•17• Fire and Fuel

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B r o d i e

The sun peeks itself around the clouds in the light blue sky as my feet trudge through the hot sand of the beach. Patches of white and grey speckle across the aquamarine canvas, giving the deep sea of cobalt beneath it little glimmers of sunshine when the sun is finally able to peep through them. The Hawaiian wind is cooler today, giving my skin some rest from the usual scorching humidity of the island. My legs carry me closer to the shore, a green rental surfboard tugged beneath my arm. My eyes finally catch a glimpse of the ocean's waves, instantly noticing that their crests appear higher today, the wind aiding in their fast movements and the formation of their waist-high barrels. Lelani would absolutely kill me if she saw me out here today, knowing good and well I haven't practiced enough to master the skill of surfing waves this size yet, but she's not here to tell me otherwise. Besides, practice makes perfect, and they don't look that big.

Kicking off my shoes and removing my shirt from my torso, I begin making my way towards the ocean. The water is the perfect temperature as my feet step into it and I stand for a moment, soaking in the feeling of the foamy whitewater rushing against my skin. My hands toss my surfboard down and I don't waste a second as I jump on top of the slick deck. I release a deep breath before I conjure up enough nerve and start paddling myself further out into the lively sea. My arms already ache from the momentum I'm putting behind them as I propel myself through the water, but my mind carries my thoughts away from the discomfort. Lelani's feminine voice sounds through my head, reminding me to paddle deeper, really dig my arms beneath the surface of my board, and not look like a chihuahua. Before I'm even able to stop it, my mind slips further into the subject of the fiery girl, reminding me of her image and the way it looked paired with Hammond last night. The concept of it alone has me gritting my teeth, and I can feel a sense of anger beginning to cut through me again as I replay the scene of their lips on one another.

She didn't have to think twice about going out with him, let alone making out with him in front of me. If that's the game Lelani wanted to engage in, it's fine, but I won't be playing.

When I finally get enough distance between me and the shore, I sit up against my board, resting on top of it and carefully watching the people on the beach. My eyes focus on their blurred silhouettes until one, in particular, catches my attention, shades of black and yellow commanding my awareness to the person it belongs to.

Lelani.

I dip back down, lying against the board and trying to make my presence less noticeable. The bright shade of green supporting my body isn't a color that can be overlooked, but I'm hoping that with all of the other surfers in the water today, I can remain hidden. As much as I want to peel my stare away from Lelani, she doesn't make it easy. My attention is locked on her as she makes her way into the water, a yellow and white polka-dotted bikini hanging against her curvy body. She jumps onto her surfboard, allowing her strong, tan arms to propel her through the oncoming waves in front of her. I take a deep gulp, instantly feeling my stomach churn as her image becomes clearer; making me notice the long, wet, and black curls spilling down her chest.

Stop staring, dammit.

I pivot the nose of my surfboard around, forcing her out of my sight. A line-up of four surfers floats beside me, anxiously waiting their turn to surf. I join them immediately, hoping to catch at least one of the waves myself before Lelani gets an opportunity to notice me. The plan is simple; surf, swim to the shore, and then get my ass the hell out of here. That can't be too hard, can it?

But while I don't want her to see me, another part of me can't help but hope that she does because deep down I know that Lelani is everything that I've ever wanted, but never knew was there. She is beautiful. Strong-headed. Adventuresome. Stubborn. Charming. Short-tempered. Ambitious. Torture.

She's pure fucking torture. Seeing her, and knowing her, and understanding that she doesn't want to be with me the way that I want to be with her is an agonizing pill to swallow.

"Brodie?" A voice calls out over the waves. My ears perk up immediately at the sound, knowing that the person behind it was close enough to touch.

Don't look over, Brodie. Don't engage.

Of course, my eyes do the exact opposite of what I tell them, and in an instant, Lelani is directly in my gaze. Yellow bikini, tan skin, curvy body, brown-eyes, curly hair, and all.

"Lani," I nod over to her, speaking the only word that I can manage to get out.

"You're awfully brave to be coming out here and try to surf these waves today." She hoists her wet body off of her board with the strength of her legs, which clinch tight against its edges. All the while, she cuts her dark eyes over to me challengingly, waiting to hear my response.

"Yeah," I bite back, feeling somewhat embarrassed and frustrated, "Well, I'm never going to get better if I just keep surfing on white water."

"You have to perfect the white water before you take on the barrels. I told you that."

"Well, last time I checked I wasn't taking lessons from you anymore, so you can keep your advice to yourself," I say matter-of-factly, shrugging my shoulders.

"Are you serious, right now?" She spits back, her hands shoving back the water swelling around her board and closing in more of the distance between the two of us. "So is this what we're doing now? Being petty with each other?"

"I guess so," I scoff, jerking my head back and ridding my eyes of the obnoxious strands of hair hanging in front of them. "At least, that's the memo I got from you last night when you sat there and kissed Hammond in front of me."

"I already told you that it didn't mean anything. So, if you don't want to believe me then that's your choice."

"Glad you can respect that," I reply shortly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a wave to catch."

"Brodie," she insists one last time, calling back my attention, "I really don't know if it's a good idea for you to try and surf these waves today. There's a storm coming in and they can turn brutal fast."

My eyes cut up to the white and grey clouds still hanging in the sky above, noticing how close they've gathered since I first got here. Maybe she's right; maybe it was dumb of me to come out here. Either way, I'm here now and I'm too consumed in my own pride to take heed to her suggestion. "I think I'll be able to manage, Lani."

"Fine," she says, crossing her arms tightly against her chest. "Be my guest. Let the water kick your ass out there."

Feeling annoyed and bitter, I turn my back to her, paddling away without giving her the satisfaction of a response. I can hear the water ripple and splash behind me, and without looking back I know that she's following right at the tail of my surfboard. She joins the line-up with me, the two of us remaining silent and refusing to acknowledge each other as we patiently watch the surfers in front of us catch their waves. All too soon my turn is up, and I try to keep my shaky breaths silent as I gauge the water behind me, searching and waiting for the perfect wave. One billows only a few feet behind, and I take that as my cue to start paddling my arms fast into the ocean around me. Just as I feel the wave reach the tail of my surfboard, I catch sight of yellow in my peripheral. In an instant, my head jerks to the side, right away recognizing the culprit as Lelani paddles forcefully beside me. A wicked smirk spreads across her lips and she continues propelling her board along the water, out-paddling mine.

Zipping right in front of me, Lelani catches the wave in perfect timing, completely stealing my chance of riding it myself. I huff out in annoyance, putting an abrupt stop to my movements as she propels her surfboard against the water, perfectly aligning it to the crest of the wave. In a brisk maneuver, her lower body swings up beneath her arms, landing her feet firmly against the top of her board. For a second, I can see her body shake as it fights to keep its balance, but she stabilizes herself gracefully and rides out the barrel of the wave all the way near the shore.

Perching on top of my deck, I take a moment to rebuild what little bit of confidence I have left in my body, especially after seeing Lelani not only steal my wave but also surf it nearly flawlessly. My fingers run through my brown hair, smoothing back the strands and ridding them from my face as, once more, I gauge the waves behind me. I hastily make the decision to catch the next one I see, and although I'm not fully prepared, my arms begin paddling anyways as hard and swiftly as they can. Aligning my chin to the nozzle of the board, I lock eyes with Lelani far ahead of me. She floats on top of her surfboard in the shallow water, inspecting my technique and only making my apprehensiveness worse.

"Come on, Brodie," I grunt to myself, feeling my muscles strain with the force I'm putting behind them, "You've got this."

The wave is completely aligned with me, and I pop-up onto my board with wobbly legs. Somehow my feet manage to stay firm against the middle of the deck, and I stretch out my arms, doing my best to maintain my balance as the wave starts to carry me and my surfboard along with it. Pure adrenaline travels through my veins, filling me with excitement and a sense of accomplishment as I cut my eyes back to the tail of my surfboard, which leaves a trail of white water behind it as it glides against the barrel of water closing in on me.

I go to bring my gaze back to the front of my board, but that's when I feel my footing start to slip and all at once, gravity pulls my body down into the water. I clench my mouth shut in an effort to not swallow a mouthful of the ocean that's now submerging my entire body. A force hits me at my side, pushing me down deeper and twisting my body roughly. My hands and arms fight hard against the bubbly water to bring my head back to the surface, but the sea is unforgiving today. Just when my movements find control, another wave crashes against me, this time yanking back my surfboard and pulling me with it. My ankle is throbbing as the velcro strap tied to it tugs me back and panic starts to take over as my lungs burn with a cry for help. I jerk my leg forward, resisting the pull that the waves and the chaotic water are putting on me. My hands rip against the water one last time, my legs kicking desperately underneath me as I swim up to the surface of the ocean.

The oxygen is relieving as it hits my skin, and I gasp, allowing my lungs to fill with it. I make the smart decision to keep my movements going, forcing my tired muscles to continue swimming towards the shore to avoid being assaulted by the waves again.

"Brodie," I hear Lelani manically shout out to me, but I'm not able to make out her silhouette through the saltwater trapped in my eyes. "You freaking idiot!"

A tight hand grips around my wrist, tugging me along with it and aiding me in finally carrying myself towards the shore. When the water is shallow enough for me to stand in, I do, bringing myself to my feet and trudging my legs tirelessly through the foamy water. My muscles manage to bring me to the wet sand before ultimately giving out on me. I fall down into the grainy surface, feeling completely drained but relieved to be lying on dry land. A deep moan leaves me as I turn myself onto my back, my lungs still begging for air as a warm breeze brushes against my wet skin.

Lelani falls onto her knees in the sand beside me, instinctively bringing her hand against my face and commanding me to look at her. "Oh my god, are you okay?" She asks shakily, "That was so bad. I told you, Brodie! I told you it wasn't a good idea! Why can't you just listen to me!"

"Calm down," I groan, "I'm fine. I was just testing out how long I could hold my breath."

"Ugh," she grunts back in frustration, "I'm not kidding around! You scared the shit out of me."

I knew she wasn't kidding because it scared the shit out of me too, but I made it out without a single scratch on me, and that's all that matters to me.

"Did I impress you?" I manage to get out between my labored breaths, pulling a playful smile to my face to hide my actual embarrassment.

"Did you impress me?" She repeats, narrowing her eyes down to me. "Go screw yourself!" She pushes off the sand, gathering a handful of it in a tight fist and chucking it at my chest as she stands up and starts to walk away.

"I'll take that as a yes," I call back, continuing to tease her as I conjure enough energy to sit my body up against the sand.

With that, Lelani begins stomping back towards me. "Don't you understand that you could've been hurt? I mean really hurt. Is everything just some fun little game to you, Brodie?" Although her words are reprimanding me, her face shows her genuine concern.

I feel a cool droplet of water hit my skin, calling my attention to the clouds above as rain begins to fall from them. I think about the last thing she said, bringing my eyes back to hers'.

Is everything just some fun little game to you, Brodie?

"Not everything," I say earnestly.

Lelani relaxes, her voice becoming soft as she mutters out, "What is that supposed to mean?"

I stand to my feet, my body now towering hers as I take a step closer. "You're not a game, Lelani. I've never thought of you as a game, no matter how much you keep convincing yourself that I do. I told you that from the first day we started lessons. I was serious when I told you that I just wanted to get to know you, and now that I do, it makes it that much fucking harder to be around you."

The rain continues to pour, but we don't run from it like the rest of the beach-goers do. We just embrace it, letting it soak our skins as we continue our conversation. Lelani shakes her head, confused, "Hard to be around me? Why?"

"Because," I begin, taking a deep breath before I say it all, "Getting to know even the smallest parts of you have made me feel more alive than I've felt in a long time, and when you're around, I'm finally existing in a moment where I can be my full authentic self. You don't make me feel like I need to mask anything or be anyone else. It doesn't make any sense, I know; we've only known each other for a few weeks but this is how I know to explain it best. You're a damn fire, Lelani, and you light a spark in everyone you encounter; you just don't see the flames you leave trailing behind you. I'm just a moth to a flame. I'm so drawn to you, but I burn myself every time I let myself get too close because, in the end, I can't have you. "

Lelani's cheeks are completely flushed as the words finish spilling from my mouth, and I watch her chest rise and fall with the heavy breaths leaving her. Finally, she speaks up, "You don't make it easy, either. You know?"

"How so? I've been honest with you from the start."

"Because of that, right there." Her eyes cut down to the ground as she searches for more to say. "You saying all this makes me so confused because I don't know what to believe. Men aren't honest with me like this. They pretend, they lie, and they manipulate me to think that their actions are sincere, when in the end they only care about me on a self-serving basis. But now, here you are, standing in front of me, and telling me the opposite of what I've learned to be true over the past few years. You're making it so damn hard to not give in to everything you're telling me. I'm not a fire, Brodie. I'm just the smoke that's left behind from what was once a bright thing."

I shake my head feverishly in disagreement. "That's not true at all. I'm not trying to make things hard for you, but if reaffirming how goddamn incredible you are is what it will take to make you believe me and trust me, then I'll keep it up until my voice gives out. I like you so much, Lani. I don't want anything from you but a chance to show you that what I'm saying is genuine."

Her teeth gnaw against her bottom lip apprehensively as her brown eyes begin to water. As if nature itself was connected to the girl standing in front of me, the rain begins to fall harder onto the two of us and we both start to shiver from the coolness downpouring on our skin.

"Come on," I usher, grabbing both of our surfboards and leading us to the security of a palm tree a few feet away. I work quickly, leaning both of the decks against the trunk of the tree while leaving a space wide enough for us to crawl underneath and provide ourselves with some security from the rain. We both clamber on our knees into the sand, sitting our backs against the palm tree and relieving ourselves from the unforgiving weather.

Lelani clutches her knees to her body, her arms and legs shivering. With both arms, I tug her body into mine and I'm surprised at how naturally she allows herself to nestle against my bare chest. "Promise me," she nearly whispers out through a shaky breath. "Promise me you'll prove me wrong. Promise me you won't hurt me like Jason did, okay?"

I had never heard her speak that man's name before but even so, I shrink at the emphasis that she puts behind it, knowing he's the one who's destroyed her trust. I force myself away from thinking about what he could have done to hurt her so bad and instead keep my focus on Lelani and this moment between us.

I allow my fingers to trail against her jaw, pulling her damp face upward and bringing her eyes to me. "I swear, I'll prove you wrong."

A thread of tension pulls our bodies closer together, inching our mouths closer to one another and making it hard to fight back the urge to taste her lips on mine. A warm smile spreads across her face, bringing her playful side back to life.

Her hands bring my ear down to her mouth and she hums out, "If I'm fire, you're fuel."

I pull her head back, admiring her beautiful face one last time before crashing my lips onto hers. The feeling of her skin brushing against mine burns me from the inside-out, and my chest swells at how naturally our bodies move with one another's. Overtaken by desire, Lelani pulls down my body with hers, her back meeting against the sand as my arms fall at her sides, stabilizing me and allowing me to hover over her. We're completely short-of-breath as our mouths refuse to leave one another. Lelani's arms wrap around my neck, pulling my chest down to meet against hers. I groan feeling her hips raise up to grind against mine while my lips travel down to her jaw before my tongue streams along her neck all the way down to her collarbone.

She's panting and moaning as I continue to touch her, both of us getting lost in the sensation of our fervent movements with each other. Fingertips graze against my arms, sweeping down to my hands and carrying them to her breasts.

I hesitate, my mind starting to bring me to another memory and compelling me to ask, "Is this okay, Lani?" The words come out shakily. "I want to do this right. I don't want to make you feel pressured or like you need to do anything to prove yourself to me."

Rugged breaths leave her, bobbing her throat. Her eyes soften and it's as if I can see a sense of trust begin to enter them as they look me over carefully. My fingers brush against the wet curls stuck against her cheeks, ridding them from her face.

Finally, she smiles, nodding

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