{Chapter.19}

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"Clarity you aren't going out with any of your friends today? What about that boy Alexander?" My mother asked as I sat down at the kitchen table silently eating my cereal because I didn't know how to cook for myself.

"I don't know I haven't figured it out yet." I shrugged my shoulders and looked back down at my Cheerios.

Yeah that's right Im eating Cheerios, I don't like sugary cereals.

My mother sat down across from me and held my hand.

"You seem so distant from me, I've been trying to figure out what's going on but it's like you push me away." She said quietly.

I didn't say anything because it was kind of true, i purposely was pushing my mother away because I didnt want her in my business just yet.

"I know that sometimes I can act immature and childish but I had to grow up at a very young age and I guess I just wasn't ready to give up my childish ways, well I'm still learning with you and I just want you to know I'm here for you." She smiled at me and got up.

I sighed and looked down at my phone to see a text message from Lia on my screen.

Want to come with me to the tattoo shop?

I quickly texted back and raced upstairs to change into non pajamas. By the time I was finished I heard a beep outside, signaling Lia was outside.

"MOM IM HANGING OUT WITH LIA TODAY!" I screamed in the house.

"NO DRUGS NO ALCOHOL AND NO PARTIES!" She yelled back at me.

I chuckled and went outside to see Lia waiting for me in the car.

"Hi" I smiled at her sheepishly.

I wasn't sure if she was going to make a big deal about of our little fight or not, usually she didn't she would forgive me for something I didn't do and ignore it.

"Hey I wasn't sure if you wanted to come since you didn't like needles." She shrugged and pulled off.

"Are you getting a tattoo today?" I asked.

She nodded her head and continued to pay attention to the road.

I looked down at her arm and noticed three long scratches along her bicep.

"Where the hell did you get these scars?" I traced them with my fingers.

"Cat." She muttered as she jerked her arm away from me.

"You have a cat?" I asked.

"Yes."

I knew she was agitated so I continued not to say anything for the rest of the ride. I'm not gonna lie, I used to love car rides with Lia but now we seem so distant and a little uncomfortable.

But if it's what I had to do to break her then so be it.

"Clarity this feels weird." She finally said.

"I know." I said as I continued to look out the window.

"I should be like kissing you all over your face and holding your hand and shit like that." She sighed.

"I can't be with someone who is emotionally closed off." I said.

Boom.

"I can't be with someone who doesn't want to have a openly gay relationship with me." I heard her snap.

Ouch.

"You can't just expect me to openly accept something I've never dealt with before! I've always had boyfriends my entire life,I'm just confused." I snapped back.

"You can't expect me to openly accept my feelings if I've never dealt with them before! You can't just come into my life and force my feelings out." She huffed.

"I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IN YOUR LIFE!" I screamed at her.

Now she was doing it again. She was making me seem like the bad guy when I was just trying to help.

We pulled up at the tattoo shop and Lia turned to me.

"Clarity there is a lot of shit going on in my life and the fact that you want to turn me into a little bitch and cry my heart out isn't helping. I wasn't raised with a mother and father like yours, I had no one to talk to and I was taught that my feelings don't matter so stop trying to turn me into some fucking pussy that's cries about everything." She yelled at me.

She got out the car and quickly slammed the door.

I scurried after her and followed her inside.

I was still in shock that she yelled at me but I have bad memories of being in the car by myself.

"Lia! It's good to see you!" A woman walked up to Lia and hugged her.

"Hey May good to see you too, I came in to get another tattoo." Lia smiled weakly.

"Alright come sit down." I followed Lia and the woman to a chair.

"So where do you want it?" May asked.

Lia pointed to the arm where the three long scratches laid.

"Lia these look fresh, what happened?" May asked concerned.

"Stupid cat attacked me." She said as she looked away.

May looked up at me and looked down at Lia and sighed.

"You need to get that cat under control before it does some serious damage." May said.

I walked outside and dialed Amelia's number.

"Hello?" I heard her cheerful dreamy voice answer.

"Hi Amelia could you come pick me up? Maybe we can hang out today?" I asked.

"I would love to! Just text me where you're at!" She said excitedly.

I hung up and walked back inside to see May and Lia talking quietly as Lia was getting tattooed on.

"Lia I'm hanging out with Amelia, I haven't seen her in like a week." I said.

She looked up at me and nodded.

"Do you want me to take you home?" She asked.

"No she's coming to pick me up." I said quietly.

"Oh okay just text me when you get home." She smiled.

I smiled back at her and walked over to kiss her forehead.

I quickly walked away as the butterflies in my stomach began to flutter.

Our relationship was so stupid and complicated. I liked Lia a lot and I mean a lot but I can't be with someone who doesn't like to express their feelings, I just want to connect with her.


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