chapter 38 - sunshine rays

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where's my love- syml

I don't think I had been this nervous to step foot into school since the first day, back in August. Of course, that was back when I didn't look like a beached whale, and my pregnancy was also a secret. Lots have changed since then, especially my relationship with Jack.

In August, Jack and I weren't together, but I would've considered us friends. We had spent two years of our lives in a romantic relationship that was perfect to the outside eye. I had given my virginity to him, for fuck's sake.

And at some point, I truly believed that I was going to marry Jack Leigh.

But then he stabbed me in the back and erased any sense of compassion and love that he had for me.

The Jack that posted my nudes was not the Jack I fell in love with. He wasn't the sweet boy who ate dinner at my house every Wednesday when my mom made spaghetti. He wasn't the boy who Layla and I had welcomed into our lives and seamlessly added into our group.

That Jack was long gone. This version was nowhere near the version of the boy I had loved for two years.

This Jack was mean. He was aggressive and spiteful. His caramel-brown eyes that shined an almost golden color when the sun hit them were full of hatred. Hate directed straight at me.

And now, that boy was going to be in the same school as me.

Today was the day I had been dreading ever since Jack had been dragged out of the cafeteria in handcuffs. Frankly, I was in no way, shape, or form prepared to see Jack, but I was tired of being scared of him and letting him run my life.

"We can still run back to the car and get breakfast at the diner," Layla murmured from beside me.

I shook my head. "No. I'll be okay."

"Hope..."

"Layla. I promise."

Letting out a deep breath, I began walking towards the front doors of the school.

I don't know if everyone knew that Jack was coming back today, or maybe they had already seen him lurking in the hallways, but people definitely knew something was up.

It was giving me major flashbacks to when Connor had moved back to town, and everyone stared at me and Layla as we walked through the dimly lit hallways.

"I'm having déjà vu." Layla groaned.

"Me too." I laughed, and God did it feel nice to laugh.

"Text me if you need me H. I will deadass leave in the middle of a lecture if you need me," Layla spoke as the warning bell for class rang.

I know how much she's been worrying about me and today, so I gave her a smile hoping it would calm her nerves. "I'll be fine. Now go."

"I'll see you at lunch."

Taking a deep breath, I watched Layla weave in and out of the crowd as she rushed to get to class. She was always so worried about not being late, and I guess I should have to but, I just couldn't be bothered.

Besides, maybe I could blame it on the baby pressing against my bladder.

But as the morning dragged on, nothing crazy happened. Other than the fact that my American Government class didn't seem nearly as boring as usual, everything was fine.

At least until I was walking through the crowded hallway on my way to AP Lit.

My backpack felt like it weighed fifty pounds, and let me tell you, that was adding back pain that I didn't need. Then on top of that, I had to piss. Like I was seconds away from peeing my pants. But I knew that if I went to the bathroom, I would be late, and so my plan was just to drop my stuff in Mr. Cramerson's room and politely tell him I was about to pee on his floor.

But that went out the window when some kid bumped into me and sent me flailing into the person in front of me.

And holy shit, I knew immediately who that person was when they grabbed onto my elbow.

Jack fucking Leigh.

My need to pee went straight out the window. Instead, I was afraid I might puke all over his chest.

Everything around us seemed fuzzy. Like it didn't exist.

I felt like we were the two main characters in a coming-of-age movie, where they were standing in the hallway looking up at each other with adoration while the camera spun around them, except... we weren't in love.

Jack's jaw was tightly set, and I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up breaking a couple of teeth. And those brown eyes that I had stared at for two years? They were full of anger.

Slowly Jack bent down until his mouth was next to my ear. "You should be more careful."

His voice was barely above a whisper, and if the hallway had been any louder, I would've missed it.

Almost reluctantly, he dropped my arm and backed up, still staring at me. "See you around, baby." He smiled.

And then he was gone.

His tall body and brown hair blended in with everyone else, and he disappeared like he was never here.

Like he hadn't just touched me and whispered in my ear. Or stared at me with fury sparkling in his eyes. Like everything was normal.

Holy shit.

"Hope? Are you okay?" A girl that had been in my class sophomore year asked. Her brows were tilted up in confusion as she looked at me.

"I- What?"

"Are you okay?" Her voice was soft and sweet, but it wasn't doing anything to calm me down. "Do you want me to find Layla? Or Connor?"

"No!" I rushed. "No. Sorry. I'm sorry."

She looked a little taken back from my outburst but just nodded and smiled at me before entering one of the classrooms in the hallway.

I couldn't tell Layla about what happened. She was already too worried about me, and this would just throw her over the edge. And I couldn't tell Connor unless I wanted another brawl to break out in the parking lot. Not to mention we weren't even speaking right now.

God, everything was so fucked up. What did I do to deserve this? I was trying to move on. I was trying to fix the shitshow that I started, and this is what I got.

"Okay, Hope," I mumbled to myself. "It's okay. Everything is okay."

I was grasping onto the last bits of positivity that I had. Like the sun was falling from the sky, and I was racing after it, trying to get ahold of the last shining rays.

Closing my eyes, I pulled the strap of my backpack higher up and continued my walk to AP Lit. The bell was seconds away from ringing, so I knew that I was going to be late, but that didn't seem like such a big deal after what just happened.

But I felt better as I took each step away from the cinderblock hallway with flickering lights where Jack had spoken to me.

Maybe, I just needed to see him and rip the band-aid off. Maybe not.

Knowing that he was the same mean Jack helped though. It was nice to know that he hadn't turned into my Jack while he was suspended.

We would never be the same people. There would never be another Hope and Jack; that part of my life was over forever.

Somehow, that made me feel lighter though like the dark days were all over and the sun was beginning to shine again.

Maybe I didn't need to hold onto those rays like it was going to be dark forever, after all.

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