STAWP | Chapter 23

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Saffron

Logan is still standing in the middle of the bathroom and I end up an arm's length away from him. He's a few inches taller than me, so I have to tilt my head up slightly to look at him. We stand like that for several seconds, staring at each other, before Logan turns away and sits down against the wall.

"Here." He smiles at me, patting the spot on the towel next to him.

I consider my options. I could sit down beside this hot guy, in the bathroom, alone. My heart races. I could also leave the bathroom and go... well, I guess I could interrupt Zara and Jasper, but I'd rather avoid the embarrassment. What if I hear sex noises? I don't think I'd ever live it down! Maybe I could go back to the laundry room? I glance at the door, then at Logan, and then back at the door. I take a step forward, but in the end I can't resist the pull Logan has on me.

As I join him on the towel, I instantly become hyperaware of his body. My bare arm brushes his as I sit down and my leg is so close to his that the slightest twitch could have us touching. I try not to panic and move to the very edge of the towel. I make as much space between us as possible, which really isn't all that much, unless I'm willing to slide onto the cold marble floor.

"Saffron, I..." Logan begins, but I interrupt him.

"It's Sofie," I tell him. Saffron sounds too intimate, and no one ever calls me that anymore... well, except Logan's dad, but it's not like I'd ever correct the Pissed Off Wolf.

"Sofie?" Logan whispers, though it comes out more like a question.

I nod and then, for some reason I can't explain, I blush. I'm also filled with nerves, even though logically I know Logan isn't into me and nothing's going to happen. I mean, he practically ignored me while I was in the shower and now we're alone in the bathroom together, with the door locked, sitting right next to each other. I gulp. I look at Logan, my gaze drifting down to his lips, but he doesn't make a move. Nope, definitely not into me.

Even though I know whatever attraction I feel is one sided, I can't seem to help it. My breathing is quicker than it should be and my palms are sweaty. Plus, my pulse is racing just from the fact that he's sitting next to me. I look away, embarrassed over how I feel, and stare down at my bare feet.

"Sofie, I'm sorry I scared you earlier."

"It's fine." I glance up at Logan and he looks back at me earnestly. First Zara apologized, and now Logan! If nothing else, POW's raised a very polite, well-mannered pack.

"No, it's--—" Logan begins.

"It's was just instinct," I interrupt. That's how thing are with our kind. Male wolves are naturally aggressive and can't help wanting to fight, especially in wolf form. Years with Dad can attest to that.

"I know," Logan looks relieved, "but I still didn't mean to scare you."

I don't reply and for a while both of us stay silent. I wish I could tell him that he didn't scare me. Not really. That the whole submissive wolf thing was just my way of making sure he lost interest in fighting before any damage was done. I mean, yes, I wanted to avoid any broken bones, but who wouldn't?

I hate that Logan thinks I'm weak and can't handle a bit of pain. For some reason, I have this urge to impress him. I bet if I listed all the bones I've broken over the years... my own, and Dad's... he'd see me differently, but I know that's not an option. If I say anything, it'll prove I'm faking the whole Omega thing, and escape is far more important than whatever silly crush I have on Logan.

"Even if it's instinct, you can still fight it," Logan tells me. "It doesn't have to control you."

I want to give Logan a hug. I don't like that he's being so hard on himself. It's not like we fought and he hurt me, so there's no real reason for him to apologize.

"It's not easy." I sympathize instead, trying to make him feel better. Dad could never control his wolf either—not that he tried very hard—and even though I'm female and have been training my whole life, I still have trouble controlling mine from time to time. I may not hear her anymore, but I still get urges to do things I know I wouldn't do if I were human.

I wonder what it's like to be in Logan's shoes, losing control like that. I've always shifted around stronger wolves, first Dad, then the occasional rogue, and now Logan. Would I also want to fight—to attack and hurt—if I shifted with a weaker wolf? Maybe I should keep my distance from Nicki and the other kids, just in case.

I've been with a pack for less than a day and I'm starting to really wish I was human. Sure, my kind heals fast, ages slowly, and is really hard to kill, but we end up paying for it in so many ways. From a young age, we have to learn to control our wolf so we don't tear out innocent people's throats or mate with everyone in sight. Then there are wolves like Zara and Jasper, who are madly in love and are torn apart by a mating instinct. There are wolves like Logan, who have no control over their desire to fight and then regrets later. Maybe somewhere, deep down, I'll have the same instinct and one day I might act on it.

All my life, I've been convinced that it was just us rogues who suffered. That pack life was different—better. I've daydreamed about how wonderful that life would be: lounging around the house, hunting together, playing with wolves my age, never training again because I wouldn't have to worry about rogue attacks... basically just living it up. I assumed I'd get all the benefits of being a wolf and none of the suffering.

Now, I'm starting to see things for what they really are. I can't even bring myself to hate Dad if he did pay off the local pack and is responsible for our being rogues. I even want to be a pack wolf anymore. No, what I really wish for is to become human.

If I was human, Dad wouldn't have broken all my bones, over and over. He wouldn't have had the instinct to fight, or the need to train me to defend myself against rogues. If we were human, and he hit me, I could have called child protective services and gone somewhere safe. Above all, if we weren't wolves, Mom would never have died.

"I know it's hard," Logan puts his arm around me, "but all you can do is try."

I tense at the touch, my heart racing, and let his words sink in. Slowly, I begin to relax into him, and my worries about being a wolf float away. When he starts gently rubbing my arm my mind goes blank. I forget what we're talking about and lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder. Being so close to Logan, feeling the heat of his body against mine and inhaling his scent, is overwhelming. Realizing that deep down, Logan is a good guy who wants to do the right thing—control his wolf and not hurt people—makes my heart melt.

"I really am sorry about before," Logan whispers softly against my ear. "Please forgive me?"

"Okay," I mumble into his shoulder, our closeness making it difficult to think.

We sit like that for several minutes, until Logan gently pulls away. I instantly miss his touch, the warmth of his skin against mine, and fight the urge to move closer.

Logan turns me to face him and leans forward until his lips are inches from mine. "Sofie," he whispers, his breath caressing my lips.

"L...Logan?" My breath catches and I tremble. I've never been kissed before and I'm not quite sure what to do. I start to freak out about it until Logan touches my cheek and I lose my train of thought altogether.

Logan runs his thumb over my bottom lip and I gasp. I can feel my pulse race and my breathing becomes shallow, ragged. I can't believe I'm already feeling this way and Logan hasn't even kissed me yet! What will it feel like to have his lips caress mine? Will I survive?

My gaze focuses on his lips, and I stare, mesmerized. He slides his hand to the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair and pulling me closer. Right before our lips touch, my eyes drift shut, and I hold my breath, waiting.

For several seconds nothing happens. I can feel his breath against my lips, but other than that, Logan doesn't move. Did I misread the signs? Maybe he's not going to kiss me after all.

Then, Logan presses his lips against mine gently and a second after it began, it's over. My first kiss. I sigh dreamily.

I start to pull back, blushing furiously, but Logan doesn't let me. Instead, he leans forward and his lips graze mine once, then twice, so softly I can barely feel them. I long for more and try to move closer, but Logan has his fingers threaded through my hair and he keeps my head in place. He kisses me again briefly and pulls back, making me whimper with need.

"Saffron." His whispered breath caresses my lips.

"Logan." I moan and hesitantly place my hands on his shoulders. His hard muscles bulge beneath my fingertips and I grasp the front of his shirt, trying to pull him toward me.

Suddenly, Logan wraps his arms around me and slams his lips against mine. The pressure of the kiss—the contrast to the earlier caress of his lips on mine—sets my body on fire. I arch against him, wanting—no, needing—more.

That's all the invitation Logan seems to need and he pushes me onto my back right there on the bathroom floor. Within seconds, Logan is on top of me, his body flush with mine. His thigh is planted firmly between my legs and his chest pushes me into the cold marble. His lips move against mine, suddenly firm and insistent.

I kiss him back, hesitantly at first, and then with all the passion and longing that fills me. I arch up with a moan, and the moment my lips part Logan slips his tongue into my mouth. I gasp in surprise and Logan takes advantage, pushing his tongue in further to wrestle with mine. For a moment, it feels kind of weird and awkward and I start to pull away. Then, I figure out what to do with my own tongue and my body fills with heat. I wrap my arms around him, holding him in place and silently begging for more.

Logan's hard body presses me into the cold floor while his fingers twine into my hair and hold my head in pace. His lips caress mine, pulling back just long enough for me to miss them before coming back full force.

It's a feeling I've never even imagined, so strong and hot and wild that it's almost magical. My body is on fire, my heart is racing, and I can't seem to catch my breath. I also know that I want Logan more than I've ever thought possible and that I never want to stop.

I'm moaning and writhing beneath him when the phone rings. Logan and I keep kissing for a few more seconds, and then he pulls away. I immediately wrap my arms around his neck, trying to prolong the kiss. My pulse races and my breathing is fast and shallow as desire pulses through me. Every instinct in my body tells me to kiss Logan and never stop.

The phone continues ringing in the background and then stops, only to start up again. It takes several seconds for me to register what's happening and then reality slowly sinks in. I gesture towards the phone, which is slowly sliding across the counter, and Logan rolls off of me.

"See you tomorrow, Sofie." He smirks as he gets up and unlocks the door. I'm still on the floor, trying to catch my breath as he leaves the bathroom and closes the door softly behind him. He seems to have fully recovered from our kiss—if you can even call it that, considering it was horizontal—while my pulse is still racing and my hands shake. Not just my hands, but my whole body, which I realize once I've gotten up off the bathroom floor.

The phone stops ringing and then starts again for the third time. I finally reach for it and a grinning Jasper stares back at me. I almost drop the phone before I realize that it's just his photo. I fumble but manage to catch the phone at the last second. My heart races and I feel flushed, thought I have no idea if it's from almost breaking Zara's phone or from what I just experienced with Logan.

By the time I reach for the touch screen to answer the call, Jasper's face disappears and the ringing stops. Groaning, I slip the phone into my pyjama pocket. It's not like I can call back or anything since the phone is locked.

I grab the towel from the floor and toss it in the hamper. I just reach for the second towel, the one I left on the edge of the tub, when my pocket starts ringing.

"Sofie!" Zara yells when I pick up. "I've been calling for ages!"

"Sorry, sorry, I was..." I begin and then stop, my cheeks flaming. There's no way I'm going to finish that sentence.

"It's fine," Zara tells me, her words coming out in a rush. "Jasper has to go. You can come back now."

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