II. expressions

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Chapter Two

- Molai


Stepping into my home I threw my backpack on the couch and then turned to lock the door. I got my phone out to text my mom and let her know I'd gotten a ride home from school.

This has been a bit of a change for me, moving from Tennessee to North Carolina. I didn't have many friends in Tennessee but I had enough. In North Carolina, I'm the literal term of "fresh meat." It's pretty fucked up that I had to switch schools the way I did in the middle of the year. This has not only snatched me out of my comfort zone but there's also been a stump put onto my learning. I'm trying to stay positive and the only person I would usually talk to, can't be here. My mom, she's working day and night to provide for us, and I appreciate it, but I'd still like some quality time with her every now and then. Plus, it's not like she necessarily has to, she just doesn't want anything that comes from my father taking care of her.

Jayce

Hey bestie! FaceTime me when you get the chance! I miss you girl!

4:58PM

Now dressed in my pajamas and a tank top, I picked up my phone to call my best friend. It rang once or twice before her mocha face appeared on the screen.

"Lai! I miss you!" She screeched, smiling brightly.

"I think I miss you more Jayce! I don't know anyone here girl and I don't have anyone to talk to," I said, rolling my eyes.

Jayce chuckled a bit, continuing to bless me with her beautiful smile.

"You're so pretty," I told her.

"Well you're prettier, and don't tell me I'm wrong," she stated.

"Anyway, how come you're home so early? Usually, you're out there a couple of hours right?" Jayce asked, being her usual observant self.

"I got a ride home from a dude at school."

"A boy? Oh my God! Who?" She asked excitedly.

She's such a school girl, I swear.

"It's not like that Jayce, I just met him and he offered me a ride. He's just kind, that's all," I informed her.

"That's not the entire story. Give me the whole story, beginning to end."

I started laughing, this is what I loved about Jayce and me's relationship. She could always get me out of a funk, just by being herself.

"Okay Jay, I was standing outside and he accidentally ran into me. You know me, I'm clumsy and hell so I fell. He helped me up, apologized, and then asked why I was still waiting outside. I told him my situation and he offered me a ride. So, I took the offer, and now I'm home earlier than usual."

"He likes you," Jayce said.

Now, I was cracking up, how could someone as fine as Jamir even consider my lame ass?

"Girl, look at me. I'm cute, but I'm not that cute. Jamir is fine! Like finer than all the guys I've ever had a crush on."

"Molai! You need to stop underestimating your beauty! Plus, looks aren't everything, maybe he's deeper than that!"

I shook my head, rolling my eyes, "Whatever, let's not have this conversation right now."

Jayce rolled her eyes as well, "I want you to put yourself out there Molai. You're a beautiful girl and anyone would be lucky to have you. I love you, I have to go though, so text me?"

I smiled at her sweetness, "I love you too, I'll text you later cutie," I laughed with a wink.

We hung up and I stood up to go into my bedroom. I laid on the bed and settled in between my covers to take my usual nap of the afternoon.

- Raelyn


Shaela and I were currently at Ronell's house doing homework. Well, I was doing homework and she was being distracted. I honestly don't know why I allowed her to talk me into this, Shaela doesn't know how to give you an answer to one plus two in the presence of Ronell.

"Look if y'all gonna do this the whole time, I can just go home," I stated in an irritated voice.

"Girl you stay with an attitude," Ronell laughed, "don't worry though, my nigga is on the way."

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes, placing my books and binders in my bookbag.

I stood from the floor and sat on Ronell's couch to watch TV. Just as I got comfortable Jamir began to float into my mind.

I wish I was ready for us to be what we used to be but I can't bring myself to it. I did some things that I can't just not remember and so did he.

There was a knock at the door and I already knew who it was, so instead of getting up and opening it, I continued to watch tv.

Ronell stood and opened the door letting Jamir in.

"You got some blow?" Ronell asked.

Jamir nodded glancing at me before they both headed down to the basement.

"Y'all come on," Ronell said, knowing we wanted in on the smoke session.

I followed behind Shaela until we were all in the basement, I took a seat on the leather couch by myself. Jamir sat at the other end of the couch and began rolling the blunt we would share. There was a conversation amongst us but none of me and Jamir.

When Ronell and Shaela started to become excessively sexual, Jamir put his attention on me.

"Why you acting stupid?" He questioned.

I took a drag from the blunt and blew the smoke in his face.

"Don't blow my high."

I could tell I pissed him off with my short response, I always do push his buttons. Ronell and Shaela headed up the steps, exiting the basement and leaving us alone. Only God knows what they were about to do.

"Ion know how much longer Ima be able to do this with you," Jamir stated.

"Do what? What are we doing?" I smirked turning my head to the side.

Honestly, the weed was getting to me. And him looking the way he looked, had me horny as hell. The way his temples pulsed and his jaw locked, expressing his anger, made my juices flow.

"You think I'm a fucking joke yo," He said putting the roach in the ashtray.

I giggled and crawled into his lap. I was high and hell and there was no way I was about to argue with this nigga over something so serious.

"This is what I'm talking about! You wanna fuck one minute and the next you wanna ignore me man."

I kissed his neck, my nose colliding with his skin allowing me to take in his manly scent.

"I get sick of getting treated like I ain't shit!" He yelled as he pulled me by my arms to face him.

"Jamir, I love you okay? I really do, please don't do this right now," I begged.

His deep pools of brown eyes looked into my hollow ones and I knew I was hurting him. But I couldn't help it, there was nothing I could do.

I pecked his lips once or twice before he finally kissed back and allowed my tongue entrance into his mouth. We kissed for what seemed like hours before he started to unbuckle my pants. I pulled them down to my knees and my underwear as well before getting back on top of him. Once I was settled I unzipped his zipper and freed him from his drawers.

I placed him inside of me and slowly began to rock back and forth while I buried my face in his neck. My tongue circled the brown skin covering his throat before my lips wrapped around the certain spot and began to suck at his skin.

"I love you," I said in his ear, continuing to get us off.

**

Hours later I was sitting on the passenger side of Jamir's car as he drove me home. He hadn't really said much after we had sex and I didn't like that at all.

"Jamir."

"What Rae?" He said, continuing to stare down at the road ahead.

"Wassup with you? You ain't said shit since earlier."

"Ain't shit to say," he stated.

The ride to my place was silent. There was the tension of course, and my high was gone so it wasn't like I could just brush it off.

Jamir pulled into my driveway and parked. Before getting out of the car, I turned to face him.

"Jamir, when I said I loved you. I meant it, I mean it. I love you, but I'm not ready to be with you. I have to use this time to myself, so I can be what I need to be, whenever we do get back together."

"Raelyn, why do you want this to be us? Why you want us to be in love but not be together. Why do you want us to feel like we're together, so we won't be with anyone else? I'm tired of living like this. I'm in too deep, and the shit hurts. When you just up and decide you don't want to talk to me, it hurts. It hurts because you're the one person I always want to talk to and meanwhile, it feels like, I'm the one person you talk to when you want to talk to. It's one-sided with us, you don't show that you really care about me. Plus you got me sounding like a bitch, and that's something I'm really not fucking with," Jamir said, continuing to look ahead.

I didn't have anything to say and I don't think there was anything for me to say. So I didn't say anything. I sat there, tears rolling down my warm cheeks and my nose beginning to itch from my body's change in temperature.

"So you're saying you're done right?" I asked.

He didn't respond, he just continued to look forward. His took his bottom lip into his mouth and began to rub his hand over his head.

"Jamir!" I yelled, shoving his shoulder.

"Well if that's how you feel then so be it!" I said, getting out of the car and slamming the door harder than I ever have.

Once inside of the house I headed to my bedroom. I sat on my bed and allowed all of my emotions to leave my body.

I'm pretty sure I sounded like I was about to die,

and to a certain extent that's how I felt.

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