Luca

One of the skills I prided myself on was my ability to compartmentalize. When an attack occurred, I was able to separate any personal connection to it and focus on the facts. Put any emotion to the side, and set my mind on instinct and logic. That wasn't the case today though. The second that I heard about the explosion, my mind went blank. I felt paralyzed, unable to focus on anything other than sheer panic surrounding Charlotte. There was an explosion at the health club, and Charlotte was there. 

We were fighting. The last words I spoke to her were harsh and disconnected, and I told her to leave if she couldn't handle it. I overreacted and said something I didn't mean, and now she was in danger. 

Suddenly, getting to her was the only thing that mattered. I couldn't get to her fast enough. Marco assured me she was okay, but it wasn't good enough. I needed to see her with my own eyes and felt her with my own hands. I needed to know for myself. 

She was fine, of course--at least physically. I wasn't sure she would ever be emotionally okay again. When I thought back over everything that she had been through out the last few months, I couldn't really blame her. 

When we got home, she was eerily calm, almost passive. I expected to find her hysterical and upset, and when she wasn't, it concerned me. She was becoming use to this. It no longer had the same effect on her, and the thought of that was terrifying to me. One of the things I loved most about her was her removal from all of this. She wasn't accustomed to the violence and destruction. She wasn't yet hardened by this life. But judging by her reaction, I was afraid she was being tainted beyond repair.

Perhaps Antonio and Elena were right. I should have let her go. I should have given her the opportunity to live her own life, away from the chaos and violence. She may have hated me for it now, but if she knew what I was trying to protect her from, she would have thanked me. We've come too far for that now, though. Things spiraled out of control no matter how hard I fought, and I couldn't protect her from everything. Today was proof of that. 

I was so focused on Grant, I let everything else slip through the cracks, and she was almost killed because of it. My father's menacing voice echoed in my ears. She was becoming my weakness, my blind spot, and people were going to start getting hurt because of it.

I walked into my bedroom expectingto find Charlotte curled up in a ball beneath my sheets as she was when I left her. Instead the bed was empty, and I saw her back to me out the door, leaning over the balcony. I shut the door behind me as I walked out beside her, leaning against the railing next to her. The view was stunning at sunset like this, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of the masterpiece in front of me. Long coffee colored hair flowing in the breeze. A white satin robe draped loosely over her shoulders that were freckled from the sun. An evenness in her eyes that both comforting and disconcerting. 

Another skill I prided myself on was being able to read people. Charlotte was an enigma to me, though.  I hated when she retreated back into her own mind, leaving me on the outside, flailing for any indication as to what was going through that beautiful mind of hers. It was a cruel twist of irony. She was doing the same thing to me that she hated when I did to her-- giving her my surface emotions while keeping everything else close to my chest. 

I reached out softly to her cheek, tucking a piece of her errant hair behind her ear. My touch made her flinch, and it hurt me more than it should have.

"You left without saying goodbye to me this morning. Where did you go?" She asked, not meeting my eyes. 

"I went to my warehouse. Angelo brought Grant there." I answered honestly. 

Charlotte stiffened. "Is he okay?" 

"Relatively." I said. "He's not dead if that's what you mean." 

A wave of relief washed over her eyes. "But you beat him up?" 

"He needs to learn to mind his own business, Charlotte." I ran my fingers through my hair in irritation. This was the last thing I wanted to talk about right now. "Can we talk about something else? I don't want to keep fighting with you." 

"What do you want to talk about, Luca?" She glared. "How I was nearly killed today? How you beat the shit out of my ex-boyfriend? How I had to tell my best friend that my boyfriend was leading the Mafia because she was almost hit with a car bomb?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek. She was lashing out, and if I needed to shoulder the brunt of her anger, I could do that. "I'm sorry, Charlotte. For all of it. Every single day I wish you and I could be together under different circumstances. And if you want to leave, I understand." 

"I don't want to leave, Luca. I love you. As fucked up as that is. I look at you, and I just... I love you." 

"I love you, too." I arched over, taking her hand in mine and giving it a tight squeeze. It was a relief to hear her say that, because at this point, I wouldn't be able to live without her. 

"It's always going to be like this, though, isn't I?" Her voice was distant, as if she had already conceded to it and was just waiting for my confirmation. Her eyes were still set on the horizon, taking in all of the beauty.

What could I say to ease her mind? Whatever it was, it would be a lie. So instead I said the one thing I knew to be true. "We'll get them,Charlotte. I promise you that."

She scoffed, keen on the shallowness of my words. "Right. You're going to find whoever it is this time. But there will always be someone else, won't there? Once you find Silvano, someone else will come out of the woodwork. I'll never be able to have a normal life again." Her stoic expression dissolved and immense sadness washed over her face. "If we have children, they won't ever be safe."

The pain in her eyes broke my heart, I couldn't remember a single time I hurt for another person like this before. Was it possible she was the only person who could ever hold enough of my heart to break it?

More than anything I wanted to comfort her and tell her everything would be okay, but it would be a lie. I wanted to tell her that this had always been her life, she just didn't known it. That these men had her on their radar even before I came in the picture. I wasn't sure if that would make this better or worse.

"Charlotte, it won't always be like this. This situation isn't typical. But that's one of the reasons I told you I can't have a family." I snaked my arm around her waist, moving close so our bodies were touching. Tension spread over her, but she eventually laid her head down on my shoulder. "I told you when I first met you how dangerous this life was. I wanted you to know what to expect and now you've seen some of it first hand. That was never my intention. I always wanted to keep you from it, but maybe you needed to see it to know why I am the way I am. Why I want someone with you all the time, why I am so careful about people I trust."

"Do you ever get tired of living this way?" Her voice cracked as she wiped a tear off of her cheek.

I bit my lip. Every fucking day of my life I got tired of it. Everyday I cursed myself for being involved in this, for putting those I love in this situation, for not being strong enough to leave. I only become more intense in the last few months as I saw what it was doing to Charlotte, my beautiful, beautiful Tesoro. I couldn't tell her that though. I had to feed her another shallow answer that neither of us believed. "It's my life."

We stood there in silence for a few minutes as the weight of the world overtook us both. 

"You told Jenni?"

"I didn't have any other choice, not after today." Charlotte sniffled, worried about how I might react.

"I know you didn't. It's okay. I'm sure that was difficult." I kissed the top of her head still resting softly on my shoulder. I loved the way it fit perfectly into the crook of my neck, like a missing puzzle piece.

"I didn't tell her everything, but I had to give her some kind of explanation."

"Now you see what my dilemma has been all along. When someone you care about knows about this life, there is a new level of danger. You know how gruesome the details can be, so you try to spar them as much as possible."

I felt her whole body rise and fall with a deep sigh as she absorbed my words. This was a lesson I never wanted her to learn. I selfishly thought I could keep her for myself, and still keep her separate from my world. Jesus, how wrong I had been.

"I think I am going to go to sleep. I'm not feeling very well." She wrapped the robe tighter around her body and turned away from me, trying to hide her tears. The sight of her crying was sharper than any knife I had ever been stabbed with. It was almost debilitating.

"Do you want something to eat first? Carlo made..."

"No." She said sharply. 

"I'll be up to check on you later." 

She simply nodded and disappeared back into the room.

I stayed on the balcony for a few minutes by myself considering what she was asked. Was I tired of it? Had I finally had enough that I could be tempted to walk away from all of this? If she asked me to, would I be able to leave? I didn't know the answer to that question, and even my consideration of it terrified me.

The buzzing of my phone in my pocket interrupted my moment of peace. It was Angelo, wanting to meet in my office. Maybe he found something. It would be good if he did. I wouldn't be so helpless if I had something to go off of. I could do what I was designed to do--seek and destroy.

Charlotte was curled up with her back to me, the expression on her face reminded me of the first night we had met. When Angelo and the guys brought her back unconscious, her brow furrowed with worry in the same way.

I wanted to stay with her, to make that worry go away, but I knew I couldn't. I was most useful to her by finding the bastards who did this and making them pay. That was something I could focus on. If Silvano was responsible for this shit, I couldn't wait to get my hands on him, to have his blood on my hands, to see him oozing and gasping for air as I plunged my knife deeper and deeper into his sorry ass. I wanted to make him regret the day he went after Charlotte. Fuck, I wanted him to regret the day he was born.

I shut the door as quietly behind me as I could and made my way down to my office. The door was closed, which was unusual. I threw it open in a rage. Angelo, Carlo, and Marco were all three seated in the leather chairs on the side of my desk. Their eyes were down, shoulders slumped, and there was a chilling quiet in the air. They looked like whipped puppies.

"What the fuck is the matter with you three?" I sneered. It wasn't until that moment that I had a clear view of what was going on in there. The wind was immediately sucked out of me.

Antonio. 

He was seated behind my desk, flanked by both Gabe and Seth. His icey glare told me this wasn't going to be a pleasant meeting. We failed to keep Charlotte safe, so now he was here to finish the job.