***

After finishing my bread and water, I'd started to sober up; the liquor finally wearing out of my system. A heavy silence settled between Hunter and I, it was thick, uneasy – a tension between us that we have never had to deal with before. He shifted uncomfortably in this seat, and put his hands together in his lap before setting his elbows on his knees and frustratingly rubbing his hand down his stubbly beard.

"Hunter-" I whispered, so quietly I wasn't sure if he'd be able too hear. 

"Stop. Just listen to me for a minute okay?" Hunter dropped his hand, twisting his neck round to look at me. 

I nodded in reply, curious as to what he'd have to say. I was in the wrong here, surely he should want me to talk.

Hunter's gaze turned towards the pool, engrossed in the white ball that reflected from the water shimmering slightly in a hypnotising motion.

"I didn't come here for an argument Grace – that's the last thing I want. I just want you to know, whatever the reason is that you've pushed me away you can talk to me about it... I'm not angry at you, god I could never be angry at you." He sighed, "Remember that time in primary school, I got that red kite for my seventh birthday and I was so excited, I told you it was my favourite toy and you begged me to let you have a go?"

"Yes-yes I remember." I mumbled, confused as to where this conversation was going.

"I let you fly the kite in the big field behind your mum's house. It was really windy, and you flew it higher and higher then that big gust of wind took it across the field and it got stuck in the tree. I was devastated, I was seven years old and I'd lost my favourite toy and there was no way of getting it back. That was the last gift my sister gave me before she passed away, that was the only thing I had left to remember her. But I couldn't be mad at you, not then – not now." Hunter finished, as I wiped a tear away from my cheek. 

We were young, but even back then the guilt killed me for losing the last reminder Hunter had of his younger sister. Sienna and Hunter were inseparable, as a matter of fact all three of us were. She was like the sister I never had, and we all looked out for each other. Except Hunter and I were hopeless as we watched her slowly fade away once she was diagnosed with meningitis. Hunter's mother noticed the first alarm; the rash - but Hunter's father was quick to brush it under the carpet convincing her that it was just a form of heat rash. Hunter spent years blaming his father, considering he failed to ever take her to have her vaccine against the deadly illness.

Losing Sienna left a huge hole in all of our lives, and to this day her room inside Hunter's parents three bedroom house by the seaside still remains intact, untouched. All her trinket boxes, ballet shoes and photo frames exactly where she left them. Each item gathering dust as if we are all still waiting for her to come back home, so we could be the three musketeers once again.

People say whilst your grieving that the pain will get easier in time, but the truth is it never really does. It's been ten years since Sienna passed and some days, it still feels as if I'm being suffocated from the pain. Considering how low I felt back then after losing my best friend, I couldn't even begin to imagine how Hunter felt. Honestly I didn't think Hunter would ever pull out of the darkness he was drowning in, but he got there; somehow, somewhere we found the strength to pull each other through it together.

Hunter's hand rested on my knee pulling me out of my thoughts. He inhaled deeply before he began to continue, "I'm going to be honest, and lay everything out on the table right now. At one point I did think I was in love with you, but the more I thought about it, the more crazy it sounded and eventually I understood that it wasn't love, it was just I cared too much for you. You're like a sister to me, we're not blood related but we've been inseparable since nursery Grace and us not talking – it isn't right. I need you, I need you to function because without you I'm not who I am." 

My stomach tightened from his confession, he thought he was in love with me?

"Why-why didn't you tell me you thought you were in love with me?" I stuttered, wrapping my arms round my body in an attempt to warm myself up.

"Because, I didn't want to scare you. I didn't want to wreck our friendship." Hunter replied, turning round to look at me. "Are you cold Grace?" 

I nodded, Hunter shot up whilst unzipping his cotton hoodie, before tugging it off his muscular arms. As he wrapped it round my shoulders Hunter's familiar scent filled the air around me, a concoction of raspberries and lemons. It had been his favourite shower gel since he was thirteen years old, those two strong, fruity aromas had the power to make me feel more at home than any other.

"That's why when I asked you to take my virginity, you freaked out. You thought if we had sex then those feelings would become real?" I stated, all the pieces finally coming together as to why he rejected me. 

"Yes, and no. When you lose your virginity to somebody, you're bonded with them for life. It's something you'll always remember, and that unique moment should be special. When I lost mine it was literally the least romantic thing ever  – and I couldn't let you have a crappy memory like I do. All the times I've had sex it's never meant anything, they were just no strings attached, one night stands or shitty relationships and I didn't want you to be a part of that list, you deserved better than that." Hunter sighed, before lifting his chin up and staring up at the starlit sky. "Trust me, I've replayed that day you asked me that over and over again and I wish I had of dealt with it differently."

My eyebrows knitted together as I tried to understand what he was trying to say, I swallowed down the lump that was beginning to form at the back of my throat as a trillion different thoughts swarmed round my tipsy mind.

"I-I-I don't understand. So if you could go back, you would of said yes?" I stuttered, petrified of his answer. My stomach started to bubble and swirl; for the first time ever I was nervous in front of Hunter.

Could Luke's assumptions be right all along? Did Hunter really love me?

"Honestly, yes. I could've made it special for you if I had of tried, but I was scared. You know better than anyone that the minute I get scared, I block it out of my mind and try to forget about it." Hunter's glassy eyes poured into my soul; sadness, grief and regret. "The worst part is, is that I knew back then if Sienna had been around she would of told me to do it. To make your first time amazing, a day you'd always remember and never look back on and be disappointed about."

"Why are you telling me this now?" I paused, "That you thought you were in love with me?"

Hunter sighed, his eyes fluttering shut. "Because, I've been racking my brains for the last week about why you've suddenly turned on me. It made no sense to me, not one bit of it did. But then suddenly, it came to me." Hunter's lashes re-opened revealing his mossy green eyes, "The only person you care more about than me, is Luke..." 

"That's not true-"

"It is, I know it and so do you." Hunter interrupted, shifting round to face me. 

I stayed quiet, not making any movements or any sounds. Luke had prepared me for this moment, he'd told me what to say, what to do if anyone ever had any suspicions about us. About him. About what he does. I asked him once why he wanted me to say all these things and he told me, it was either lie or he'd have to leave the county, for good. Losing Luke would be a living nightmare all in itself, so I agreed.

I couldn't be without him, I never could be. 

"Is this all because of Luke? Doe's he feel threatened by our friendship?" Hunter asked, lifting my hand out of my lap and intertwining his fingers with mine. "Because he shouldn't make you shut your friends out, especially the ones you've known your whole life. Please Grace, let me help you."

Hunter's words oozed with hopefulness, his heart knew that I'd never push him away without a valid reason. Which was the truth, I never wanted to lose him but in circumstances like these it was for his safety, and mine.

Luke knew how to get to me, how to beat me down enough to get what he wanted but only I knew of the extent that Luke would have to go to get Hunter to walk away from me voluntarily. Hunter would keep fighting with all he had to keep me safe, even if it mean't him getting hurt - and I simply couldn't let that happen. Luke would stop at nothing to get what he desired, and if it mean't keeping Hunter and I apart then he would go to extreme lengths to see that fulfilled.

Hunter's parents had suffered enough with the loss of one child, and they certainly didn't deserve to bury another.

In that moment, I knew I had to break Hunter's heart more than I ever had. He assumed too much, he was to close to figuring out Luke's deep, dark secrets.

"Don't be so stupid Hunter. Course not! Luke's not like that, he'd never dictate who I can be friends with." I spat, retracting my hand away from him. 

Hunter's eyes widened from my outburst, pain immediately settling in each dip and curve of his beautiful, tanned face. Even I was confused as to why and how my mood just switched within seconds. I never used to be a good actor, or a good liar for that matter – but I'd learnt over the years that it was either lie or face the truth. If I faced reality Luke would have to disappear, and I never wanted that to happen just because I'd made bad decisions and wound him up he didn't deserve to have to leave his entire life behind.

"Grace, this isn't you. You've never been like this before with me. What the hell is going on?" 

"Nothing is going on Hunter. Just leave me alone, and butt the hell out of my relationship."

I stood up stumbling slightly, considering all the alcohol I consumed it was a miracle I hadn't toppled over. As I began to walk away from him, I silently thanked him for not following me. My heart was telling me to look back, to turn around and apologise but my mind was telling me to be strong. I had to do this, for Luke. 

I fought back the urge to cry when I reached the back doors to Jackson's house. I took a few deep breathes and headed straight towards the dance floor. I searched the faces in the crowd, squinting between the darkness as the neon lights faded bright to dim. 

Everyone around me seemed happy, content with their lives. Normal teenagers, living normal teenage lives. My life was a complete mess, and I seemed to be falling further apart as each day passed. Olivia, Liam and Luke were nowhere to be seen. All I wanted was one of them to hold me, tell me that everything was going to be okay. 

How is it possible that in a crowd full of people, I feel so alone?

Tension began to build in my face, and limbs; sinking into my bones. My ability to breathe was weakening, I span round in a circle searching, hoping that somebody would appear and save me. This was my own personal storm, my anxiety over taking me. I knew this party was a bad idea, Luke was right I never should of come. I went to pull my phone out of my pocket, but my heart sank as it wasn't where I last left it. I'd lost it. I'm stranded, having a panic attack on my own in the middle of a house party. 

My heart began hammering inside my chest, the room spinning and turning a dark shade of grey. As I sank down to the floor, I closed my eyes letting it take me away all over again. The last time this happened, Luke was here. He helped me. But he isn't here, nor is Liv or Liam. The coldness of the ground reacted with my skin, hairs standing up straight and sending a chilling shiver down my spine. 

In, out. Breathe Grace. Just like Mum told you. You can do this.

I wanted to scream, shout; ask for help. But each time I tried, my throat closed. Numbness was all I could feel, all of my senses were fading away and it was slightly thrilling. Not being able to feel, that's something we've all wished for at some point or another. But feeling pain, whether it's emotional or physical; that's what makes us human. That's what makes us normal. But my life was far from normal, it never had been easy. All I had ever wished for my entire life was normal. But I'd never been graced with it, I'd always had it hard and I'd never known any different. 

My limbs slumped into the ground, my whole body disconnecting from my mind; I was no longer in control. Sleep. I craved it, I needed it. Moments passed, or maybe those moments were minutes or seconds; but eventually my body shut off leaving me in complete darkness.

***

A/N:
Hey guys! So I am now starting to update more regularly, so instead of once a week it will now be twice a week. I'd been debating on updating more regularly but it was BrittanyVivacious who gave me the nudge I needed to believe in myself, so thank you to her! You should check out her book too, it is an amazing read.

On another note this chapter was longer than usual! Grace suffers from anxiety and so has panic attacks, hence what has happened at the end of this chapter.
- What did you think of Hunter and Grace's intense conversation?
- Where do you think Luke is?

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