Chapter 4

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I have been enjoying survival with my useless Zohra companion for two weeks now.

I made us a makeshift tent near the desert, I made a fire, I hunted meat, cooked the meat, picked berries and herbs, collected water, and made sure we were not dying during the night. Or dying in general.

The only good thing about my useless companion is that he has the patience of a Buddha. I swear I've made him a pincushion for my frustration, and I keep jabbing him sharper every day, but he finds it humorous. At least, I think he does. He's all smiles and huffs, so I think it's fair to think so.

I tried to teach him how to pick the right berries, but he must be colorblind, as he picked mostly poisonous ones that were a bit off shade of the right colour.

I tried to make him pick herbs, but as one would think from doomseed, he picked the wrong ones.

But surely he could get the water. Right? Right?

Hah, no. He broke three canteens. I don't even know how it happened, but it did.

He can't climb trees, and he doesn't even want to try to learn how to use a spear.

I joked that he was a princess, but now I'm seriously wondering if he is one. He had to be one sheltered pet before. He can't do shit.

"Oh dear Aladdin, I am back," I sing as I get back from a hunt, I lug down the slayed boar-thing on my shoulder. It's the size of a beach ball and almost as round. It breaks my heart every time I get one. They're so woolly and cute. Deadly too, but that's what makes them cuter.

Aladdin comes out of the tent and waves at me with a wide toothy smile.

"Hey, you useless blob, going to watch me stab some meat again?" I ask and throw the boar-thing next to the slab of stone that I made Aladdin carry next to the fire from the stream. It'a a cutting board and the only thing he managed to do without a mistake.

I tie up the boar's back legs with the rope I collected, braided, and perfected. I lift and push Aladdin the boar with a grunt and take the rope between my teeth. Then I climb up a tree, tie the rope on a branch, and take the chance to go to the top to check for any kind of movement on the horizon.

I'm starting to think my girls have abandoned me. They decided; "nah, she's not worth the trouble," I mutter mockingly as I climb down to meet Aladdin's confused expression.

I stare at the hanging boar. It's fine, so I look around, but see nothing that is out of the ordinary.

"What confuses you so, my doomseed? Do you feel it sprouting?" I ask and pat my thighs.

Soon, I'll have some kind of scar collection there, or maybe I'll be a new evolution of humans, one with steel plated thighs.

I did make some clothes from the leaves, but they were so shitty and sticky I decided against them, so I'm embracing my Tarzan life. I wish I was the Jane to one but fuck; I scan the useless, loinclothed pretend-Tarzan and scoff. Nope, he's the Jane.

I clear my head with a shake and meet his curious red gaze. "What?"

He smiles his goofy smile and pats my head. I bat my eyes, it's my turn to look confused.

"Do you think I'm a pet?" I ask after a while of being petted and cradle his hand off my head. "Look, if we're being honest here, no matter how you look at it; you're the pet. Sorry to break your bubble."

I pat his hand with a sorrowful gaze. "It's just how it's meant to be. You're a high maintenance poodle."

I let the poodle go and stretch my body with a groan of a working 60-year old man, then I pick the string off my ass crack.

I don't give a fuck anymore. That shit has been chafing up a storm, and I don't want to spook him with my nakedness again. The first time I washed my underwear and walked around without them he looked like I committed the biggest blasphemy made by humankind. Or alienkind, whatever.

I take out my knife and crouch down to start sharpening it on the rock slab. "I will become one with the forest," I sing my shit song and slice the knife across. "One with the river, one with the fucking — bitch-ass animals that try to eat up my little doomseed's toesies."

I flip the knife and stuff it on the seath I made. I take herbs from a basket, ground them up and make a pile for species and then go cut the boar's neck to draw its blood.

Aladdin sits next to the tent with an amused smile again and it makes me want to pinch his cheeks. He's too good-looking to be stuck in the wilds.

His pretty face is all smudgy with dirt, but as with all masterworks, his beauty shines through. Even when his long black hair is a messy braid. He hasn't let me rebraid it for some reason. I even tried to beg, granted I'm not too great at that.

I put my hands on my hips and sniff, and then I promptly drop them down. "I'm going to go for a wash," I say and pick up a pile of flowers I collected, for the purpose of smelling better than a sweaty trucker. I smell worse, but hey, I was getting my ohana some food.

"And ohana means family, and family is never left behind," I recite to him with a horrible Stitch impression and offer my hand with an extravagant spin of the wrist. "Will you be joining me for a quick dip, good sir?"

It takes him a moment, but then the glorious red rises on his dirtied cheeks. I dramatically fist my hand. "Ah, but alas, rejected once again. You're shattering my glass heart."

I unbind my hair and press the tie into his palm and fist it in his hand. "Please keep this memento of me," I whisper and head towards the stream. "And make sure the fire won't go out!" That's the least he can do.

I wash my clothes and then I scrape off all the overgrown hair with my knife. The knife I use for making food. I cackle maniacally and trim my bush.

I stuff my pits with flowers and find a spot where I can kind of float in. It's literally a small rocky stream of water, but I stuffed a spot with moss, so it's for my soaking enjoyment. I stare at the darkening sky and curse. A storm is coming.

I do one last wash up, pick the sticky flowers off me, and wear the still wet clothes. I snort along the way, still thinking about the hair, but then I stop as I see Aladding fiddling my hair tie and poking the fire with a stick.

I trudge down next to him near the fire and stick my knife into the fire.

I'm a disgusting lunatic. That's what I have become. How the hell did I even think that would be funny? What the hell is happening to me? Am I going jungle-crazy?

Yep. I'm going insane.

"That's all folks," I mutter and glance up at him. He smiles slightly and points at the sky. His smile makes me feel even worse. Why in the hell am I like this?

I stare up to the sky he points at and hug my knees. It's going to be a fucking big storm I realise as a loud rumble travels through the sky.

"Fan-fucking-tastic," I groan and look at him with a sardonic smile. "It seems we are going to be wet."

He nods and offers me the hair tie, I put my palm up and he places it there and fists my hand like I did for him. I snort at his gesture, but then it turns into a sigh. He sometimes does the cutest things.

"Wet, but not in the way I want," I whisper and give him a nudge with my elbow. "Huh, huh? Get it?"

He bats his eyes, not getting it.

I poke the knife on the fire aggressively and decide it's disinfected enough. Cut the meat, but not the meat I want to cut. The one that's uselessly just there. I have to cut the meat that we can eat, not the one we could fuck. Wait. I wouldn't want to cut that, would I?

I might be a bit sexually frustrated. I haven't gone without sex for a long while, which is granted by my job. On top of that I'm with a useless piece of meat. I stab the boar's stomach and slice down. Aladdin does what he usually does and stares next to me as I butcher it.

Imagine my luck, being stuck with the one Zohra who isn't interested in sex. What are the fucking chances?

I realise I'm stabbing too aggressively from Aladdin's pretty face being all frowny, so I stop to gather my senses for a moment.

I should go for a wank.

I'm an idiot. Why haven't I done that? I stare at my bloodied hands and speed up the butchering, throwing bits of meat to Aladdin. I finish up in record time and stare at the sky, it's not raining yet.

"Hey, you know how to do this part," I say and push him towards the stone slab. "Smear them good with the herbs. I'll be back in a few minutes."

I sheathe my knife and prance towards the stream. I'll wash my hands, have a bit of a wank and go back. Genius.

As soon as I get to the stream the rainfall begins, it isn't too bad at first, but as I finish washing my hands, it pours like diarrhoea after spicy food.

I won't give up, I go under a tree and stick my hand down to my pussy, already wet and expecting.

Fuck. Yes. I don't even mind the rain, it makes a nice ambiance.

I stroke myself violently and cup my breast, pinching my nipple with a soft moan. I wish someone else would do this, but you do what you gotta do.

Hell, the best thing around would be Aladdin, but he's... occupied and uninterested. I do wish it were different. Oh, I do.

My knees buckle quickly after so long of abstinence. I moan out into the rain, and I crack my eyes open to meet Aladdin gaping at me under the same tree I'm at. His cheeks are tinged with red, so much so that I can see it even in the looming darkness.

I pull my hand off my panties and smile lazily at him. "Hey, I didn't say anything about my chastity," I drawl and put on a show and suckle on my finger. I knead my breast and wag my wet finger at him, beckoning him to me.

But he does as I suspect; turns tail and starts skittering down the hill to our camp. I wobble after him, laughing the whole way down in the rain.

The fire is snuffed out by the rain, the smoke isn't even rising with the heavy downpour. I huddle into the tent, which I'm glad I made a sturdy leaf-roof for, and snort at Aladdin huddling in the corner. He's like a kid, hugging his legs with his head on his knees.

"I said I'll be back in a few minutes," I say and look at the piled, spiced up meat on the side. "Did you think I got lost in the rain? How cute."

I take leaves and wrap the meat in them and tie them with tiny ropes.

I sit next to him and bump him with my elbow. "I don't know if I should be offended by your reaction."

No response, he doesn't even twitch.

I sigh and lie down. I have a nice throb between my legs and I'm clean. I'm cold as fuck now that I'm wet, but the heater is sulking, so I can't help that.

"Are you ever going to survive seeing a woman masturbate?" I ask and swivel my head to look at his hunched form.

"Seriously though, what on earth makes you so scared? Did you get turned on?" I backhand his foot, then I get up on my elbows and frown. "Wait, did it make you disgusted? Cause that's more than a little hurtful."

No answer, what a twat. I slump back down with a huff and turn my back to him. I huddle into a ball of my own and sulk. I'm not ugly. I'm fucking gorgeous, he should pay for seeing me rub one off. Hell, people do pay for that.

As the sun rises I do as well. The air is moist and humid, there is literally steam rising from the muddy grass. I glance next to me at Aladdin, he's sleeping quietly with his back to me with his head propped up by the leaf-pillow I made just for his shitty horny head.

I scoot out of the tent and kick the useless campfire. It's beginning to dry, but it will take a while before I can make another fire to fry the meat. I guess the princess can eat all of it.

I rub my face and resist the scream of frustration. I'm a talker. I'm used to talking, I want to converse. I fuck for a living, I'm used to fucking, I want to fuck.

Aladdin doesn't speak, nor does he fuck. I'm losing my mind.

We need to haul ass and try to find civilization instead of waiting for someone to spot us. I have written a big-ass SOS-message with stones on the desert and brushed the sand off so it's visible throughout the day, but no luck.

I climb a tree to see if anyone is flying about, but there is nothing. There has never been anything. Ever.

I get back down and kick a burnt log. Then I pick up unused leaves and start unravelling them. I'm going to make a bag to carry supplies, make the useless Zohra carry it as I scout ahead to new found lands and then find normal people.

Solid-ass plan.

When I'm done making the bag Aladdin lurks out of the tent and I try to greet him, but he scuffles past me to the woods. Morning piss for the morning grump.

When he comes back from his thirty minute piss I smack the filled bag on his stomach. I nod towards the treeline following the desert.

He can have a taste of mute.

He looks confused, but I ignore him and strap up with my knife and three spears on my back. I wag my finger at him and point at the treeline and start hauling.

I won't even check if he follows. I am peeved.

I don't even care if he got embarrassed for getting a chub, or from being ashamed from coming to spy on my private moment. I'm just done. If he doesn't want to converse, in any form, neither will I.

I hear his footsteps behind me, because I'm trying to listen for them. I grit my teeth. Why can I not care?

After we lug for hours, I quicken my steps the moment I see a thick tree. I throw down my spears and climb up to look ahead.

We're already further than I've gone before, so it's good to get a general view of the terrain. I sit near the top and squint around.

"Nothing, of course there is nothing. Trees upon trees, what would it cost to get just one tiny peep of intellectual life?" I blab to myself and even look through the forest, in case there is something of interest, but nope. "Oh John, your Pocahontas is waiting for your ship to appear on the shore."

I mumble a few more minutes before I slide back down. Aladdin quickly averts his gaze as I meet it, so I scoff and pick my spears back to my back. I pick out the thong out of my ass again, and I hear the man stumble behind me.

Ha! Caught ya bitch. I smirk, satisfied. It makes me feel better to know I affected him.

I continue walking, but now with a spring in my step. This is nice. The weather is nice, the view is nice, and the pup is cute. All is good.

I start humming a random tune and scan our surroundings, never seeing anything of note. All blue trees or yellowish sand.

I climb a few trees, but see the same scenery over and over again. And then, it's nightfall.

I whistle as I pluck leaves from a tree and throw them down to our makeshift camp. I already made a fire to keep warm and two beds.

Just 'cause, "I am a generous god," I imitate Xerxes from 300 as I descend. I put on my haughty expression, pick the leaves I just collected, and throw them evenly on our beds like I'm giving out alms. "I can make you rich beyond all measure."

I nod satisfied with our beds and then go to grab the bag from Aladdin. I dig out one leaf-wrapped meat piece and throw it to him, then I take one for myself and throw it on the fire. I take two canteens, hand one to the silent monk and take my own.

I take a sip and put aside the other stuff. I do my evening stretches as my meat cooks, eat and go to my bed.

Aladdin is still sitting by the fire, so I sit up and point at him, then at the other bed and imitate sleeping and lie back into a ball.

I purposefully put my bed next to the fire, but the side that isn't warmed by the fire is icy. I just have to keep rolling to keep warm. it's too bad my heater is broken.


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