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Remember when deep web stories were the fad? Every week, you’d find a new tale of someone going too far on the deep web, finding something terrible, and ending up getting attacked for speaking out against it. This story’s a bit similar.

The difference is, I still love the deep web.

Let me explain. I was a senior in high school at the time, and I was definitely no popular kid. My friends were the oddities of the school, the few people who dared to defy the norm. It was them who told me about the deep web – a place on the internet where you are completely unwatched, anonymous, capable of doing whatever you want. Of course, I was intrigued. Most of my friends just used it to buy drugs, but I thought a little bigger. I wanted to know what happened in the darkest parts of the deep web, whether or not my friends were telling the truth when they talked about horrible fetish sites and assassins you can hire to kill anyone you like.

Of course, I wasn’t planning on using any of it. I’ve never been particularly interested in sex, so fetish sites don’t interest me, and there’s really nobody I’d like to kill. It was the mystery of it all that fascinated me. Going to these sites would be like peering into a side of the world only a few have ever seen, like… a wholly new experience.

At the time, I was tired of the monotony of life. I’d get up at the same time every day, go to school, attend the same classes, talk to the same people, go home, play some games, do homework, go to sleep, and then… it’d repeat. I wondered if other people got tired of that.

Anyway. It took me a while to actually dive into the deep web. As fascinated as I was, I’d been warned of what could happen to me – I read the stories I talked about, too. Who isn’t afraid of being threatened by hackers, or stalked by some creep you piss off online? That kind of shit kept me from actually going on the deep web… until the day I manned up and decided it was time to break the monotony. It was time to delve into the underbelly of the internet, time to see a world I had only dreamed off.

For the first week or so, it was fucking boring.

It was just drug sites, and stuff where people exposed government secrets, or whatever. Nothing as dark as I expected – I don’t even do drugs, so that was useless to me, and I wasn’t into politics. There wasn’t really much I was into back then. So, I was… disappointed. The only reason I kept exploring was my sheer desire to experience the world I thought existed on the deep web. That world was darker than any drug site. That world had murder, torture, fucked up porn for fucked up people, and all sorts of nasty shit.

I eventually got my wish.

Just when my apathy towards the deep web got to its highest point, I found what I was looking for. The site didn’t have a name – I thought it was a broken link for a bit, since it only led me to a black screen. Right before I could click out, however, a chatbox opened on the screen. Someone using the name ‘admin’ typed in the chatbox, saying:

“Congrats. You found the worst place on the fucking net.”

I stared at the screen, more bemused than afraid. It took me a moment to type back.

“Cool.”

That’s all I said. What else was there to say? “I’m here to see your finest torture porn”? A moment after, the admin replied.

“Ha ha. You want in?”

I hesitated, all those horror stories flooding back into my head, but… it was too late to chicken out. This was what I came for. Even if I just clicked out at the first sign of danger, I had to see what was there, I had to break the fucking monotony, I had to know – I hastily typed back, not allowing myself to stop.

“Yeah.”

The chatbox closed, and I was led directly to what looked like a video, with another chatbox next to it. There were around five other people there, each eagerly waiting for… something. The video was in black and white, and showed a small room. The only thing inside was a wooden chair – until, after around five minutes of waiting, the door to the room opened. A man was shoved inside, blindfolded and naked, save for a pair of black briefs. He was followed by a woman, this one dressed all in black, her face face covered by a mask.

In an instant, the chatroom went wild. I almost closed the window to spare myself, knowing immediately where this was going – but again, I told myself that this was what I wanted. Maybe not the torture, but the window into the very worst parts of the world.

The woman pulled a knife from her pocket and cut off the man’s blindfold as she shoved him into the chair. He didn’t struggle for a moment, and once his eyes were visible I could see why. It looked like he’d been drugged. Resisting was impossible. I frowned, glancing to the side. This was fucked up. I knew this was fucked up. My conscience told me to call the cops, or at least to click out, but I forced myself to watch.

She turned to the camera, pointing the knife as the man’s throat.

One of the people in the chat typed…

“One of the fingers. Cut off one of his fingers.”

I clenched my hands into fists, taking in a sharp breath. Was this really fucking happening? Was I gonna just watch as this guy got mutilated, as a small crowd of people watched in glee? I felt like throwing up, a feeling that only worsened when the woman nodded and turned to the man, grabbing his limp hand and carefully slicing off one of his fingers. Blood spurted from the wound, and the man moaned in pain – but he couldn’t fight back.

Breathing heavily, I hovered my cursor over the ‘x’, planning on getting the fuck out of there –

… but I didn’t.

The woman looked unimpressed, as if she thought the people in chat could do better. Another person called for a slice up the man’s arm, and she complied. He was bleeding heavily now, clearly in deep pain, but these people… these people were fucking sick. They were cheering her on from chat, suggesting new and painful tortures for her to inflict. Eventually, I stopped breathing heavily, I stopped… feeling sick.

It was starting to grow on me.

By the end, the man was on the ground, covered in blood and breathing heavily. I watched this for around half a minute. The people in chat were starting to die down. They’d inflicted enough pain, they had their fun. It seemed like things were wrapping up. Funny, I thought, how it was over just when I was… getting into it.

I smirked. This was exciting. This was better than any game I could play, much better than any fucking class I could attend, better than sitting with a group of fucking nobodies pretending like I cared for a goddamn second about them – this was the world I wanted to see. This was darkness, this was the underbelly, this was reality.

“Fucking end him. Slit the throat.”

I typed in chat for the first time.

She nodded for one last time, bringing the man to his feet before slowly dragging her blade across his throat, sending more of his blood spurting out. Once it was done, she dropped him, and he fell to the ground, limp. He was dead. The people in chat started complimenting the torturer, talking about how it had been another good time, starting to set a date for the next showing. On-screen, the woman left the room, leaving the corpse behind.

Of course, I hastily wrote down the date for the next showing. This was going to be part of my life, now. I was going to be part of something bigger, I was going to command these people’s deaths…

What. A. Rush.

So, yeah. I still love the deep web. I’m in college now, and now… I’m even more immersed in the deep web. I’ve seen shit some people would freak out just knowing exists, I’ve fucked around every sick porn site known to man, I’ve finally broken the monotony of life. Inspirational, right? How one high schooler defies the boredom inherent in his life by discovering his true passion.

I love the deep web.