"Caroline, how are you here right now?!" Jake shouted as he pulled me to the side of the hallway by the army green lockers and engulfed me in a bear hug. 

"Hello to you too," I replied demurely, a smile painted on my lips as my eyes caught sight of Kieran staring us down with death glares. He was still standing in the middle of the hallway with his other friends talking amongst themselves and with other people of the female variety by some of their lockers, probably wondering why Kieran was acting like such a crazy person just staring the new girl down in the middle of the hallway. 

I brushed off his malevolent glare and focused my attention on the person who actually wanted to talk to me, Jake. 

I savored his presence like a sunny day after weeks of rain, it had been so long since I'd seen him in person and I wanted to bask in it. 

"When did you get back?  Why did you come back, actually?"

And there was the kicker, the one thing that I desperately wanted to avoid talking about, especially when it was my first day back and all I wanted to be was happy. 

"Well, mom's been having some medical issues so we moved back and I wanted to surprise you." I told him, dialing my voice back down a bit because I didn't want the whole school to hear my business.

"Oh my god is she okay, what happened?" he asked me, pulling me into one of his signature bear hugs that he reserved for only me. At least, I thought he reserved them for only me, it had been an entire three years since we'd seen each other. A lot could happen in three years.

Speaking of a lot happening in three years...

"So. Puberty hit you like a ton of bricks, didn't it Rogers?"

 Of course I couldn't enjoy my reunion with my best friend without the infamous Kieran Robertson ruining it one way or another.

"We can talk later about it, I'd prefer that some people didn't hear about certain things that are none of their business," I responded to Jake while giving a pointed look to Kieran, quickly escaping the warm and comforting touch that his hug provided me and turned to face the devil himself.

I allowed myself to look at Kieran more closely then, realizing that he'd changed even more than I originally thought since I'd last seen him. 

His features had grown sharper, more intense, almost as if when he looked at you he could see directly into your soul. If only he didn't ruin all those good looks by opening his mouth and speaking.

"Kieran. I would say its nice to see you again, but I'd be lying."

"Ouch. I would say that hurts but I wouldn't expect any less coming from you," he said, the cling on girl wishing she was attached to his side laughing her little air head laugh that was common with the girls around the school. I certainly didn't miss them.  I was just glad he had moved on from staring at me in the middle of the hallway like he'd just seen a ghost. 

"I'll catch up with you later, I have to go to the office before classes to get my schedule," I told Jake, wanting to completely ignore Kieran and all of his infuriatingly good looking yet insufferable ways.

"Sure. You've still got my number right?" he asked me and I had to stop and think about that for a moment before nodding my head. I had his number, but it had been so long since I actually used it.

"We'll definitely have some classes together, text your schedule to me when you get it," he said and I saw Kieran rolling his eyes in my peripheral vision.

He was right, we would have some classes together considering how small the school was. That could only mean one thing.

I'd have classes with Kieran too. How lovely. 

After quickly gathering up my schedule, I said a thank you to the grey haired secretary with deep frown lines and made my way out of the office and into the lion's den.  Figuratively of course. 

The hallways were deserted and I felt like a trespasser after being away for so long, the ghoul-like atmosphere sending chills down into my bones. 

It reminded me of a time I didn't want to think about, the performing arts school gave me many good memories but I couldn't forget the only thing that tarnished the entire experience for me. 

I quickly banished the thought of my old school from my mind and back into the recessed corners of my head with the cobwebs and spiders where I chased all of my unsightly memories.  It probably wasn't healthy but it was the best coping mechanism I had for dealing with it.  I didn't want to ruin my first day back with toxic thoughts of the past that couldn't be changed so I decided to focus my thoughts on something that would be more appropriate. 

Jake.  He was still the same kid I had developed a crush on so long ago, only he had grown into himself so well that I couldn't really call him a kid anymore.  He had grown into a man. 

It was a little selfish of me, but I was glad when I would go on his social media profiles and he wouldn't ever post pictures with other girls, and his profile would never state that he was in a relationship. 

It wasn't like I cut myself off from the entire male population at the performing arts school, but after what happened I started to wish that I had. 

It was still nice to know that I had a chance with Jake when I got back home since he didn't have a girlfriend, that was one of the highlights on the long journey back to my hometown. 

My first class was thankfully theater, my reprieve from the rest of the world.  I had theater class, gym class,  psychology and sociology for my electives this year.  My core classes were of course literature, history, math and chemistry and I was able to take a major of electives since I was ahead of everyone else. 

I didn't mind theater because it was just acting, which I was very good at in my everyday life. 

I knew that my parents would say something about not taking choir or band because of how musical I used to be, but I lied and said that I was just wiped out from music from being at a performing school for so long that I wanted to take a break from it. 

The truth was that after the incident, I had thrown my everything and my all into music and when I realized that it was tearing me apart, I stopped, and for some reason after I stopped every time I looked at a piano or a guitar, or a violin I wanted to throw up because it reminded me of that time in my life when I was so helpless that not even my music could save me. 

I walked in on everyone looking as if they were holding auditions for some sort of skit and as I made my way to the teacher, I realized that she looked brand new and I wasn't familiar with her at all. 

"Hi, my name is Caroline-"

"Rogers, yes I've heard that you were joining us.  We are just now starting auditions for the school musical.  Afterwards, we will be orchestrating the auditions for the school talent show, the school board decided since we already live in the auditorium that we should be given the extra work for the talent show as well, how considerate," she said sarcastically and I could tell she wasn't happy about being put on talent show duty. 

"What is this year's school play?" I asked her, hoping that it was something I would love so that I didn't have to drone through the year listening to a musical I hated. 

"This year we will be doing a play remake of that new movie that just came out.  It has Hugh Jackman in it, everyone's seen it, and we're trying to find a female lead for the vocals.  Who's next?" she asked and everyone put their heads down shyly, slinking into their seats and shying away from the teacher. 

She was right, there wasn't a single person I had come into contact with that hadn't seen his new blockbuster film about P.T. Barnum and his journey to create the circus.  

"I guess I will," I heard a pretty girl say, her dark brown short hair framing her face.  She moved over to the side and put her things down beside the grand piano in the center of the room.  She walked up to the piano in the middle of the room and sat down, taking a few deep breaths and clearing her throat, she began to sing.

She sang one of my favorite songs, 'Human' by Christina Perri, and her body to relaxed into the notes that she played on the piano and smiled to herself  when she elongated each note.

I always felt happy when I performed and it looked like that girl did as well. I thankfully overcame my stage fright at the performing arts school so I was no longer scared to sing like I had been before, but it wasn't as if that mattered anymore. 

I never wanted to play again.  My teachers all chastised me for being scared to sing, all of them singing their praises to me about my voice but I didn't believe them.

Not until I performed the song the girl in front of us was currently singing at one of our showcases and I not only got a standing ovation but I also won the entire talent showcase. 

Of course my mother fell sick soon after so I wasn't able to fulfill what my instructors wanted for me, but it was an amazing experience after all. 

On the last note of the piano, everyone in the classroom stood up and clapped and the teacher wrote down something in her notebook. 

"Well, that'll be a tough act to follow but who's next?  Maybe we can get a male lead to sing?" I heard her ask and I saw a hand raise in the air almost immediately. 

"Jake?" I asked him as he passed me on his way up to the stage to perform.

"Since when are you in theater?" I asked him dumbfounded, always sure that he wanted to play sports more than he ever wanted to be in the performing arts. 

"Since you left.  I know we did that one play the last time you were here but that was mostly for fun and I didn't take it seriously.  But when you left it made me feel like I was closer to you somehow, I really missed you, you know?" he said to me with a wistful look in his eye and just as suddenly as I saw it, it disappeared and he went on stage to perform. 

He sang a song from the musical 'Grease' and I was really impressed with his singing, his deep baritone voice cascading over my body like chills sweeping through me. 

He really had changed a lot since the last time I saw him.  There was a spring in his step and he seemed almost happier than before I had left.  It made me want to feel happy too, but then I thought of everything that happened back at Breckenridge and what happened to my mother and I wondered if I could ever truly be happy again. 

Being happy wasn't always my goal to strive for.  Sure, I'd been picked on and tested, but never enough to where I'd felt depressed or ever thought of my own happiness as something tangible and something to reach for, something to try to achieve every waking moment instead of the omniscient sadness that always loomed over my head like a storm cloud in those depression commercials after New York happened.

It was like a string of bad luck and pain followed me everywhere I went as soon as I left North Carolina, and I just hoped that maybe I could get my happiness back again. 

Looking at Jake just then, however, I realized maybe happiness was right in front of me.  I just had to reach out and take it.