So Young, So Damaged

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TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CONTENT OF SELF HARMING

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"Where the hell have you been young lady?" My mother demanded, the minute I stepped foot inside our house.

Hunter had insisted on walking me home, so slowly we strolled hand in hand enjoying each others company. It wasn't long before we reached the front door, Hunter proceeded to kiss me goodbye and told me he would call me later.

"I am not in the mood for this Mum!" I groaned, holding my head where it was pulsating from a oncoming migraine.

"I do not care if you are in the mood for this or not Grace! You need to talk to me... now!" Mum shouted, making me wince. Her shouting was doing no well for my already apparent headache, all I wanted was to curl up in bed and sleep.

"What is there to talk about, mother?" I sighed, sick of the conversation that had yet to begin.

Mum began to laugh drily, "You called the police on Luke! The poor innocent boy is now being held in a cell all because of your pathetic lies, Grace. I think you have some explaining to do." Mum scowled, her eyes narrowing into mine.

A hurtful pang hit me, confirming that my mother still did not believe Luke had been abusing me. Then again how could I expect her too? All in a matter of a few weeks Luke and I had gone from being the seemingly perfect couple, to now me being a domestic abuse victim. People refused to believe it was the truth, choosing to not see through Luke's charade of a nice person. I could not blame those either, after all I believed in him and saw the good in him too.

Taking a deep breath, I looked deeply into my mothers eyes, "I am not lying Mum. Luke abused me for almost two years, why would I lie about that? I loved him Mum, I really did; but all he ever done was kick me, punch me, nearly kill me-"

"That is enough! Shut up!" She screamed, her eyes wide in anger.

An uncomfortable silence filled the house, my body shuffled in place; hating the awkwardness that I now had to come home too each night.

"Go to your room! I am going to call the police, and tell them the truth about your fabricated lies. I will not allow you to ruin Luke's life, if you want to ruin your own go ahead; but not his." She spoke, every word containing such meaning.

My breath hitched, my mind unable to process how my mother was willing to let me get charged for wasting police time in order to protect Luke. It made me wonder does she even love me? Her own daughter? Luke was nothing to her, bar a possible son in law; but even though the relationship is over, she still continued to take his side. She saw him as the prodigy boyfriend; the best man I could ever possibly have.

My mother knew nothing, and that simple fact; it broke my heart.

All these years she'd failed to see through my false smile, and my fake happiness. She'd believed it just like everybody else around me did, no-one ever knew how utterly broken I was. All I ever wanted was her to realise, to hold me tight and to protect me with all her might. But that never happened, I had to face Luke's abuse on my own for two years; so if I had to face watching him get charged on my own, then so be it.

I ran up the stairs, throwing myself onto the bed, allowing all the tears out that had been locked up inside me; my white pillow silencing the sound of my cries. The entire time Luke had been domestically abusing me I'd felt alone, but this; this was a whole other level of loneliness. Having Hunter and Liam around made me feel somewhat strong, but not having my Mum, Step-dad or Olivia nearby was soul crushing. Times like these are when you need the support of your family, but they'd chosen to shut me out; leaving me to wonder where I had gone wrong in life.

My phone buzzed in the back pocket of my jeans, bringing me out of my thoughts. Quickly I pulled it out, beginning to read the message that had come through.

Grace, you probably have no idea who I am so I will just tell you. My name is James, I went out with Carly, your boyfriend Luke's sister. We were together for three years, I tried to end it with her but she did not like it. I told her it was over, and tried to walk away. She grabbed my arm pulling me back, I looked inside her eyes and it was as if something inside her had just snapped. She grabbed me and chucked me through the glass doors of a shop, I ended up in the hospital because they had to remove the glass from the cuts. I wanted to tell you this because I've heard the rumours that have been going round school, and I believe you. Carly and Luke have the same blood flowing through their veins, they are two of a kind; that whole family is evil. You need to get away from them whilst you still can. Message me if you need anything, thinking of you. - James

I sucked in a breath, blinking over and over; repetitively reading the message, hoping and praying it would change. But it did not. Each word stayed on the screen, each one tearing the remaining small remnants of my heart apart one by one. Each breath began to get harder than the next, I closed my eyes begging for this to be all one big nightmare.

Without thinking I stood up, running towards the bathroom and locking the wooden oak door behind me. All I wanted was the pain to stop, the constant voices that trailed my mind to disappear. Luke's family were full of lies, deceit and darkness; I despised them.

Hastily I tugged the drawer open under the sink, desperately searching through the messy contents. My mother had insisted on cleaning out this bathroom, but as usual she had never gotten round to doing so; I always knew this was where she kept her sowing kit containing her sharpest scissors. Within a matter of seconds I found them, my fingers tightening round the holes of the handle.

I gasped as I sank down to the floor, my bare back connecting with the cold porcelain bath. The hard thuds of my heart began to burst through my chest; breathless, choking for air. I inhaled deeply, clutching the scissors before placing the sharp edge against my skin.

Do I really want to do this?

Once this is done, I can't go back.

Course you want this Grace, your worth nothing. Remember what your Mum said, and all the things Luke said about you.

I winced, the voices in my head attacking me where it hurts the most. Instinctively, I dragged the blade against my skin; coming to a halt where my skin ended. Blood began to appear over the fresh cut, along with an intense sting. The fresh skin had been broken, I'd cut away it's beauty. It was now ruined; wrecked for life and the scar that would be left behind would stay forever. A life long souvenir of how weak I felt in this very moment.

The scissors clanked to the floor, and all the sorrow that surrounded my heart began to weep out. Endless tears began to flood from my eyes, making the room one big blur. Depression, anxiety; this was my life and I had to accept that this is what it may always be.

Anxiety; it hits me like a truck, unexpectedly and tragically. I've forgotten what it feels like to be unafraid to leave the house, I've forgotten how easy life used to be. The future seems to be full of worries; a constant wish and hopefulness of what it holds. Some day, the voices in my head whirl so much that I have a migraine. The majority of the time, those voices are in Luke's tone; sickening me, making me despise him further.

All of this is down to him, the human being who ruined my life; making me full of fear for the world and what it holds. You see life may seem all good and sweet, but darkness and evil cohabits the world amongst the good. That evil and darkness; it scares me. Because even in the person I trusted with my whole heart, it was there beneath the surface. Nothing is ever as it seems. Life is unpredictable.

Anxiety is like being in a cage that's unlocked, I can get out but I've trapped myself.

Anxiety is like suffocating, but you are barely breathing.

And well, anxiety is not a way to live; it's a way to die.

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A/N:
- How did this chapter make you feel?
- What do you think Grace should do about how she is feeling?

Domestic violence victims have to face ongoing and challenging effects after experiencing physical, mental and emotional abuse. Common mental effects of domestic violence are PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), Depression, Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts/Attempts and/or alcohol and drug abuse.

Domestic violence victims also tend to have a overwhelming feeling of hopefulness, unworthiness and apprehension. They may also begin questioning spiritual/personal beliefs, and feel unmotivated.

If you, or you know anybody going through any of these feelings (even if they are not from domestic abuse) please help yourself, or those you know to seek help. You are not alone, somebody loves you. I love all my readers, and thank you so much for reading this book. You are an amazing person, believe in yourself and the ability for you to heal. ❤️

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