Copyright © MonMoncheese
All Rights Reserved
79 Published 09.27.2020

•••

ROSEANNE

Rolling to my left, I let out a small groan from my lips. The softness of my bed was lulling me to keep sleeping, but the small ray of light sipping through the curtains forces me to wake up.

In my sleepy state, I pry my eyes open and blink away at the sudden brightness.

Through hazy eyes, the first thing I see is the empty side of the bed where Nathan laid before. The wrinkles on the white sheets letting me know that he was there before. Using my hand, I brush away the strands of hair that fell over my face, moving them behind the curve of my ear.

Staring at the empty spot next me, I turn around and reach forward to the nightstand beside my bed. Grabbing the phone, I turn it on. The brightness of the screen makes me squint and I quickly lower the brightness enough so that my eyes grow comfortable.

But instead of looking at the time like I intended to, my eyes move to the top center of the screen.

I feel a funny emotion stir inside me as my eyes come in contact with the name on the screen. A name I have grown familiar with. One I'm fond of. One that caused an ache in my heart but was the cause of my happiness at the same time.

Husband.

A word that brought back memories of our beginning.

When I was still a stranger to him.

When we were still strangers to each other.

Looking away from the phone, I clear my throat, the emotions becoming stronger by the second.

It's okay, Rose. It's only a message.

You can do this.

Just check it.

Taking a deep breath, I bring my eyes to the screen below me. Unlocking my phone, I click on the messages that were waiting to be opened.

My heart beats at an uncontrollable speed as his messages slowly appear on the screen before me.

05:27 a.m.

Morning, baby. I miss you.

I know that things didn't end well with you, but we need to talk. I have to explain everything to you.

I take a deep breath and glance away from the screen, my chest rising as I attempt to control my breathing.

Reading his messages caused confusing feelings to arise within me.

Clenching the sides of my phone with my hand, I return my eyes to the screen and continue reading his next words.

05:28 a.m.

Rose, I refuse to let you go. No way in hell is that happening.

But I miss you, princess.

I do.

I remain frozen as my eyes read over the messages over and over again. As if reading his words a thousand times would make me feel close to him.

"He misses me." I mumble into the silence of my room. The words becoming an echo in my head. Reminding me that the boy behind the phone misses me. And it only adds fire to the guilt I feel.

I'm doing the thing he hates, the one that hurts him, the one thing he pleads me to not do. I'm ignoring him.

I'm being horrible to him. And only because I'm...scared.

Of the painful truth.

And of his reaction.

Clenching my eyes shut, I let out a shaky breath and utter a name, a name so special.

"Stranger."

Raising my eyes to the right top corner of my phone, I finally see the time.

06:38 a.m.

His messages were sent over an hour ago.

Turning off my phone, I let it drop from my hand and it lands on the soft bed.

"I do too, Stranger." I whisper as a tear falls from my eye, landing on my hand. Slowly leaving a trail as it rolls down to the side of my hand and meeting its end as it lands on the white sheets.

"I miss you so much." Despite the quietness of my voice, the words are loud.

Louder than ever.

Wiping my cheek, I let out a strangled breath.

I miss you more than I think.

•••

Stepping out of the shower, I grab a clean towel from the rack and wrap it around my body, tying a knot on the side to prevent it from slipping off.

Once its secure, I let go of the towel and head straight to the door. Pulling it open, I walk into my room and close the door behind me.

Stopping in front of my bed, I lean down to grab the clothes I picked out before taking a shower. Separating my undergarments, I untie the knot from the side and let the towel fall to the ground.

A shiver runs through my body as my damp hair sticks to my back and I bring it over my shoulder.

Grabbing my undergarments, I begin to get dressed until I'm standing fully clothed. Picking up the towel from the ground, I walk back to the bathroom and throw it inside the dirty laundry basket.

Exiting the bathroom, I take a second to crane my neck to the side, relieving my muscles from the stiffness around my neck.

Returning my neck to its original position, I dart my eyes around the bedroom looking for something to do.

It was still early, the sun was bathing my room in its light, brightening every hidden corner in it.

I could still go to school and make it to my first class, but there was no use. Mom wouldn't let me go to school either way.

With a sigh of defeat, I walk towards my study desk and take a seat on the rolling chair. Leaning to my side, I bring my bag closer to me and unzip it. Reaching inside, I pull out all of my books and stack them on top of the table.

Placing my forearm on the desk, I purse my lips as I dwell on where to start first.

I only had homework for two classes yesterday, but earlier when I emailed my teachers, they sent me all of the missing assignments for today and I needed to finish them all by tonight.

Removing my forearm from the table, I push the chair closer to the desk and reach forward to the first book on the stack.

Placing it in front of me, I part it open to today's lesson.

My eyes immediately dart to the pages filled with math equations and I make a move to tie my hair back into a bun.

A few strands manage to escape the bun, but I make no move to push them away.

With one last look at my room, I bring my attention back to the textbook in front of me.

•••

As the words printed on my textbook become a blur, my mind slowly drifts to the thoughts I've been trying to avoid.

No matter how hard I tried to not think about it, everything kept trying to force its way into my mind, preventing me from focusing on the book before me.

Rubbing my forehead with the back of my hand, I let the pen in my other hand drop on the desk.

My mind remains blank until I finally give up.

He knows who I am.

He has known for a while and I had no clue.

But... I'm not mad at him. And I don't hate him.

I never could.

I'm just mad at myself.

I'm embarrassed.

Embarrassed of who I am.

He isn't at fault for anything. It's the opposite, really, because I'm the problem.

He should have never met someone like me in the first place. I am not someone worthy of him of a boy like him. He's too good for me. He always will.

That's why I'm mad at myself.

For being me.

James only saw who I truly am. He discovered the truth about me. The one I never wanted him to know.

But I should have known better.

The voice in my head was always right.

That boy could never care about someone like me.

It was foolish of me to try and hide the truth.

Because how could a beautiful boy with such a kind heart care for someone like me.

And yet, he became my friend. The first one in a very long time.

The one responsible for my laughs.

That's why I never wanted to tell James the truth, because I wanted him to keep seeing me as the stranger who annoyed him with corny pick-up lines and not someone weak. Someone that can't take care of herself.

But I was a fool to believe that I could keep the truth about who I am from him.

An utter fool...

Staring at the lines across my palms, I clench my fists when the sound of a knock brings me out of reverie.

Looking up from my fists, my eyes dart towards the wooden door and I know who it is before her voice rings.

"Honey, Roseanne? Are you sleeping?" There is a moment of silence as her words register in my mind and I return my attention back to the book in front of me. Picking up my pen from the desk, I place it in the middle of my book before closing it shut.

"No, mom. Come in." I call out as I push the notebook away from me.

Leaning back against the chair, I hear mom come in, the smell of one of her perfumes reaching my nose.

When I hear the sound of her footsteps, I sit up and crane my neck to see mom making her way towards me.

As my eyes land on her, I take notice of her attire. Unlike her usual style, today she's dressed in a pair of jeans, matching with a blouse. The checkered blazer she's wearing being the finishing touch.

Raising my eyes to hers, I let out a smile.

She always looks so beautiful.

Looking away from her, I bring my attention to the many books stacked on top of each other.

"Were you studying?" Mom questions as she comes to a complete stop next to me. Looking up at her, she places a hand on my shoulder and runs her eyes over my face.

"Sort of," I nod my head. "I was just finishing last night's homework before getting started on today's assignments."

At the thought of finishing everything, I feel a sudden wave of laziness come over me, but I fight through it.

"Don't stress too much about it, Rose." Mom runs her hand through my hair, and I find myself leaning to the side, the simple action soothing me. "Your dad and I are so proud of what you and your brother have become. But we don't want either of you to become unhappy. It's true that we expect a lot from you kids, but we also know that it gets tiring at times. So, don't be too hard on yourself. It's okay to be tired sometimes."

Looking down, there are a few seconds of silence before I hear her voice again.

"How are you feeling?" The soft tone of her voice forces my eyes to close, and I let my body succumb to the tenderness my mom brought out of me.

"Better." I mumble, my lips barely moving as I speak.

"Are you sure?" She lowers her voice, urging me to tell her the truth.

"Mhm." I hum. "I feel so much better." I finally open my eyes and look up at her. A satisfied look comes over her face, but that quickly changes when I see the look in her eyes.

And I can practically hear her next words before she even utters them.

"What happened?"

The silence in the room grows deeper than before, causing a wave of panic to fall over me.

Looking away from her, my eyes stare into nothing, a million things running through my mind.

What happened?

Her words echo through my mind.

He found out the truth, mom.

Taking a deep breath, I turn to her again.

"It was a hectic day yesterday." I shrug slightly. "And I was tired." The words that leave my mouth hold a double meaning to them. But she wouldn't know that.

"My body couldn't handle it, I guess." I finish, shrugging away to show her that I'm fine.

Mom doesn't say anything right away. But even though I was looking away, I could feel her heavy gaze on me.

I didn't need to look at her to know that she was trying to think of what to say.

"Roseanne," she calls my name before kneeling down, her face reaching my shoulder as I turn to her with a confused look.

"Do you know that we love you?"

Something about the way she says it causes my heart to beat faster as she stares into my eyes, my mind fearing her next words.

With a hesitant nod, I let out a quiet response. "Yeah."

Mom simply smiles and reaches down to touch my hand. "We love you." She whispers before pursing her lips in thought.

Perhaps this was the perfect time to tell her the truth, to finally tell her everything that has been happening, but I couldn't.

I chose to remain quiet.

"Honey, your dad and I are sometimes home late, but we try to be here for you guys as much as we can, and Rose, I want you to know that I will always be here for you, and so will he. No matter how much work we have, we will always and listen to me, Roseanne, always, we will always be here for you and Nathaniel."

"Okay?" She waits for me to answer.

"Okay." I try to reassure her.

"Good." A small smile grows on her lips, but it suddenly falls.

With hesitant eyes, she looks at me.

"I've noticed a few changes in you, Rose." She whispers, a frown present on her forehead.

"You've been distant lately," She starts. "-or you were." She corrects herself. "Not too long ago you would spend a lot of time in your room, and despite letting you do that, your dad I grew concerned because it wasn't normal." The memories of my life before meeting James flash through my mind.

Somehow, I felt an empty void back then. One that happened to be filled with happiness, until yesterday. Now, everything just felt wrong.

Not talking to him made me feel emptier than before.

"But then, you started spending a little more time with us and you would go out!" Mom exclaims and I let out a chuckle at her excitement. "I was ecstatic when I saw that because even your smiles were happier. You were practically radiating with happiness, honey. And then you made a friend, one who seems to make you laugh. You just changed, Rose. And I'm really happy to see you like that." Her voice holds a certain sadness to it, and I can't help but wonder about what would happen.

About a life without him.

It wouldn't be the same.

Not without him.

Not without having him in my life.

And now that he knows the truth, I have to forget about him.

But would I be able to continue to be happy or would I relapse back into my prison of sadness?

"I am happy, mom. Really." I say, my words sounding believable to her. But to me, they were just a lie.

"And I can't express how much I love to hear that, honey. I just want you to be happy." Mom seems to glow with happiness as she speaks, and I can't help but love her more.

I love you, mom.

And I know that I will always have their love, but why did I doubt it sometimes?

With a pat on my cheek, she stands up and smooths down her blazer. "Now, come on, I made food and you have to eat something."

I immediately despise the idea of food as I feel my stomach twist in a nauseous way, but I knew that there was no way I could disagree with mom. Pushing the chair backwards, I stand up from the chair and push it in.

I could feel a storm brewing inside at the thought of eating and I look down at the stack of books sitting on the table. I was searching my mind for an excuse that would get me out of eating, but my mind was completely blank.

There was no way I would be getting out of eating today.

Gripping the chair tightly, I let out a breath of air.

"Rose?" I glance towards my mom as she stands next to the door, her eyes are focused on mine as she waits for me to make a movement.

"Hmm?" I manage to hum through my inner turmoil.

"Let's go, honey." She says and I look down, my eyes coming in contact with the way my hands turn pale from the lack of blood flow.

"I'll be down in a minute." I muster the courage to speak and flash a smile to my mom.

She says nothing at first, her eyes simply resting on me in a suspicious manner, but despite the hesitation, she nods.

"Okay, honey." With one last look, she walks out of my room and shuts the door behind her.

Once she's gone, I let out a shaky breath.

My heartbeat increasing by the second.

This felt like the wrong time to be eating, but mom is happy and I couldn't ruin that for her.

Gulping down, I walk across the room and reach forward to grip the doorknob of the door. Twisting it to the side, I bring the door open and step into the hallway. Leaving the door ajar, I begin to make my way through the corridor of the house.

Each step, taking me closer to the dining room.

Walking down the stairs, I grip the rail tightly.

Despite the tv making noise downstairs, I could still feel a heavy silence all around me.

I'm not hungry.

But... but I have no choice.

•••

Staring at the screen, I try to pay attention to what Sherlock is saying, but I can't focus.

Increasing the volume, I attempt to pay attention to the show on my laptop screen, but it's no use. My mind keeps drifting away to him.

Just as I'm about to press pause, a knock on my door causes my arm to freeze.

I wait for a voice to speak, but only the voices of Moriarty and Sherlock follow. Pausing the show, I sit up on the bed.

"Come in!" I call out, hoping to get a response.

Instead of saying something, I see the door open creating a gap between the door frame and the inside of my room.

My brows furrow as I lean forward to see who it is.

From my view, I can see the familiar face of my brother step inside the room and closing the door behind him.

Staring at him from my position, I watch as he walks towards me with an exhausted look on his face. I can see the faint bruises under his eyes from the lack of sleep and I can only hope that it wasn't because of me.

Yesterday must have been hard for him as well.

As he gets closer, I scoot to the other side of the bed and press my back against the headboard. Under the blanket, I make a move to cross my legs as Nathan slowly takes a seat on the bed.

Folding my hands on top of the blanket, I speak first.

"You okay?"

My eyes focus on his posture. The way he carries himself even when sitting down shows that he truly is exhausted.

"I will be." He raises his head and turns to me. His eyes move all over my face and I wait for him to say something.

"How do you feel?" His voice is softer this time, showing me a gentleness in it.

Looking away from him, I dart my eyes to the desk in my room. The pile of books is no longer there, making it seem empty.

"I feel better." I answer with the truth. "Mom took care of me all day and made sure I was better."

Returning my gaze to Nathan, he nods. "That's good."

With a sigh, the boy next to me rubs his face with his hand. "I was worried," he pauses, a sudden ache in his voice. "But I'm glad you feel better."

Looking down, I glance at my laptop screen, the show still on pause.

Last night, I had been in too much pain to even realise that I had hurt Nathan with what happened.

Not only that, but I had worried my family.

"I'm sorry." The thoughts leave my mouth before I can even comprehend what I just uttered.

To my side, Nate lets out a scoff. "You don't need to apologise, Rose. You had a long day yesterday and what happened didn't help at all. It only added some stress to you. It's not your fault that the stress caused you to go through that."

Fiddling with my fingers, I try to speak.

"Yes, but still-"

"Not buts," My brother raises his finger and my mouth falls close. "Listen, I know I look like hell right now, but he-"

Nathan suddenly stops himself and I stare at him with wide eyes, my heart stopping for a second.

He was going to say something about