Chapter Sixty

"Look who's up," Victor comments as he locks the door behind him. He has something in his hand, a dark object. A gun? No, it's too small. He turns, his scarred face inducing my nausea further. The bread and water do not sit well in my stomach. I shouldn't have eaten it. Who knows what they did to it?

"Had a nice nap, sweetheart?"

I am going to get my hands around his neck if it's the last thing I do.

"Not responding to me, huh?" He begins to circle around me and I do not even flinch as he does. "Let's hope your lover somehow finds a way to get all the money quick."

I look down, not even sparing another glance at his face of evil. I feel empowered in the way. He does not deserve a sparing look. Not after all he's done. He ruined the one chance of a normal life I could have had. He ripped my family apart, caused my father to disappear, and now...my mother is dead. My mother is cold to the touch because of him and I could not even have a second of a goodbye before his gun was aimed at me.

A sudden yank of my hair makes me yelp.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you."

Despite the pain, I shut my eyes tight. It's just pain. It's just a physical reaction. He has done way more emotional damage that will hurt for longer and deeper. It's just pain.

Suddenly, I hear a static sound before a jolt sets my body on fire. I can't help but let out the loudest scream I have ever produced. Every part of me feels shaken from my skin and bones, almost as if my insides are being ripped out but are mashing with my bones. When it's over, I am still buzzing and reeling. My heartbeat feels erratic and I cannot piece together what's happening.

Victor squats down before me, not touching me but looking me square in the eye. Everything hurts. He smirks, pulling up the small object—a taser. "I can't kill you. But remember I need to have my fun. After so long, I finally have the power to hurt your father and your corrupt family once again. So you will do whatever I say, understood?"

My mouth feels dry again.

"Do. You. Understand?" He presses the taser close again.

I nod, my words tumbling out as if they're running over each other. "Y-Yes. I underst-t-and."

"Perfect," he replies. I can't keep my eyes open as I hear him stand and his footsteps reach the door. "We are going to have some fun, Ivory. Just you wait."

The door shuts behind him. I hear a switch being turned. The room becomes dark.

I am swallowed by a blanket of black.

When you're in a completely dark space by yourself and no one regulates anything, it's hard to tell how much time has passed. With no pens or anything to scratch what I think might be the hours or days, I find myself losing the realities of time. Everything feels surreal.

I recall Victor threatening the room that he wanted his money in hours. It must only be minutes that are slipping through the slots in my mind. It puts me at ease. This will be over soon.

The door creaks open again. This time, I am unprepared. I did not hear the footsteps. I do not know how much energy I have. I have been asleep for what feels like days. Or maybe I've been awake. It's hard to tell as darkness surrounds either sense. I have felt so hungry and thirsty that I am numb to it all.

A sliver of light grows onto the floor and ceiling from the door opening. It crawls over until it reaches my eyes. I am lying down, my cheek pressing the floor. It's too bright.

"Get up." The wretched voice belongs to Victor. His voice sounds harsher than ever. "GET UP!"

A shuffle of footsteps and I am tased again without hesitation, the voltage definitely higher than last time as it rips through my body. I seize, writhing in pain, my scream coming out in strangled noises. I hope I pass out.

When he stops, my skin still feels like it could feel the same pain again by just moving. I can barely sit up. But I do not want to get struck again so I rise, sitting up. Every limb aches, screaming for me to stop.

But I am struck again. This time, it is with his hand.

"Get up, you bitch."

Somehow, being hit from his hand enrages me more than being tased. I would rather have electricity jolt me to my bones than his filthy, murderous hand to ever touch me.

I slowly get to my knees, dragging and willing each body part to listen. I get up, barely standing. But I look at him through my falling, tangled hair and spit in his vicinity. "How am I supposed to get up when you keep striking me?" I spit again, lunging farther towards him, causing my chains to rattle. "When I am chained to the fucking wall?"

Victor's eyebrow twitches. None of my spit or words actually reach him, but he is angry anyways. He is just eternally angry. He walks swiftly over and raises his fist straight into my jaw, sending me whirling. My chains bite into my skin as I fall over, far as I can get from the wall.

"Talk again and I will kill you," he threatens. He doesn't stop there, inching close before kicking me directly in the stomach. He does it over and over until I can barely breathe, much less talk any time soon. Tears spill down my cheeks but I cannot move or cry, only clutch my stomach. I do not regret opening my mouth and I do not regret retaliating.

"The day is ending and your little Lee has made no contact," Victor reveals, his words full of venom and disgust. No wonder he is enraged. No money yet. "I promised not to hurt or kill you as long as I got my money. But I don't have that. So don't think I won't hesitate to hurt you. I can't kill you just yet but I can break your ribs. I can paralyze you for hours. I can do everything else. So don't fucking even breathe in front of me unless I tell you."

I try to curl into a ball on the ground. I hope I pass out. Anything to get me away.

"Get up again. Now!" he barks, his voice echoing against the walls and my surely broken bones. I drag myself to move, slowly but eventually raising myself from my weak knees to a standing version of myself that I don't recognize. My vision is spotty.

Victor reaches into his pocket and a cold chill snakes up my spine. I can feel the pain from earlier vibrating through my bones. My eyes begin to water. For some reason, I did not really process the thought of actual pain. That someone would rescue me before anything really happened. That I could say whatever I wanted and get away with it.

Little did I know.

Surprisingly, he removes his phone from his pocket. Except it's one of those burner flip phones. Without even having to look for the number, his thumb presses the number pad quickly. Quickly, he shoves the phone between his ear and shoulder. Reaching into his other pocket, he obtains the taser. I am shaking.

The line seems to connect because Victor smirks, despite his anger. His too-quick shift in his moods scares me. "Hello," he sings into the phone. He pulls it away and presses another button.

"Where is she?" a booming voice demands. A voice that makes my heart shrivel and bloom at the same time. I don't even have to think his name.

"Ah ah ah, keep your voice down, Lee," Victor coos. "You are listening to my demands."

"Where. Is. She?" Lee replies, his voice dripping with spikes and venom.

Victor's smile drops. "And I said you listen to me." He walks closer to me. "But now you get to listen to this."

A stab of the taser into my gut makes me scream the loudest I have ever in my life. I have never been in so much pain. Even after he pulls his hand away, I can still feel my body pulsing for help. I can still feel every part of my body singing in pain, helpless against my chains and my enemy.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HER," Lee yells, almost as if he is about to crawl through the phone and grab Victor by his neck.

I crumble to the ground, falling on my knees and scraping them surely. My arms are shaking and my throat feels dry and empty, my mouth following. For a minute, I think I might die. Victor, an idiotic psychopath, does not understand or care about the human body — especially not mine. How many jolts can I take? How many punches? What if I'm internally bleeding?

I sit, crumpled but unafraid. I have nothing more to lose.

Victor leans down, squatting before my weak self. He presses the phone to my ear and the taser in front of my face. "Tell him what I want, dear Ivory," he coos. "Or you know what will happen."

For a second, my ears seem to be ringing. But, silence follows and then a voice.

"Ivory?" A deep, velvet voice that makes my eyes sting and heart lurch. One word, my name, and I just want to cry. There is nothing I want more on this earth than to see and hold Lee again. Just hearing his voice envelops me in a bubble of safety, though this is far from true.

"L-Lee," I rasp, my voice dry and light. The tears fall. "Lee."

"I'm here, I'm here," he says, frantic in a way I've never heard him. "I'm getting you out of there, don't you worry."

"Lee," I say again. I can't form any other words. My tongue feels dry and speaking makes it harder. Victor eyes me nastily, pushing the taser closer and urging to tell Lee about the money. I focus back on trying to speak. There is something I have to say in case anything happens. "Lee, I love—"

My scream finishes the rest of my sentence as the sizzling noise of the taser cuts into my arm. I drop the phone, briefly hearing Lee yell for me before I collapse to the ground. I can barely process the jolt before Victor kicks me in the stomach. A loud noise erupts—my scream.

He walks away, picking up the phone. "Get the money in or she will die. Don't play with me here, boy." He snaps the phone shut. Soon, the door shuts. It's dark again.

I begin to have a strange dream. It's summer.

Crickets are chirping softly and I hear the small laps of water hitting the shore. When I open my eyes, I am standing, tall grass tickling my calves. It's the kind of night where no responsibilities or tasks are even a feather of a thought in my mind. The sky is dark, but the kind where the sun has just set. A sprinkle of stars softly light the sky.

A few feet away, there is a light pink blanket spread across the flat of the ground close to the water. There are open containers of strawberries and tiny homemade sandwiches. A patterned quilt lies in the corner. My eyes trail to the man lying on the blanket. Barefoot with his jeans rolled up, Lee sits in a black t-shirt, his arms behind him as he lounges casually. His electric blue eyes catch mine.

"There you are." He smiles, a gentle gesture. "Come here, baby."

I walk closer. I am wearing a sundress, no shoes either. There are sunflowers on the dress and I am holding a jug of iced pink lemonade. "Hi," I say, a bit confused but also feeling so right being here. I ignore the gut feeling I have that something seems off.

"Beautiful night, but you are even more so," he says, his eyes entranced by me. His hair is not gelled, but peacefully ruffles in its natural appearance. Lee looks...happy.

I sit down, placing the jug down. "Thank you," I say, grinning. "Did you bring glasses for lemonade?"

He reaches over to his side, pulling out glasses—mason jars with handles. "Of course," he answers, handing them over to me. When I try to grab them, he pulls them back, raising his eyebrow. "I think you're forgetting something."

"What?"

Lee leans in until I can feel his breath on my lips. "You're forgetting something."

I roll my eyes, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him in for a kiss. I break apart, taking the glasses from him. "Happy?"

"Very." He looks dazed after our kiss, a big smile on his face.

We begin to sip on the pink lemonade, clinking our glasses and cheering. Fooling around, we drop a few strawberries into our glasses. Between talking and kissing, we eat the small sandwiches and watch as fireflies begin to dance along the surface of the lake. Our hands intertwine as our voices do.

When our jokes end and after we fake fight with nudges, he turns to me seriously, his face sober of any light. For a moment, I am scared.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I just...," he starts, "You are my everything."

My mouth opens, my heart squeezing at his words. His eyes begin to gloss over, tears brimming his eyes. My heart begins to squeeze in a painful way.

I scramble over, holding his face gently. "Hey, hey...We're okay. We're fine. I love you."

The tears fall down and spill onto his cheeks. The image of him crying stains my mind permanently along with the pain I feel, like a punch to the heart. He closes his eyes, his eyelashes wet. "I can't lose you."

"You're not," I reply immediately. I lean in and pull him into my arms, holding him as hard as I can. "You won't. You never will lose me."

He's silent but his body shakes softly. I squeeze him tighter.

"I can't lose you." His voice becomes deeper and more panicked. "I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I won't." Lee begins to still, his body like stone in my arms. His voice shifts, almost sounding demonic. "I can't lose you. I can't lose you."

I pull apart, finding my breath shake a bit. Why do I feel scared? My heartbeat jumps in circles again and again. "Lee?"

A gasp escapes my lips.

His eyes are void of light, as if they are frozen in pace. His pupils are large, his voice sounding like a recording going wrong. "I can't. I can't. I can't lose you. I can't."

Suddenly, a burst of dark liquid spills through his shirt. It's dark purple or...red? I press my hand to it and when I pull it back, my hand covered in bright red blood. Blood. My hand shakes and my eyes widen. I look at Lee, who is incoherently mumbling. Blood begins to pool out of his mouth, dribbling down his chin. Lee's lips turn upward, a chilling smile haunting his face.

"I can't lose you. I can't lose you."

When I reach for him again, there is a gun in my hand.

I scream. I try to drop it but it stays in my hand, my fingers enclosed around the handle permanently. Almost as if my hand is not my own, it cranks up until it presses the gun to his forehead. I begin to sob, my throat clogged with pain. "Please, no. No. No. I can't control it."

"I can't lose you," Lee continues to chant, blood covering his teeth and making a mess. He reaches for my hand, covering mine with his. He puts his finger on top of my finger, both on the trigger.

"STOP IT," I yell. "Stop it, please. I don't want this. Why are you doing this?"

Lee's face begins to blur like a glitch gone wrong. "I can't. I c-ca—" A flicker later, his face morphs into the scarred face I hate. Victor emerges, a smug smile on his face. "Pull the trigger, Ivory. Do it," his disgusting voice says. "Kill me."

I feel my finger moving, gently pressing on the trigger. The face changes again, back to Lee, his eyes full of tears and blood dripping from his lips. He looks devastated, closing his eyes. "Kill me. Kill me. I can't lose you. I can't. I can't," he says, his voice cracking. He shouts, "Kill me!"

The shift happens again, the face transforming. A scar digs itself onto his face. Blue, electric eyes. Two voices. One body. The voices fuse into one, chilling my spine when I hear it. "Kill me, Ivory. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me. Kill me." His finger presses over mine, the trigger firing the gun.

I scream, my throat in pain. The noise is overbearing and makes me jump back.

The face changes back to Lee's as he smiles one last time, his body slumping and falling.

"I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose y—"

My eyes shoot open, my heartbeat erratic and pulsing through my ears and body. The dryness of my mouth clings to my throat still. Slowly, my eyes try to focus and I am staring at the face of Victor. My body begins to thrash, kicking myself out of his strong grip. There's blood on his face, cuts on his lip and chin. I can't understand what happened or what is going on.

My arms are free and I begin to claw at him. I realize we're on the ground and he is trapping me in a grip. "No!" I yell, my hands fumbling to hurt him in any way. I can't hear myself, which I find weird. It's like my ears are shut down.

Any movement makes me dizzier, my vision foggy. I can't let Victor win.

"Ivory."

"Get off me," I say, but nothing comes out. My throat and tongue are weights, so dry I cannot make a sound. I push him further but his grip on me only tightens.

Suddenly, I feel my bones tire. Everything hurts. My punches become weaker, hitting the air and falling to my sides. My eyes droop, feeling heavier and heavier. I see blood on my hands. What is happening?

"Ivory! Ivory!" Victor begins to shake me. His voice cracks. "Please, please. I can't lose you. I can't lose you."

I feel myself slipping into a dark space. Closing my eyes and letting myself go feels comforting. There's no need to keep myself up anymore. I want to dream again. I want to dream of a midnight picnic by the lake and of strawberries and kisses.

I want to go.

"Ivory," the voice begs. "Please wake up. I can't lose you."

The voice sounds like Lee's.

I feel my heartbeat slow. I let myself go.

--

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Hello, writing from Amman, Jordan!

I'll keep this short, I'm sure none of you are too interested in my life. I'm currently twenty years old (fresh new age!) and I am a junior in college. Right now, I am studying abroad on a Human Rights program across NYC, Chile, Nepal, and Jordan. I'm in the last country and I'll be in Istanbul, Turkey before I head home for Christmas. Next semester, I'll be in Spain!   

2019 year has been an electric, unforgettable, and growing year for me. 

I have been facing everything that's ever scared me and challenging myself to be the person I've always wanted, to live the life I've always wanted...and I am! I'm living purposefully and putting intention in all that I love and who I spend my time and energy with. I broke up with someone I love and loved for 2.5 years (this should be great writing content LOL).  I've gone to Miami, Amsterdam, Paris, Barcelona, and now all of these places this year alone. I lived in DC for the summer doing immigration/refugee work, which I loved! A lot of terrible shit has happened too, but it's been unbelievable. For once, I've met people I wholeheartedly love and enjoy and am challenged and empowered by. I've changed so much and learnt a lot. All of it has inspired me to write more as well and I can't wait until I'm still again so I can truly focus on editing this novel and publishing it. Reading this now, I wrote like shit and I was so twelve years old, but now I'm older and I'm ready to revamp this baby! Maybe even a sequel.

THANK YOU for continuously reading this. For constantly emailing me, commenting, DM'ing me, and reminding me THE FUCKTON OF AMAZING SUPPORT AND LOVE a bunch of strangers have for this book, this community, and for me. I love you all and you deserve better than me.

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