Jamie's POV

Riley isn't the only one who "knows someone" to sneak into closed business.

Staring down a barrel of a gun from across the table, I intently watch it because I'm too scared to look away. Like Robin and Riley next to me, I'm too rigid to dare move, gripping onto my chair with sweaty palms. Nate sits on the other side of the table which is tragically directly across from me, thrashing his dirty blonde head to the screamo music blasting on the speakers in this hole in the wall restaurant.

Between the waves of anxiety, I send a silent thank you to my grandmother for keeping my brother and I away from drugs. Nate is more drugs than person. Logic, common sense, morality, emotions; they're all replaced with heroin. I try to imagine Nate before all the snorting and injections and fistful of pills, desperately concentrating on an idea of a different version of him, what he went through, what got him to this point, but fail.

"Hey," The guy who let us in after closing, also part time sells for Nate comes to the little square table. "Want anything from the kitchen?"

"These idiots must be starving. Probably haven't eaten since yesterday, am I right?" Yelling over the music, Nate ceases his thrashing to shoot the three of us an amused look. Acting as if we're not hostages at gun point, Nate has been acting as if we're four good friends hanging out. When he dragged us away from Riley's car an hour ago, he wasn't angry but unnaturally friendly. Too fearful to try anything, we obediently climbed into Nate's expensive car, shaking in his leather seats the entire ride. Though the duffel bag from earlier is at our feet, we thankfully passed Jordy on our way to Nate's car, and unnoticeably handed off Killer. No doubt Jordy and his raggedy tent is safer than Nate.

"We're not hungry." Robin braves a word in, but her voice is too quiet to sound like Robin. I've grown so use to her smart ass, confident tone that this hushed tone of hers puts me even more on edge.

"Either you order something or I will." Why do I have the feeling Nate will make us eat something gross, like uncooked meat? Or perhaps he'd make us eat and not stop till we're sick.

"Coffee then." Riley struggles to keep the anger from his voice. I fight the urge to reach out under the table, to take hold of his hand for comfort, but paralyzed by fear as I stare down the gun on the table. "I'll take coffee. Black."

"Irish coffee," Robin orders, looking miserable. "Hold the cream and brown sugar. Light coffee. Extra whiskey." Robin adds, looking miserable and fidgety. I'm starting to comprehend why Robin resorts to anything that won't keep her sober. Being around Nate makes you need to take the edge off with anything strong.

"Ginger?!" I didn't even realize it's my turn to speak, till Nate starts barking at me.

"Tea," I weakly manage, still staring down the gun by Nate's tattooed elbow. "Anything caffeinated." I add, knowing full well I'll need the caffeine boost.

"Coffee for me too. The darkest blend." A small part of me feels a bit reassured at Nate's simple order. Nate is so volatile, we never know when he's going to erupt. When the drinks reach the table Nate is calm enough till he pulls out a miniature zip lock bag full of white powder that is no doubt something illegal.

"Sweet n low," Nate fakes a grin as he stirs the drugs into his coffee. This doesn't bode well for us. My stomach lurches as Nate takes a long sip till he starts twitching.

"That's the stuff!" Nate suddenly bellows, slamming his fist against the table so hard it threatens to break with an off putting crack. Unfazed, Robin just downs her Irish coffee, while Riley just glares at Nate a tad harsher. I flinch so hard, I'm surprised I didn't fall out of my chair.

"How about we play a little game, hmm?" Nate snarls with dilated pupils so massive I can barely see green.

"What kind of game?" Robin doesn't sound so apprehensive anymore. Probably do to the fact she drank more whiskey than coffee.

"Something like truth or dare," Nate picks up the gun, a silent threat that has us all on the edge of seats. "But you only tell the truth or dare to see if how much a bullet can hurt." Coiling his tattooed hands around his gun, Nate aims directly at me with a sickening smirk.

"Ginger," Steeling myself, I fight to keep measured. It's simple, I'll tell the truth and he won't shoot me. Yet, the gun aimed at me doesn't look any less life threatening. "You go first. Let me in the know. Have you let my mate Riley here smash?"

Mouth running dry, I find myself speechless as a huge lump swells up in my throat. My green eyes lock with Riley's brown ones, silently searching for a way out. He looks like he wants to die than talk about when we hooked up. Exchanging a sad, knowing look we struggle to keep the embarrassment from making our faces go an ugly red.

Nate looks like a kid in candy store, excited at the edge of his seat. He's hungry for the chaos, while Robin eyes the fire exits.

"Yes." I admit so quietly it's barely heard over the music.

"Of fucking course," Nate claps Riley too hard on the back as he explodes in a smug laugh. "My mate, Riley, always gives it to any pretty drunk girl."

That stings. As Nate's words sink in and make my heart heavy, they leave a bitter taste in my mouth, leaving my skin feeling violated and raw, leaving my feelings for Riley feeling worthless. It just proves how Riley and I slept together, but didn't get together. It makes me another one of Riley's "any pretty drunk girls."

"How many times did you let Riley hit it?" Nate gloats.

"Once." I firmly state, straightening up in my seat. Nate's hand tightens on the gun as he meets my unwavering green eyes.

"What's her bra size?" Nate asks with a sickening a smirk.

"No-"

"I wasn't asking you." Nate redirects the gun at Riley, who sinks into his shoulders and fights to keep calm. "What's Ginger's bra size, mate?"

Don't tell him, don't tell him, don't tell him, don't tell him, I silently plead, but I know Riley doesn't have a choice.

"Bcup." Riley grudgingly admits through clenched teeth, glaring down the gun the whole time. I feel Nate's green on me across the table, feeling those dilated eyes dip down and linger on my chest, feeling like he's mentally undressing me from my sweater... even worse, my skin feels irritated like his grimy hands are physically man handling me.

"Pathetic." Nate snickers. I want to cross my arms over my chest. I want to leave. I want to never to face this guy ever again, but I'm force into my seat, I have to take it.

"Hey Ginger," Nate aims the gun at me again. "What's the worse thing you've ever done?" Cmon, you can't be all gooody goody." I instantly find Robin's blue eyes across the table, those baby blues bright with an alcoholic fever. She's drunk. But Robin's always kind of drunk. Drunk Robin is the Robin I know best. I miss her usual smirk, and if I saw it right now I'd know everything would be alright.

She doesn't smirk, though.

"On my twenty first birthday," I stall, trying to think of anything eventful. Nate doesn't want to hear the only time I was in detention or my first one night stand. Compared to Robin, Nate, and Riley, I'm overwhelmingly boring, I'm plain and simple, vastly ordinary. I don't have the wild streak that would keep Nate entertained.

"I was at a bar," I continue idiotically, feeling panic start to seep into me. Riley's and Robin's paranoid expressions are not helping me.

"And I stole a bottle of fifty year old scotch from the top shelf when the police came to break it up." Fighting to keep a straight face, I lie through my teeth. In actuality, on my twenty first birthday I celebrated with my brother, going on a carefree yet mild pub crawl. I didn't vomit or black out, but slept it off on his couch.

"God, that's sadder than amateur porn." Nate scoffs. Judging by the nervous looks on both of Robin's and Riley's faces, they know I'm blatantly lying. Anxiety fills me up as I pray Nate doesn't realize I'm lying too.

"Robin, what did you do on your twenty first?" How she doesn't flinch when the gun turns on her is too off putting. Making me sick, I try to ignore plummeting feeling of my stomach dropping.

"I broke into somebody's wine cellar... and when I couldn't drink it all... I smashed the rest of the bottles." Robin admits with a miserable look. While Robin struggles with guilt, Nate laughs so hard, he makes my ears hurt.

"How about you, mate?" The gun threantingly turns to Riley's direction.

"I don't remember..." Riley glares down at his feet under the table. "I blacked out. I woke up almost a week later..."

"Don't be shy, Riley," Nate gives a taunting smirk. "Where did you wake up?" Riley's brown eyes meet mine, exchanging with my green ones a silent apology. The look on Riley's face tells me I don't want to know.

"Some girl's..." Riley sucks in a shallow breath, forcing out his next words with a hoarse voice. "bed."

"Why are you keeping the gory details to yourself?" Nate laughs like this is some friends from college sharing war stories. "Do you remember how you met this girl? Did you wrap it, before you taped it? Did you call her after? Did you even know her name?" I suddenly feel like I can't breathe.

"Riley?" Nate presses.

"No." Riley grunts, shooting Nate a nasty look. "No... I woke up, got my stuff and just left before she woke up." Riley's not proud of this, but Nate is smug enough for him. I'm not sure whether I'll break up in tears or just gag.

"You know, while you're at it, Riley, you should tell us about every girl you've been with." Nate gives such a foul sneer, he truly makes me sick. My stomach lurches, threatening to give. I struggle to keep my breathing even. I struggle even more not to let my emotions get the best of me.

"Nate, fuck-" Riley starts to seethe, but stops when Nate clicks the safety off.

"I lost my virginity to the high school slut." Riley spits out, going red in the face not from humiliation, but rage.

"Bend Over Becky?" Nate laughs so hard, spit goes flying from his lips, and nearly lands on me. The lack of shock on Robin's face proves that Riley confided this to her years ago. "When did you possibly have the time to do it with her? She was too busy on her knees for every guy in the junior class."

"During my sophomore year...Under the bleachers... At the fucking homecoming game." Riley warily watches the gun, ready to duck down if it suddenly goes off. "She was drunk. I was drunk. It was the stupidest fifteen minutes of my life." Riley grudgingly admits, but it's obvious he'd say anything right now to keep Nate's finger off the trigger.

"For fucks sake." Nate manages between laughs, acting as if he's having the time of his life. "Did she let you hit it more than once? Why am I asking? It was Bend Over Becky. Of course she did!"

"It was just that one time..." Riley clarifies with a mortified expression.

"Who else did you do the nasty with?" Instead of pointing the gun at Riley, Nate unexpectedly aims it at me. Robin's hands twitch at her sides, as if she's stopping herself from reaching out and making a grab for the gun.

"I did the varsity basketball captain's girlfriend, Vanessa Huges, at a party!" Riley immediately fires, flinching in his chair so hard, I thought it might topple over onto the floor. Nate's face knots up with entertainment as he clicks the safety back on.

"You were the person Baxter Morgan's girl cheated on with?!" Nate is in complete delight.

"After Vanessa, I started going out with Ava Francis. She let me go all the away after the first date, but immediately wanted to be my girlfriend." Riley admits, still eyeing the gun.

"I remember her. A great set of knockers on that one. You two broke it off after three weeks."

"That's because I slept with her younger sister, Eden Francis." Riley clarifies in a low voice. Nate laughs till he's out of breath, slamming his free hand down on the table so hard, his palm is an alarming red, yet he doesn't seem to feel the pain from impact.

"In my junior year I hooked up with a few girls..." Riley continues, and for the briefest of moments I swear I thought he was truly going to hurl. "Marie, Allison, Reagan, Victoria, Rhonda, Lizzie..."

"You're missing a few. Don't forget about Cameron Matthews, and Suzy Duncan. You slept with them too, but you were so wasted, I knew you and your pencil dick would forget about it as soon as it happened." I fight a chill as Nate glances at me as he emphaies the phrase, "pencil dick."

"How do you remember? I don't even remember them." Riley calls Nate out.

"I slept with them too at those parties." Nate states smugly with a shit eating grin. My heart goes out for Robin, who sits unfazed on my left. Her blue eyes hold a look of boredom, an unimpressed look not budging off her face. Robin's and Nate's relationship sounds like a tragic modern Shakespeare play. Nate is Robin's first boyfriend, that I doubt ever took her out on a proper first date, but immediately became boyfriend and girlfriend on their first day of high school. They're high school sweet hearts, that regularly cheat on each other with one night stands and meaningless sex. Their relationship is as toxic as it is nostalgic, held together by a fistful of pills, bottles of booze, and a sexual thrill that they substitute as intimacy.

I never understood why Robin and Nate never broke up, but I'm starting to comprehend now with every minute Nate is pointing this gun at us.

"In my senior year, I started hooking up with girls I sold drugs to. I don't remember everyone who put out. I was too faded." Riley summarizes, as Nate enthusiastically nods along. "By the end of senior year, I crashed Abby Anderson's graduation party, and did her in her parent's room when her family was cutting the cake."

"Brutal." Nate crackles. "What was your longest relationship?" Nate challenges.

"A month," Riley grumbles, a defeated tone in his voice. "Maybe two."

"Right, right, who was she again? Naomi? Chloe? Bex? Layla? Bailey? Maya? Olivia? Lexie? Sadie? Alexis? Fiona? Stella? Farrah? Quinn?"

"It was all of them." Riley sorely admits, his head hanging low. "I'd crash with every girl I... dated, before they all kicked me out. They all lasted as fast as it started, because I'd lead them on." Riley's voice is barely above a whisper. In this moment, Riley reminds me much like when I first met him. Some delinquent in a dark, cold alley in at one in the morning, threatening me with fear in his eyes. He reminds of that time, because much like now, I had no idea who he was or what he is capable of.

As all those girls' names sink in, one by one. I sit motionlessly in my chair, trying not to feel everything at once. I've never felt so small in my entire life as I do now. I don't know what to do with my hands, or where to look. My skin crawls. My knees buckle. Skin flaring up under my dirty clothes, I can feel Riley's hands all over my body from that night we hooked up.

"No, no... it was just sex, Jamie." Riley's words from that night pounds against my ear drums till I feel a headache coming on.

I feel used.

I feel used.

I feel used.

I think I rather feel jealous, than feel so meaningless. I can't bring myself to be upset at Riley for being with other girls before he came into my life, especially since we're not even dating. Instead, I sympathize with all those women. Empathy feels me up for each and every one of those girls who must have fell head over heels for Riley, and how hard they tired for that one or two months they had him in their lives.

"Isn't this nice and cozy? God, I feel so close to you all." Just as Nate smirks, Robin suddenly drops, her dark head smashing against the table with a god awful smack. Riley and I try to stand, but neither of us make it.

"Look at us, opening up," Nate continues. I'm not sure whether the ground under me really did go out, or if I'm somehow hanging upside down.

"Most people never have this kind of honesty. I'm touched." My vision goes blurry. A crash goes off. Riley's smack down on the floor.

"What did you do to us?" I barely mange, just as I feel myself start to go down.

"You know, we should do something to commemorate this night," I make out Nate's bloody combat boots atop of Riley's unconscious head. "best friends."