❝ LIVE WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG ❞

–

The sky was dark but lit by a canopy of stars. Everything below seemed more desolate than before, but the east side of town was never that lively in the first place. The sun finished setting thirty minutes prior. I'd been counting.

"I bet the west side's lit up with a bunch of different neat places. Bars, restaurants, you name it." I vocalized my thoughts but doubted anybody was listening. Everyone was gathered in the Curtis's living room, doing their own things as silence filled the room. it was a bit bleak without Dallas there. I could, of course, pretend he was out, up to his usual antics – but it had been two weeks already, and I knew exactly where he was. I doubted he could see the sky from there.

"Are you saying you wanna go to the west side?" Soda cocked his brow. I rested my chin on my arm, atop the couch where I could observe the night sky and everything below it. I shook my head.

"No. Just using my imagination. Wouldn't wanna be around that many Socs, anyways."

Soda shrugged his shoulders. He got up from his spot on the ground and ambled over, dropping in the empty spot beside me. He looked up at the sky. "I don't reckon it's that bad. Nothin' matters when you're drunk anyway."

I gave him a side smirk. "What would you know about being drunk, Mr. Sobriety?" Soda let out a deep laugh.

"Hey, just cause I don't drink doesn't mean I never have before. I just don't enjoy it that much. I like to be clear headed, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it." I looked at the rest of the gang. They were off doing their own things, not paying any attention to the side conversation Soda and I were sharing. "Can't relate though."

"Guess sobriety ain't for everyone."

I heaved a sigh and plopped my head back down on my arm. I closed my eyes. "I could use a drink right now."

"Let's go get one then." I opened my eyes and narrowed them. Soda had an excited smile plastered on his face, then nodded his head to the window. "Yeah, c'mon. Let's head over to Buck's. You look like you could use a little fun right now, and nothin's happening here." Soda jerked his head toward Steve. "Hey, Randle. Come over to Buck's with us, would ya?"

Steve scoffed under his breath but let out a bit of a laugh. "Another party? Jeez Soda, for someone who doesn't drink you sure do like to go out a lot."

"How many times do I have to tell you guys. I'm drunk off life. Let's go."

Soda shot up from the couch and rounded the corner in the direction of his room. I assumed he was putting together something to wear. I, for one, was clad in a jean jacket, plain white shirt, and some baggy black jeans. I wasn't dressed for a party, but Buck's wasn't anything fancy anyways.

Steve came walking over. "You really wanna go over there?"

"Yeah, don't see why not."

"Alright then." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm keeping an eye on you though. Last time you ran away shit faced. God knows what you were up to."

I shrugged my shoulders, nonchalant. "Couldn't tell ya. As you said, I was shit faced."

Steve rolled his eyes. I got up from the couch just as Soda walked back out, sporting a leather jacket and plain white shirt. Nothing fancy, a typical look for Sodapop. He had his hair slicked back all neat with a cigarette dangling from his lips. He'd probably resemble Dally a bit if he didn't have all that product in his hair.

"Anyone else coming?" Soda called out to the group. Pony barely glanced up from his book, knowing well they wouldn't let him hang at Buck's. Johnny didn't say a word, but nobody expected him to in the first place. Two-bit shot up from his seat and grabbed his beer from the table, walking over to the door.

"I'm in," he said as he slipped on his shoes.

"Alright," Steve said, "Let's go, then."

We grouped together as we walked out into the cool, crisp air. It bit at my fingertips as I shoved them in my jacket pockets. It was that time of the year I could see my breath when I went outside. I didn't like that weather too much.

"Man, I can't wait to get shit faced."

"Two, you're already drunk," I said from beside him, bumping his shoulder. "You have a problem."

His mouth fell agape, feigning shock. "Hey, the only thing I have is fun."

"Guess you haven't been going to those AA meetings, then." I muffled my laughter as the guys snickered. Two punched my shoulder and snorted.

"Shut your trap, will ya?"

Soda tapped me on the shoulder and held out a weed. "You want one?"

"Yeah, thanks." I took it from him. I held it to my lips and leaned forward as he held the flame to the end of the stick. It sparked up, smoke billowing into the nighttime air. It reminded me of Dallas as he would grab the light on his neck and lean in to light my smokes. Our faces would be so close that I would feel his warm breath on my cheek.

"I didn't know you smoked much," Steve said, giving me a strange side glance.

"I used to smoke when I was stressed. Now I do it a bit more."

"It ain't a good habit."

"You go through a pack a day. You ain't allowed to tell me what's a good habit and what ain't."

He raised his brows and jerked his shoulders. "Yeah, guess that's true."

It didn't take long to arrive at Bucks. That familiar red hue spilling from behind the curtains wasn't hard to pick out from all the way down the street. A few minutes later, we were on his doorstep with the smell of beer already lingering as we knocked loudly.

Buck opened it and opened his arms wide. "Well, what you doing standing in the cold for? Come on in already."

We all pushed through the door together. Two-bit was gone in the blink of an eye, but Soda and Steve lingered by my side as Buck directed us toward the bar.

"What could I get for ya fine people?"

I felt a little strange knowing how dramatically I had quit my job at Buck's, but he still seemed friendly enough. I let Soda get my drink for me. Some vodka-cranberry pop mix. I wasn't too sure what it was, but it tasted nice, so I didn't care.

"I'm gonna go take a piss," Steve said and disappeared into the crowd of undulating smoke. I turned back to Soda and smiled, taking a small sip of my drink. He had put a pretty generous amount of alcohol in it, but I guess he didn't have much experience mixing drinks.

Soda threw his arm over my shoulder. "How you feelin' about a game of pool?"

"I've only played a few times and I'm not that good. But sure." I knew if I didn't play, I would be up to much else. It was a good way to avoid being the wallflower.

"We can be on a team. Let me tell you, I've never lost a damn one."

"You can't be serious."

He glanced up at the ceiling and let out a short laugh. "Alright, I'm exaggerating. But I really am good, you'll see."

"Uh huh."

We got to the pool table where people lounged around, watching the current game progress. It was two against two, with unfamiliar faces but lots of shouting going across the room. Soda led me over to the left side of the room and we leaned against the wall, trying to get familiar with what was going on. He began explaining to me how it worked, but I zoned out a minute in.

"Anyways," Soda said, reaching into his pocket. "You ever smoked a joint?"

I gave him a weird look. "No. Have you?"

He pulled out something that resembled a cigarette. "Sometimes. Mostly when I'm at parties."

"I thought you were all about being sober," I said. He shrugged.

"I don't like alcohol, it makes you dumb. This just makes me feel real mellow, you know? Makes the music sound a lot nicer, too."

He shuffled around in his pocket for a short second and pulled out another one. "Give it a try if you'd like."

I took it tentatively. Steve was never too fond of any other sort of drug other than alcohol, but I knew it wasn't going to do any harm.

"Come on. Live while you're young." He winked and lit his, then handed the lighter to me. I put the weed between my lips, held the flame to the end of the stick, and inhaled.

The first thing I did was cough. Loud, and hard. My throat burned as if it was on fire. Yet I found myself doing it again until the weed was already halfway burnt, and I was beginning to feel a little light on my feet.

"Nice, huh?" He smiled and blew clouds of smoke into the air.

"Yeah. It's cool." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the weird feeling. "I'm just gonna go chill on the step outside for a bit. This room is suffocating me."

He nodded and directed his attention back to the game of pool. With my weed still lit, I pushed my way through the crowd of people and managed to get to the door. I stepped outside, the cool air refreshing after being surrounded by a bunch of sweating bodies. Instead of sitting on the porch like I told Soda, I walked a bit farther into the distance to the large tree in Buck's lot. It was a huge oak one – it was where Dallas and I first really talked, other than the night where he keyed James's car.

I inhaled another large cloud of smoke, and let it go through my nose. My throat was starting to ease a bit, but it still burned and my head was sort of cloudy. The smell was giving me a headache. Everything seemed a bit more vivid, despite the darkness that concealed everything outside.

Time seemed to slow a bit. I raised my wrist to my ear, listening to the sharp clicking off the watch. It was almost therapeutic as I stared off into nothing. It went by in the blink of an eye – soon my joint had barely anything left in it, but I couldn't think of how much time had passed. Could have been anywhere from ten minutes to half an hour.

"Didn't think you smoked that stuff." The voice was too familiar. It made my whole body seize. I didn't turn to see his face. "It kills brain cells you know."

"Leave me alone James."

"Why?" He got closer. Soon he was right by my side, staring off into the distance the same way I was. "I just wanted to talk to you. It's been a while."

"Yeah, it's been a while since you ripped my favorite book to shreds. I would tell you how much that meant to me, but you obviously don't give a shit. Especially if you could mock someone's death." I took another drag of the joint and turned a bit to blow the smoke into his face. He flinched. "You know, I don't really think about you often. But when I do, I wonder if you have a heart."

"Bold words." He said. "Your boyfriend fucking attacked me. What was I supposed to do?"

"Not rile him up in the first place. What the hell did you think was gonna happen?" I bit my lip to stop myself from yelling at him. I kept a cool tone. "I saw his face. He was beaten up, too. You got out because you're privileged."

"I got out because I don't have a police record as long as this state, last time I checked that's not privilege. It's responsibility."

I snickered under my breath and shook my head. "Wow. I dated you."

"Then left me. For Winston, of all people."

I wasn't even going to begin to explain to him how Dallas wasn't my boyfriend. I didn't want to get into the fact that I left him because he cheated. Nothing. Instead, I dropped the last bit of weed I had on the ground and stomped it out, digging my heel into the ground, and walked off. He called my name a few times, but I paid no attention. I walked back into the house and began pushing back through the crowd.

Soda spotted me from afar and waved me over. "Hey, you were gone for a while," he said, once I got close enough.

"James."

His expression dropped. "You saw James?"

I rolled my eyes and leaned against the wall, crossing my arms. "He talked to me. God, I hate him."

"I'll kill him. I really will."

I looked at Soda and half-smiled. He looked seriously mad, his eyes narrowed and his lip curled. Sometimes I forgot how much the boys cared for me. It wasn't just Steve and Dally.

"I don't need two of my favorite boys in prison." Soda's look softened a bit, and he wrapped his arm back around my neck. I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Steve came trudging over, his eyes hooded.

"Thought you left to use the bathroom?" I snickered, and he glared. He was heavily inebriated, falling against the wall and all over the place.

"Took a detour, I guess," Soda said.

Two-bit came stumbling shortly after him and hollered as soon as he saw us. I gave Soda a look.

"That explains it."

"I'm gonna take him home. I'm sure Two can handle himself. This is an everyday thing for him." I shrugged Soda's arm off me and walked over to Steve, wrapping my arm around his waist to keep the balance.

"Of course," Soda said. "Next time you're playin' a game of pool with me – no excuses."

"Yeah, yeah." I waved my arm and carried Steve along to the front door.

I forgot how much I had so much fun with everyone. I'd been around Dallas and fighting with Steve so much that I hadn't realized how little time I had been spending with them. The closeness of the gang – I wasn't sure if I was a part of – but it was something. I never thought I'd involved in a friendship so deep, something so real that I could rely on them for anything I needed. I knew they would be there for me. They were everything to me.

Suddenly, I knew what I was living for.

-

a/n - yikes this chapter kinda sucks but at least i updated! that's two days in a row look at me go. anyways, thanks to everyone who continuously supports this book despite my lack of ability to keep a schedule of any sort. you're all amazing.