to me okay? Just like you told me to do. You have done your part when it came to me and you did a good job Lucas and I am so thankful for that, now it is my turn."

"I love you and I will always be here for you okay? I will pay more attention Lucas I promise because I wasn't at first. I promise you because you mean so much to me okay? I love you." She says softly.

Lucas gives a soft little smile while his eyes are closed, some tears still running down his cheeks, him holding Max's hand in his, softly rubbing it. "I love you too." He lightly croaks.

Max places her hand on his chest, feeling his even breaths. Her lips go to rest on his temple, lingering her lips there for a moment before her lips move to his forehead, going to linger her lips for a long time on his forehead.

"I need you." Lucas says, his eyes going to slowly open.

"I'm here Lucas." Max assures softly. "I'm here."

"Then why do you want to leave?" He questions.

"Lucas I don't." Max looks down at him. "What do you mean?"

Lucas just closes his eyes back, him leaning more on her and coming closer to her. Max doesn't question it further, because she knows he just needs a moment to gather his thoughts then he will tell her everything, she knows he is ready to unleash all that has been from his mind, he just needs a minute to gather all of his wild thoughts that has been on his mind.

And as long as he needs, Max will wait.

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The back of Lucas head is leaned on Max's chest, them still being on the floor. Lucas is in between Max's legs, Max having her chin on the top of his head, them slowly moving their fingers around each other's in a playing manner, Max smiling while looking at his fingers interlock with his.

"Why do you want to leave me?" Lucas suddenly questions.

"I don't want to leave you Lucas, not by a long shot." Max immediately responds.

"Then why do you say it?" Lucas questions. "Why do you keep saying you should have died that night?"

Max swallows. "That was wrong of me to say Lucas. I felt I was so much of a burden and I was hurting you El and everyone else, I felt I was doing more harm then good so...that came out. I don't want that though and I am sorry I even said that to you Lucas, that was selfish of me."

Lucas closes his eyes softly. "It kills me when you say stuff like that Max, it kills me." He softly cries. "Please you can't say stuff like that again it kills me because I saw you gone in front of me I cannot endure that again I need you."

"I promise you I will not mutter those words ever again Lucas, I promise." Max immediately says. "I promise and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Lucas." She hugs Lucas.

Lucas arms go on hers in a hugging manner, his eyes still being closed. "I blamed myself so much after you were in the hospital, I blamed myself so much for not having the music playing already or to fight Jason off faster. Then I see you suffering, seeing you clearly hurting and I cannot help but think it was because of me."

"The only man that is responsible for my pain is the man that El killed that was the monster." Max says back.

"I know it's just...it's crazy how your own thoughts can trip you up sometimes." Lucas responds. "I lost apart of me that night, something inside of me just shifted." He says. "Nothing bad I guess it's just....after I got you back I swore to myself I wouldn't let anything happen to you again. I knew we had to go on and get out of there, I just don't want you anywhere around anything or anyone dangerous. I just want to keep you all to myself."

Max closes her eyes while she puts her forehead on the top of his head, her going to hug him tighter.

"I know I can't do that quite literally but....I don't know, I've just grown more protective I guess. I cannot see that happen again Max. That's why I took the lock off the room and the bathroom, that's why I always told El to stay up here when you showered and told you to leave the bathroom door open, that's why I did what I did."

Max nods her head in understanding. "I get it now, and I'm sorry that I thought you were just...trying to control me." She responds. "Honestly I wouldn't have done it but I was still letting the pain get to me so much."

"I understand. It's okay—"

"No Lucas it isn't okay." Max interrupts. "God I was being such a bitch."

"Hey no." Lucas immediately sits up, him going to look at her and take her hands. "That's what I'm talking about Max don't say stuff like that."

"I'm sorry." Max immediately says.

Lucas sighs out a little, him letting go of her hands that he was holding tightly. "I'm sorry I...I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Max takes his hands. "I just meant that I was so focused on my feelings that I wasn't paying attention to what you were going through."

"I didn't want you concerned Max, not until you got better." Lucas explains.

"Lucas how did you know I was even going to get better?" Max questions.

"I always had hope." Lucas replies. "And even if your sight didn't come back I knew in the long run you would learn how to live with it and from there we would be happy."

"So you planned to just....hold it all in until I got better? No matter how long it took?" Max questions, Lucas nodding his head. "Lucas...."

"I know it's crazy." Lucas replies. "But I couldn't put more on you."

"Lucas you already had so much on you." Max replies, her just rubbing her face a little. "Jesus I feel so damn bad."

"Please don't." Lucas takes her hands again. "Please, I wanted it to be that way, I just....I didn't realize it would all come out like that."

"I think...it was the fact earlier today I was unraveling." Max replies. "And I'm sorry I was hurting you Lucas, I truly am."

"It's okay Max—"

"No Lucas it isn't." Max interrupts again, her going to stand up. "Stand up."

Lucas goes to stand up, seeing how Max takes his hands and holds them, stroking her thumbs over his knuckles. The action makes him smile softly, him slowly looking up into Max's eyes.

Max gazes into his soft brown eyes, her smiling because she is finally able to see his eyes once again. "I know I am not as open as you are and that is going to change Lucas, in fact that is going to change tonight."

"In the letter...." Max starts, Lucas looking into her eyes more. "...it was me apologizing for not being the girl that you deserved, because you are the most kind hearted loyal and gentle caring person Lucas, and me I'm just the....complete opposite, I had a hard time wondering why you liked me. I just thought at first it was harmless fun but it started turning more into that quickly as the time passed and that honestly scared me."

"And instead of me facing my fears head on I hid away, but I have always leaned on you Lucas. Remember that day out of the graveyard? When I was...in the trance?" Max questions.

Lucas nods. "Yeah."

"It was you I was calling to for help." Max replies. "Even at the creel house I quickly chose you as my partner because I always feel safe around you Lucas, you make me feel so safe and I needed that safe feeling after what happened, and I felt so uneasy going in there but I know we had to to find answers. Even when we went back there to go about the plan I am so glad you were there with me because although it was hard....you made it a little bit easier by just your presence alone."

"The point is that you are my savior Lucas." Max admits. "It was you that just always believed in me, the one that always made me laugh and smile, something I haven't done in awhile. You make me feel feelings I haven't felt before, you make me want to open up more, you make me want to tell you things I have never told anyone before, you make me want to be human again." Max says.

"You do so much for me Lucas so much all the time, you are the person I can always go to to make me feel better, you are my savior. You want to know why?" Max questions. "You remember that day in the RV where you Presumptuously ask if you were there when I was saying I have to hide in a memory?"

Lucas smiles. "Yeah."

"The first night that I felt alive, the first night that I just...took a chance and went for it." Max smiles. "The first night I slow danced, and I didn't feel like a complete fool..." she says making him chuckle. "...in fact I felt amazing, and I didn't care of the people looking at us it didn't matter, all that mattered as you, and your nerdy little smile looking at me."

Lucas smiles wide while looking at her. "The snowball."

"It was at the snowball, but the memory was you Lucas." Max explains. "So you know what that means?"

"Kinda...." He trails off.

Max smiles. "I said I had to hide in the light. You were the memory...so that means you are the light." She explains. "You are the light that I ran to, and when it worked and I said holy shit....I mean it. Because in that moment I said holy shit..." she lightly chuckles while shaking her head. "...if a memory is that strong and memorable to bring back....then it's a memory that is loved, and you are the memory so...you were loved." Max says. "That is the moment that I realized that I loved you, and I always will."

Lucas smiles at her, honestly feeling tears of joy prickle in his eyes from the words, him softly