Chapter 36 - His Eyes Didn't Show Sadness Like They Usually Do

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What if I never agreed to get in the car with Ski that night I ran away?

What if I said, 'nah it's okay I'm just going to stay with Faith like usual'?

I've just been thinking about all of that as I sit in Jahsehs bed with him admiring him, not the movie we are watching. My legs are across his lap as my back is against the wall. He's leaning against his headboard and his hands are holding my one hand. My other hand is holding the blanket close to me.

I watched as Jahseh laughed at something that had just happened the movie. Honestly, I don't even know what's going on in it. I haven't been watching. Just thinking about everything. His head turned to look at me with a smile. My smile just grew a little wider.

His eyes didn't show sadness like they usually do. I hope I make him happy. It seems like I do, but I don't know. He squeezed my hand lightly.

"This movie is funny as hell" he said making me nod agreeing with him. He turned his head back towards the movie. I let go of his hand making him look back at me again. I moved over to sit next to him. I wrapped my arm around his torso and laid my head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around me.

I feel like I never experienced real love before since my last relationship was a joke. I feel like Jahseh could show me real and true love. I'm just scared. I know he is too. I also connect with him so well. I feel complete with him. I've never felt like this with anyone else. But it also scares me because I feel like I don't know what's real or not anymore.

"You're going to come to our show tonight right?" I heard him ask.

"Of course" I answered him and looked up at him. He kissed me softly.

"Ight I didn't know if you were meeting with your brother tonight or tomorrow" he told me.

"Nah it's tomorrow" I said then looked back at the movie. I'll pay attention now. I grabbed into Jahs hand again.

"Stas" I heard him say quietly.

"Yeah?" I said back without moving. Just held onto his hand tighter.

"I ain't never want to hurt you. My feelings for you are feelings I just can't explain" he told me. I looked up at him and turned a little more towards him to face him.

"I know you won't hurt me" I said quietly because I'm not 100% sure. Anyone could hurt me. It be your own people that stab you in the back. I know that's bad to say, but my trust in people is limited.

"Sometimes I wish you'd lose your feelings for me" He said making me look at him confused.

"Why?"

"Because if I ever do anything wrong, I wouldn't want you to be hurt" he told me. I slowly nodded. I somewhat understood it. He went to talk, but my phone buzzed. I grabbed it to see Faith sent me a picture. I opened it to see it's a tweet from some drama page.

The tweet said, 'are @lilskies and @stasstarr the new couple???' And attached to it was my story of the Christmas picture of Ki and I.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled looking at it. It's a baby picture how does that mean we're dating?

"What?" Jahseh asked so I handed him my phone. He laughed then handed it back to me. "They will take anything to make something up" he said shaking his head.

"You and I post pictures of each other. Don't they know we're dating?" I asked annoyed.

"I thought they did" he shrugged. "Who cares what they think?" He asked. I sighed.

"I don't. It's just annoying" I answered him. He nodded understanding. "Ima post something" I went into my phone again and went to twitter.

~ Twitter ~

@stasstarr: lmaooo skies and I grew up together and have been BEST FRIENDS since forever lol plus I gotta boyfriend , don't y'all keep up on the real shit??
_________

Jahseh started to laugh at my tweet making me laugh a little. "Ima post something now too" he said grabbing his phone also.

~ Instagram ~

@xxxtentacion : mine
tagged : @stasstarr

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