I didn't really know what to do with myself so i just sat in a ball on my bed. I stared in front of me, not actually aware of what i was staring at almost as if i was staring at my thoughts.

It was so quite that i could hear the air vibrating and i felt my pulse beat in my ears. I started seeing figures on the walls that looked like hands moving closer and closer towards me, close enough to touch me. I closed my eyes tight in aim to get away from them but i was wrong. I saw the hands when i closed my eyes weaving into my vision once again. I heard that oh so familiar laugh that haunted me for so long. The burning sensation that accompanied his touch, it hurt everywhere and i wanted it to leave.

What hurts me more is i thought that it was okay, i thought that him doing stuff to me, touching me, biting me, grabbing me, putting his fingers and mouth where i didn't want them to be. I thought that was okay. I thought that was how a relationship worked, how was i supposed to know, I've never been in a relationship before and when i took a risk to do so, knowing that if my brothers found out they'd be pissed, it just got thrown back into my face. He didn't even kiss me. I don't even think he liked me. But surely it's my fault for being afraid to say no, and i feel guilty. Guilty as hell because Harrison knows what he was going to do, Yeah Harrison doesn't know about the other stuff because I'm not going to tell him. What if i do tell him, Ollie finds out and all hell breaks lose, i can't be that cruel. I can't make people hate him and see him differently . I just can't.

I haven't eaten properly since Libby's mum's spaghetti, And i don't even know how long that's been. I've been drinking a lot more water than i used to but that's because Ollie said it won't make me as fat and make my skin softer. I haven't looked myself in the mirror without clothes on in weeks because i don't want to see that. The scars are getting deeper and deeper every day, with every cut. But it's helping, in some weird fucked up way it is. Like the alcohol last night, or the weed. They helped too. Long enough to distract me from this terror I'm living in. Now I'm being too dramatic I'm sorry.

"Riley, Riley. How many times do we have to shout up, tea's ready!" Leo shouted in my face.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled.

"Go tell Issac that." He stormed off out the door as i got up and slowly followed him out.

I carefully walked downstairs, seeing everyone already at the dinner table.

"Riley are you death?" Issac barked.

"W-what?" I asked breaking out of my thoughts.

"Right so you are death, I'll make sure i book you an appointment!" He said in a scary calm tone.

"You should go to Specsavers, they're good." Liam said, proud of his comment.

"Specsavers is for your eyes, not your ears, dickhead." I said hitting him across the head then sitting down next to him.

"You heard that one then." He whispered to me laughing slightly. I just gave him a death glare, not in the mood for his jokes.

I looked down at my plate to see cottage pie, which i usually loved but i just didn't want it. I felt sick to my stomach. I stood up out of my chair to go get a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Sit down!" Issac sternly said.

"But i just wanted a b-" I replied getting interrupted.

"SIT DOWN!" He shouted, making me jump.

I sat back down, anger evident on my face as my fists curled up as the dangled down on either side of my chair.

I felt a hand connect with mine, and i quickly flinched away. I looked over to where my hand once was to see Liam's hand, then i looked up to his face. Everyone else were talking do no one saw.

"Calm down." He said quietly looking me straight in the eyes.

"Leave me alone." I huffed.

I picked up my fork and prepared myself to shove food in my mouth.

What felt like 1000 scoops after it was mostly all gone, and Toby ate the rest of my plate. I scattered it more so it looked like I'd eaten more than i actually had.

Libby and her brothers went home after dinner, seen as it was a Sunday and school was tomorrow. I went up straight to my room so i could avoid Issac and his bad mood. I really didn't want that right now.

I sat on the edge of my bed thinking about what i should do to distract myself all night, seen as every time i closed my eyes everything replayed like some film. A horror film.

All of a sudden my belly didn't feel so good, and i felt it move from my stomach. I ran as quickly as i could from my room and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I felt everything leave my stomach and within seconds it was in the toilet. I sat back against the counter when i felt the feeling gone, as i wiped my mouth clean.

"Did you just throw up?" I heard Corey shout through the door.

"Erm no." I shouted back.

He's gonna go tell Issac and then all of them are gonna know and it's not going to be fun.