mini a/n - playing the song is highly recommended, adds a nice touch 😉.

~

GREY

My arms stroked and legs kicked through the cool aqua blue water. The water thrashed around me as I swam back and forth from each end of the pool. Of all the time I've been at Society this had been my first time in the pool room. The chill ambience was just what I needed.

I pressed my back against the tiled pool wall, slicking my wet hair back.

The more and more I devoted my energy to thinking about it, the more doubt snaked it's way in. I still remember the story Grant told me about the Serenity and Peter. Vera executed them because of their inappropriate relationship.

What if the path Xander and I are on is too dangerous to tread on?

Vera could find out and that would the very end. But at the same time, after Xander confessed to having feelings for me, it involuntary brought forward the feelings I didn't even know I had. Now there was no turning back, I like Xander and I want to be with him.

Too dangerous, I warred back and forth with the thought.

I laid my head back and closed my eyes, with only the sound of pool water brushing up against the walls.

* f l a s h b a c k *

I laid on my stomach atop of my bed, occupied with watching an episode of Criminal Minds. I felt his hand gently cuff around my suspended calve, and sway it back and forth playfully. I hummed a laugh.

I turned around and saw his eyes focused on this phone screen, his thumb dashing back and forth around the screen. If I stared long enough I'd be able to catch him attempt to suppress a smile.

I turned back around with a frown present. I felt like the whole time he's been here, my whole presence was disregarded.

"I'm gonna run to the bathroom," He told me as he placed his phone on my nightstand. He raked a hand through my hair before he left my room.

I redirected my attention to the tv. Criminal Minds had always been my favorite shown. Watching the characters solve mind boggling cases gave me a sense of satisfaction.

A vibration sounded against my nightstand table. I got up from my spot and grabbed his phone.

Jessica
iMessage (3)

It irked me that I couldn't see the actual message. He purposely did that, I know it.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked with anger flamed in his tone.

I chucked his phone at him," You've been texting her this whole time!"

"It's nothing serious calm down. Y'know there's this little thing called trust Grey," He snapped back.

"Really?" I quipped harshly. "What are you talking about with her? School work because the both of you are just star students and strive for excellence?" I said with an artificial joy. "She constantly flirts with you."

"You need to fix your definition of flirting."

"I will when you start paying attention to ME, you're actual girlfriend. Unbelievable," I shook my head.

"That's it," He violent shoved at my shoulders and I crashed backward onto my bed. I attempted to swat my hand at his face but he caught it in a tight gasp as he straddled me. I fidgeted under him.

His face neared mine, "Don't be that jealous annoying girlfriend Grey. Don't do it. I can text whoever I want."

"Get-off of me," I seethed. He let go of my wrist and did as I ordered him. I sat up and regained myself.

He kissed my cheek and mumbled, "I'll call you later."

And with that he was gone. I was frozen in that very spot for several minutes with a concerned expression.

* e n d o f f l a s h b a c k *

My eyes shot open. My chest heaved. My past relationship put me through so much that it was stored as a dark place in my memory.

I swam to the pool stairs and got out. I dried myself off and put my lounge-in clothes back on. I had to talk to Xander, our relationship has barely even started yet and I already had anxieties weighing on my shoulders.

I checked the digital clock in the elevator. Xander is currently on a mission, but if I estimated it right, he should be coming back soon.

"Ground level," I commanded and the elevator proceeded.

The ground level was always much more quieter and less busy compared to the rest of the facility. I entered the car garage and decided to just wait Xander out.

I saw an empty space and squinted my eyes. He took the Range Rover.

I had to be seen by Xander and not the rest of the task force, so I hid beside a black Mercedes near the empty parking space.

Time went by and I was alone with nothing but my continuous warring thoughts. Maybe this whole thing was too good to be true and we couldn't risk being together.

I sighed.

Suddenly I heard the garage open and a Range Rover sped in. I quickly crawled toward the back of the car. Doors slammed and chatter went on between Xander and the team. Once they began to walk toward the door I saw that Xander trailed behind them. So I dug into my pocket and took out Dad's bracelet.

I threw it as far as I could for it to reach Xander. It landed just beside his foot, mid-step. He stopped and picked it up with a puzzled countenance.

"Yo X-man you up for one-on-one?" Scott asked. Xander looked up in slight alarm.

"Um," He made a fist to conceal the bracelet. "I can't, Vera wants me to take a look at one of the cars in here. Later."

"Alright."

Once he was gone, I revealed myself and Xander walked toward me with a crooked smile.

"Hi," He leaned in to kiss me but I turned my head, still conflicted.

"What's wrong?" He furrowed his brows.

I crossed my arms, "Well I've been doing some thinking . . . and-"

"I know what that means," He sighed heavily. "In the car," He jerked his head toward the Mercedes.

"But-"

"Come on," He walked to the car and opened the door to the backseat. I followed suit and slid in next to him.

Silence held the moment.

"Xander I like you," I began. It sounded weird actually hearing it aloud.

"Mm-hm," He hummed in response, seeming to already know what was coming.

"But maybe we're in too much over our heads with this. I mean what if we get caught? Our lives would literally be over. Plus, relationships have always been a tough things for  me," I knew I was babbling at this point. It was so unlike me to be submerged in worry and to overthink everything. "I just don't know if I can do this right now."

"Grey," He called softly.

"I'm sorry but I just have a lot on my mind lately and I don't thi-"

"Grey!" Xander rose his voice.

"What!"

"I'm not him," He shook his head. My heart plummeted into my stomach, my lips parted. I probably looked like a deer in headlights.

"What's his name?"

I pressed my lips together.

Xander sensed my uncomfortableness and laid his hand on my knee, "You can tell me."

The way his soulful blue eyes delved into mine with his gentle touch put me a slight ease.

I exhaled steadily and closed my eyes briefly, "His name is Calvin."

"Calvin?" He repeated as he bent over to swiftly scoop up my legs onto his lap. "Harris?"

I laughed, "No."

My smiled subsided, "Everything started off almost perfect at first. I had a major crush on him since middle school. But when senior year rolled around, he told me that he liked me too. I still remember how happy I was that day.

We would constantly talk and text, I was on cloud 9. But as time went on in  our relationship things changed. He slowly stopped showing me as much affection, he would even subtly flirt with other girls.

I knew deep down that I should've broke things off right then. But no. I let it go on for two years because I still wanted to hang on to the dream that he still really liked me.

He even got physical with me. But I just couldn't find it in me to let him go," My eyes surged with tears and I blinked incessantly to make them go away. 

"Darling it's ok to cry," Xander caressed my cheek with his thumb assuringly. With that, the tears - for the first time in a long while - traveled down my cheeks.

I closed my eyes and gently held Xander's wrist as he wiped away my rolling tears. I took his hand down from my face and lowered it into my lap.

"The day of my abduction he actually texted me. I had just broke things off with him a month earlier. It's because of him I have this outlook on relationships," I said. I hated being this vulnerable, but somehow Xander made it ok.

"Well first of all, now that I know about Calvin . . . he doesn't have much time to live," He said firmly. But then his voice softened, "Don't worry about Vera. We just have to act the way we always do."

I hummed a laugh, "You mean fight?"

"That's us," He winked with a bright smile. "We can do this."

"Y'know I thought you were a loyal goodie two shoes when it came to Vera and her rules."

Xander's smile melted away. He broke eye contact and looked straight ahead, "Yeah well . . . Not everything she says or does I agree with."

He brung his gaze back to mine and we held it there, much longer than needed.

_____________________________

A/N - 😮😮😮.

I hoped you guys liked the song bc I love that song and I think it went well w the chapter yeah?

What'd y'all think of this X-Rey chap? 😌.

Votes/Comments are much appreciated!

- kya h. ♡