sixteen

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warning ⚠️: contains self harm.

A few weeks had passed since me and Ollie got together. We had been doing stuff, i felt less uncomfortable and he was very possessive, but besides that it was a good relationship. We would always go to his house because of my situation and his mum didn't seam bothered at all. My brothers didn't realise, which was great and i told Libby and she was very happy for me. I still hadn't made the plan with Liam to get Alex and Libby together but its going to happen soon. I'd also managed to calm down from the whole situation with dad, but it still sat in the back of my mind. Caleb and Leo seamed okay too but i needed to talk to them.

I texted Leo telling him to meet me in Caleb's room and he replied back with a thumbs up. I walked out my room and headed to Caleb's room wearing surprisingly my own hoodie for once.

When i got there Leo was already there because his room was closer. Out of all the rooms mine was in the middle of them all, which was slightly annoying because i was between Liam and Jacobs room, and across from Issac. Liam screamed at his videogames all the time and homework, he stressed over work like me. Jacob wasn't that noisy but when his friends came round they were all so loud.

"What are you both doing here?" Caleb asked, taking his headset off.

"Ask her." Leo pointed at me.

"We need to talk about it." I said.

"No we don't." Leo said.

"I agree." Caleb put his headset back on and grabbed his controller. I walked up to him and pulled the headset off his head and threw it on the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing Riley." He shouted and pushed me over and i fell to the ground.

"Why are you both being such dicks about this, I need to talk to someone about all this shit because it draining me. If none of you are gonna help then fuck off and don't talk to me. I need help, and i can't go to Issac can i." I said in a very frustrated voice.

"Don't you dare fucking tell Issac." Leo said standing up and towering over me.

"Fine i'll fuck off then." I pushed him back and he fell on the bed. I stomped to the door opened it and slammed it shut behind me.

I needed to go on a walk and get out of this house for a while, School was stressful enough today and i didn't need this.

"RILEY!" I heard one of them call but i ignored them and continued down the stairs.

I heard them shout again but i got my shoes on, grabbed my phone and i was just about to open the front door when i felt someone rag my hood forcing me to fall backwards into them and away from the door. I was slammed against a wall and i saw Caleb with his jaw clenched, he had his arm to my neck and the other arm pushing my shoulder.

"Get off me!" I shouted.

"NO, stop being a bitch!" He screamed back.

I could feel his arm pushing harder and harder on my throat and i couldn't breath. What hurt more was that Leo was just stood there watching and not even helping me. I felt a tear slip from my right eye, and then the pressure on my throat was realised and Used all the strength i had and punched Caleb in the stomach. I didn't think it was possible but his anger got worse. He held his fist up and he looked like he was going to punch me straight in the face, so i closed my eyes tight and braced myself for the impact. But it didn't come. Instead i felt arms wrap round me tightly and i opened my eyes to see Caleb hugging me. I automatically hugged him back tightly as i could and buried my face into his chest while he slumped his head on my shoulder. We came from the hug slightly to let Leo in too, He looked as angry as both of us. We stayed like that for what felt like a long time, but it still didn't feel long enough. We broke up the hug when we heard the door open and we all turned to look.

"There's my not so little girl and my caring sons."

We all stood there Absolutely shock. What the hell was he doing.

"Well don't just stand there, take these bags, I've got gifts."

We did as he said and grabbed the bags, and then he walked straight past us and to the kitchen.

"I can't do this." I dropped the bags on the floor and walked out the door.

"Hey riley come here." Leo said in a soft tone, running up from behind me and grabbing me by the waist to turn me around. He looked me in my eyes "You can do it, i know you can." He then turned round and bent down a little so i could jump on his back. I loved piggy backs.

We got back inside and Caleb had already taken all the bags, so Leo just carried me to the front room where everyone else was. The rest of my brothers were clueless and just thought their hard working dad was returning with girts, but no they didn't know anything.

I got pushed off the couch and had to sit on the floor as always. I was sat by Liam's feet, and he put his feet around me to piss me off. Dad handed out all the presents and we had to open them at the same time. I opened mine and i got a white hoodie with the champion logo on in, It was really nice and i liked it, but he payed for it with stolen money. I didn't pay attention to what everyone else got apart from Liam which was hard to not ignore. He kept hitting me on the head with a skateboard he got, i was trying as hard as i could not to snap at him.

"Liam please stop." I said quietly.

"What's wrong with you." He said leaning forward to look at me.

"Nothing." I replied. He slumped down on the floor next to me and put his arm around me.

"You sure, you can talk to me you know."

"I'm just tired."

"Go to sleep then." He moved my head to his shoulder and stoked my hair while i fell asleep.

...................................................................................................................

I woke up and i was still on the floor in the front room with Liam next to me. He was playing on FIFA.

"What time is it?" i asked sitting up.

"eight twenty, you feeling better now?" Liam replied.

"Yeah actually, thank you." I hugged him tight because it was weird for Liam to be caring, he usually just annoyed me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He turned the tv off  and turned to me.

"i can't and even if i could i wouldn't because you'd get way to pissed and start throwing fists."

"right now you have to tell me, is it about boys?"

"No its not, I said i can't tell you, Leo and Caleb will go mad at me."

"I won't tell them, i promise." He held his pinkie finger out to me.

"Fine, but you need to promise me not to say anything to anyone and you need to keep its from the rest of them, and i can't tell you here."

"What are you two talking about?" Dad came in with a cup of coffee and sat down on the couch.

"School stuff." I replied.

"Oh yes, I've heard all about what you've both been doing at school, especially you Riley. Issac gave me the pleasure of punishing you." He replied with a smug look on his face.

"shit." Me and Liam said at the same time looing at each other.

"well because you both skipped class, what to PLAY BASKETBALL!" He shouted at us and we both flinched. "Also Riley, you got detention then got into a fight then ran out of school."

"Actually, i got kicked out of class for absolutely nothing at all, i didn't start the fight and if you where hear to understand it you wouldn't be shouting at me for it, and i ran out of school because of the stupid fucking teachers." I replied angerly.

"DO NOT swear at me young lady, and drop the attitude RIGHT NOW. You do not speak to me like that." He shouted and when he shouted it was really scary.

I got up from the floor and ran upstairs and slammed my door shut in anger. I paced round my room trying to contain my anger but i couldn't. I turned round and punched the wall as hard as i could. it didn't effect the wall at all but it did to my hand. My knuckles were bleeding and it stung. I slid down my wall and slammed down on the floor and the tears started pouring.

I heard people rushing to my room, but i didn't even look up when they came in. Issac came and knelt in front of me and tried to get my attention but i didn't give it him. I stayed staring at my hand as my salty tears fell on the cut.

I didn't even realise that Issac went and was replaced by Caleb picking me up and putting me on my bed.

"Riley, Riley look at me." Caleb spoke, and i turned my attention on him.

"Give me your hand." Liam said, so i slowly gave him my hand.

Liam knew how to bandage up a hand after punching a wall because he did it a lot. After he did everyone left me to go to sleep but i couldn't so i just lied awake hoping sleep would come soon.

I wonder where Issac went, i heard shouting but it was vague due to me being in the depths of my thoughts. I just wanted everything to be okay.

As hard as i tried i couldn't get to sleep. i went to the bathroom to pee and then i washed my hands and my face then looked myself in the mirror.

I looked at myself and cried, i hated myself. I never speak about it and i never let it show but i do. And with everything piling up in my head, it was hard to cope.

In the reflection of the mirror i saw a razor blade on the side of the bath tub and grabbed it. I locked the door making sure no one would come in and then sat on the floor trying my best to break the razor. I got the blade out and stared at it for a while. I pulled down my sock and i cut. i decide to do it on my foot as it would be easier to hide. It hurt a little but it helped. I wanted to feel something other than emotional pain. I sat there for a while watching the blood fall into the tile floor.

"I need to pee get out!" Corey shouted.

i jumped at his shouting and then hurriedly but my sock back on. I'm glad i was wearing black socks and not white ones. I grabbed a tissue and ran it under the tap before wiping the floor up. I threw the now bloody tissue into the toilet and flushed it. Then i unlocked the door and quietly walked out. I felt a hand grab onto my arm.

"what were you doing?" Corey asked.

"erm...girl stuff." i replied.

"okay, how's your hand now?"

"it's fine, anyways i'm going bed goodnight."

"Goodnight"

I ran back to my room and got into bed. It was only monday, it was going to be a long week.

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