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Copyright © MonMoncheese
All Rights Reserved
57 Published 04.29.2020

•••

ROSEANNE

Running the brush through my brown locks of hair, I stare at the reflection in front of me. 

The reflection staring back.

We were so different but so alike.

She was me as much as I was her.

We were one. 

Through her, I saw the truth.

The truth about who I am.

What I am.

My brown orbs run across my face until they land on the dark circles under my eyes.

They were bruised with exhaustion.

I just wanted to close my eyes and fall into an endless slumber.

I should be sleeping, but my mind was too overwhelmed with the never ending thoughts. So I took a shower in hope of finding some peace.

But it seems to have done the opposite.

The thoughts seemed to have amplified.

Gripping the brush in my hand, I run it through the tips of my previous damp hair. 

Looking in front of me, my eyes lock in the mirror, the plain brown orbs staring back at me.

There was no spark anymore.

They were dull. No longer alive. Nothing a hollow emptiness was present.

But those eyes were the key to a deep void hidden inside me. 

One that would stay hidden forever.

It was better that way, they would hinder my real feelings from the rest of the world.

Including me.

With a deep sigh, I place the brush on my lap.

And I raise my hand until it covers my pale cheek, void of any life.

Large brown eyes and plain brown hair stared back at me, taunting me in a way.

Reminding me that I was just a simple girl.

That I was nothing.

That's all you will ever be.

Nothing.

And don't you ever forget that. 

The voices resonate in my head and I look down in shame.

You should be embarrassed of yourself. How dare you talk to James, a boy way out of your league.

It's pitiful.

Removing the palm from my cheek, I watch my hand clenches into a fist.

I wanted to be upset.

But I couldn't.

Because deep down, I knew.

They were right.

They always were.

But the truth couldn't help but hurt. 

I should be ashamed of myself.

James didn't need a girl like me.

He needed someone beautiful. Inside and out.

Not me.

I was worthless trash.

I was nothing.

That's all I will ever be.

As a lone tear drops from my eye, I let it  kiss my skin in sadness. Leaving it's trail behind.

Grabbing the brush from my lap, I raise my head and stare in the mirror

I didn't see any beauty in the girl in the mirror.

I didn't look like the girls in my school. 

They were cruel to me, but that didn't take their beauty away.

Compare to them, I was the word they called me.

Ugly.

There was nothing interesting about me.

So why did he want to meet me so bad?

James wouldn't like me. 

But then again, why would he?

I didn't even like myself.

James wouldn't be interested in a girl like me.

Not even as a friend.

There was no way that could happen.

But sometimes he made me feel things that I couldn't explain.

He made me feel wanted.

Loved.

Oh, Rose, we already told you.

It's a game. 

When will you realise it?

Stop deceiving yourself.

He will never care about you.

No one has and no one ever will.

The hold on my brush tightens until I can't take it anymore.

My jaw unclenches around the handle and I can't help but watch as the brush drops to the ground breaking into smaller pieces.

With a shaky breath, I bend down to pick up the broken pieces.

They're all smooth except one.

I simply clench the sharper piece in my fist and I let out a shaky breath as I feel it piercing my skin to the point where I whimper quietly.

But I let the pain travel through my body as I watch the crimson red liquid trickle down my palm.

After thinking about it for so long, I finally had my answer. 

I was willing to take the risk.

I avoid the mirror's accusing glare as I reach for the phone resting on top of the vanity.

"Stranger," I mumble quietly. My eyes never leaving the girl in the mirror

"Hi, princess," his husky voice greets me and a flutter in my heart blooms. "Why are you awake right now? It's late."

My eyes dart to thr clock resting on my  nightstand.

01:27 a.m.

Diverting my eyes to the bleeding hand that was visible from the mirror, I stare at the cut resting in a vertical line. "I couldn't sleep." 

Just like all the previous nights.

But he didn't need to know that.

"And I missed you," I add quietly, my heart accelerating by the second.

James laughs in the background and eyes glint at the sound of him.

"I missed you too, baby." 

"James," I gulp. "I was thinking about you."

I hear James take in a breath and I wait for him to say something.

"You were?" He asks, his tone surprised.

"Mhm."

I always do.

"Hm, I like the sound of that." I can hear the smirk in his words, but I don't have time to think about it, when he continues. "But tell me, what were you thinking about?"

"Many things." I pause. And I toy with my lip as I hesitate with my next words.

Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath.

Fear courses through my veins as I recoil from the trance I'm in.

Through the mirror I can see the crimson liquid staining my trousers as I hold the phone with my injured hand. It seems my mind has yet to realise what I have done.

"Stranger, can I ask you a question?"


"You don't even have to ask, princess." He tells me and my lips twitch slightly, a sign that soon my lips would stretch into a knowing smile.

"What do you imagine me as?" The words leave my mouth before I even have to hesitate.

"Beautiful." His voice is barely above a mere whisper that I have to take a few seconds to think about his answer before my whole body freezes.

A flame in my heart had begun to burn at his word.

Beautiful.

Everything is a lie, Rose. Everything.

My brows crease as my happiness deflates when I hear the voice in my head.

He called me beautiful. Something I was not.

Something I would never be.

He's lying.

Everyone at school saw me as a horrible person.

Why would he see me any different?

"You shouldn't say things like that." I say angrily. I can't help but feel upset at his choice of words. His words were sweet and it made me feel something warm inside, but I knew that he couldn't really think that.

It was not possible.

It was all a lie.

One cruel lie that would break my heart.

"And why the hell not?" He demands, his voice sharper than before causing me to jump in my sit.

"Becaue you've never seen me." I mutter quietly.

You don't know who I am.

"Yes, I-" he starts but he groans in annoyance. "Oh, bloody hell, Rose."

"You're right," James sighs. "I don't know you. But I don't need to see you to know how beautiful you are. And nothing you say could ever change my mind. So deal with it, princess. Because to me, you will always be beautiful."

I feel my heart clench in pain at his words.

I can't do this.

He needed to get rid of whatever illusion he had of me.

I will never be beautiful.

He he needs to know that.

As my eyes focus on the blood trailing down my arm, my breath hitches in shock.

It finally dawns to me.

I did that.

I hurt myself on purpose.

With a shaky breath, I rush out. "James, I have to go."

Getting up from my seat, I walk inside my bathroom.

"Right," I hear him mumble and his tone makes me stop in my tracks.

He...was upset.

With me.

"Goodnight, James." I say softly, hoping to bring out a small smile from him.

There is a delay in his response, but eventually, he answers.

"Bye, princess. It's late, go to sleep." He nags and I grin thriumphally.

"I will."

"And stranger?" I pause.

"Yes, baby?" Hearing his voice, I take a deep breath.

With the thumping of my heart and the heavy weight on my shoulders, my lips part before uttering my next words.

It was over.

The wait was finally over.

"I'm ready."

○○○

Soooooooooooooooooo, bye. 🙊🙈

No spoilers, my loves. Nope. Nope. Nope.

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