My vision was blurry with tears as I flushed the toilet.

My throat was burning like the pits of hell as I shakily stood and wobbled over to the sink.

After rinsing out my mouth, I looked in the mirror and cringed.

Mascara was smudged underneath my watering red eyes. Pieces of fine baby hair had come loose from my ponytail, now sticking to my forehead.

The clothes that Kallie let me borrow, while we washed my dirty ones, were looser than I expected.

I laughed at my reflection as I pulled up her sagging pajama pants — thinking about how I could just barely fit in Kallie's clothes the first time I tried them on.

I felt like a psycho — staring at my reflection, laughing quietly to myself, but the alcohol still had a strong hold on me.

I pulled up the baggy t-shirt I was wearing and smiled as I tried to pull at the skin on my belly. I could hardly grip it.

Maybe it was the alcohol, but right now, I was happy.

Happy with my self control. Happy with how far I'd come.

But I couldn't stop yet — I still had a long way to go.

I didn't know when I would even want to stop.

Why would I, when it was so easy to get what I wanted?

My life was going out of control. But this?

This was all me — I had complete control.

"Brylee?" I heard from the other side of the bathroom door, making me drop the t-shirt quickly. "Are you okay? Whoop, shit."

I giggled as I heard Kallie stumble into the door.

"Yeah," I hiccuped. "I'm coming out."

I took one last look at myself in the mirror, scrubbing at the dried mascara on my cheeks to no avail, then stepped out of the bathroom.

"Lightweight," Kallie giggled, nudging my arm.

I wish.

I'll get there though.

"Are you hungry?" She asked, already walking down the hall. "Mom just finished making breakfast."

"Breakfast?" I squeaked out, eyes bulging as I stumbled to catch up with her. "What time is it?"

There's no way we stayed up all night.

"Almost three," Kallie snorted.

"And she just made...breakfast?" I furrowed my brow as we walked into the living room.

The smell of bacon filled my nostrils, and I had the sudden urge to run back to the bathroom.

"She couldn't sleep, and she knew we'd probably need the grease," she shrugged before turning to show me a humorous smile. 

Shit.

"Brylee!" Ms. Beverly greeted cheerfully when we walked into the kitchen. "Kal said there was some stuff going on at home. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Oh no, it's okay," I shook my head, giving her a grateful smile. "My mom just kinda dropped a bombshell earlier — I just wanted to get outta the house for a little bit."

Even though I was speaking slowly, it still felt like my brain couldn't catch up with my mouth, making me grimace.

No matter how many times I'd drank with Kallie and her mom, I still felt the need to try to cover my drunken slurs.

It was embarrassing for people to know I didn't have control.

Ms. Beverly nodded with an understanding smile before pointing at the food on the counter. "Hungry?"

"I am," Kallie giggled, already pulling out a plate from the cabinet.

I tried to hide the disgust on my face as I watched Kallie fill her plate with bacon, eggs, and two biscuits.

Watching the bacon glisten with grease, I decided to just grab a biscuit to soak up some of the stomach acid.

"You didn't have to make all this, Mom," Kallie said once she was seated.

I sat next to her, breaking off a small piece of the biscuit and tossing it in my mouth.

"Oh, I only had a salad on my date earlier — some good greasy bacon sounded like heaven," Ms. Beverly laughed.

Well I guess heaven is not for me.

"He was a fitness trainer," she added, as if that cleared it up.

"Mom," Kallie whined. "You need to be yourself on these dates. No one is going to stick around if you're fake all the time."

Ms. Beverly dropped her bacon on her plate and crossed her arms.

"I don't need anyone to stick around — I'm just having fun. I don't need anyone, but my sweet daughter," she smiled then turned to me with a wink. "Daughters."

I smiled down at the biscuit in my hands.

I'd only taken a few bites, but the thought of finishing it made my stomach turn.

"Here, you want this?" I asked Kallie, holding up the rest of my biscuit, and she shrugged with a nod. "Eating is just making me feel more sick — I think I need to lay down."

I stared up at the ceiling, watching the light from the tv illuminate it periodically, Kallie snoring softly next to me.

Now that I had nothing to distract me, my mind was racing again.

I called Jackson cute. To my brother.

And he heard.

And he's going to be there when I get home.

Fuck.

I couldn't help but wonder how he was going to act when I got home.

Was he going to tease me, and make my life a living hell?

Or was he going to completely ignore me?

God, I hope he just ignores me.

That felt too good to be true, though.

Maybe I could just pretend like Jackson wasn't there until after graduation. Then Kallie and I could move out, and get an apartment together or something.

There's seven months left until graduation. I could ignore someone for that long, right?

No. Our rooms are literally connected by the bathroom.

We're bound to run into each other.

I groaned and rolled over, trying to silence my thoughts.

But instead of silencing them, it was like I flipped the channel in my brain, and I started wondering why the hell he got kicked out of his house.

Jackson's mom had already passed away before we met in the sixth grade, and I didn't know much of anything about his dad.

Now that I thought about it, I didn't even know much of anything about him.

We were friends for two years, and I felt like I didn't know anything personal about him.

Funny.
Insanely cute.
Great listener.
Loves movies.
Has an infectious laugh.
Likes pretty much all food.
Likes the colors black and yellow.
Knows how to get under my skin with a simple look.

That's about all I knew about Jackson Gonzalez.

And he's a dick. Can't forget that one.

Maybe that's why he got kicked out. Maybe his dad was tired of dealing with his attitude.

Okay, that was cruel.

I sighed and rolled onto my back, glaring up at the ceiling.

I need to stop thinking about this.

He's a dick. I can't feel bad for him. I won't.

"Where should we go first?" Kallie asked as she locked her car.

We'd decided to go shopping the next day, both of us in need of more fall and winter clothes.

"I don't know, but I need a water," I grumbled, putting a hand to my pounding head.

"Food court it is," Kallie chirped happily, looping her arm through mine and skipping towards the mall entrance.

As soon as I got my water bottle, I dug into Kallie's purse until I found her emergency Advil bottle.

I quickly popped two pills and chugged my water, before telling Kallie I wanted to look for some jeans.

A belt could only help so much.

We slowly made our way to one of our favorite shops, doing quite a bit of window shopping along the way.

Kallie already had two bags on her arm before we finally made it to our destination.

"Welcome to Vintage Flair — my name is Noah. Anything I can help you with?" A guy near the front door greeted us.

He ran a hand through his long, wavy brown hair as his pale green eyes looked me up and down.

I cleared my throat before mumbling quietly. "We're just looking around."

"Well, just let me know if I can do anything for you," he gave us a lingering crooked smile before walking away.

"Brylee Ann Giddens, are you blind?" Kallie smacked my arm when Noah was out of hearing range.

"What do you mean?" I asked, rubbing my arm and glaring at her.

"He was obviously interested, you idiot."

I scoffed. "Only because I let you do my makeup this morning. If he saw me barefaced, he'd run screaming."

"Dammit woman, let's just find you some jeans before I smack you again."

As I was searching through the racks of clothes, I remembered why this was my favorite place to shop.

Nothing was too tight-fitted. All their shirts were loose and flowy — they made me feel small and delicate.

I finally found a few pairs of jeans to try on, and grabbed a size lower than the ones I already owned.

Boyfriend jeans were my go-to. I didn't want anything to hug the parts of me I was ashamed of — which was pretty much everything.

Besides, skinny jeans were more noticeable when they started to get loose.

Kallie came up from behind me and looked at the jeans in my arms.

"Ooh, I like these dark ones," she grabbed them to get a better look.

"Jeez B, you make me feel like a cow," she said after seeing the tag. She held them up to herself and scrunched her freckled nose.

"Your curves are beautiful, Kal. You seriously have the body guys dream about," I laughed, knowing she wasn't serious.

She had a couple extra pounds, but they made her clothes hug her in all the right places, and she wasn't afraid to flaunt what she had.

Her confidence made her shine brighter than the sun.

And I was the complete opposite. I was the moon — nothing but a dull rock, if it weren't for the sun.

"I couldn't give two shits what a guy thinks about me," Kallie rolled her eyes, dropping the jeans back into my arms.

That's what I loved about her; she'd never been the boy-crazy type.

She loved talking about boys, but it was just that, talk.

She'd had boyfriends before, but they never lasted long — guys just want sex. It's fun every now and then, but they ask for too much.

"Oh, hey! Brylee here needs a fitting room," Kallie smiled at someone behind me.

I turned to see Noah a few feet away from us, neatly folding some of the jeans I half-ass fixed after my search.

"Sure! Follow me," he smiled at me before walking toward the back of the store.

Kallie waggled her eyebrows at me before pushing me in his direction.

"Here you are, the finest fitting room we have for the finest lady," he swept his arms toward the open door.

I looked in to see the space was just big enough to stand in. The bench on the back wall looked like it was about to cave in, and the mirror had a big crack down the middle.

"Just kidding, it's the same as the other two," he rubbed the back of his head, looking at me sheepishly.

"It'll do," I laughed slightly.

"So, Brylee, huh?" He asked, stopping me from stepping in the fitting room. "That's unique."

"Unique doesn't get me a keychain from souvenir shops," I shrugged, causing him to chuckle.

"Unique does peak my interest though."

I laughed nervously, clutching the jeans to my chest before stepping around him.

"Well I, uh — I better try these on."

Slipping off my pants, I looked in the full length mirror and glared at my legs.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not get rid of that stupid dimple on the outside of my thigh.

Like a big ol' crater on the moon — disgusting.

I couldn't stop until it was smooth.

Slipping on the first pair, I realized I needed a smaller size than I thought — the waistband was hanging awkwardly on my hips.

I pulled out my phone and called Kallie, not wanting to go through the trouble of putting my pants and shoes back on.

"Can you get me a size down from what I grabbed?" I asked when she picked up.

"Sure, let me get over there real quick, which ones?"

"Um," I looked down at the ones I still had on, then over to the two other pair that were the same style. "Probably all of them."

"Okay, let me see," I heard some shuffling on her end. "I think that's the smallest they have in stock right now."

"Alright, I'll get dressed and come back out then," I sighed.

Once I was dressed in my own clothes, I stepped out and threw the jeans in the pile of other clothes people had tried on, and went to find Kallie.

I found her at the front of the store with an armful of shirts and sweaters.

"I'm getting these," she smiled happily.

"Aren't you going to try them on first?"

"Nah," she waved her free hand dismissively. "That's what receipts are for."

We made our way to the counter, only to find Noah standing behind it.

Does this guy do everything?

My question was quickly answered when I saw his coworker standing off to the side, tapping away on her phone.

"Ready to check out?" He asked Kallie with a smile.

"Yep!" She dropped the small pile of clothes on the counter in front of him.

His eyes flicked over to me. "Did none of the jeans work for you?"

I shook my head in response.

"So, do y'all go to a school around here?" Noah asked as he scanned her items.

"We go to Oak Ridge High," Kallie responded before glancing at me out of the corner of her eye. I could tell she was trying to hide a mischievous smile.

"Oh! I go to the community college right down the road from there," he grinned.

"That's where we're talking about going next year," Kallie bumped my hip with hers, as if to say, what are the odds?

We hadn't talked about that.

"Hopefully I'll see you there then," he said confidently, throwing a smirk my way.

My phone dinged, saving me from having to respond. I smiled politely as I held it up for him to see, and turned my attention to the text.

Unknown: Locking your guest outta the bathroom isn't very welcoming of you.

I frowned and looked up at Kallie, who was busy tapping on the touch screen of the card machine. I glanced at Noah to see him already watching me with a big smile.

Okay, he's cute, but this is getting a little creepy.

I quickly looked back down at my phone and heatedly typed a response.

Me: never claimed to be welcoming. how'd you get my number?

The first thing I did when we stopped talking was delete his number — I assumed he would've done the same.

Unknown: I've always had it niña tonta.