June 23rd

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Found this beautiful poem, thought I'd share it.

June 23rd:

Shuffling through her mother's secured oak desk drawer, Mara hunts for her hidden driver's license. Her mother had taken it the second time Mara was emitted into the hospital, afraid she may do something rash with it.

But now Mara needs it, still wanting to get that tattoo she and Elias had spoken about at the library. Her fingers land on a piece of fancied thick paper, pulling it out. Prepared to set it down with the rest of the stack, Mara's eyes flick over the words.

It is her birth certificate, signed by her mother and- 

Her breath gets caught in her throat. All at once, her body is burning as she stares, she can barely look. Her vision becomes blurry as she falls against the light gray wall, her fingertips white. She grips the paper, wanting to rip it to shreds. To put it back and erase the image from her memory.

Garrett Delarosa is printed in letters over the father's line, but that isn't her parent. Her dad is Thomas Gray. Never has she heard the name Garrett before.

She wants to scream, but she can't form any sounds. The door clicks, piercing into the silence, as her mother's pristine shape appears in the doorway. Genevieve looks at Mara's slumped figure with a frown, snapping her fingers to get her attention.

She's taken back by the chilled eloquence Mara levels her with. Her eyes are hard, her blues so clear they look vacant and dissociative. Mara is enraged, wiping her face of any emotions as she lets the numbness take her over.

"What are you doing in here," her mother questions, clearly frustrated. Her dark eyes look over the mess Mara has created, focusing on the stack of papers and open desk drawer. "How did you get in there?"

"With the keys," Mara speaks openly, not an ounce of emotion. To anyone, Mara would look relaxed, maybe even withdrawn. But inside, chaos is brewing in her heart. Everything she's ever thought to be true is perhaps a lie.

"What's that?" Her mother asks in a sharp voice, though Mara can hear the slight worry laced beneath its tone. Her mother is terrified, her eyes staring intently at Mara who shrugs nonchalantly.

"Whose Garrett Delarosa?" Mara asks, standing up, so she is a few inches taller than her mom. Genevieve's face pales as she shakes her head. The secrets she kept pressed down for so long are surfacing. She is scared, utterly terrified that the life she's worked so hard for is being torn down by her youngest daughter. The daughter she can never fully understand, never fully love.

"You know, I tried so hard to fit into your ideal family picture," Mara says, pacing back and forth. She walks the length of the room, her heels clicking against the tiles at an agonizing idle speed.

"But you were always so hard on me. The twins, well, they were just perfect. But for me, I was riddled with diseases that you couldn't understand," Mara spits, balling her fists at her side. She isn't seeing clearly, just speaking what the voices in her head have told her over the years. Every thought she's ever had, every out of place feeling.

"I never-" Genevieve stutters, her eyes pooling with sadness.

"You hated me all my life. Emanuella this, Emanuella that," Mara says this, tears of rage and sadness streaming down her face. Her expression holds no compassion, though, like she is a robot. She continues to pace the length of the room.

"I don't hate you," Genevieve tries to calm her, stepping towards Mara. She stops as Mara glares at her so harshly, her blood runs cold.

"No, you just couldn't stand me. I'm just your daily reminder that you're not as perfect as you'd like to pretend," Mara throws down her birth certificate.

"I loved your father very much," her mother whispers, her own tears slipping. Mara only stares, a smile forming on her face as tears continued to stream down her pale complexion. She is shaking, laughing through the cuts at her heart as her eyes turned glossy, almost clear-like.

"Which one?" Mara shouts, opening her arms wide.

"Both of them," her mother bellows, clutching the fabric of her shirt. Mara has never seen her mother sad, but she doesn't really care. Not right now when her world feels like it is collapsing. This is just the beginning of her downfall. She figures she'll only make it worse.

"How can you say that?" Mara charges, wiping away the tears. More continue to fall, but she ignores them, completely numb to any feelings. She just stares at her mother who is fully on display for any hurt she can deliver.

"I love Thomas, but you already know about the affair. Our love is complicated, but I love your father and I loved Garrett too."

"But Thomas isn't my father," Mara says, essentially shouting. The walls are not that thick, and anyone can hear them right now. A part of Mara wants that, though, to destroy everything. Her emotions are shifting so much that she can't pick them apart, just letting them take over.

"I never fit in with this family," Mara speaks clearly, her voice even.

She stares at Genevieve with so much intensity that her breathing is caught in her throat. She can only watch as Mara breaks herself off altogether. She does really love her, but Mara is right. She is reminded every day of the man she once loved. Garrett, who broke her heart and left her with a daughter who looks and is so much like him.

"You're still my daughter," Genevieve pleads.

"Yeah, and what happiness that's brought me. You ruined me, mother. You made me feel worthless. You made me feel broken like something was actually wrong with me. And you know what, I believed you, every single word. But guess what-"

With her hand on the doorknob, her back to her mother, she spins around. Mara is detaching herself from her family and her emotions, just watching as it all falls to pieces. Enjoying the anarchy, for she is free from the binds of the Gray family name.

"You're more messed up than I ever was," Mara slams the door shut.

---

She goes to Elias, she has no choice but to. She is sobbing, her tears matching the rain that is flooding her lungs. She used to love the rain, the downpour, but her mother ruined that for her.

Her mother has ruined everything.

The thick smell of rain fills her senses as she stares towards the familiar red door. She has nothing but her backpack hung low over her shoulders and thin hoodie to cover herself.

She lets the rain drip down her skin, trickling down her face. Water pools at her lips as she tilts her face upwards, letting the coldness sink into the marrow of her bones. She is trembling, standing under the storm that tears at her skin. Thunderclaps in the background, lighting illuminating the seclusion.

She realizes it now. Mara has blonde hair and blue eyes. She doesn't even look like her siblings, the perfect twins. God, she was so stupid. She giggles into the shower, falling into a fit of choking laughter as she closes her eyes in pain. The numbness is better than pain, she can ignore it.

The pain makes her feel alive, and she doesn't want that.

"Mara," a voice breaks through her inner turbulence. Elias is watching at his place in the doorway, keeping out of the rain. A worried expression coats his strong features as she runs into his arms. He cradles her head to his chest, his heartbeat racing in confusion.

"I'm free," she laughs into his shirt, her tears staining the dry fabric of it. He just holds her into his warm chest, afraid she is going to disappear. He is concerned, holding her shivering frame in his arms.

"Free from what?" Elias asks, pulling her into the house. He leads her into his clean room, carefully keeping a hand on her back. Almost as if he is afraid she is going to break.

She isn't going to shatter like a china doll, she actually hasn't felt this alive in a while.

"If I ran away, would you come with me?" She claims, allowing him to wrap a blanket around her shoulders. He sits next to her, the bed dipping down with his weight. She just stares out the window, looking towards the treehouse that fights off the downpour.

"What are you talking about?" Elias is very confused at her chaotic thoughts.

"Nothing," Mara shakes her head, tilting her face so she is looking at Elias. He looks so concerned that she smiles softly, cupping his face in her cold, shivering hands. His own palms come to cover hers completely, warming them.

"Can I stay here tonight?" She asks, twisting her hair up into a bun. A few wet strands fall out of it, the dark honey spirals framing her face. Her eyes are red, her face tear-streaked, but she seems fine overall; reckless even. Ready to destroy the world.

"Of course," Elias moves as she falls into his arms, "but what's-"

Pressing her pointer finger against his lips, she silences him, replacing her finger with her lips. It is a soft kiss, one that almost feels like a goodbye. He feels like he was losing her, hugging her tighter to his chest, afraid she's going to disappear.

"No questions, not tonight. I'll answer them all in the morning, but right now I just want us," Mara explains, pulling Elias down onto the bed with her. Her back presses against the hard mattress as he hovers over her, his chain dangling in the space between them. She grabs it, pulling him down on her, so his head falls to her chest.

"Bossy," he snickers, wrapping his arms around her waist. He is laid between her legs, his head against her chests as a sort of pillow. Her fingers comb through his hair, twisting some of the strands around her index finger.

"Your weight feels nice," she breathes, continuing her assault on his hair. He lets her, enjoying the free massage as he snuggles her more.

"Are you calling me big?" He taunts, poking her side. She recoils away from him, pulling his hair hard as he complains with a pout.

"I'm calling you heavy," she smiles at his expression. His lip pucker as he sits up on his elbows, locking her under his chest. Her hands come to trace his face, drawing from his eyebrows to the bend in his nose. She marvels at the structure, at his beauty, really.

"You're beautiful," she whispers, because boys needed to hear it too. 

Elias only scrunches his nose.

"Baby, I am pure muscle, ruggedly handsome," he flexes, pinning her a look. He watches as her eyes trail his body, at least what she can see of it. Her eyes squinting as she smirks, flicking his forehead.

"Mmhm," she hums, beaming at him. He kisses her stomach, tickling her sides as she attempts to wriggle away from him. Relaxing into his warmth and letting their light flirting become her main focus.

It is easy to forget everything in her life with Elias. He doesn't know about her or her bipolar, so he can't ever assume a problem. They've formed a friendship off of a simple conversation in the library. She isn't going to tell him about the bipolar, she has no reason to.

It will only taint his image of her. He will look at her differently like everyone else does. He will be more cautious around her when it seems like she is having too much fun. He will suffocate her, she can't let him see her as broken too.

Mara realizes that some secrets are better kept that way.

---

Authors Note:

Prepare yourselves for a very wild, very emotional, ride.

Thoughts? Predictions?

Like, comment, and follow!

- Nia


Edited 4/4/22


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