Cold. She was so cold.

Her whole body shook, and she couldn't stop it. The cold had seeped into her bones. And then there was a small voice asking, "Rowan? Are you okay?" and she managed to pry her eyes open long enough to see Cailee, curled against her body, her small fists pressed against Rowan's stomach.

Then, nothing. Nothing but cold and darkness.

Finally, she opened her eyes, and this time it wasn't a struggle. She wasn't cold anymore. She registered that with the smallest bit of apprehension. Someone was holding her hand, she realized, and she turned her head to that side.

Stark sat in an uncomfortable-looking chair beside her bed, his head tilted back, his eyes closed. Rowan gave his hand a squeeze, and he started away, blinking rapidly. He looked around quickly, and then his gaze landed on her. "Rowan," he said softly. "You're awake."

Rowan tried to say something back, but her throat wouldn't cooperate. It felt like she'd swallowed sandpaper. "Water?" Stark asked her, and she nodded. He reached for a cup that sat on the table next to her bed and slid a straw into it. "Here," he said, reaching behind her and helping her to sit up. Once she was upright, he brought the cup up to her lips and let her drink until her throat no longer felt like the Sahara desert.

"Now," Stark said, and his tone had changed from kind and attentive to pissed off as fuck. Oh, shit. "You can tell me what the fuck possessed you to go into an enemy's compound without backup, without informing your partner or your superiors, and without an extraction plan."

Rowan bowed her head. She deserved that. She did. It was a probie mistake, and she'd known better, but she'd done it anyway. She'd known it had two possible outcomes: death or capture. And yet she'd just gone straight ahead, without hesitation.

So, the question remained: what the hell had she been thinking?

She closed her eyes, her mind struggling to find an answer in her scattered memories. "I can't remember," she said honestly, her voice a scared whisper.

Stark groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Jesus," he muttered. "If you can't remember, then your reason must not have been very good, was it?"

And, to both of their surprise, Rowan burst into tears. "I'm sorry," she sobbed, over and over. "I'm sorry." She didn't think there was anything else she could say. She'd fucked up. Big time.

Stark reached out and gathered her in his arms, and she huddled against him, sobbing her heart out. Stark began slowly to rock her from side to side, like she was a baby again, and she succumbed to the motion, until her sobs faded. But still, her tears kept coming.

Stark gently smoothed her hair. "It's not that bad," he told her soothingly. "We managed to get you out, and no one got hurt. Even better, you got us valuable intel that we really needed. Now we know what kind of weapons they're using and we've destroyed one of their bases. It all worked out for the best."

Rowan felt her heart shatter into a million pieces. "It's not that," she said, so softly she didn't think Stark would hear, but he froze for the briefest second and she knew he had. "I... I've been pretending that I remembered everything about what happened in there, but the truth is, I don't know what I told them. I'm terrified I let something slip that they could use against us. I... didn't hold up the way you taught me to. I think... I think I broke."

Stark stiffened and pulled back an inch. "What?" he asked, dangerously low. She felt his heartbeat speed up, pressed up against him as she was. "Rowan, are you sure?"

Rowan sniffled, then felt like a complete wimp. "That's just it," she said brokenly. "I don't know. I just don't remember."

"That's typical of a concussion," Carter said from nearby, and both Rowan and Stark jumped. Neither of them had heard her approach. "Loss of memory, lack of clarity about events, what feels like time lost? And you had a fractured skull. Did you know that?"

Rowan blinked. "What?" she asked, glancing between Stark and Carter.

Carter shrugged, typing something on her tablet. "Yeah," she said. "So I wouldn't worry too much. You would have been lucid enough in the moment, or not lucid enough to say anything at all. But, afterwards, you might have forgotten what happened. It's pretty common."

Rowan glanced at Stark. Wait, was Carter really saying that she just didn't remember because of a head injury, not because she'd been pushed past the breaking point? Not because she'd been so overwhelmed in the moment that she hadn't been able to keep track?

Stark gave Rowan a measured look. She could tell he knew exactly what she was thinking. Without looking away from Rowan, Stark told Carter, "Give us a minute, please?"

Carter nodded and melted away as unremarkably as she'd come in.

As soon as she was gone, Stark said flatly, "This does not let you off the hook, got it? You did something really stupid, may have compromised the entire organization, and had to get yourself rescued. You are in deep, deep shit, young lady!"

Rowan, against all logic, found herself smiling through her tears. "You're not that much older than me, old man," she told him, poking him in the ribs. Except, now that she actually looked at him, she realized he had a couple of grey hairs that hadn't been there a week ago, and he'd developed a couple of frown lines on his forehead. Suddenly, she felt immensely guilty about the hell she realized she'd put him through.

Stark grimaced. "I'm not as young as I used to be," he muttered. "I'd forgotten. You, bitch, are fucking indestructible. Time was, I wouldn't even have worried. We've both been through worse than this, so I don't know why I've been so scared for you."

Rowan shrugged awkwardly. It wasn't exactly easy to move her shoulders when Stark had ahold of her in a bone-crushing hug. "We've both changed over the last few months," she said sadly. "Once upon a time, you'd have spent the last week sat in your chair, telling everyone to 'let he get on with it. The bitch is fucking teflon.' And I would have broken out of that hell-hole after the first hour."

"Yeah," Stark said, letting out a long sigh and running a hand through his hair. "Once upon a time seems so long ago."

And Rowan started crying all over again.

She and Stark stayed like that for a very long time, him, stroking her hair, her, clinging to the lapels of his jacket, her face smushed against his shoulder.

Then, all of a sudden, giving Rowan a very real sense of deja-vu, Carter stuck her head around the corner of the doorframe. "Uh, guys?" she said, and Rowan was struck that she was acting very much like the targets in that game, whack-a-mole. "There's a bit of a problem. Well, uh, a bit bigger than a bit. Cade intercepted an emergency transmission. The Hub is under attack."

Stark sat up too quickly, accidentally dumping Rowan's upper half over the edge of the bed, where she flopped around like a ragdoll, unable to straighten up. "Fuck me," he said warmly. "The Red Night?" His eyes sparked dangerously.

"Uh, yeah," Carter said, edging back a few steps. Rowan didn't blame her. When he got like this, Stark was actually pretty scary, for a giant teddy bear. "Um, the captain wants both of you on the Bridge," Carter squeaked out, then turned on her heel, and ran off.

Rowan struggled to sit up, her stomach muscles sore from several punches to the gut. Stark gently reached out and sat her upright again. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for you to be up and about," he admitted.

Rowan brushed him off, and, with a bit of effort, swung her feet out of bed. "I'll be fine," she said. "I'll have to be. This is too important."

Stark gave her a long, unreadable look, then nodded once. "Okay," he said. "I'll just go grab your uniform. Wait here, yeah?"

Rowan looked down at herself, realizing for the first time that she was dressed in the loose, undyed cotton tunic and leggings issued to patients in Ranger hospitals. "Oops," she said softly. "Yeah, thanks."

Stark disappeared, then reappeared a few minutes later with a pile of neatly folded garments in his hands. "Here," he said, depositing the clothes in her arms and stepping out of the room to give her some privacy.

Rowan shook out the clothes, stripped off her hospital-wear, and dressed as quickly as she could with one hand bandaged, something she hadn't even noticed before. The zippers on her boots and jackets defeated her, and it took her a few minutes of fumbling with them to admit defeat. "Stark?" she called. "Can you give me a hand?"

He popped around the edge of the door. "Zippers?" he asked, accurately guessing Rowan's problem. "Yeah, they're a bitch when you only have one hand. Here." He knelt beside her and did up her boots, then stood and did up her jacket. When he was done, he asked, "You good?"

"Yup," Rowan said, pulling her hair up into a messy ponytail, the best she could do when her ribcage protested. Yet another injury she hadn't noticed. "Okay," she told Stark. "Let's go."

She moved more slowly than usual through the halls, but Stark seemed content to go at her pace, and it didn't take too long for them to make their way up to the Bridge. When they stepped out of the elevator that was the only access to it, everyone froze and turned to look at them.

Then, someone–Rowan wasn't sure who–began to clap, and another person took it up, and another, and soon everyone was applauding. Levi gave a wolf whistle, and even Ripple was smiling. For some reason, that alone made Rowan feel immensely satisfied.

Then, something small and moving very fast slammed into Rowan's midsection, and she doubled over in pain as her ribs throbbed in agony. Her vision swam, but, when it cleared, she couldn't help giving a massive smile, despite the pain, and she picked Cailee up into a massive hug, ignoring her discomfort. "Hey, sugar!" she said softly, pressing a kiss onto the top of her head.

Cailee threw her little arms around Rowan's neck. "Rowan!" she cried, so delighted that Rowan felt tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "They said you were sleeping, and I couldn't see you until you woke up. I'm really happy you're awake!"

Rowan couldn't help herself; she pressed a kiss onto the top of the little girl's head. They'd only spent one day together, but she felt an immense surge of protectiveness towards her little friend. "Are you okay?" she asked Cailee, leaning back to look her in the eyes.

"Really good!" Cailee said, practically bubbling with excitement. "Jase taught me how to change a magazine!"

Stark rolled his eyes. "You've got to be fu... fudging kidding me. It's mini-me does the Rangers!"

Rowan elbowed him sharply. "Really?" she asked, glaring at Jase. "What else have you guys been doing?"

Jase and Cailee exchanged a glance, and Cailee bounced a bit in delight. "He let me help out in the suv–surf–suvlailance room."

"Surveillance room," Jase corrected her patiently. "Sur-vei-llance."

Cailee repeated after him. "Sur-vay-lance. That thing. The guys in there promised to get me a cookie for every thief I saw!"

Rowan couldn't help rolling her eyes. The surveillance room monitored CCTV feeds from all over the galaxy, and the Rangers regarded it as the most boring job on the ship. "Just a cookie?" Rowan teased. "You should at least up the offer to a donut of a cupcake!"

Cailee beamed. "Okay!" she cried happily. "Jase, can I get a cupcake or donut instead of cookies?" she asked.

Jase grinned. "Sure," he said, taking her from Rowan's arms. "With your permission, boss, we'll return to our thief-catching escapades."

Rowan grinned. "Sure," she said. "But if you get bored, you should teach her how to rock climb and abseil down. Those are useful skills, wouldn't you say?"

Jase gave her a playful salute. "Yes, boss," he said, grinning at her. He hoisted Cailee more securely into his arms and carried her out of the room. As they walked away, she began chattering to him without pausing, and Jase nodded and smiled in all the right places.

Rowan was impressed.

She shook her head as they left the Bridge. "How the hell is he so good with kids?" she asked no one in particular.

Captain Falk shrugged. "He does have seven younger siblings," he pointed out. "And his parents run a school, remember?"

Rowan nodded absently. "I forgot," she admitted. "Uh, on a related note, do we know whose kid she is?"

Captain Falk, Levi and Stark exchanged uncertain glances, and, finally, Levi stepped forward. "She belongs–or should I say belonged–to Nash."

"What do you mean?" Rowan asked, feeling a bit sick.

"Nash is no longer with us," Captain Falk said grimly. "He killed himself yesterday. And we can't figure out who Cailee's mom is or was. Nash used a surrogate, apparently."

Rowan bit her lip. "Why the hell was she in that shithole?" she demanded. "Nash was on the same side as those assholes, wasn't he?"

Levi grimaced. "Don't remind me," he said icily. "Nash sent her there for safekeeping, but, once he died, they didn't have any reason to keep her safe and comfortable. I think they thought she would be more useful as a hostage than a ward."

Stark groaned. "So she has no one," he said. "And we can hardly just dump her at some orphanage. She's a great kid, and she deserves better."

Rowan had been turning an idea over and over since she'd learned Cailee didn't have any living parents. "She can stay with me," she said decisively. "I have enough saved up for a bigger house and to hire a nanny, or something. If I can, I'd like to adopt her."

There was silence, and everyone turned to stare at her. "Are you sure?" Captain Falk asked carefully. "You're really young, and you don't exactly work the safest of careers. It's a really big step, and, to be completely honest, you're the last person I expect to settle down with a family anytime soon."

Rowan didn't hesitate. "I'm sure," she said.

***

They stopped to refuel their ship at an old space station that functioned as a smuggling outpost now, and, the whole time, Rowan felt strange, but not necessarily in a bad way. Her mind swum with her decision, and yet she didn't, for a moment, wonder if she'd made the right decision.

She knew she had.

No, her mind was full of plans for the future, for her life with Cailee. She'd need a bigger apartment, that much was for sure, but she wanted to stay in the same area, maybe even the same building. Then, she remembered Levi's townhouse, with its walled-in garden, its hardwood floors, its big windows and airy rooms.

She wanted a place like that, she decided, with a bedroom for Cailee, and one for the nanny she would need to hire. She wanted somewhere with a garden, and she wanted a cat, maybe a dog, too. She wanted a sunny breakfast nook and...

"Rowan!" Ripple snapped her fingers beneath Rowan's nose. "Seriously, what the hell are you thinking about? We're going into battle, and you're daydreaming. Yeah, you're really the C.O. I want fighting next to me."

Rowan let out a long sigh. "You're right; my head's not in the game. I just... I don't know what's wrong with me, Ripple, but I can't concentrate on anything I'm supposed to. My mind's running in a thousand different directions, and none of them are where I want it to go."

Ripple folded her arms, staring out of the ship's windows at the bustling space station below. "I know the feeling," she admitted. "You want to know the trick? Turn your mind off completely. Don't think, just do."

Rowan glanced at her sidelong. "What are you saying?"

Ripple shrugged, her gaze landing on something far off and invisible. "Just... lose yourself in something, for a few hours, and, maybe, when you're done, your mind will be clearer. It's what I do."

Rowan bit her lip. "And does it always work?" she asked.

Ripple ran a hand through her pale hair and let out a long breath. "Not always," she admitted softly. "But it's better than nothing."

Rowan nodded, then after a pause, said decisively, "I'm going to run a full diagnostics on the operating systems, the weapons systems and the flight systems." And she turned on her heel and strode off, not waiting for Ripple's answer. Ripple was right. She had to do something, or she'd go stir crazy.

On the Bridge, she waved off anyone who tried to talk to her and went straight to the center console. She pulled up the systems' monitors, which gave out readings on everything from fuel reserves, to the durability of the stabilizers, to the pressurisation required to keep the lab door seals sealed. Rowan ran a check over each part of every system, no matter how small they might have been.

Did she really need to know that doors to the Bridge were properly opening outwards, as they were meant to? No, she didn't, but she tested them anyway, and, sure enough, they swung outwards. How shocking.

After about an hour, Rowan stepped back from the console. "Everything's in working condition, now that we've refueled," she informed no one in particular.

"Good," Captain Falk said. "Let's recall everyone to the ship and get going, shall we? We have a battle to fight, people!"

Within ten minutes of his orders, they were off, headed for Earth at full Aether, now that they could afford to spend fuel. Rowan turned on the ship's speakers, took a deep breath, and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're on a direct course to the Hub. All reports we've managed to get our hands on have said the same thing: we're walking into all-out war. Given the information we have, we're sounding a Code Black. Battle stations, everyone. We'll be arriving in T-minus three minutes."

As she spoke, the lights on everyone's bracelets changed from dark to pulsing black, and the ship's alarms began sounding the Code Black signal. Strobe lights flared, and the Bridge snapped into action. Everywhere, everyone rushed to do what needed to be done before they joined the fray.

By the time they came in view of Earth, everything had settled down, but the air hummed with anticipation and nervous energy. Everyone seemed to be bracing themselves for the oncoming chaos, and, in silence, they hurtled towards their destination.

Rowan gripped the edges of her seat with white-knuckled hands. She couldn't help remembering that the last time they'd encountered a Code Black situation, about a third of the squad had wound up dead, and she'd lost a knee. Yeah, like that was exactly what she wanted to be thinking about right then, but she couldn't seem to switch off the replay of that day on Hosk.

The Horizon slammed into Earth's atmosphere almost directly above San Francisco and went from Aether to regular travel in seconds. They dropped down from above in a straight descent, the stabilizers catching them at the last second and bolstering them up right on top of the Hub.

The view beneath them, though, inspired only distress. Two starships had been struck down, and had fallen into the bay, jutting out of the water in spires of twisted and warped metal. The Hub itself was completely locked down, as was the Academy, and everywhere, black-uniformed fighters clashed with the Red Night's forces on the ground. In the air, only a few small fighter jets were still in action, the rest having either been destroyed, retired or shot down.

On the whole, it was pretty depressing, Rowan thought.

In the captain's chair, Falk surveyed the battlefield below them.