Chapter 19 - I Want To Hear You Say It

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~ Madison's POV ~

As soon as I said it, his anger faded and confusion over took his features.

Like time had stood still or something, he just continued to stare at me and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he processed what I had just said.

Eventually, his grip on me loosened and soon he staggered backwards, his eyes widening as he did.

"What?"

And just like that, regret and guilt washed over me when I realised, he had no clue what I was talking about.

"Santi-"

"You...you tried to kill yourself?"

He just stood there, staring at me in shock as I slowly stepped towards him.

"I thought you knew...Nicolas and Noah came to see me in the hospital..."

For the next few moments he just stood there in silence, before he cleared his throat. Even though he did this, his voice still came out weak and hoarse when he spoke.

"When?"

I had no clue what he was asking exactly, so I just answered whatever I thought he meant.

"The day you left."

"N-no, when did they come to see you?"

"Oh. A few weeks later, I was in hospital for a while afterwards."

"They didn't tell me."

He finally lifted his eyes away from the floor, making eye contact with me as his eyes shone with shock and sadness.

"I hurt you that much?" As I stood there watching him slowly crumble in front of me, all I wished was that I hadn't said it, that I'd saved him from having to know such a painful truth.

"Baby..."

"Why would you do that? Huh? What the hell is wrong with you Madison? Why would you..."

All I could do was stand there as I watched him spiral out of control, constantly flitting between anger and sadness.

"I was so confused, I didn't know where you went or what happened to you a-"

"So? You thought it would be a good idea to kill yourself? How could you be so damn stupid? Huh?"

"Santi..."

My eyes filled with tears as he came towards me, but it didn't even seem to bother him in the slightest. He was reacting as if it had just happened, even though it was years ago because for him, it had just happened.

"Answer me!"

Stepping backwards, I found myself pressed against the wall again as he stood in front of me.

"I..."

"You what? You loved me that much that you thought your own life was worth nothing? You were willing to throw it away for someone like me? How stupid could you be?"

My tears started falling from my eyes as he continued to glare at me, seemingly giving into the rage that consumed him.

"You had your whole life ahead of you! You were going to go to college and become a nurse and make friends, you were going to meet someone and get married and have children. You were going to do amazing things...why would you want to throw that away? I'm nothing Madison, I'm nothing compared to you. Why?"

At this point it didn't even seem like he knew what he was saying, he was just...losing it?

"Because I love you Santiago. I was hurt and confused and scared and sad. My bestfriend disappeared, someone else was living in your house, how-"

My words seemed to snap him out of whatever trans he was in and he stared at me in confusion.

"What? Who?"

"I don't know, someone woman told me you didn't live there anymore and slammed the door in my face."

Once again he frowned as he shook his head.

"My dad still owns that house Madison. No one else has ever lived there."

But...

Santiago went quiet for a moment before he stepped away from me, once again allowing the rage to consume him.

"He probably paid her to say that, so that you would leave."

He soon began pacing in front of me while I remained tight against the wall. He did this for a while before he turned towards the door.

"I need a drink."

"No! You can't." Before he made it to the door, I pretty much leapt in front of him, blocking his exit. "You can't mix alcohol with medication Santiago, it's dangerous-"

"Why do you care? You tried to kill yourself, you're not one to talk."

His words held so much anger and resentment towards me when he spoke, catching me off guard.

"Eight years ago. I did it eight years ago Santiago. You don't get to do this now, you don't get to be angry now! You weren't here, you don't have the right."

"No I have every freaking right because I love you. I accepted that my life was over when I moved to LA and left you behind, because I always thought you would be living your life to the fullest...safe and happy."

"Happy?" I let out a scoff as I shook my head, pushing him back a little so that I was no longer right up against the door anymore.

"You thought I was happy? Santiago you were my bestfriend from when I was five years old! I didn't know a life without you and you just disappeared! How could you think I would ever get over that?"

He didn't say anything to me as he just held my stare, keeping his eyes locked with mine. It didn't last long before he shook his head and stepped away from me.

Instead of answering my questions, he just asked me one himself.

"Noah and Nicolas...they came to see you?"

"Yeah. I thought they would have told you."

At this he shook his head before sitting down at the end of the bed, letting out a scoff.

"I'm going to kill them."

"No, you're not."

"Eight years Madison! They took eight years away from me...from us." Santiago ran a hand over his face before letting out a dark laugh. "They're supposed to be my bestfriends."

He avoided making eye contact with me for a moment as he looked at the floor in front of his feet.

When I didn't reply, I thought he was done with the conversation after a while when it fell completely silent while I just stood by the door watching him.

"I would have come back if I knew. They could have told me and I would have come back to you. I never would have left you if I knew."

This time when he lifted his head, my eyes widened when I saw the tears in his eyes. His eyes were red and glassy as he stared at me with so much pain.

"I just wanted to keep you safe. I was only 19 years old Maddie, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have anyone to help me through it, I wanted you to be with me so freaking badly but I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you and protecting you."

Soon the tears began to fall from his eyes as he stared at me.

This was the first time I'd ever seen him cry.

And it broke my heart.

"I'm so sorry Madison. I'm sorry." My own tears began to fall from my eyes as I slowly made my way over to him, dropping to my knees in front of him like he did a while ago with me.

Reaching up I gently pulled his hands away from his face causing him to look at me although his tears didn't stop falling.

"Don't cry Santi. It's okay."

"It's not okay, it will never be okay. Never."

All I could do was hold his hands in one of my mine as I placed my other one on his cheek.

"It will because I forgive you Santiago. For everything my baby. It's okay."

When I said this his eyes snapped up to mine and he seemed to be staring at me, trying to tell if I was telling the truth or not.

"How could you forgive me after what I did?"

I managed to give him a soft smile as I moved closer to him between his legs, placing one hand behind his neck as I pulled his face closer to mine.

"Because I love you Santiago. I don't want to be angry anymore. I want to move on, together. Me, you and our babies."

"They're going to hate me when they're older and they find out that I left you. They'll hate me for what I did to you Maddie." As soon as the thought occurred to him, a fresh wave of tears came down his cheeks.

"No, of course they won't baby. They could never hate you. They love you and so do I."

Ignoring the smile I was giving him in an attempt to help him calm down he just shook his head as a sob escaped his lips. This time I just stood up and sat on the bed next to him, pulling him into my arms.

We stayed like that for what seemed like ages as he continued to cry, mumbling that he was sorry over and over again.

The whole time tears just fell down my cheeks and sat there wishing I had just kept my mouth shut.

I caused him so much pain, so much unnecessary pain.

"Baby look at me."

Once his sobs had calmed down and he was just silently resting his head against my chest, I eventually pushed him away so that I could look him in the eye.

"It was eight years ago baby. It's finished and over with. Please don't be upset anymore, let's just focus on us and the present." I ran my hand through his hair as I gave him a small smile.

"I love you."

I could tell that was all he could manage to say so I instead I just leaned forward, pressing my lips against his in a soft kiss before I mumbled against his lips.

"I love you too Santiago."

Pecking his lips one more time I eventually pulled away from him, taking his hand in mine.

"It's getting pretty late, shall we get something to eat?"

"I'm not really hungry." His voice came out really rough and husky when he spoke.

"What do you want to do then?"

He seemed think about my question for a moment before he eventually stood up and went over to the door to dim the lights in the room. I watched as he then went over to the left side of the bed, pulling the covers back.

"Come and lie down with me."

Nodding my head, I got up from my place on the bed, going over to the walk in closet to quickly change into something comfier.

After settling on pyjama shorts and a bralette, I made my way back over to the bed, ignoring the way Santiago's eyes followed my every move.

"Why don't you wear stuff like that more often at home?"

I couldn't help but laugh at his words as I got into the bed next to him, savouring the feeling of the cold, fresh hotel bedsheets.

"Because we have two children who definitely wouldn't appreciate seeing my entire body, and your house is always open to your friends too."

"But I appreciate it."

A laugh escaped my lips as he pulled back the covers, taking in my body and all the exposed skin.

"Stop it." Snatching back the covers, I wrapped myself in the duvet again before shuffling closer to him. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me in closer to him before pressing a kiss to my forehead.

After a few moments of silence between us, I found myself speaking again.

"Santi can I ask you a question?"

"Hmm?" He was busy running his hand through my hair when I spoke.

"Why does your dad hate me so much?"

As soon as I brought his father up I had a feeling I'd messed up when he stiffened in my arms, but eventually he started speaking.

"He's a screwed up person Maddie. I don't know how anyone could hate you, but I guess he does. He always thought you would make me weak. That's why he was so shocked when he saw you at the hospital, he thought I'd left you behind and never looked back."

"Do I?" He frowned at me for a moment, telling me he didn't understand the question. "Do I make you weak?"

"No. You don't. I admit in a way you're a weakness, I would do anything to protect you, but if you're perfectly safe with me then you're quite the opposite of my weakness - you're my strength."

Giving him a smile, I kissed his lips before mumbling against them. "I love you."

"I love you too mi pequeña enfermera." (My little nurse.)

"What does that mean? You keep saying it." He let out a laugh when he saw the annoyance on my face.

"It means my little nurse."

"Well, you know I'm not a nurse anymore Santiago. I'm unemployed." He nodded his head when I said this and I could tell he still felt guilty for being the reason I had to quit my job which he'd apologised for like a thousand times.

"You're my nurse though. And as for your job, now you can get a job in a hospital in LA instead of Santa Ana." He gave me a small smirk when he said this to which I just rolled my eyes. "I see you got your wish then, you've pretty much moved me to LA without even asking me."

"Well of course, did you really think I would ever let you carry on living or even working in Santa Ana after this?"

In response to his cocky smirk I just rolled my eyes again before bringing us back to the topic of his parents.

"I have one more question. Do your parents know about the twins?"

"No, and I want to keep it that way Madison. I cut them out of my life once Arturo and I started building my fathers little gang into a proper cartel, they don't know anything about my life."

"Okay baby, don't worry, I won't tell them." I gave him a smile before kissing him again. Although I intended for it be a quick peck, Santiago had other ideas.

Letting out a groan against my lips, he pulled my body tight against his as he kissed me.

"I want you so bad baby."

When I pulled away from his kiss upon hearing his words, he continued to press kisses to my neck causing me to close my eyes in pleasure.

"Santi the doctor said-"

"I know what the stupid doctor said." I couldn't help but laugh when he pretty much growled into my neck when I mentioned the doctor who told Santiago he couldn't engage in sexual intercourse for a while yet since it could be to strenuous work for his body.

Clearly trying his best to ignore the rule, his lips connected with mine as he kissed me with a lot more need and intensity than I expected, leading me to some very inappropriate thoughts.

It seemed like he was thinking the same thing as me because soon he pulled away from me, giving me an amused look.

"I have a question for you babe. What was going through that little head of yours in the bathroom earlier?"

As soon as he brought that particular subject up, I felt the heat rise to my face again and I quickly looked away from him.

"You know what it was Santiago."

"I want to hear you say it." When I still refused to speak or even look at him, he brought his lips closer to mine. "Say it baby."

Finally I turned to look at him, thinking for a moment before an idea popped into my head.

Somehow I managed to find some courage deep down within me for what I was about to do.

"You really want to know?"

He nodded his head giving me a smirk as he placed an arm over my waist. Bringing my face closer to his, I gave him a smirk of my own as I let my lips brush against his. As soon as he saw my smirk, his began to falter pretty quickly.

"I could tell you, or I could show you instead."

"Now?" I nodded my head, laughing when I saw the surprise on his face. Doing exactly what I described and what I learned in my research.

<<<<<<< >>>>>>> <<<<<<<

We didn't go all the way, just as far as I was comfortable with and how much he could handle. Nevertheless, lying in his arms afterwards was the best feeling ever, without any nurses interrupting us or children who we would soon be going back to.

"I know this is probably not the best time after what we just did, but I have something I need to ask you Maddie."

Lifting my head from his chest, I looked at him, waiting for him to finally speak.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

As much as I just wanted to smile and hug him and tell him I would, for some reason hearing those words come out of his mouth had the completely opposite effect on me.

The completely opposite effect.

"Maddie? Why are you crying?" Almost instantly my eyes welled with tears and I shook my head at him as I turned away when a soft uncontrollable sob escaped my lips.

"Baby come here." Once again when I refused to listen, he just tugged on my waist bringing me back into him.

"What's wrong?" I felt his hand run through my hair as he held me in his arms, whispering soothing things to me as he waited for me to calm down.

"I just can't believe we're doing this...that you're even here and you're safe and healthy and...I don't know. I spent so long without you, there were times I didn't even know if you were alive. I also used to think I made our whole friendship up, that you never even existed. But you do and now you want me to be your girlfriend."

Instead of replying to any of what had just rambled out of my mouth, he just gave me another smile.

"Maddie can you just say yes because I asked you to be my girl and you started crying like the thought was so horrific and now I'm a bit scared."

When he said I couldn't help but laugh, even though that was the exact intention of his words. He just wanted to take my mind off what I was thinking about - our past.

He knew what my answer was. It was so clear.

"Of course I will."

Aw 😍

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