Chapter 35

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When Cameron returned the next day, I ran and jumped into his waiting arms.

"Missed you." My words got muffled in his chest but he hugged me tighter.

"Missed you too." He planted a kiss on my head and set me down on my feet.

The rest of the guys welcomed him back and asked him about his trip. Joshua gave a curt nod when Cameron looked his way and walked off. The guys took Cameron into the board room to discuss something so I went off to find Joshua.

To no ones surprise, he was leaving the penthouse. I quickly put on my jacket and boots and ran after him. I got into the elevator just before the doors closed.

None of us said a word the entire ride down and he walked out as soon as the doors opened. I had to run just to keep up with him. We walked all the way to the treehouse where he finally said something.

"You don't have to be here, your best friend is back so go spend time with him." He threw his jacket on the couch and went into the kitchen where he started cutting vegetables.

"First of all, don't tell me what to do, secondly, I'll decide who I want to spend my time with and thirdly, what's your problem?"

He stabbed the knife in the cutting board and stormed towards me. I was prepared to yell at him but let out a squeal of surprise when he grabbed me and pinned me against the wall. My heart jumped and sped up to an abnormal rate when he leaned in towards me but it wasn't from fear.

"My problem is you princess, have you still not figured that out? Do you have any idea the effect you have on people, on me? Even your best friend isn't spared from you, so how about you do us all a favour and get a clue."

I was now entirely confused. What effect? What did I do to people that was so bad it made them act this way?

"I have no idea what you're talking about Collins but whatever it is, isn't not my fault. If the people around me can't control themselves or act appropriately than that's their problem, not mine." I pushed him away and backed away.

He stood there like a statue, not bothering to move or say a word. I sighed and walked to the kitchen. I pulled the knife out from the cutting board and starting chopping the vegetables again. A few minutes later he came over looking more calm than I've ever seen him.

He came and stood beside me where grabbed a pot and turned on the stove. We worked in silence until the food was done and also ate in silence. I have no idea why we came all the way here to cook and eat but with his mood swings, I didn't bother asking. Without even acknowledging each other, we grabbed our coats and walked back to the penthouse.

We hung our jackets in the coat room and entered the board room where everyone was hunched over a computer until we walked in.

"Mira," Cameron said getting up from his chair and walking towards me, "where'd you go?"

He cast Joshua a side glance as he asked the question.

"No where important, what are you guys doing?"

"Come see for yourself."

We walked over to the computer to see they had hacked Pearson's laptop webcam so we could see that has happening.

"This is what you guys were up to all day?" Joshua asked as he leaned in closer towards the screen.

"Yeah but so far he hasn't done anything except work." Elliot said.

"I got an idea," I said pulling out my phone. I went to my messages and scrolled down until I found his name. It was saved under Asshole.

I quickly typed a message and sent it. We all turned to the screen to see him pick up his phone and smile at the screen. However instead of typing a respond like I expected, he got up from his desk and walked away.

"What's he doing?" I wondered out loud.

Although the question was quickly answered when a woman walked in. She was wearing an extremely skimpy outfit and was currently all over Pearson. He threw her on the bed and all but ripped her clothes off her, if you could call them clothes anyways.

I covered my mouth and ran out of the room. I pushed open my bathroom door and threw up into the toilet. I felt a hand brush and hold my hair back as I continued to throw up. I emptied everything out until I was left dry heaving.

I flushed the toilet and started trying to get up. My hand gave out and I slipped back onto the floor. Two hands hooked under my arms and set me on me feet. With shaky legs, I walked over to the sink to wash my hands and rinse my mouth. Someone handed me a towel and I wiped my face. I threw the towel in the hamper as I walked out.

"Do you want water?" Joshua asked stepping out with me.

I shook my head and collapsed in my bed.

"Then how about a breath mint?"

I grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. He chuckled softly and placed the pillow on my desk.

"You okay?" He asked leaning against my desk.

"I just saw my baby sister's rapist getting his jollies on with some hooker, what do you think?" I snapped.

"Touché."

I groaned and turned over to sleep. I'd welcome any nightmares to get rid of what I just saw.

"No, there will be no sleeping for you." He pulled the blankets off me and dragged me out of bed.

"What the hell? Leave me alone, I want to sleep this day away." I tried to pull the covers back but he threw them off me again.

I started to complain but he wasn't listening and pushed me into my closet.

"Change into something nice, I'll be back in ten minutes." He said as he left the room.

"Idiot always telling me what to do." I mumbled as I looked for something to wear.

I settled on some blank skinny jeans and soft pink sweater because I had no idea where we were going. I slipped on some blank fur boots and stepped out of my closet in time to see Joshua walk back in.

He nodded and walked back out without another word. I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my phone and purse and followed him.

"Mira? Where are you going?" Cameron asked as I walked by the board room.

"I need some fresh air, I'll be back when I'm done."

He insisted on coming with me but I said I needed time alone and that he should work on Pearson's personal files. He planted a kiss to my head and told me to be safe. I smiled and walked out of the apartment.

Joshua was waiting by the elevator with my jacket as I closed the doors behind me. I slipped it on as the elevator doors opened up.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I finished buttoning up my jacket.

He chose to ignore me as usual and quickly walked out when we got to the lobby.

I mumbled profanities at him as we walked to where his car was parked. He held the door open for me and I slammed it closed before he could do it for me. I saw him hang his head and sigh before walking around to the drivers side and getting in.

He started the car and drove out of the hotel grounds. After a few minutes of silence, I turned on the radio and some slow romantic music filled the car. I found it soothing and didn't bother changing the station.

Joshua drove off the highway and we ended up at the beach. He shut the car off and got out while I sat in confusion. What the hell were we doing at the beach in February? It was like minus twenty degrees outside.

I stepped out of the car confused but Joshua gave no explanation. He grabbed some blankets from the trunk and started walking.

Instead of heading towards the water, we walked to the far end and started climbing up the steep hill. Now I was really confused, what if he brought me here to like kill me?

Okay Amira, no more crime shows for you. Clearly they make you stupid and paranoid.

I groaned and continued following him up the hill. I slipped and nearly toppled backwards like five times. There was ice everywhere but Joshua was just climbing it with no problem. He disappeared from my sight and I started running to reach him.

After what seemed like years, I finally reached the top. Joshua had already laid the blankets on the ground and I fell on top of them.

"Mind telling me why we're here now? It's freezing out here." I saw my breath mix into the air and blow about with the wind.

He smiled and threw a matchstick onto the ground where it caught fire to the massive pile of wood. Despite the wind blowing hard and fast around us, the flames got big enough that I had to scoot back so I wouldn't get burned.

Joshua sat down on the blanket beside me and laid back. He folded one arm under his head while the other lay on his stomach. I followed suit and laid down beside him. I moved a bit closer to him because it was still cold even with the fire.

It really was beautiful here despite the weather. The open clear sky, giant moon surrounded by millions of stars, the waves crashing against the shore and the fire helping to warm the cold atmosphere. I knew then that he bought me far away from Pearson and to enjoy the stars. What better way to get my mind off what I just saw then looking at my sister and parents twinkling in the sky.

"How do you do it?" Joshua asked me suddenly.

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"Live."

I scrunched my eyebrows and turns my head towards his. "Live?"

"I think I've forgotten what it means to live since the day my parents died. But you, even after everything, find a way to live."

"You think I'm living?" I say chuckling darkly, "The only thing keeping me going right now is revenge on Pearson, who knows what will happen after."

"Cameron, his parents and the memories of your sister," he said turning his face towards me, "they all big reasons for you. You lost you're sister yes but Cameron and his parents love you so much, you're extremely lucky."

"You want to talk about lucky? Even after what we've both been through, how can you say we're lucky?!" I was starting to get mad but had to remind myself he didn't mean it in that way. "Sorry, I know you didn't mean lucky in that way, it's just still hard."

"I know, after sixteen years, it's still not easy and your wounds are still fresh."

"But you're also extremely lucky in the sense that you have four friends who are willing to go to jail and even kill someone for you. They are your reason to live, they make life bearable."

"Guess we should be grateful huh?" He laughed slightly.

"We are, just wounded so much we sometimes forget about all the good things we still have." I said sighing.

We then settled into a comfortable silence and pretty soon I was out like a light.

I shifted in my sleep to try to find a more comfortable position and moaned in pain when I felt the crick in my neck. I peeled my eyes open slightly and was surprised to see I was in a car. The night sky was just beginning to break into the morning as the wind howled outside.

This would explain why it was still freezing in here despite the heater being cranked up fully. I left a pair of arms tighten around me and I shifted my head to my left to see Joshua sound asleep.

Why is it that guys look so much cuter when they are sleeping?

I lifted my hand up to lightly touch his face. I placed it against his cheek and he subconsciously pressed against it. The small gesture caused me to smile and I found myself leaning my face towards his.

My eyes roamed over his sleeping face  and I realised how cute he looked when he was asleep. Without thinking, I softly pressed my lips against cheek and pulled back. When he stirred slightly in my sleep, I smiled before leaning forward and kissing him again.

My heart rate was starting to pick up and I had to will myself to remain calm so he wouldn't wake up. I would never have the courage to do something this if he was awake.

Smiling to myself like an idiot, I leaned my head against his chest. I place one of my hands against his beating heart and distinctly felt the beating of it against my palm. I found my eyes drooping and drifted off to sleep again.

When I awoke again, I felt a hand brushing my hair softly. I quickly shut my eyes again when I hear Joshua speaking to himself.

"I wish I could stay in this moment forever."

My heart rate sped up and I was having difficulty controlling my breathing.

"I know it sounds cheesy, but I really do. No more worrying about Pearson or what he would do to you if he found out about this revenge mission. The hardest part of this plan is putting you on the line of fire, which is funny because in the beginning I didn't care about what would happen to, I only wanted to get my revenge. But now, the thought of anyone even touching you drives me crazy."

Okay seriously, I need a oxygen tank here.

"I wish I knew why I felt this way, I mean it can't be because I like you or anything because I mean seriously, have you met yourself?"

Gee thanks jackass.

"But whatever it is, I can't get enough of you." He said using a finger to trace my cheek.

Oh fuck.

"And I can't say anything like this to you when you're awake because all you do it get angry at me which in turn pisses me off and I say and do things that I don't mean. So I guess I'll just settle for this then."

I felt him plant a kiss on the top of my head and I lost it. I stirred in my "sleep" and pretended to just be waking me. I ran a hand through my hair and looked over at Joshua. He was looking at me with his stupid signature blank face.

"How did we get in here?" I asked with a voice that was heavy with sleep.

"You fell asleep and the temperature dropped further so I had to bring you back to the car." He said with indifference in his voice.

I absentmindedly nodded my head and started crawling into the passenger seat. But before I could even understand what was happening, arms were wrapped around my waist and I was pulled back.

I gave a confused look to Joshua which turned into shock when he leaned in and kissed me. It took me a few seconds to get over the initial shock and confusion before I started kissing him back.

He tried to pull me closer but there wasn't enough room. He made a small growling noise in the back of his throat before he swept my legs up and over his lap. He leaned forward as he laid me down on the seat. I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him closer. 

I desperately needed air and I knew he did too but none of us wanted to break the kiss. One of his hands was drawing small circles on where my shirt had ridden up and it was causing goosebumps.

Eventually I had to pull away and I gasped for breath. As soon as I took in a lungful, his lips were back on mines. My body shook slightly from the cold and Joshua reluctantly pulled back.

He untangled himself away from me while I sat up. He coughed slightly to fill the awkward silence that had taken over. I looked from the corner of my eyes to see he was still adjusting his shirts collar and looked embarrassed. I adverted my eyes and crawled into the passenger seat. I placed my hands over the blasting heat and rubbed them together to create warmth.

Eventually Joshua got out of the car and stepped into the drivers seat. He turned the engine over and started pulling out of the lot.

The entire ride back, we sat in complete silence. None of said a word nor did we turn on the radio.

I was still in shock from hearing his confessions and our small make out session to do or say anything and I think Joshua was out of things to say to to me anyways.

He parked the car and we both got out quietly. We walked side by side in a tense silence to the elevator and up to the penthouse. We opened the door and started back to our rooms. It was still pretty early so everyone else was still sleeping.

I made a detour to the kitchen and after a slight hesitation, heard Joshua start walking behind me.

I felt him grab my arm and spin me around. I tried to push his arm away but he backed me up against the fridge.

"Want to tell me why you're suddenly ignoring me princess?"

I decided to keep my mouth shut in fear I would say something incredibly stupid.

He chuckled darkly and leaned closer towards me. I pressed my back further against the fridge to create some space.

"Last night you seemed fine and then you wake up and you're back to hating me."

I wanted to open my mouth and say that the last thing I feel is hate for him but it was like my mouth was glued shut.

"So that's it huh? No explanation, no nothing? Fine then, have a nice day."

He pushed off the fridge and started walking away.

"Why do you care?" I already knew the answer, I was wondering if he had the courage to say what he did when he thought I was sleeping.

My words caused him to stop dead in his tracks and he spun around to face me.

"What?" He asked with a strange tone to his voice.

"Why do you care about me so much? You cared so much enough to hold my hair back yesterday as I threw up, you took me out to get some fresh air and clear my head and this morning, my silence is such an inconvenience for you that you feel the need to drop everything and ask me what's wrong. I just want to know why."

He stayed rooted his stop just looking at me. But as the seconds ticked by, I saw his hands fisting and eyes getting darker. The next thing I knew he was storming towards me and punched the area beside my head so hard it caused me to jump in my spot and let out a startled scream.

"You really think that little of me?! That I wouldn't care what happens to you or how you feel? Why is it so hard for you to accept that I may actually care about you? Maybe you need a reality check and to step out of that little bubble you have around yourself. Maybe that way, you'll finally be able to see that your words hurt the people that care about you."

He turned to leave but I grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him back to face me. "You think I intentionally want to hurt people? That I choose to put my words in such a way that they hurt those that show compassion towards me? Then clearly I'm not the only one that needs to get out of my so called bubble. And the fact about me not being able to understand that you care about me, it's all your fault. You've never given me a reason to think that you actually give two fucks about me, all you've ever shown towards me is anger and indifference. So fuck you and your so called compassion, I don't need it."

"Fine, than lets speed his revenge mission up shall we? The sooner we finish it, the faster you can get the fuck out of my life. I've had enough of you and your nonsense." He punched the fridge beside me one more time before he stormed out of the room.

I heard the slam of his door as I slid down to the floor. The first tear slid down my cheek and after that there was no stopping the water works.

Why the hell did I think he wasn't that bad? Why the hell did I kiss him last night?

Most of all, why the hell did I love him so much.

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