forty-two

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I haven't been out of the house in a while, so when Dad asks me to pick up a few things from the grocery store, I jump at the chance to leave. I'm more than sick of lounging around the house with nothing to do, all mopey and miserable. Ever since the night Lacey appeared at my doorstep and told me the truth about everything, I've felt a new since of purpose spark within me. I have hope now, hope that maybe I'll be able to mend the bridges I've broken before they can all come crashing down.

I haven't had the chance to speak to Jack yet, even though I want to. I know I owe him an apology, considering I've been holding a grudge against him for something he didn't really do. I have to admit, part of me is nervous at the thought of speaking to Jack again. I can't stop myself from wondering if he'll even want to see me after all that's happened between us. Knowing that he hadn't really been using me and had genuine feelings for me makes the thought seem silly, but that doesn't change the way my hands shake at my sides and the way my heart pounds in my chest at the thought of talking to Jack face-to-face after everything that has conspired.

I shake my head to ward off any further thoughts, focusing on the grocery list my father made up. Right now I'm standing in the produce aisle, bagging a handful of tomatoes. I set the bag down into my cart and reach for a stick of celery, just as a woman standing a little ways down the aisle catches my eye. I recognize her long, golden-colored hair and piercing green eyes, beautiful in a way that's more regal than subtle. Jack's mother.

Before I'm able to walk off to another aisle of the store in an attempt to hide from Mrs. Crawford, she glances my way. Our gazes lock instantly, and I'm sure she recognizes me. I'm unsure what I expect to happen from here, considering Mrs. Crawford's less-than-friendly attitude toward me the first time we met. I suppose I'm expecting her to just look away, as if she hadn't seen me at all. There's no reason for her to try and strike up conversation with me, considering I'm no longer dating her son. I find myself wondering if Mrs. Crawford is even aware of my split with Jack, considering she hadn't seemed to know when we had gotten together.

With this in mind, I'm surprised to find Mrs. Crawford push her cart my way with purpose, only stopping once she has reached my side. Unintentionally, I stiffen, preparing myself for an icy encounter with my ex-boyfriend's mother. Taking me off guard, Mrs. Crawford offers me a warm smile, which I can't help but notice only adds to her beauty.

"Hi," Mrs. Crawford greets me in a light tone, tilting her head to the side and narrowing her eyes slightly as she questions, "Morgan, right?"

I'm a little startled that Jack's mother remembers my name. Too nervous to find words, I somehow manage to nod in response to Mrs. Crawford's inquiry. Clearing my throat, I force myself to say, "Uh, yeah. I'm Morgan Scott."

"I remember you," Mrs. Crawford admits with a faint smile, her green eyes gleaming. I notice that she has a very melodic voice, the sound nice in comparison to the snippy tone she had last regarded me with. "I'd like to ask if it's possible for you to disregard the first time we met, Morgan. I'd very much like to start over with you. And apologize for my behavior during our last encounter. Trust me when I say I've been kicking myself for that." Mrs. Crawford offers me a knowing smile, as if recalling the circumstances in which we first met. I take note of the way she acknowledges the fact that she'd been rude to me then, surprised that she bothers to apologize for that at all.

"Oh . . . uh, of course!" I stutter, embarrassed by how nervous I'm coming across, even though I am extremely nervous. Trying for a smile, I admit, "I'd like to start over, too, Mrs. Crawford."

"Please. Call me Carlie," Mrs. Crawford corrects me with bell-like laughter. She then extends a hand out for me to shake, and I can't help eyeing the giant wedding ring on her finger that glistens beneath the fluorescent store lighting. I place my hand in hers, shaking gently. 

"I'm sorry," I start to say as I shake my head, wanting to tell Mrs. Crawford that she's under the wrong impression. I mean, there's no need for this interaction in reality, as I'm no longer dating Mrs. Crawford's son. I find the thought painful to admit. "But Jack and I aren't—"

"Together anymore?" Mrs. Crawford—Carlie—interrupts before I can finish my sentence, a knowing gleam sparkling in her green eyes. "I know. In fact, my son seems to be rather hung up over that. I just wanted to introduce myself again anyway, as I'm sure I didn't make the best impression the first time we met. I was pretty . . . stressed that day, to say the least." Mrs. Crawford laughs lightly once she's done speaking, shaking her head as if to say silly me. "I hope I'm not intruding when I ask this," Mrs. Crawford drones on, tucking a strand of golden-brown hair behind her ear, "but am I allowed to know why you and my son decided to part ways?"

"Um . . ." I trail off, struggling to put the reasoning behind my split with Jack into words. Especially when it's his mother I'm talking to. "There was a slight misunderstanding between the two of us," is what I settle on saying, unable to meet Mrs. Crawford's gaze, knowing I'm underestimating what happened between myself and Jack. It's harder to tell Mrs. Crawford the truth, considering she's been so kind to me. I guess I hadn't expected her to be so nice after her son and I break up. Usually, it's the opposite.

"I'm sure this isn't something you want to hear at the moment"—Mrs. Crawford hesitates, pursing her lips—"but I'm not really sure what's wrong with my son these days. We haven't . . . well, we're not very close, but that's something I've been trying to work on. He's just so hesitant to let me in, after . . ." Mrs. Crawford trails off, though I understand what she's trying to get across. After Haleigh passed away.

Shaking her head, Mrs. Crawford continues, "Anyway, Jack mentioned that the two of you split up, and he just hasn't been himself since. He holes himself up in his room for hours at a time. He won't even come out for dinner." Mrs. Crawford must notice the pained expression that begins to twist my features, because she rushes to add, "Mind you, I'm not trying to make you feel any worse about anything. I'm sure this has been just as hard for you as it has been for my son. I guess I'm just trying to say that Jack really cares for you. What happened between the two of you is your business, but I've . . . I've never seen him so upset over a break up before." Mrs. Crawford offers me a sad smile, the bright gleam in her eyes fading somewhat. "You must be a very special girl, Morgan Scott." And with that, Mrs. Crawford pats me gently on the back before excusing herself to continue with her shopping, departing from me with one last smile and a light goodbye.

I, on the other hand, stand in the middle of the produce aisle long after Mrs. Crawford wanders off, her words looping through my mind as if on repeat. As unexpected as the interaction I just had with Jack's mother was, it also helped to prove something to me. I had a good thing with Jack, something I don't want to lose. Something worth fighting for. Which means I can't just let it all go to waste, can't sit by and watch Jack drift further and further away from me. I need to talk to him. And soon.

I have to tell Jack that I still love him, before it's too late.

• • •

Once Monday rolls around, I realize that I've never been more nervous to go to school than I am now. I enter the building and go through the same old routine, yet something about it all feels . . . different now. Newer, almost. Like the beginning of something is brewing in the air, bringing along a spark of purpose I haven't felt in a long time.

As usual, I start off the morning by stopping at my locker. Afterward, I meet up with Lana to walk to first period. Nothing of interest happens throughout the rest of the morning, and I find myself more than ready for my lunch break. Once in the cafeteria, I take my seat across from Lana at our regular table, Kyler soon joining us and falling into the free seat next to Lana.

"I have to tell you guys something," I say to my friends in excitement, hardly able to contain the news I have to share. I can finally tell Lana about what Lacey shared with me; I can finally set the truth free.

"I don't think I've seen you this happy in days," Lana mutters, raising an eyebrow at my newfound enthusiasm. "This must be good, then. What happened?"

I open my mouth, about to share the good news, when I'm interrupted by a sudden presence lingering behind me, which causes me to hesitate. I turn around to face whomever has approached, a little surprised to find that it's Lacey standing behind me. More shocking than Lacey's sudden arrival is her appearance. I don't think I can recall the last time I saw Lacey Hanson without a full face of makeup, or decked-out in some designer outfit. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen her without either. But standing before me now, Lacey is free of both, and I don't find anything wrong with the change. Except for a little mascara, Lacey's naturally beautiful face is free of makeup. She's dressed in an old sweatshirt and jeans, the most ordinary I've ever seen her. Beaming up at Lacey, I realize that I don't think she's ever looked better than she does now.

"Hi," Lacey murmurs shyly, a little out of character for her.

Before I have the chance to respond to Lacey, Lana beats me to it. "What the hell are you doing here, Hanson?" Lana hisses, glaring up at Lacey like she's looking for a fight. "Are you forgetting that we don't like you?"

"Actually, we do," I correct my friend, watching in amusement as Lana's light eyebrows almost raise off of her forehead, her blue eyes threatening to pop from their sockets. I mouth to her that I'll explain everything later, turning back around to face Lacey. "Hey," I say to her, offering a genuine smile. "What's up?"

Lacey returns my smile with a grateful grin of her own as she says, "I was wondering if maybe I could sit?"

I nod, sliding some of my things over to make room for Lacey as I say, "Of course."

Lacey's expression is a little conflicted, glancing over at a clearly disapproving Lana and a confused Kyler before slowly lowering herself to the seat beside mine. It's strange to think that she's actually going to eat lunch with me and my friends, but I'm pleasantly surprised to find that I don't mind the change. All that matters to me is that Lacey is trying to right her wrongs, and I'm more than happy to help her out with the process.

"What is going on here?" Lana asks accusingly, glaring at me and Lacey across the table. Shaking her blond head, Lana turns to her boyfriend and questions, "Kyler, what is going on here?"

"Don't ask me!" Kyler retorts, looking equally taken aback as his girlfriend. "I don't know how girls work!"

"Look, I know you probably hate me," Lacey says as she inhales a deep breath. "I just wanted to stop by because I know I owe you an explanation, Lana. I've already told Morgan, so I thought I'd save her some time by telling you the truth so she doesn't have to." Lacey turns to give me a shy smile, which I don't hesitate to return. She wants to tell my best friend the truth about what happened at the assembly, which arguably takes more guts than telling me. I mean, Lana is my best friend, which means she'll most likely be angry on my behalf. She could hit Lacey. Seriously. And Lacey seems willing to risk that.

With that, Lacey launches into an abbreviated explanation of what she told me the other night, and the expressions on Lana and Kyler's faces once the truth has been shared is priceless.

"What?" They both cry in unison, shaking their heads before turning to gape at each other in confusion and shock.

"This is great news, isn't it?" I ask my friends, nearly bouncing up and down in my seat from excitement.

"How, exactly, is this great news?" Lana questions, glancing across the table at me as if I'm crazy.

"Because it means that Jack actually likes me!" I explain, quickly turning to face Lacey as I wince and mumble, "No offense."

"None taken," Lacey says with a sigh and slight shrug. "He doesn't like me. I'm over it."

"You're going to find someone amazing," I assure Lacey, patting her shoulder gently. "Someone a million times hotter and cooler than Jack Crawford."

"Yeah, right," Lacey mutters with a snort, offering me a playful smirk. "But thanks for trying to make me feel better."

"What the hell is going on between you two?" Lana nearly screams, still clearly baffled by the newfound friendship between myself and Lacey. I suppose I can't blame her, considering all that's happened between me and Lacey in the past.

"I'm just glad you finally figured it out, Scott," Kyler says, shaking his head. "Jack's been acting like such a little sissy lately, and when Chris and I tried to explain the truth, you didn't want to hear it. Now you can go get Crawford off his ass, or else we're going to lose the playoffs for sure."

"I'm definitely going to talk to him," I assure Kyler, coming off much bolder than I feel. "Today, I think."

"Good luck," Lana chirps, smiling at me even though I'm sure she's confused out of her mind. "You've been miserable ever since you two broke up. I hate seeing you like that."

"I can talk to him, too, if you want," Lacey offers softly from where she sits next to me. "I can tell him the truth. I'm sure he already knows, though. But it might help."

"That's okay," I say to Lacey, though I shoot her a grateful smile so she knows I appreciate the offer. "But I think this is something I have to do myself." It will mean more if Jack hears the truth from me, despite what he knows or doesn't know. Besides, I have to apologize to him as well. I had been so quick to disregard Jack's attempts at defending himself, so quick to take someone else's side over his. I hurt him, so it should be me who tries to right my own wrongs.

I have to tell Jack I love him, and I have to do that in my own way, and on my own time.


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