Not sure how I feel about this chapter 😕 I don't think it's very good, but I hope you enjoy anyway ❤️

~ Madison's POV ~

"The twins opened it Santiago. What if they tried to eat some? What if they had sent me something else instead? What if they understood the message?"

Even though I knew the possibility of the last one was very unlikely, my eyes still filled with tears as I thought of all the bad things that could have happened.

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay baby." Santiago sat up a little more, wrapping his arms around me as I just sat on his lap, my whole body feeling tense.

"Why would they send me something like that? Why are they trying to hurt us Santiago?" The tears began to fall down my cheeks as Santiago turned me slightly so that he could see my face a little easier.

"I'm trying to find out baby, I'm so sorry that this happened, I'm so freaking sorry."

I knew from the look on his face that he felt guilty, I knew he felt like it was his fault, and that just hurt me even more.

It wasn't his fault but I knew it would take a while to convince him of that.

"Don't say sorry Santi." I shook my head as I wiped my tears away before I stood up, letting out a shaky breath.

"I'm going to throw these away, just looking at them makes me feel sick."

"No, I'll do it."

He stood up with me, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead before taking the pills, heading to the kitchen to dipose of them without another word.

In that time I went upstairs to see the twins to make sure that they were okay and to tell them never to open anything addressed to Santiago or I ever again.

I didn't want to be that type of parent, but if things like that with horrible messages were being delivered to us, I couldn't take the risk of them seeing it.

Thankfully they didn't really understand what the pills were or how they dangerous they could be so they just nodded, busy playing with their toys while Pancake watched them.

For the rest of that evening, we just spent time together with the twins, trying to take our minds off what had happened before Santiago eventually went into his office to do some work.

He chose his timing perfectly because that was the time I had to give the twins a bath and then put them to sleep.

Fun.

Just like a lot of nights in the last month, I was asleep in our room before Santiago came back upstairs and then he just got into bed at whatever time he chose.

Unfortunately though, our next morning was very different to the recent ones.

"Did you have a good rest?"

In response to Santiago's question, I managed to force out a sound which I hoped sounded like a yes but instead it sounded like a grunt while I buried my face deeper into the pillow.

"I didn't know my girlfriend was an animal."

"I didn't know my boyfriend had a death wish."

When I responded almost instantly, Santiago let out a laugh before turning his attention back to his phone while I continued to try and wake up.

A peaceful silence fell around us until I eventually turned my attention back to Santiago now that I was no longer on the verge of falling back to sleep.

"What time did you come to bed last night?" His eyes flashed from his phone screen to me before he spoke.

"Around 2am."

"Aren't you tired? How is it that I went to sleep a few hours before you and I'm the one exhausted right now?"

My question only amused him as he let out a chuckle, putting the phone down to give me his full attention.

"Because my beautiful little Maddie, you're like a freaking squirrel that needs to hibernate. Well, you hibernate once a day unlike your fellow squirrels who hibernate annually."

My eyes widened at his compliment and then borderline insult while he just burst out laughing. However before I could very nicely remind him of how he fell asleep before we had sex, there was a soft knock on our door.

"Come in."

Soon, the door cracked open and Kenzie padded into our room with Cameron following a few moments later.

What confused me the most though, was the fact that he remained standing up while she got into bed next to Santiago.

"Cameron?"

When Santiago spoke, he just frowned at his father, stepping back a little. As I sat up, I finally noticed the small frown on his face and the way his little nose was slightly red from crying.

"Cameron, what's wrong baby?"

His eyes shifted over to me when I spoke before he eventually took a few steps back again and then turned around, leaving our room.

"Mackenzie, did something happen?"

Forcing myself out of my confused and mildly shocked state, I turned to look at Santi when he spoke to our daughter who was just lying there quietly.

"No, he was sad so he didn't talk to me."

"Why is he sad?" She shrugged in response to my question causing me to sigh before I got out of the bed.

"I'll go and check on him and see what's wrong." Santiago nodded his head, clearly worried about what had caused Cameron to act so out of character. But instead he just stayed with Kenzie while I went to their room.

"Cameron?"

When I walked in, he was just standing in the middle of the room with the same frown on his face, but when he saw me he moved away again.

"What's the matter?"

He held eye contact with me for a moment before he just got into his bed, turning away from me. I didn't say a word as I just stood there, watching him ignore me.

It was very, very rare that Cameron was ever upset like this. He was always the easier twin whereas Kenzie was the one who would throw tantrums or get upset.

I slowly approached his bed, bending down so that I could stroke his hair before I spoke.

"Can mama lie down with you?"

After a moment of silence he didn't say a word and instead shuffled across the bed, giving me space to get in next to him.

I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against my chest as he lay there, still facing away from me.

"Can you please tell me what's wrong Cammy. I can't help you if I don't know what the matter is."

A few moments after I said this, he suddenly let out a small whimper which soon into a cry as a sob wracked through his small body.

As he continued to cry I gently turned him over to face me, stroking his back while he buried his face into my chest refusing to look at me.

"Cameron don't cry baby. Just talk to me, tell me what's wrong. I love you baby, you can talk to me."

Shuffling a little down his bed, I moved so that I was now face to face with him rather than him burying his face in my chest.

"You left me." Finally when he spoke, he lifted his eyes to look at me properly.

"You and daddy left me but you promised not to. You broke your promise mama."

Even though I was still confused, his words caused a pain in my heart when I suddenly realised I was the cause of his tears.

"Baby what happened? I know

"My nightmares mama. I tolded you my nightmares were about you and daddy leaving me and you promised. But you broke it."

As he spoke, he sniffled while more tears continued to fall from his eyes. As soon as I realised what the situation was, tears instantly sprang to my eyes when a feeling of guilt washed over me.

He was upset I left him to go to Mexico.

"Cameron...I'm so sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for breaking my promise."

All he did was shake his head as he continued to cry while I just did my best to comfort him.

"Are your nightmares back?"

He nodded his head in response to my question while wiping away his tears.

"They came and you were gone mama. I had no one to hug me."

Hearing him say that just caused my own tears to fall and I moved my face forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I'm sorry Cameron. I...I didn't have a choice, I had to go...I had to."

The more I spoke it sounded to me like I was just trying to convince myself of this rather than him.

Keep telling yourself that you had to go.

You went to be with Santiago while your own children needed you.

Even when he was getting better, you stayed in Mexico with him.

You're the worst mother.

"You left me."

I nodded my head, pulling him into my arms as I hugged him tight against me.

"I know. I let you down baby, I know I broke my promise. I'm so sorry Cameron."

As I held him in my arms, his cries slowly subsided until he was just hiccuping in my arms, sniffling occasionally.

"Can you promise not to leave me again?"

He looked up at me through his damp lashes, giving me a hopeful stare while my own tears continued to fall down my cheeks.

"I promise baby. Never again." He seemed content with that and he just hugged me, resting his head in the crook of my neck.

"Maddie?"

When I heard Santiago's voice and his footsteps coming near to the bed, I turned to look at him noticing the broken expression on his face.

He heard everything.

For the few seconds that I looked at him I could see the guilt, sadness and hurt on his face as a result of everything Cameron had just said.

If I thought that he blamed himself for the pills being sent to me, this was even worse.

Unfortunately, at that point I just didn't know how bad his guilt would get and how deep it would run.

"Move over." Shuffling across the bed a little more, I made space for Santiago to lie down behind me while Kenzie went around the bed and got in next to Cameron, although she pretty much lay on top of him due to the lack of space.

Somehow, our entire family managed to fit into one single bed meant for a little boy.

Cameron didn't bother to speak to anyone as he just lay in my arms, soon falling asleep along with Kenzie who was cuddling him on his otherside.

Santiago wrapped one arm around me and Cameron, kissing my cheek before burying his face into my shoulder.

And just like that we all fell asleep again.

~ Santiago's POV ~

It was my fault.

I broke my bestfriend and the love of my life enough to drive her to want to kill herself.

Now I've hurt my 4 year old son so bad that he can't even stand the sight of me.

I'm so toxic to every thing and everyone that I love or have loved. They're in danger because of me, they're being threatened because of me.

This is why I was intent on never having a family.

Letting out a groan, I tried my best to change my position but all it did was cause Maddie to move even closer to me. She also held onto my arm which was placed over her and Cameron, reminding of those pins and needles I got when I woke up from my surgery in Mexico holding her hand.

"Maddie."

When she still didn't respond, I let out a sigh and moved my face a little closer to her ear.

"Maddie."

"What?" Her voice came out thicker than usual from her sleep and also because of the fact she'd been crying before she fell asleep.

"Let go of my arm, I need to get up."

When I said this she turned her head a little before letting out a sigh, releasing my arm. Taking the opportunity, I sat up, moving across the little gap to Mackenzie's bed so that I had enough space to stretch out my muscles.

As I did that, I just sat there, taking in the sight of my family asleep on the small bed.

Although the twins just looked peaceful and relaxed as they slept next to Maddie, she had a frown on her face as she slept, holding onto Cameron.

I knew it was my fault.
It's always my fault.

She never should have come to Mexico to be with me and I should have made her go back or at least let her go back the day she told me she was going to fly back to California.

I shouldn't have been so selfish because now...now she was feeling guilty and it was all my damn fault.

It was my fault that Cameron was crying too. I promised him I would never leave. I should have remembered that promise.

I forgot about it but he never did.

"Santi? What time is it?"

When Maddie turned to look at me, I cleared my throat before I checked the time on the little clock in their room.

"Almost 12pm."

Her eyes widened when I said this and she just let out a tired groan before turning to look at the twins who were fast asleep.

"We've been asleep for 2 hours?" I nodded my head as I stood to my feet, trying to resist the urge to groan when I straightened my back.

"I'll go and make some lunch, just wake them up now otherwise they'll be awake all night."

She nodded her head as I left the room, letting out a frustrated sigh once I was outside.

I always screw things up when I've got it good.

No doubt Maddie is going to blame me for all of this. She has every  right to.

I was the was the constant cause of pain in her life.

I was the reason for every bad thing that's ever happened to her.

For the rest of that day, neither of us mentioned the situation that happened this morning and instead just focussed on keeping the twins busy and happy. We were also trying to tire them out as much as we could, so that they would be ready for bed at 9pm like normal.

That just meant a lot of playing and an extra long walk with Pancake.

Weirdly, Maddie seemed to be okay with me that day and for the next couple of days too, but I knew she was still feeling guilty. I was just waiting for her to blame me if she hadn't already - it was just a matter of time.

She had to blame me, it was my fault.

The next three days quickly passed which meant the twins had started back at preschool again during the day, this time for five days a week allowing Maddie to spend time finishing sorting furniture for our new house.

I, on the other hand, was busy sorting more things out with work which just brought my mood down even more.

"Where the hell have you been? I called you this morning Arturo, it's 2pm now."

As soon as Arturo saw the glare on my face directed at him, he just let out a chuckle and dropped down on the chair across from my desk.

"Sorry, I was busy dealing with a load of other things you asked me to do first."

I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment before I let out a sigh, looking at the door to my office which he'd left open.

"Where the hell is she?"

"Relax Santiago, she's just saying hello to Maddie then she'll be right in."

Rolling my eyes at his response, I just turned my attention back to the email I was reading before Arturo had walked in.

"Are you still pissed about that package Maddie got? I'm looking into it Santi-"

"No." When I cut him off, he raised an eyebrow at me causing me to sigh. "Yes and no, I just don't want to get into it right now."

I really didn't want to tell him about what had happened with Cameron. There's no doubt he would blame me too for making him cry and that's the last thing I needed.

He nodded his head in understanding before letting out a sigh, leaning back into the chair.

Finally, Lucia stepped into the room, closing the door behind herself while Arturo turned to give her a smile which she happily returned.

"Are you two in love now or something?"

As soon as I said that, a blush coated her cheeks as I had expected while Arturo glared at me.

"Shut the hell up Santiago. Let's just get on with this."

He gestured for Lucia to come and sit down before we started going over our next list of potential deals.

We still had a lot of money to spend for Hugo but so far, it was working. My cartel was getting a lot stronger by the financial deals I'd made with other crime groups and borderline legal corporations.

But we still had a hell of a lot to spend.

"I took some time to look through your potential deals Santiago and I just think we need to revisit a few of them. I know that I know very little about your business but the financial aspects just don't work for you."

"You're right, you know very little about my cartel so-"

Just as I was about to tell her to mind her own business, Arturo jumped in once again to protect her.

"Santiago don't. She's just trying to help you. She works for Hugo remember, it's not her job to make sure each deal is good for you but she's doing it anyway."

"Why the hell are you always being nice to her? Like you just said she works for Hugo! Her loyalty lies with El Dios Del Diablo and it always will."

I knew I was being a jerk, but I didn't stop and I didn't care.

She worked with El Dios Del Diablo and they were one of the main reasons that my life had gone to hell in the last few months.

If they hadn't let me think I was so powerful, I never would have gone to Mexico to find them and I never would have got stabbed there. Maddie and I would never have been away from the twins so Cameron would be okay and I would never have had to start doing so much work for Hugo.

I knew I was taking my anger from all my problems out on her, but Arturo protected her which by default meant he took my anger too.

"Santiago you told her she doesn't know anything about your cartel, but you don't know anything about her. I know you have a lot going on right now but-"

"But what? You still want me be nice to your little bitch? It's just so you can sleep with her, right? Why don't you just go back to one of the girls you used to screw and move on already."

As soon as I said that I almost instantly regretted it but that didn't matter because Arturo was absolutely furious and he had every right to be.

"Screw you Santiago."

For the first time in a very, very long time, maybe even the first time ever, I knew I'd messed up with him.

Usually any arguments we have are resolved very quickly and neither of us ever really apologises, we just move on. We were too close to ever fight and we never intentionally wanted to hurt each other.

We've taken bullets for each other.

But this time, I knew he was angry. He really had feelings for her and I'd crossed a line.

Instead of responding to him I just clenched my jaw, looking away from him as he stood up.

"Deal with it all on your own Santiago. Let's see how well you do without me and without her."

I still refused to look at him as he pulled her up with him and they left my office, Arturo making sure to slam the door behind himself and then the front door too.

As soon as they left the room I slammed my hand down on the desk out of frustration, letting out a sigh.

There you go again, ruining anything good in your life.

A few moments passed before my office door opened again causing my head to snap in that direction.

"Santiago? Baby what happened? Why did Arturo slam the door?"

Madison slowly came into the room, confusion evident on her face as she approached me.

"Get out Madison."

"But Santi I-"

"I said get the hell out!" She flinched at my sudden outburst, her eyes widening before she quickly turned around, rushing out of my office.

And just like that I felt even worse.

I was on a freaking downwards spiral and I had no clue how to stop it.

I couldn't even choose anymore what the main thing was that was getting me in a mood like this.

I had so many freaking reasons to feel guilty.

I was the reason Maddie was away from Cameron for so long and I also broke my own promise to him aswell. I was the reason Maddie was sent that bottle of pills and the reason why her bestfriend turned out to be a bitch.

I was the reason we were