Sadie met my eyes from across the park and smiled gently, holding on to her steaming cup of coffee and making small talk with a few guests-- her eyes were red and blood shot and she looked completely exhausted. It had been a long few days.

We had just gotten through Adam's fake funeral, the one we had arranged to convince everyone that he was actually dead, and even though it wasn't real, it had been taxing on everyone. This had been really close to being our reality and it stung. Sadie had done well, she was brilliant actress, and there wasn't even an inkling of an idea that Adam was still alive. I beamed with pride, knowing I made the right choice to bring her in on this. If it had failed, I would have had to answer to my father, but even he was acknowledging that I had been right and he was wrong.

Herrera was still on the force, but it wouldn't be lost until he lost that gig because of the shooting. People care a hell of a lot more when you're going after an FBI agent then when you're just going after a regular person and if he was off the force, it was better for us.

Sadie had excused herself from the circle of people and was walking down towards the ocean when I glanced back her way. The last few days we had been stuck in a stand still. She was upset. Hurt and grieving and all over the place with her emotions, and I had done my best to let her be. I'd answer her questions when she came to me, but I knew Sadie, and most of the time, all she needed was a little space to adjust. I hoped that would be the case this time, but I had been on my toes since the shooting.

What made matters even worse was that Sadie couldn't see Adam. He was improving, but slowly. It was way too risky, and only a handful of us knew where he was being treated. If it got out, even by some accident, we'd all be in danger. It was one of my father's conditions I had agreed with, and I knew it was necessary. Sadie, on the other hand, was not happy about it. She didn't like relying on updates through third hand information and wanted to be there with Adam through his recovery. I wished that was possible, but it was one thing non-negotiable. I would never compromise when it came to her safety.

I gave Sadie a few minutes at the water's edge before following.

The grass was still slightly wet with the morning dew and I walked slowly down the hill, careful not to fall. How Sadie had done this in heels was a damn near mystery. In all of my struggling, she turned over her shoulder, and gave me a small smile.

"Yeah, laugh all you want. If I go down, I'm taking you with me."

"Sideways." She giggled softly, making my eyes light up. She had hardly smiled in days and it was so good to see.

"Sideways?" What the hell was she talking about?

"If you go down the hill sideways, you won't slip as much. It gives you better balance." She said matter-of-factly. I stared back at her suspiciously, but followed her suggestion. Sure enough, I cruised down the rest of the hill without even a slip.

"Wow." I was impressed. "Where did you learn that?"

She shrugged. "I took a few cliff rock climbing classes in Colorado. Sometimes you'd have to go the down the cliffs a little bit before you could find a spot to tie up to."

"Cliff rock climbing? Are all of your hobbies deadly?" I teased.

"My hobbies are deadly?"

"Point taken." I chuckled, realizing she was right after all. Many, if not all of me hobbies, had questionable safety.

I slipped my arm around her waist and to my surprise, she laid her head on my shoulder. "You were brilliant up there. I'm so proud of you." I kissed the top of her forehead. This had been the most intimate moment we'd had since the shooting. I didn't want to push it, and she was still wrestling with my decision to send Adam in. She didn't necessarily blame me, but she wasn't happy with me either.

"You don't have to pretend when you actually are grieving." Sadie let out a heavy sigh. "Adam might still be alive, but I'm grieving the person I wanted him to become, the life I wanted him to have. It's all gone now, and sometimes I think that might be just as bad."

I didn't respond, not sure what to even say. I knew it would take time for her to come to terms with all of this.

"But don't worry, I'm not leaving this time. I know that's what you're all worried about."

"I'm worried about my wife, Sadie, and her well-being." I brushed the hair off of her cheek. "But I'd be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind. I'd hope this time, we're both mature enough to talk it through though instead of pushing each other away."

Sadie winced at my words. I hadn't meant for them to be so pointed but she had taken it personal. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can."

"When I left..." She trailed off, collecting her thoughts for a second. "Why didn't you come after me? Or call me? Or anything at all? Why did you just let me go?"

I let out a heavy sigh, blinking several times. Were we really going to do this right now? I knew her emotions were high and there was no good way this could end. There were still a hundred people up on the hill talking and the last thing I wanted to do was cause some kind of scene.

"It was complicated, princess." I said vaguely, hoping my answer would at least tide her over long enough.

"No, Brandon." She shook her head. "It really wasn't all that complicated. All I wanted was of you to choose me over this damn job one time."

I clenched my jaw, frustrated beyond belief at her statement. Choose her? Had she completely lost it? Every day thing I did back then was because of her, and what did she expect? Me to chase her all over the damn country? I took a deep breath trying to calm myself so I could say this in a somewhat gentler way.

"Sadie, you are my top choice. You were then, and you are now, and you will in thirty years. For you, leaving the mafia is the only way I can choose you. But that's just not the case. I didn't let you go because I was choosing the mafia over you, it was literally the exact opposite." I grabbed her chin and forced her to meet my eyes. "The mafia in me would have forced you to come back here whether you liked it or not, but I could never do that to you. I knew what this place was doing to you, and I knew you were hurting and I knew it was crushing your spirit. So instead of making you stay here for me, I let you go so you could figure out some of the things you were looking for. And every damn day, I prayed you'd come back. You won't always be able to tell when I am choosing you over this job, but in your heart, you better believe that."

Sadie's face fell, but she softened under my embrace. "I'm sorry. That was teenage me talking. I know you're right, and I know what you're trying to do for me. It's just so many times over the last few weeks, I feel myself slipping into my mentality before. I don't know why this place affects me like it does. All I can think about the last few days has been my parents and how close I came to losing Adam too. I don't want to lose you, but I also don't want to be mistress to the mafia for my entire life."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Mistress to the mafia? How long did it take you to come up with that one?"

"You've been busy. I've had several days to stew." She gave me a small smile.

"Let's get something straight here." I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed it gently. "You are second fiddle to no one. You're everything to me. And you have no reason to worry about losing me, I wouldn't let that happen again." I kissed her forehead. "But you have a tendency to isolate yourself when you get caught up in your thoughts like this. Don't push the people who love you away because this is when you need us most."

"Us?"

"Obviously me." I continued. "But Alex and my parents and Ro and Jav and all of our old friends. This entire group supports you, Sadie. Everybody wants justice, and it will come, but there are processes that need to be followed. I know you want this to be over, but I can't rush it just to make it go away for you. I'll do what I can to make it easier on you, but this is my territory and you have to trust me."

"I'll do my best." I knew she wasn't convinced but she didn't have to be. "Can I at least see Adam? It's killing me to be away."

My heart broke at the pain in her voice. "Babe, I hate saying no to you, but this just isn't possible."

Sadie nodded, but a few errant tears fell down her cheek.

"I'll see what I can do, okay?" I sighed, defeated.

This was a lose-lose situation for me.