XXXI: Farfalla (butterfly)

THE DAYS FOLLOWING Christmas Day passed by quickly and somewhat awkwardly. Max and I were in unknown territory, and neither one of us really knew how to act with one another. It was strange not having Max glare at me every time I entered a room, or a heated debate to unfold any time we were alone for longer than a second. It was a good type of strange; it was change--progress.

The festivities for the upcoming wedding were in full swing, and Simone and the bridesmaid towed me along to all kinds of places. Whether it were showers or brunches or flower shops or cake testings or last-minute fittings, I was kept entertained for the last few days leading up to the wedding.

The bachelorette party, done so days in advance, was not a drunken night out for us girls in a tacky, rented limo and strippers. It was an intimate get-together at the Hamptons with a guest list that had my eyes rolling. I'd joked to Hannah saying that at least half of the people at the bachelorette were rejected auditionees for The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Meredith the bitter best-friend, didn’t find my joke all that funny. 

At dinners and events this past week Max and I would cross paths and each time he sent me a blinding smile that caused an unhealthy flutter in my chest. He was perfectly civil, maybe even borderline friendly, and it took all my self control to remind myself that he was no longer mine. I could handle the conversations, even the looks I caught him handing out my way, but when it came time to seeing them together I crumbled; each smile or brush of the hand I witnessed felt like a stab to my heart. 

And now I was out of time to prepare. The wedding is tomorrow, and I don’t know where I’ll ever find the strength to stand beside Max as he binds his love to Simone. Tonight is the rehearsal dinner and the last night where I’ll have to smile and pretend nothing’s wrong. After the ceremony I’ll be off on the first plane out. 

“How are you holding up?” Looking up, I snapped out of my trance and gave Cole a small smile. 

“I’m fine.”

He shot me a disbelieving look as he fixed the collar of his white button-down. “Right.” 

My shoulders slumped. “What do you want me to say, Cole? That I die a little each time I see them together? I’ve accepted that they’re in love, and I’ve resolved any bad blood between Max and I. There’s no reason to force feed you my sob story.”

Cole sighed and came to sit next to me. “There is one thing you could do.”

“What’s that?” I murmured without much interest. 

“You could do something for yourself for once and get the hell out of dodge. You and Russo have already spoken to the Feds, given a statement and everything, and they’ve agreed to wait until after the wedding to arrest Byron. You’re job here’s done. I say send everyone to hell and don’t look back.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that to Simone, or Max. We’re...on good terms now. As a friend, I’ll be there for him as he takes his first step into his new life.” I stood and walked into Cole’s closet to signify the end of our conversation.

“Now let’s find you a tie and get going. I don’t want to be late to the rehearsal dinner. On the way you can tell me all about your new mystery girl."

Cole didn't push me. He gave a sigh, and after casting one more concerned look my way, he told me all the juicy details about the girl he'd met on Christmas at Byron and Lillian's. I made all the proper "oohs" and "ahhs" as Cole retold his naughty adventures in the supply closet of my childhood home, but I honestly was only partially listening. (A/N: Hint hint! This is where Cole and his mystery girl's story starts off ;P)

I was nervous. Seeing Max without the stress of all our awkwardness and repressed anger is so new, but also so old; so very familiar. If I closed my eyes and imagined the smile he's been handing out lately, I could almost picture us. Us in our spot, us in the cafe, us in love. It was a sort of bittersweetness, like a sadistic pain. I enjoyed seeing the darkness that tortured him gone, but at the same time it was agonizing to know I'd banished it when I let him go. 

"Are you even listening to me, Elle Chevalier?" I snapped out of my trance and smiled sheepishly at Cole. We were already at the rehearsal dinner, prepped and armed with a fake smile to mingle with NJ's elite.

"Yes yes of course I was! She was really hot and whatever." Cole flashed me an amused smile and downed his champagne glass.

"As true as that statement is, that's not what I said. I was just telling you that Maxton's been eyeing you since we walked in. Care to tell me why?"

My eyes widened at his words and as casually as I could I angled my chin to look behind me. My eyes met with Max's and he tipped his glass in our direction with a small smile. His eyes searched mine, for what I don't know, but the more he looked on,  the more desperate and curious his gaze became. His brows furrowed as if in deep thought, his eyes becoming pained as he looked down into the amber liquid in his glass. 

Turning back to Cole, I shared an equally bewildered look with him followed by a shrug on his part. "Looks like someone's getting cold feet."

I gasped and smacked Cole's shoulder. "That's not even funny, Cole. He loves her. I'm simply a part of his past he hadn't wanted to let go of."

Cole looked over my shoulder and frowned down at me. "He's holding on tight then." 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean," Cole said as he clanked his empty flute against mine, "that look he's giving you is longing. Not lust, not desire, not regret much less hate. He's fighting, but this is a war he's bound to lose."

I stood motionless as I watched Cole walk away, his words sinking in. I shook my head as if to clear it and deposited my champagne flute down on a tray. Making my way out of the room, I walked down the empty hall trying my hardest not to think of what Cole just said. 

It's been resolved. Max loves my sister, and he's to be married in less than twenty-four hours. It's done...so why does it feel as if it's merely the beginning?

Suddenly a force shoved me, causing me to stumble into a different room. I gasped as I stumbled into the wall and winced as my ankle twisted in pain. What the hell was that?

"Ellie," a dark voice said. "It's been years."

I let out a shaky breath as panic and fear flooded my bloodstream. "Dex."

My eyes met his, and a shiver ran down my spine at the sheer darkness inside. It was like tar, boiling hot and inky black. 

I opened my mouth to scream but his hand muffled my attempt. His other hand snaked around my neck and shoved me against the mirror behind me. I closed my eyes as the pain overwhelmed my senses. 

His smell, his putrid scent, filled my nostrils and his hands on my skin repulsed me. He seemed to sense this and a wide, diabolical smile shaped itself on his lips. 

Dexter's hand freed my mouth, but before I could gather enough oxygen to shout, both his hands wrapped around my neck and he lifted my feet off the ground. 

I gagged as my throat was lodged shut, gasping for breath. My hands clawed at his, desperate for release. He laughed, a dark sound that dripped over me in a malevolent embrace. 

Dex put me down, and I choked and wheezed as my lungs filled with much needed air. 

His hand came up to gently trail down my face, and I closed my eyes painfully shut with a weak sob. "You're still as beautiful as ever."

"Please, Dex. Please don't," I begged in a pained whisper. I hissed in pain when his hand fisted a chunk of my hair, his hold ripping a few strands from the root. 

"You're still as beautiful. Maybe even more." His free hand ran down my body and with a satisfying tug, he ripped my dress.

I sobbed, my head shaking back and forth. "Please." I tried to shove him away but he simply slammed me back onto the mirrored wall. I flinched when my head connected with the glass, and heard it shatter. 

"Beg, Ellie. Beg all you want, but we both know you'll soon be begging for something else."

"Dexter, please. Please don't hurt me."

"Come now, Ellie." He gripped my jaw and brought it close to his mouth. "Don't pretend you didn't like it last time."

His lips smashed to mine and I bit his tongue. "No!" I shouted, my fist connecting with his chest. "Don't fucking touch me."

Dex's hand snapped back before connecting with my face. He caught me before I could stumble, and his hand snaked down to wedge my legs apart. "You're going to be mine again, Ellie."

"Get the fuck off her!" My palms reached out to right myself when Dex's hold on me disappeared. I looked up with teary eyes as Max's fist connected with his face. 

Dexter stumbled back and laughed as he wiped away a trickle of blood. Max lunged forward, hitting him again which caused Dex to fall to the floor. Max climbed on top of him, his face contorted in an angry mask as he laid punch after punch to Dex's face. "Don't you ever fucking touch her."

His words were punctuated with each hit, and I could do nothing but stand there and watch. I was in shock, paralyzed with fright. I let out a strangled noise as my legs threatened to give out. Max looked up then, Dex's bloody body forgotten, and helped me stay upright. 

"Elle, Elle talk to me. Are you hurt? Did he hit you?" I cried and dived into his  warmth. His arms around me tightened, and he gently held me as I sobbed. 

Max pulled away enough to clutch my face between his hands. "Where does it hurt? Tell me, Elle. I can't help you if you don't tell me what this bastard did."

A cynical laugh was head below us before Dexter stumbled to his feet. Max turned so that he was protectively  standing between Dex and I. "Buddy, you just messed with the wrong guy and made an enemy for the wrong reason."

Max didn't raise to the bait, and rather continued to watch Dexter spit blood on the marble floors. "Don't feel so great, kid. You just fucked with me to protect a whore."

Max lunged forward to hit Dexter again but I tugged his face back to look at me. "Max, please just get me out of here."

He looked unsure but with a plead from me he nodded and steered me out of the room. His tux jacket was draped around me and his hand followed, supporting most of my weight.

Max made to drag me through the entrance of the ballroom but I stopped him. "I can't go in there like this."

He still looked so angry, but humored me and helped me up the stairs to the roof of the building.

Max gently set me down and proceeded to run his hands down my face, my arms, my hair--searching for wounds. His eyes took in the angry red marks around my neck and guessing by his look I knew it was going to bruise.

I thought about making a joke about the fact that my bridesmaid dress is strapless but decided against it when I discovered how hard it was to speak with the soreness in my esophagus.

His hands skimmed down to my ankle, and upon further examination he said it was a minor sprain.

Max stood and began to pace. "Now are you going to tell me why the fuck you stopped me from having that bastard arrested?"

"There was no use," I forced the words out. "They'd just cover it up like they did the first time."

"What?" Max hissed. "This happened before?!"

I closed my eyes and gave a weak nod. "That's my ex-fiance. He has a bit of a temper, I know."

Max didn't appreciate my attempt to defuse the situation and  knelt down in front of me. "Tell me, Elle. Tell me who let that fucker hurt you? Who covered it up?"

I was at a crossroad. I could play it off and lie. Let him marry into that family and live his life happy with Simone.

Or I could tell the truth.

"Elle, tell me! Did he threaten you? Shit do you're parents know about this? We need to call the cops and--"

"It was them," I said in a hushed voice as I looked off into the skyline. New York was covered in a thick sheet of snow and I could see my breath in front of me. "Byron and Lillian knew. They're the ones that arranged it."

"What?" Max froze and stared down at me in disbelief. "What the fuck do you mean?"

The crossroad, here it was again. Tell him, or forever hold my peace?

"Godammit Elle, talk to me!"

"Yes!" I shouted, ignoring the pain in my sore throat. "They sold me to Dexter Arbogast, like a treaty. Me for the promise of an investment from the Arbogasts."
 
"That doesn't make sense! Mercer Financial, it--it isn't--it doesn't..."

"Mercer Financial is having problems. Has been for a while. And I was the key to stop it. Except I couldn't accept it. I couldn't go through with it."

"I was supposed to stay away from you, make a clean cut and move on. But I couldn't! I went to see you at The Brew, and I was ready to ask you to run away with me but after seeing you I realized I didn't deserve you! I still don't deserve you..."

I paused to sob, and kept going. An unknown force encouraged me to keep talking, not stopping until it was all out. "It happened that night. When we had our first fight."

I smiled sadly at the memory. "Christ you were livid, we both were. Both said things we didn't mean and both to proud to apologize. Do you remember why we argued, Max?"

He nodded mutely and stared off as if he could see into yesteryear. "I was upset you'd refused to let me meet your family. I thought you were ashamed of me."

"I wasn't. I was never ashamed of you ." A silence seemed to descend upon us as we pictured out fight. I was pacing in my room with the phone pressed to my ear. I'd had to cancel our anniversary plans, and the introduction of Max and my family.

With a deep breath that felt as if it completely filled my lungs, I began. "My father brought around someone to the house for me to meet. He was introduced as Dexter Arbogast, the son of the company's salvation. Byron convinced me that to help our family I had to secure the son as my father would do with Dexter's father. I didn't think much of it, just a night out to befriend the boy."

"The only thing my innocent brain was capable of worrying about was bailing on you. I didn't know it yet but a soiled dinner-and-a-movie plans were nothing compared to what would happen that night."

I stopped, hoping to control my idiotic sobs but my body refused to stop. it needed to detox itself from all the baggage I've carried all these years. "Dexter chose me as if from a catalogue. His father denied him his inheritance because of his play-boy ways, and only agreed to hand him his share of the company if he married. My parents knew about Dexter's hunt for a wife, and offered up Simone as a candidate." I watched Max's face transform into one of pure furry, most likely at the thought of something happening to Simone, and continued. "Dexter chose me instead."

"Dexter and I went out that night. I didn't know anything about the agreement our parents had; I didn't find out until much later."My voice was as loud as a whisper, barely audible with the noise of the city below us. "He took me to a club. The drink he gave me must have been laced with something because soon I was stumbling and giggling like an idiot at everything he said. Everything was shaking and my arms and legs felt as heavy as lead."

"I faintly recall Dexter taking my arm and leading me into the bathrooms, but how I made it there without tripping over myself is all a blur. I don't remember being scared, not at first. Not until he kissed me and I weakly tried to pull away." I paused, letting the nightmare run its course in my head. Dexter had slapped me to keep me quiet, while his hands went to work. He had yanked my skirt over my hips; he'd torn my blouse open; he'd kissed me everywhere and tightened his grip when I tried to fight him off, leaving a trails of bruises up and down my arms. 

"Elle." My name on Max's lips freed me of my trance. I looked up into his pained eyes and sobbed. His arms wrapped around me while I cried, "I don't want to tell you the rest, Max."

His hand soothingly stroked up and down my spine while the other cradled my head so gently it hurt. He nodded and held me until my cries quieted. "You don't have to say anything anymore, Elle."

I shook my head and pulled back. "No, I have to tell you everything. I need you to understand why I left."

He gave a nod and looked off into the city. "When it was over, I cried and cried the entire way home. The house was quiet when I arrived, which I was grateful for because I didn't want anyone to see the state I was in. When I reached the top of the stairs I heard a door creak open. Simone came out and upon laying eyes on me I knew I looked even worse than I felt. She rushed over to me and pulled me into her bathroom. I cried some more while she pried my clothing off my skin and whipped the blood away from my face. After a bath, Simone dressed me in one of her nightgowns and pulled me into her bed. She told me to stop crying and tell her what happened. She was horrified, her heart breaking for me. Simone hugged me and soothed me all night, until finally I was able to fall asleep."

"Simone spoke to my parents the next morning. She told them Dexter did to me, demanded that we file a police report but Byron convinced her that he'd deal with things interally. So she kept quiet, and as always did exactly what my parents told her to do. They spoke to me next."

"The pair put their mind games to work again, and by the end of the conversation they coerced me to go along with their plan for the Arbogasts. Before the day was over my parents had spoken to Dexter's and a ring was on my finger."

"How could you just accept it, after what they'd done to you?" Max suddenly demanded. I shook my head and looked down at the floor. 

"That night I mentioned our argument to Dexter. He told them about you, Max. They knew you as Max Reiling then, and threatened to ruin you if I didn't agree. I had to stop seeing you, they said, and play the part of the perfect fiancee."

Max look awestruck, almost as if his mind couldn't wrap around anything I was saying. "I managed to stay away from you for a few months. I took Dexter's abuse and the pressure from my family to marry him. I went to all these stupid events and agreed with whatever the wedding planner suggested. I did as I was told. I even went to The Brew to break it off with you."

"I was dead. Alive but dead. I'd resigned to how my life was and I was ready to say 'I do' come June but you changed everything. When I saw you at the Prescott wedding I was reminded of just how much I loved you, and because of that love, love I couldn't have, I realized that my life wasn't worth living. That wasn't a life, Max, it was a cage. I felt trapped, and it wasn't until I'd driven the blade down on my wrist that I felt anything again."

"After I'd been released from the hospital I went to see you. For the first time since all this happened, you looked...happy. I'd come to ask you to leave to Florence with me, but I couldn't walk through the door of The Brew. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and it wasn't fair to hand you all my baggage. It was the most selfless thing I ever did, letting you go. I regret it every day, Max, not walking into the shop that day. Things would be so different today. So many things have changed, but not my love for you. If anything, it's only gotten stronger."

Max's face contorted