16.

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I'm finding myself back in the library.

Midterms are coming up, and I have a lot to do. Due to joining the hockey team, I have fallen behind on some of my coursework.

I'm still not sure whether I love this library or not. It's got this rusty feel to it, but at the same time, it's modern. It's the modern part of this library I don't like. It takes away from the character libraries have. I'm someone that pays attention to the details—I like seeing the chipped tables with things scribbled on them and books with broken spines on the wooden shelves.

Here in this library, it's all polished white. The tables, the bookshelves, all of it is a deep white.

Darlene is sitting across from me. Her hair is up in a bun, whereas I have a pink hair claw clip in mine. She has her pen between her teeth, fully concentrating on the book in front of her. Occasionally she writes something down in her notebook.

I've lost my focus the second my phone had buzzed beside me. I've been looking at the screen since but haven't written a reply yet.

Del: Want me to pick you up later? x

I am not sure what I should reply to him. I want to see Del—but do I want him to come here and have his affection for me displayed to everyone here in the library?

It's Monday now. Two days after our kiss. Technically, one day—as it all happened after midnight, meaning it was already Sunday.

He took me home after the diner we went to when we left the party. When we got home, he hugged me and kissed the top of my head. But didn't touch my lips again. I was kind of disappointed he didn't. I wanted him to kiss me again.

"What's got you so distracted?" Darlene perks up, noticing my lack of studying.

I jump at the sudden disruption of my thoughts. Had I gotten that lost in my thoughts that Darlene noticed?

"Oh, nothing..." I say.

I haven't told her about the kiss yet. I haven't shared my progress with Del at all with her. I mean, it all happened after that party which was only two weeks ago, and I've been busy with the team that I didn't see her.

I know I should tell her at one point, but I fear being judged by her. I know she would support me, but she is also very protective, and I know she won't trust Del—given his history.

"I'm calling bullshit. Who is texting you?" She demands.

Here we go.

"Umm... it's Del."

A silence falls upon us as she takes in what I said. I can see her brain trying to work things out. The last time I spoke about Del, it wasn't anything positive.

"Del? As in captain of the hockey team Del?" She asks, and I nod in response, "What does he want from you? Is he bothering you? Do you need me to stand up to him?" She starts to ramble on.

She says what I thought she would say, first assuming only bad things about Del. I hate that she immediately associates him with bad things. Nevertheless, I can't blame her—I did that too.

I hold my hand up, gesturing for her to stop talking.

"No, nothing like that... the opposite actually..." I trail off, not knowing how to bring this.

"So what is it then."

I take a deep breath before I'm ready to spill the following few words to her.

"Well, we maybe... sort of... kissed?" I mumble quietly, but it's loud enough for her to hear my words. I fidget with the elastic band on my wrist as I say the words—a nervous habit.

Her eyes go wide, and her mouth agape. She shows a very shocked expression.

"You what now!" She screams a bit too loudly, receiving some angry stares from the people sitting close to us and trying to focus on their coursework.

"Shh, not everyone has to know. But yeah, we kissed. We've gotten close. We actually went out for lunch together last week, and later on, we went to dinner with the team. I don't know how to explain, but we just got each other. Del seems to understand the things I struggle with."

"So when did this kiss happen?"

"This weekend, we went to the victory party after the game they won—which you didn't show up to, by the way—we first hung out there, and then we just talked outside. When we eventually got back inside, we danced, and then it just happened during it. We kissed. But you don't understand it was so good. It was a special moment. His kisses are incredible."

She seems to be doubting me, judging by the look on her face as I speak.

"Hmm, I don't know about this, Ki. I don't want you to end up being hurt by this guy. I mean, he is a player, and don't forget about his relationship with Tamara."

Why does everyone think he is going to hurt me. First Amanda and Oliver and now also Darlene. They don't understand he isn't like that. Just because he might have a reputation for being on the team and dating someone I despise, that doesn't mean he will hurt me. I never got the impression he is out for anything like that.

He is so sweet. They don't know him as I do now. They have just seen the surface like I used to and formed their opinion based on that.

"He stood up for me against Tamara the other day, you know?"

"What? You saw Tamara, when?" She presses.

She sounds a little disappointed for just hearing about this now. It's not that I don't confide in her I've just been so busy and haven't seen her.

I've been withholding so much information.

"When Del and I went out together. We saw her. At first, he seemed to lose his stance but then picked it back up as she started insulting me. He defended me against her."

She seems thoughtful for a second, trying to make sense of it all. I mean, it's a lot of information.

"So, what is he texting now?"

"He wants to pick me up, but I haven't replied yet."

"Let him come here. I might need to see him before I'm convinced he will not harm you. Also, I need to make clear what happens if he hurts you."

"Come on, that won't be necessary. I'm sure you will like Del when he gets here," I say. At the same time, I pick my phone back up to text him back.

Kiya: Yes, you can. I think I can be out of here pretty soon :)

I feel giddy thinking about him picking me up later. Somehow the thought of him coming here just for me warms me.

"So now tell me more about this kiss," Darlene asks.

At the same time, I receive a text back from Del.

Del: Okay, coming there now x

I smile at his reply before looking back at Darlene. She must notice how giddy I am about all of this. But I really do like Del. I think the kiss flipped a switch in me. I haven't thought about how different it would be with Chase since.

I also haven't spoken to him yet, but I want to update him on my progress. Tell him about the kiss. I feel like that would only be fair of me to do. After all, he is waiting for me to give him my final answer.

Let's not think of that right now. Instead, now I feel very eager to tell Darlene everything about it. She is my best friend, after all.

"It was unimaginable. I've never been kissed like that before. It just felt so good with Del. During the kiss, it felt like I was flying—and afterward, I was high on it for the rest of the night. His lips are so incredible. I've never felt lips that were that soft. The shape of his lips as well. They're so pretty." I gush over him.

"You are really into this guy. God, you're fucking shining while you talk about him. He must be good then." She says dubiously.

I hear something negative in her voice. She gives me the feeling that I need to convince her.

"I swear, Darlene. He is exceptional. He gets me. It feels as if he can read my mind and also complements me. Together we're even greater than apart."

"So you kiss once, and now you're smitten by the guy? I don't know, Ki—this all doesn't sound like you. Three weeks ago, you couldn't stand the guy. There must be something else." She says, being skeptical about it all.

Well, there also is Chase. But I don't think it's because of him that I am this into Del. This isn't just a distraction maneuver from my subconscious.

It can't be. I like Del.

I know that it's true. I'm not trying to convince myself.

Just because it is unlikely that I will ever actually start something with Chase—this still isn't me trying to get out the easy way by starting things with Del.

Everything about Del is real. He can be my fairytale ending.

He has proven to be someone other than the person I thought he was. He is nothing like I've thought about him before. I had a prejudice against him.

He is so kind and loving.

Tamara just had him in her grip, but he managed to escape her—he broke free.

Like me, he got away from her. However, he is much stronger than me. He will stand up against her, whereas I shrink when I see her. I lose my confidence.

Also, now that I've thought about it. Telling Chase that I kissed Del and liked it—while he is patiently waiting for me. That seems like that would be a bit of a low blow.

I know he is into me, but he also wants to know if anything happens between Del and me.

"There is nothing else. I like Del. It's true. I know you don't understand, but when you see him, I promise you will. Just wait. Del will be here soon." I say and look down at my phone again. A few minutes have passed, he couldn't be here yet.

"Alright, if you say so." She sighs.

Darlene then goes back to study, writing her notes while I pack my bag. She is probably going to stay here. We've only been here for about an hour and a half. Usually, I would stay longer too, but I'm eager to see Del again.

Somewhere deep inside of me, I have this tingling feeling of hope that I will get to kiss him again.

I wipe the skin underneath my eyes, making sure I look awake. Then with my fingers, I comb my hair. I do it all subconsciously—without even registering it, I want to look good for Del.

I check my reflection on my phone. But then I feel stared at, so I look up.

Darlene is staring at me.

She has her eyebrows raised at me. I shrug. What does she want now?

"You know I've never seen you trying to look good for a guy. You haven't cared for your appearance for anyone except Tamara..." she says, "you didn't even care for your appearance when Bodie came to visit you."

"What are you aiming at?" I narrow my eyes.

"I am starting to see a pattern. This guy brings out the same thing as Tamara did. I believe you like this guy, but please try and see this my way. I'm helping you." She says with a sad look on her face.

I believe she means well, but her words are starting to agitate me.

"Don't fucking patronize me." I raise my voice a little bit. "Look, I don't want to fight with you but don't act like I'm this pathetic naive girl who you are superior over. I can judge for myself."

Darlene goes silent after that. She knows I am right about what she was trying to do. She thinks she knows better because I let myself get used once—I will let it happen again because I am weak.

We stare at each other, not saying a word. Darlene provoked me.

Until her eyes divert to something behind me—someone approaching.

Before I have time to turn around, I feel a hand on my shoulder, a big hand. I know, immediately who it belongs to, Del.

I turn my head to him. He is already pulling out the chair next to me. As he sits, he smiles at me.

"Hey there, you had a good time studying." He asks, leaning forward in his seat, now closer to me.

"Yeah, Darlene and I were just wrapping up," I say rather harshly and bring my gaze back to her.

Darlene has her eyes fixed on Del, but I can't tell what she is thinking right now.

"You alright?" Del asks, placing his hand on my knee to get my attention back.

I snap out of it, not wanting to bring Del into this mess, "sorry, have you met my friend, Darlene already?" I ask.

Del turns his head to look at Darlene now.

"I don't think we've ever formally met," Del says and holds his hand out to her.

Darlene eyes it before taking it, "yeah, good to meet you. I've only ever really seen you around at house parties." She says with a smile, but I don't think it is sincere—not after the concerns she just vocalized with me.

Del lets go of her hand, and he turns back to me.

"You ready to go? I was planning on making dinner for us." He tells me.

"Dinner? You can cook now?" I gush at him.

"Well, don't expect much. I'm simply an amateur." He tells me, but I feel like he is being modest. He seems like someone that can cook.

"Let's see what you can do, come on," I say and stand up. I turn to Darlene, "guess I'll see you at home."

I wait for Del to stand up, "nice meeting you, Darlene. I promise I'll get her home safely." He smiles softly and waves her goodbye.

He then stands up and wraps his arm around my waist.

"Let's go, ice baby." He says and starts walking.

Darlene doesn't mention anything to him about the consequences of him hurting me. She probably read the room and saw that it wasn't the right time to do it. Not while we are on thin ice.

I don't look back at Darlene. I need to cool down before I face her again. Del's presence will help me with that. He has seemed to warm me up every time I've spent my time with him.

There is no chance Darlene is right about him. He won't hurt me or use me. Not like Tamara did. He won't manipulate or deceive me.

I won't say I fully trust him, but I know him well enough by now.

I lean a little more into him as we walk the cold streets, his natural body heat radiation off on me. I just want to feel close to him. In reaction, his arm tightens around me.


//

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