Chapter 23

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Trigger warning: References to prior child grooming and sexual assault.

Luca sat in his car silently as he wiped the tears off of his face. He wasn't sure why he was crying, really. Someone who had hurt him and so many like him was dead, but somehow he still felt unsettled by it. Unsettled by the how willing he was to take a life, unsettled by how relieved he felt that the man was dead. This wasn't who Luca was, this wasn't who he wanted to be; but this is whom he had become.

He wanted to leave Montréal immediately, but Pappou was fiercely against it. He wasn't about to let his dearest grandson drive six odd hours across an international border while crying his eyes out and shaking like an autumn leaf about to fall off the tree. Instead Luca left early in the morning. His Yiayia was furious that they took him there and made him witness those things. She lost brothers in their line of work, almost losing her father, husband, sons and grandsons many a time, she wasn't going to lose her Loukaki too.

Luca got out of his car and stalked up towards the door. He rang the doorbell and waited patiently, his mind not even fully present. He wasn't sure how he made the six hour drive back to Hilldale, he had no real recollection of it. He remembered leaving before sunrise, but nothing after that. He didn't remember crossing the border, nor driving at all; yet here he was, outside Aidan's door, the only person he wanted to see in that moment.

"Baby... Hey! I didn't think you were coming back home till tonight." Aidan's face brightened visibly as he pulled Luca in for a tight hug." Hey... What's wrong?" He asked, noticing Luca sobbing into his heather grey Hilldale Football t-shirt.

"We need to talk..." Luca said softly through the sobs as Aidan nodded with a confused look on his face, gazing deep into Luca's bloodshot eyes. He led Luca into the house and straight up to his bedroom without saying a single word, though he was internally shitting himself.

"Okay... What do you want to talk about." Aidan said as calmly as he possibly could.

"Give me your phone, laptop, everything that has internet connectivity." Luca said seriously, with sniffles escaping occasionally as he watched Aidan nod, handing over his phone, laptop and iPad without even hesitating. Luca turned each item off and handed them back to Aidan as the taller boy stared at Luca with the strangest look in his eyes.

"Babe... What's going on..." Aidan said concernedly as Luca took a deep breath and let out a sigh.

"I love you, Aidan." Luca said strongly as he mustered every ounce of composure he had left in his body, which wasn't much. "I want you to try not to look at me different when I tell you this."

"Did you... Cheat on me?" Aidan said softly, with a look of heartbreak in his eyes.

"No! God no! That's not it... In a way I feel like it's worse. But.. I guess you'll be the judge of that." Luca said shaking his head profusely. "Aidan. When I was sixteen I was sexually assaulted."

"Who?! I'll fucking kill him!" Aidan's blue eyes flashed with anger, making Luca groan in irritation.

"Oh my God, just. You know what. Don't speak until I tell you to." Luca huffed, tugging at his dark hair frustratedly. "Do you know who Ryder Lark is?" He asked as Aidan glanced up at him blankly. "Right. My God! You can speak now." Luca rolled his eyes.

"You mean the USA Gymnastics coach who went on the run after he molested all those..." Aidan said, glancing up to see Luca staring at him with tears pooling in his eyes. "Oh God... You weren't... Were you?" Luca just nodded as he lowered his gaze in shame.

"I... I was sixteen. Yuri called Ryder Lark to Hilldale Gymnastics because he saw potential in me." Luca started quietly as he stared down at the floor. "He thought if anyone could get me to the Olympics, it was Ryder Lark. Ryder told me he wanted to see me in the locker room to work on my form and he... he touched me and he... kind of forced himself on me." By this time Luca was fully sobbing. "I guess it was kinda my fault. I wanted to make a good impression so I was super friendly and I guess he thought I was flirting, but I didn't mean to!" Luca cried out.

"Shhh! Look at me." Aidan shushed him, as he forced Luca to look into your eyes. "None of this, was your fault! You hear me? None of it. You were sixteen, and he was like what, forty?! He had no right, he was a predator, Luca."

"I tried to fight him off but he was stronger and bigger than me." Luca sobbed uncontrollably into Aidan's chest. "He told me if I told anyone that he'd make sure I never go to the Olympics ever. But I did, I told the police and the US Olympic committee and he was dismissed immediately, but he ran away to God knows where to avoid being tried. After I came forward, thirty one other boys and girls came out to say that he did similar things to them."

"You did the right thing, babe..." Aidan reassured him, stroking his cheek to wipe the residual tears off.

"But that's not where it ends..." Luca said softly. "Remember I told you my grandparents back in Montréal were from enemy families?" Luca asked, to which Aidan nodded perplexedly. "And how I told you they owned rival chains of Italian and Greek restaurants." Aidan nodded again. "Well that was all true, but there's more too it. My Grandfather was a Pugliese, and my Grandmother was a Papadakis. They belonged of the two largest crime families in Montréal."

"You mean like... the Mob?!" Aidan cried out as he visibly tensed up. Luca shushed him, glancing around nervously. "Relax, nobody is home! But seriously your family are in the FUCKING MOB?!!"

"Mob is such an ugly word, we prefer the term business." Luca said nonchalantly as Aidan stared at him like he had grown a second head. "Anyway, When they got married, at first their families were enemies, but then they ended up coming together to create one large and even more powerful mafia, the Pugliese-Papadakis crime syndicate. Anyway, so my family tracked Ryder Lark down."

"I don't like where this is going." Aidan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, but Luca knew he needed to tell him, he had to know because he was the only person he trusted to make him feel better.

"They tracked him down and brought him to Canada on grounds of a fake job as a gymnastics coach. When I got there, they had him tied up to a chair. At first I was terrified, but then he kept taunting me, he kept calling me jailbait and something snapped in me, I-"

"Luca... What did you do..." Aidan stared at him, clearly unsettled with everything he was hearing. Luca knew deep in his gut that he needed to stop talking, but he needed to get it out; it was eating at him from the inside.

"My cousin handed me a gun and told me to..." Luca trailed off as he stared with narrowed eyes at the floor, shuddering at the thought of himself being capable of murder. "Ryder Lark kept telling me that I wouldn't do it. That I was weak and that I'd never be an Olympian. So I held it up to his head and... I... I pulled the trigger."

Luca felt Aidan let go of his hand, shifting away from him on the bed. Luca felt his whole world come crumbling down in just one second. He lost the one person whom he thought he could trust and depend on.

"The gun wasn't loaded. My cousin couldn't let me be the one who did it, they wanted to keep me as far away from the mafia business as possible. They took me away so I wouldn't have to see my cousin... finish the job. But... He's dead. And the worst part is... I wasn't upset that he's dead. I wasn't upset that I wanted to kill him. I wanted it for all those thirty one other kids just like me who felt dirty and used and physically ill after he... If he was apologetic, I wouldn't have even thought twice about letting it all go and forgiving him. But he wasn't! He looked me in the eyes and kept teasing me and taunting me, asking if I was still tight... and..." Luca glanced up to see the coldest, most terrified look in Aidan's eyes. He let out a sigh and lifted his hand to touch Aidan's face only for the taller boy to flinch away from him.

Luca felt his heart break into a million pieces in his chest. He always knew that Aidan would hurt him, that he would lose Aidan one day. But little did he know that it would be his own doing that would drive away the boy he had fallen so hard for.

"I... I need a second..." Aidan said gulping nervously as he got up and stalked slowly away from Luca who sat sobbing on his bed. The part that broke Luca's heart most was the way Aidan would look over his shoulder at him in fear, as if expecting Luca to murder him while his back was turned.

He felt the tears come down his face as he heard Aidan shuffling around his bathroom. He already knew what was coming. Aidan was going to break up with him and probably go straight to the police and turn him in. Part of Luca hoped that Aidan would be the pillar he needed at this time. He could have gone to his parents, his Nonno or Nonna, or one of his cousins, but no. Instead he came straight here because he knew Aidan would make him feel better, or so he thought.

Yet another example of how he had changed in the almost two months they had been dating. Here he was when he needed his family most, but he found himself seeking refuge instead in his boyfriend's comforting touch. But now the one person he thought would always be there for him was exactly who was disgusted by him to the extent that he couldn't even look at him, let alone touch him.

Luca wiped his tears and got up off of Aidan's bed, quietly walking out of the room and making his way out towards his car letting a single tear fall from his glassy eyes. He had been crying a lot in the last twenty four hours, for different reasons and with different emotions. But something about this single tear felt heavier than all the rest, it was a tear of rejection and sadness, and perhaps that is what hurt him the most.

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