"Why did you leave-"

"The fuck do you mean why did I leave?! Did you think I didn't know what a recording game console looked like?! I'm a whole nigga! You're trifling as fuck and I want nothing to do witcho bitch ass!" I exclaim before hanging up.

Standing in front of my door, I unlock it and swing it open to see Lashawn sitting on my bed. I forgot that I told this nigga to come over. I facepalm myself. After tonight's rollercoaster, this conversation is the last thing I wanna have.

As I close the door, Lashawn is already rushing up to me with a furious look on his face, "That nigga did what?!"

"Ion wanna talk about it." I tell him.

"Shit, I ain't tryna talk either, I've heard enough. Where this nigga stay at?" Lashawn moves past me, aiming for the door.

I step in front of him. "Stop. Fighting him ain't gone do you no good." I shake my head.

"The fuck do you mean?! Are you bugging?! This nigga was gonna film you at your most vulnerable point and only God knows what he was planning on doing with that footage!" He yells.

"I know." I reply.

"Bruh who takes somebody back to their house on the first date anyways? Like c'mon Zay, how dumb can you be?" He follows up, making me feel even worse.

"I knoowww." I repeat, raising my voice a little in annoyance.

"Over here tryna be a player when that's not in your nature and that's why you got your heart broke-"

I cut him off with narrowed eyes, "Hollon now, who the fuck was tryna be a player?"

Lashawn crosses his arms and looks at me as if I'm tryna play dumb. I raise a brow, waiting for him to explain.

"So you flirting with Josh in front of me, knowing that I like you, wasn't you tryna be a player?" Lashawn questions.

"No, that was quite literally me finding a nigga cute and acting on it. Your feelings for me were the last thing on my mind when I did it." I answer.

And he didn't like that answer one bit because immediately, his eyebrows get to creasing.

"Isaiah..." He warns as he rubs his temples, "You getting me mad tight."

"And your insanity is getting me mAd tIgHt as well, Lashawn." I mock his accent.

"Insanity?" Lashawn frowns, "Where am I losing you at?"

"Everywhere nigga!" I exclaim before going down the list, "Like I'm genuinely baffled that you thought it was okay to tell my business to Josh and start beef with him when we aren't even together! I never told you nor implied that I wanted to be with you beforehand, so I don't know why you feel like you've been played!"

"I feel played because you sat in class and blatantly lied to me about your relationship status with Seraya! The fuck you lying to me for?!" He yells back.

"Because I knew if I told you the truth, you would immediately start pressuring me into another relationship and I'm not ready for that! I've accepted that I'm sexually attracted to niggas, but I haven't figured out if I can be emotionally attracted to them as well and this was my time to explore that!" I explain.

"And why didn't you wanna explore that with me?" Lashawn asks.

"Nigga - what have you shown me so far that makes you feel so entitled to my affection? What have you done romantically that should've made you my first choice, huh? Let's start there." I challenge him, "All you've done is make sex jokes and grab me inappropriately for a year. Then, you made your move through a damn threesome. What about that says boyfriend material, Lashawn? Please fucking tell me!"

When Lashawn responds, he looks calm as if we weren't in a screaming match just a couple of seconds ago. "You didn't give me a chance to show you that I could be boyfriend material."

He steps closer slowly and I cautiously adjust my stance. The voice, the slow sneak up. It all reminds me of him.

My dad.

"But with Josh out of the picture, you're all mine, right?" Lashawn poses as a literal question, but it comes out rhetorically.

As I stare at him, I don't just see him. My brain flashes between two scenes. The one with me as a child, peering through the door as my dad stalks my mom into a corner, ready to pounce on her if she makes a run for it. This current one with Lashawn ready to pounce on me when he's convinced that I have nowhere to go.

"Because you know I'm crazy about you, Zay." He whispers huskily while nearing closer, "Crazy enough to start beef with other niggas about you."

Lashawn's arm comes to rest above my head. He cages me in against the wall, causing me to look up at him.

"Crazy enough to go stomp a nigga out about you." Lashawn continues. His other hand comes to grasp my neck. The softness of his grasp slowly grows tighter.

"Lashawn." I warn because the hand placement, the close proximity, and the back against the wall is hitting too close to home.

"Did you know I own a gun, Zay?" He brings up, "I'm real efficient with it too. I'd hate for one of your lil friends to end up getting shot for touching what's mine."

That's when his grip borders on painful. Painful enough where I can't breathe right and that's when I black out.

Without thinking, I'm throwing out wild punches and kicks, not caring about where they land. All that motivates me right now is my desire from the past. The strength that I wish I had back then in order to protect my mom, I use against Lashawn. The fight that I wish my mom had in her back then, I have in me right now.

"What the fuck, Zay?" Lashawn's voice reaches me and that's when I realize, he's struggling to hold me back.

"Get the fuck off of me!" I yell with rage, mustering all my strength to push him away.

I freeze as Lashawn stumbles a couple inches back. I hadn't realized I had all that emotion left in me. All the rage, fear, and trauma that I thought I had left behind when I moved to college, was stored up somewhere, and Lashawn managed to bring it all out at once.

I huff and puff. While I try to get my emotions under control, my eyes travel up to Lashawn's face. Blood is pouring from his mouth, down the side of his face. He looks caught off guard, taken aback. He is still trying to process what he had done wrong to bring that out in me. I'm still trying to process what just happened myself. Never in a million years, did I ever think I would not only see my dad in Lashawn, but feel his presence in him too.

"Isaiah, I-" He attempts.

"I hate you." I whisper as my eyes water.

Hate you for reintroducing me to the fear I thought I had left behind.

Lashawn's eyes widen as if hearing those words come from my mouth just rocked his whole world. "What?" He asks quietly. He sounds like he is in pain.

"I-I hate you." I repeat in a broken sob, "I fucking hate you, Lashawn."

I just wasted so much energy fighting Lashawn, that I don't even have enough energy to stop the bitch from coming out. I let the tears flow down my face. I let the sobs out. I'm too tired to care anymore.

"Isaiah, I'm sorry-"

"Just go." I tell him, "Don't call me. Don't text me. Don't speak to me in class. I'll start having lunch by myself, just leave me alone. I want nothing to do with you."

I watch Lashawn's mouth sputter again. This time, he looks like he has so much to say, but he knows that I don't wanna hear it, so his apologies have nowhere to go. As his mouth quivers, his eyes become watery.

My eyes dart away, going out of focus. Lashawn takes the hint and walks towards the door. I hear it open. I hear it shut. The last thing I hear is footsteps growing fainter and fainter.

Kicking off my shoes, I drag myself over to my bed. I fall into my bed with my outside clothes on. Tomorrow, I'll berate myself for that, but right now, all I want is sleep. My eyes get heavier and heavier each time I blink. Soon, I'm entering a state of darkness and the last thought on my mind is;

How am I gonna make it through the weekend without my best friend?

< Time Skip >

The next morning when I wake up, I wish I hadn't. My throat is sore and my head is pounding. Not only am I blindsided physically, but I am also blindsided mentally by last night's memories.

And those hurt more than any physical pain being thrown at me right now.

It hurts because Lashawn and I don't get heated at each other like that. Not to the point of screaming our lungs out and definitely not to the point of getting physical.

It hurts especially because I hoped that Lashawn could've been my escape last night. The only thing I wanted more than Lashawn beating Josh's ass, was his comfort. I wanted to be held in his arms until I fell asleep. At that moment, I wanted him to show me what I was missing out on.

It turns out that I'm not missing out on anything worthwhile.

Sighing out loud, I pull myself together enough to get out of bed. I go to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Stripping out of my clothes from yesterday, I throw them in the hamper. That's when I pull the curtains back to get in the tub. I turn the shower on and I step back as I wait for the water to turn hot. When it does, I stand underneath and sigh from it hitting my skin.

15 minutes later, I step out. I spend the rest of my time in the bathroom, doing my skin routine and brushing my teeth. Afterwards, I leave, pull out some clothes from my drawer, put them on, apply some deodorant under my arms, and bring my ass right back to my bed.

I may be ashy, but at least I'm not musty now.

I grab one of my pillows and I wrap both my arms and my legs around it while my head lays on a nest of them. I don't feel like going on my phone. I don't feel like watching a movie. I'm just here unfortunately because I won't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

I'm unaware of how much time passes until a sleepy Gian comes out of his room. I've always been an early bird and Gian has always been a night owl, so it must be around 12-1 pm right now. I watch Gian scratch his hair as he heads to the bathroom. "Morning, Zay." He greets.

"Morning." I greet dryly.

Immediately, Gian pauses. I forgot to mention that I'm a morning person, so it's usually Gian greeting me with that dry ass tone. I understand why he was caught off guard.

He turns his head slowly with a frown on his face. "Are you okay?"

That simple question triggers the wetness in my eyes. I silently shake my head. Next thing I know, Gian is sitting on the bed next to me.

"What's wrong?" He asks with a sympathetic expression, patting my shoulder, "Didn't you and Josh link last night? What went wrong?"

"It was going great. He cooked me dinner. We were watching Friday. Our vibes matched so well, so I was excited to take things to the next level. Tell me why when this nigga went to take a shower and I was about to go on my phone, I noticed his PS5 was recording."

Gian looks at me in horror as he exclaims, "His what was WHAT?!"

"Yes bruh and then when I went to delete my recording, 8 other videos of him and a couple niggas from our team having sex were there." I add.

"What the fuck? Who does something like that? That is so trifling, please tell me you got rid of that shit." Gian looks disgusted.

"Of course and then I got up outta there. Then, he had the nerve to call me when I got to the dorms and ask me why I left. Nigga why do you think? I wasn't gonna be your next victim."

"I know dats right! Talk to these niggas, Zay!"

I laugh a bit. One thing about Gian, he gone hype somebody up.

"Weren't you and Lashawn supposed to talk?" He brings up.

"And that's where it got worse." I sigh, "Violently worse."

Gian's eyes narrow. "What?" He questions.

"I had forgotten I asked Lashawn to come by so we could talk until I saw him sitting on my bed. He had overheard my phone call with Josh and he immediately jumped up, wanting to fight. As much as I wanted him to whoop Josh's ass, I needed him by my side way more." I explain, "Afterwards, Lashawn had started going off about how I was stupid for going over to Josh's house for the date and that's what I get for trying to play him."

"Nigga, what the hell?!" Gian exclaims in shock, "How the fuck were you supposed to know what that sick ass nigga was planning?! You're not a mindreader! I can't believe he saw you all broken like that and he was still worried about that playful flirting from Wednesday."

"I was in disbelief too. So from there, we were just yelling back and forth at each other until Lashawn got calm. Scarily calm. He was walking up to me in a threatening manner and seeing him like that, made me relive a traumatic experience." I continue.

Gian's sympathetic expression returns and he clutches my shoulder gently, letting me know that he's got me.

"It reminded me of my dad. How he would slowly back my mom into corners and when she had nowhere to go, that's when he unleashed his assault. That's all I saw as Lashawn got closer. So when he went to choke me, I blacked out as I attacked him."

"Oh my God." Gian mutters before continuing, "I'm so sorry that you've had to experience something like that and that somebody who's supposed to be your closest friend, made you relive that. Yea, he prolly didn't know about your upbringing, but that still doesn't justify him choking you in the first place."

The tears that were threatening to spill over, stream down my face.

"Even though what Lashawn did was disgusting, let's give him the benefit of the doubt. The same upbringing that made you lash out last night might've been the same upbringing that taught him aggression is the way to get what he wants."

I slowly nod in agreement. That never crossed my mind. Lashawn wasn't just born toxic. He had to learn that from somewhere.

"You might be right about that, Gian." I reply, "Thanks man, I really needed that."

"Of course. Hey, sit up and let me hug you too, okay?" Gian tells me.

I sit up, letting the pillow fall from my arms. Immediately, he pulls me into his own, holding me against him tightly. I hug him back as tightly.

"I gotchu, ight?" He assures me, "I'll be here as long as you need me."

I nod as I bury my face in his neck, smearing his skin with my tears. This warmth, this comfort, and this support is what I needed. That's when I realize I might not be so cursed. After all, I managed to get blessed with a friend like this.

A/N: 3 back to back chapters? So proud of myself 😌 now watch me fuck all that progress up 💀

Apologies for the emotional rollercoaster I've sent y'all on. Brighter days are coming lmao, but I'm curious though. Whose side are you on?