(A/N: Yes! It's finally here. I know half of you wanna kiss me and most of you wanna kill me. Also, yes, I do know it's been nearly a year. I was going to recap but just read bc I've put my version of a recap in there. My poor excuses for not writing for so long are at the end. ALSO, the song goes along with Lee and Ivory's conversation/relationship. Enjoy!)

Chapter Fifty-Six

As soon as I see him, the conversation between Daniel and I is over, along with whatever intimate moment of before because in front of me is Lee Richardson.

          Every time I see him, he's different. This time his hair has grown, dirty-blond locks curling at the nape of his neck, the front gelled back. He's in a jet black suit, a deep blue bow-tie around his neck. It compliments him so well, especially the bow-tie that amplifies the bright blue of his eyes. In his hands are two glasses of champagne and the gleam of an expensive looking watch.

         His face is baffled as if he's surprised I'm here.

            "Happy birthday, Lee," I say. I have no clue how I manage to find my voice to speak like my heart isn't ready to fall out of my chest.

        His eyes sink into me, down me, and quickly back up before they can linger. He shakes off his confused look—What did he expect? He invited me—and forces a smile. "Thank you," he says, sounding just as calm. His eyes flick to Daniel and back to me. "Good to see you again, Ivory."

           Daniel, oblivious, grins at Lee. "Happy birthday, dude! Honored to be here."

          Lee nods. He doesn't look as angry as months ago, but still, he could try harder. And in that thought, I realize I haven't seen Lee in months. Which is insane. Flashes of our past blink in my head. How could all that change in just a few months?

        "You guys sure are weird," Daniel comments. "You're so close and yet you guys don't hug or anything. Come on, Ivory. Don't be rude." He nudges me with his elbow.

             I look at Daniel and scoff. "Oh, pfft, you know Lee and I. We're just so close we don't need to hug or anything." I pat the area of my chest above my heart. "Our bond is here."

           Lee looks agitated at my comment, a twitch of his eyebrow signifying his anger. I know his cues. I used to know them...so well. "Quite so," he says. He pauses. "Well, if that's all...I have some business to attend to, if you don't mind."

           "Nope, go ahead," I say immediately.

         "Good," he replies.

            He turns without a second glance. And with him, it's like the atmosphere around me disappears to and I am back into my dark, sulking hole. Sad enough, the past few days, I've felt nothing. Drowning under blankets and bottles of vodka and sleep, I had been doing such a good job of erasing myself. Making myself numb. I was so close to disappearing.

            "Ivory? Ivory?"

           I snap out of my haze. Daniel is talking to me, his hand delicately brushing up on my upper arm. It reminds me of the moment that had been occurring moments before. His...words. I feel like he is about to address them again. Shit.

          "Uh," I say, backing up slowly. "I'm thirsty. I'll be right back. You want a drink? Yeah? Hold on a second." I slip out, quicker than I thought I ever could, backing slowly and then throwing myself between strangers before he can stop me. His face is hurt again. I need to stop doing this.

             Somehow, I find myself at the bar. And before I realize—I don't realize much these days, it's like I'm on autopilot all the time—I'm three drinks in, sitting on a stool while the party around me crackles. This all feels wrong. Why am I here? What am I trying to prove?

            I feel like I'm choked all of a sudden. This dress. This party. Get me out.

              I begin to stand and my brain pulses, sending a wave of nausea over me. I grip onto the stool next to me, alarming a middle-aged man briefly before he returns back to his drink and date. The thought of Daniel briefly encompasses my mind. But why do I find myself walking in the opposite direction of the man who loves me and is probably looking for me? Why do I find his "I love you" more of a burden than a relief?

         Before I know it, I am out of the room full of people and wandering the hallways of the hotel we're in. Most people do not make any gestures that they are about what I'm doing. I hope I am walking in a straight line. I wander for endless minutes until I stumble past the Hotel Gardens. Hotel Gardens? I reverse.

                Two locked glass doors outlined in white lead the way to a greenhouse. A sign reads 'Open from 8:00am to 4:00pm'. It's closed. Inside, it looks dark with rays of the moon shining in. That looks like a nice place. No one would bother me in here.

                 The doors are locked but I walk up to them anyway and reach out. I press down on one handle and—it opens. I tilt my head, bewildered. Regardless, I venture forward.

                         It is much more bigger inside. Leaves and the rustle of plants surround me. When I look up, I can see the moon and the tips of certain nearby skyscrapers. I wish all hotels invested in a little herbal garden. For the first time since being affected by the nostalgia of Christmas and the general realization of how my life has spiraled, I feel like I can breathe a little. My thoughts and reality weigh heavy, but still, a little ease courses through my mind like the gentle wind passing through a open window.

               Suddenly, I hear the scrape of the bottom of a shoe against the floor. I look towards the noise and am almost amazed at this ironic coincidence.

              The man sips his glass of wine, sighs, and begins to turn back...right to me. "Ivory?"

             My heart lurches. "Hi...Lee." I just can't seem to get away from this twisted fate.

              My mind begins to spin, partly from being slightly tipsy and partly from the incredible amount of deja-vu. Except last year on his birthday, we were only foolishly beginning. And now, we're over for good.

            "I'm going to go," I announce though it is clear we can't be in proximity without upsetting the other. I turn, walking away messily in my heels and tipsy demeanor.

         "Please stay." I freeze. If it hadn't been but barely a whisper, I wonder if I would've heard it. I wonder what would've happened if I had ignored it and left. But the words catch me. They wrap around my heart—the same words from his 21st birthday bash on the balcony. The first time I'd seen him cry. The first time he'd been the one to kiss me.

          And I do. No matter what happens, what he says or I say, in the end, a piece of me can't just let it go. Let us go.

             I turn and stand by his side. He's touching the petals of the random flowers in front of him. One side of his smile tunes up. "Do you remember?" he asks casually, as if we hadn't spoken in months. "Back when I gave you dead flowers? It was the first time I'd given anyone flowers. Especially dead flowers at that."

          I stare at him for a moment. Just a moment, I tell myself. Then I won't.

             My eyes run over the man that I loved. His dark as night suit and his tall stance. His firm grip on his wine glass and the gentle pressure of his other hand's fingers on the petals—the two sides of him. His beautiful hair slicked back that I have watched him run his hands through multiple times. How did this happen? I find myself circling back to this too much.

               "I remember," I say, taking a seat on the floor with my back against the walls of the garden by Lee's feet. "You kissed me in the moonlight on my own porch. And even though my mother was in the hospital, even though Madam Jin was inside blowing away my life into the lie it is, even though my life was a mess—I felt perfectly happy. I never believed we could work out more than in that moment. That everything would be fine." I let out a dry chuckle. "What a fool I was, huh?"

                "Then that means we were both fools," he replies right away, his voice sounding like it's stuck somewhere in his throat. He lets go of the flower, looking down at me intensely. Nothing and everything has changed about him. He moves, getting on a knee before plopping down next to me. Handing me the wine bottle directly instead of the glass, he lets out a defeated sigh. We're both tired and exhausted from the past few months. "How did this happen?"

              He peeks over at my expression and I look at him. We both begin to laugh in a chaotic, insane way. We both shouldn't be in this garden and especially together, but we are. It's so us.

            "Well...I'll tell you," I begin to say. "I was a stupid eighteen year old in high school, which also feels like forever ago. I thought I was madly in love with a boy named Peter who was with Karen, who both never were as evil as I thought in the end. A jealous moment later, I was uttering your name as your girlfriend. The necessity to win made the lie expand till it reached you and everything I'd known. We both needed each other. Me for personal vendettas and you because I looked like Madam Jin's granddaughter, which turns out is exactly who I supposedly am."

            I take a long swig of wine just from saying barely the half of this story out loud. How did I get into this mess? I sound crazy.

          I continue. "My mother had a freak accident. She's in a coma. She recently had a aneurysm that worsened her conditions by triple." I take another swig.

        "She did?" Lee says. "No, who am I kidding? I knew that. Despite our relations, I made sure your mother was being taken care by the best doctors I could offer. I get a weekly report of her always."

             "You do?" I say, eyes widening. Calm that heart, I order myself. "Thanks."

                 He shrugs but by the flickering of his eyes, I know this isn't just a cup of tea for him. "No problem," he says. "Least I can do. But anyways, continue telling me how we ended up here."

            "Right, so," I begin again. "Then I found out you had a fiancee, Penny, who seems like the classic evil woman but probably is nice if I got to know her. But we fell in love anyway. I met Mark, your ex-best friend who stole your girl, Anne, who is also in the hospital. Mark and I have a complicated relationship. We don't talk anymore. You both moved into help out. Brent came home. You and I ran away together for a day and you told me all about you. I fell hard for you. I graduated. Penny got pregnant. We broke up because it just wouldn't work. I began college. Mom got worse. I met Daniel, who's been such a beacon in the dark. We met up and you accused me of leaking your past to the press in a fit of rage. Which was great. You shattered my heart. And apparently, my dad is alive because of some crazy rich people drama. And now Mom is the worst she's ever been and Christmas was so fucking lonely and Daniel said he loved me and there's just so much going on and you hate me and I hate me more and I'm pretty sure I have an alcohol problem and I can't breathe—"

             Lee's arms are around me before I break down into sobs. I'm pretty sure I'm crying by now. I can't tell due to me being deep in my thoughts. "Shh," he soothes, stroking my hair. "You're okay." He sounds incredibly sad. "I'm so sorry. I'm so..." His voice wavers and he hugs me tighter.

            I blame it on our buzzed states. The dark. This garden. His birthday. Anything to justify our radical behavior. But, nonetheless, I hug him tight and hard. It's like I am trying to swallow up him in my arms and somehow search for answers at the same time.

           I am sure we hug for hours because by the time we pull apart, I feel sober.

         "I am sorry, Ivory." Lee's hand comes up and caresses my cheek. "I am so, so sorry." He wipes away a tear, or maybe several tears. "You deserve better. I wish I was better. I wish I could take away all your pain. No matter what I own or how much power I obtain, I can't seem to be better for you. I just keep making it worse. I am sorry I ever accused you of the leaked article. I'm sure there was a reporter tagging me that day. I am sorry for your mother. I am sorry I wasn't there. I am also sorry I ever was." He takes a deep breath, his blue eyes searching the ground for what to say next. "If we had never met, you would be a normal girl."

              For a second, I realize his statement is true, but I snap out of it. I place my hand over his. Everything feels warm. Is it the liquor? "I'd still be a sad, but maybe duller girl at most."

             We both laugh. When our laughter hushes to silences, I notice his eyes. They're wet.

          I take my hand and press it to his cheek instead. My voice sounds stronger than I think it will be. "I am so proud of you. You used to be so...cold. Blocked. Distant. Instead, I've got to witness you flourish. You're warm inside. Incredibly generous and funny and thoughtful. You care about everyone. Penny, who is not carrying your child—your loyalty to her. You supporting me, even when we're not together. You have a big heart, Lee Richardson. I'm just sorry I was too weak to hold it. I mean that."

           He suddenly grips my hand, holding it tight. "Don't ever say that. You are the strongest woman I know. You are doing so well and you're going to continue being okay. You have my heart, no matter what."

       My heart catches. It shouldn't. It never should. But it always does.

         "I forgive you," I say to Lee. As I speak, I feel my chest begin to expand and breathe again. It feels lighter. My breath evens. "I do. And I'm sorry for all I've done too."

             Lee smiles—a full Lee smile. It is so rare and dazzling I almost begin to cry again. I haven't seen that smile in months. I haven't felt this happy in months. I could cry. "Forgiven."

         I put down the wine bottle to the side, extending my open right hand. "Friends?"

            Lee watches me intently, his eyes shimmering with the reflected moonlight and hope. He looks down at my hand and smirks, scoffing, but he takes it. "Sure. Friends."

            And in that moment, everything feels okay again. And in that moment, as if my life wasn't insane enough, the sprinklers of the garden room turn on suddenly. Lee and I are soaked within seconds and we both can't seem to find efforts to care. We both stare at each other, a reconnected part of both our souls, finally at peace again after what felt like forever. And we smile. Then, Lee begins to laugh and reaches over to drink some wine. I follow, laughing and sipping wine and marveling at our lives with a man I never thought I'd laugh with again. Sometimes, you have to enjoy the happy moments while they last.

Twenty minutes later, I get a call from the hospital to inform me my mother has passed.

--

Hello, my beloved friends. Don't kill me! So...I've been gone a while (almost a year, yes I'm a big fuck). Here's what you missed. I fell into a writing slump/writer's block where I would open and close and open the same chapters, re-write the same ending, change the plot and be unhappy, and open and close the documents over and over. And then time passed and I would forget small but important plot points and my writing rhythm. And then life would happen. I graduated high school. I fell in love (and am currently in fluffy, messy love)! I've gotten stupid drunk and high! I did a TedTalk (youth Ted) on positivity! I went to Nepal for a month. I went to Disney for the first time with my girls. I got highlights and nails done for the first time! I got into a car crash and almost died. I'm going to college in a month! I had goodbyes and hello's, ups and downs, and both darkness and light. Safe to say, I've been a mess. A unregrettable, passionate, and wrecked mess. I've learnt a lot and fell into a lot of dark, unstable holes but finally, FINALLY, I am at peace. I'm not completely whole or perfect yet, but I am accepting the path and emotions I need to get there. And I guess you can kind of tell by Ivory and Lee's reunion. I am finally re-ignited with the drastic changes and beauties of life and I am inspired. I am determined to finish this by September.

EXCITING NEWS! SWAL will be on Episode soon! I have been working with Episode Interactive and after months of editing and planning a version of SWAL I love, it will be launching for your playing pleasure in Fall 2017! My team just sent me a demo of the first 3 episodes, and it's insane to see my work come to life. I cried of joy when I first played!! I'm pumped and I definitely will be linking that 24/7 when it releases! I can't wait for you to see SWAL expand. :)

The moral of this/life/anything is: Always stay positive. Seek beyond what you think. Be daring and bold. Bold enough to rattle the stars but also know when to lay down your pride. Learn, never regret. Be open with your mind and heart. Be genuine and kind--always. Let yourself heal in whatever way you think best. Love. Love that you breathe when you awaken and softly fall asleep at night. Love the hate away. Love yourself first, others, and all your dreams and negativity away. Never let the darkness eat you. You are a unpredictable, unstoppable, and absolutely radiant force of the universe. Don't ever forget that.

I am deeply sorry of my hiatus behavior. I am back. I am better. Chapters will not be so short and everywhere in the future. I am just trying to find my voice and my writing dance back. Please be as patient as you already have been (ignores the 20302832 "update or die" messages haha). And always -- THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. I LOVE YOU TO THE STARS AND BACK, BABY. XO

Any questions? Whether it's about the plot, characters, my personal life, the future, ANYTHING -- please comment. I love reading all your comments (I do read most  of them. They always make me pee my pants. You guys are hilarious).

And how are you? What have I missed in your life? We're all friends here. :)

ALL MY LOVE AND GRATITUDE AND THE STARS,

Virgo.