Soundtrack for this chapter
Craving—James Bay
For You I Will—Teddy Geiger
Have You Ever Seen The Rain?—Creedence Clearwater Revival

8

We sat in silence for a moment, and Jude seemed to be collecting his thoughts. He turned over the engine and began driving around. I was starting to wonder how this little speed bump was going to affect the rest of our day.

"So, where are we headed now?" I asked him.

"I'm not sure. I was thinking we could head to a bar, grab some drinks and have dinner, but going back out in public isn't exactly a possibility right now." His face contorted into a concentrated gaze and his eyes began to squint.

I momentarily feared he would close his eyes and put both of our lives in danger.

He spoke up again. "I have a bottle of wine at home. We could head there, and I could make you dinner?"

No. But that accent...no. For the first time, I really felt myself being torn in two different directions. I knew what 'let's go back to my place' really meant, and I had known Jude for not nearly long enough for that. But I also didn't want my time with him to end because he was making me feel things I had been sure I'd never feel again. Feelings my ex had only been able to conjure up in me. Feelings I figured were dead and gone from my being.

I just had to be honest with him. If I couldn't be honest with him, there was no hope in being any more than friends anyways...right?

"I'm not sure, Jude." I averted his eyes and looked out the window.

"Not sure about what?" It wasn't rude; it wasn't stern. It was just a question.

"Um...well, I'm not sure I feel...comfortable going back to your place...at this time." There it was. I said it, and I would get my response. It was a binary reaction. There were only two ways he could handle that.

"Oh, er, do you want to have dinner at your place?"

My place. I was in control at my place. "Oh, sure. Good idea. Let's have dinner at my place."

"Perfect."

As I directed Jude to my apartment, I felt that familiar ease replace my anxiety. There had been no negative reaction from him to not wanting to go back to his place, and that was definitely a first in my dating history. He wasn't angry with me, he didn't tell me I had wasted his time, and he didn't turn sour towards me.

By the time we were pulling onto my street, dark clouds were gathering overhead, and it looked like it would downpour at any moment.

"Maybe it's not the worst thing that we were forced out of the park," he said. "I'll try to get a spot as close to your flat as possible, but we may need to make a run for it. It looks like the sky is going to open up any second." He looked at me before adding, "Welcome to London."

No sooner had the words left Jude's lips that a giant crack of thunder roared above us, causing me to jump in my seat just to have the air knocked out of my lungs by the catch in the seatbelt. Jude parked near the end of my street, and tiny droplets of rain began to fall.

"Okay, it's going to open up quickly. I'd get out now and go to your door. I'll meet you there in a second."

I slung my jacket over my arm and hopped out of the car as Jude turned it off and grabbed a sweatshirt he had in the back. As I jogged to my front door, I could hear his heavy footsteps gaining on me. I reached the door, fumbled with the knob, and realized it was locked.

"Did you forget your keys?"

"No, Lily must be out. I just need to find them in my bag."

Another crack of thunder sounded over our heads and chill shot through me. As I was searching for my keys, I felt Jude drape his sweatshirt over my shoulders.

"Thanks," I said through chattering teeth. It had gotten strangely cold in a matter of seconds. Then, my hands felt the cool touch of metal. I twisted the key in the lock and let us in. The moment Jude stepped over the threshold, the heavens opened and rain gushed down in sheets.

I handed Jude his sweatshirt back, and he began to make himself feel comfortable. He took off his hat, undid that tiny bun, and shook out his curls; they framed his face nicely and rested just at his jawline. He slipped his sweatshirt over his head, and I realized he just looked normal. Like any other guy I would see walking down the street.

Every now and then when I was with him, I would remember that he was a celebrity and that I was really just wasting my time and his by entertaining the fact that we could be friends, or something else. But seeing him now, he just looked, well, like anybody else.

"Jude, you can take a seat in the kitchen, there's a bottle of champagne in the fridge if you want to open it. I'm going to go change."

"Champagne, eh?"

"Listen, Jude. In America, we love brunch. And brunch means mimosas, so I always make sure there are a few bottles in the house." It was my turn to wink at him as I turned to go put on something warm.

In my head, I wasn't thinking about what to make for dinner or how Jude was going to react if he wanted to stay the night and I turned him down. I wasn't thinking about anything other than the exact moment I was in, and I was loving the effect Jude was having on my obsessive need to think through and plan out every detail of my life.

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