•Diavolo DeLuca•
•A week later•

We were going to have a baby girl. Davina wanted to name her Ellera, like my mother, so that's the name that's engraved in the urn along with the one of my wife.

"Do you want me to make you something for dinner, Iavo?" My sister asked as we entered the house.

I sniffled as my eyes wandered around the foyer; the last time I was here, Davina was leaving as my wife with her whole life ahead of her "No, I'm just gonna go sleep," my eyes are heavy from all the crying and my head hasn't stopped throbbing the last three days due to the lack of sleep and food.

"Diavolo, you need to eat something," Elena softly said.

I shook my head as my feet took me to the stairs "I need to pack."

"Pack? For what?" She inquired.

My head looked at her over my shoulder "I can't stay here, Elena, she's everywhere and that doesn't help," tears flooded my eyes as I rushed up the stairs. Once in the bedroom, I went into the walk-in closet where the urn is.

"Hi, angels," I sniffled, placing my hand on the the marble urn lid. "I was thinking we could go for a little trip to Italy. Now that Elena is taking care of the business, we can go anywhere and just worry about our happiness..." tears ran down my cheeks as my lower lip quivered. "I don't know how I'm supposed to live without you, bunny...why did it have to be you?" My fists hit the wooden closet island "It should've been me! Not you!" Sobs escaped my mouth as I grabbed the urn and sat down on the floor to stare at the silver plate with my late wife and unborn daughter's names.

For three hours, I lay on the closet floor, looking at the urn and remembering the last time I made love to my wife...it's hard to believe that her gorgeous body and incomparable mind are in this little box where only her foot would fit if she was still alive.

This is the second time I see the name 'Ellera DeLuca' on a plaque. I had big things planned for the baby like getting stupidly jealous and protective when she brought her first boyfriend or girlfriend because she was going to be the light of my eyes, she was going to give me one more reason to breathe, to come home every night, her mommy and I were supposed to give her more siblings! THIS WAS NOT HOW EVERYTHING SHOULD'VE HAPPENED! I SHOULD'VE DIED BECAUSE I'VE LIVED BUT MY PRECIOUS LITTLE BUNNY WAS JUST STARTING TO! SHE WAS NAIVE AND INNOCENT AND GOOD EVEN AFTER EVERYTHING THAT HAD HAPPENED TO HER SHE WAS STILL AN ANGEL AND THE UNIVERSE TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME!

I got up on my feet and exited the bedroom to go to the one to my right which was supposed to be the nursery. The crib's box was by the window and so were the cans of paint along with a screwdriver which is supposed to help open the cans.

I approached the crib box and opened it desperately, feeling like my life depended on it because that's how it felt.

"Ellera, Ellera, Ellera, Ellera..." my daughter's name repeatedly left my mouth as I pulled out the wooden pieces until the piece with the engraving was in my hands. It was Davina's idea to have an engraved:

We love you
-Mommy & Daddy

So our baby always had those powerful words with her but now she'll never sleep on the little mattress with the beautiful cotton sheets that has dinosaurs drawings on it because my wife loved dinosaurs.

The images of Davina's birthday dinner played in my mind at a thousand miles an hour with flashes that made me extremely dizzy "No!" I tumbled onto my feet and picked up one of the rails, the one with the engraving, to hit the window glasses with it. "NO! YOU'RE NOT DEAD! THIS ISN'T REAL!" hot tears of anger and desperation rolled down my cheeks.

"Diavolo!" my sister's faint shout didn't faze me.

My hands continued uncontrollably swinging around the rail to hit everything I could because none of this has use anymore. This room won't be filled with the flourishing life that was a result of Davina's and my love, this room will be filled with emptiness and sorrow and loss and grief and everything that isn't supposed to be the dawn of a new life.

"Diavolo!" My best friend exclaimed as he walked into the bedroom with my sister behind him. "Diavolo, you need to calm do–"

"You don't know loss like I do!" I yelled as anger poisoned my head. "YOUR WIFE IS BREATHING AND YOUR BABY IS UPSTAIRS! MINE ARE JUST A PILE OF ASHES! NEVER TO BE AGAIN! Do you understand?! My baby will never give her first steps! I will never feel the touch of my wife again! Or feel her lips against mine!" the rail slipped out of my hands to touch my lips as my eyes shut close, trying my hardest to remember the burning sensation across my body whenever my wife kissed me "it's all gone..." my knees trembled right before I fell on them "it's all gone, Francesco...my bunny is gone..." I sobbed, looking down at my hands "she died in my arms...the arms that were supposed to shield her from all evil couldn't do anything when she most needed it."

"This isn't your fault, Diavolo," Francesco took my hands in his. "You need to calm down, this is not what Davina–" At the sound of her name my insides felt like they were being clutched with anger.

"Don't say her name," my sight moved up to meet his eyes "please, it hurts too much..."

"Okay, Diavolo, I won't say her name," Francesco wrapped his arms around me to pull me into a hug. "Elena, call the Doctor and tell him to bring a sedative."

I hid my face in the crook of his neck as my eyes fluttered close; my sister's voice was echoey and slowly fading as my sight did too. Darkness, slowly, consumed me.

In my dreams I saw Davina:

There was something grainy between my toes and the sudden sound of small waves crashing on shore startled me. My eyes looked around to familiarize myself with my surroundings but there was nothing familiar; it seemed as if I was standing in a narrow piece of sand surrounded by calm turquoise waters–

"Handsome!" Her voice gave me a spine-chilling sensation.

I immediately turned around to look at my gorgeous wife wearing a pristine white bikini with a white beach kimono and a little baby in her arms, one that seemed to be smiling at me "Bunny..." my mouth went dry and when I tried to give my first step, I fell to my knees. "Bunny! I can't move!" my voice was drowning in desperation as it felt like my legs were nailed to the earth.

My wife rushed to me with a big smile on her face "Handsome it's okay." Davina knelt in front of me and glanced between the baby and me "I want you to meet our baby girl. Her name is Ellera DeLuca."

My right hand raised to touch my smiling baby's right cheek but it was as if my fingers had just touched steam because I couldn't feel her warm smooth skin "Why can't I touch her–"

"It's okay, handsome," Davina assured.

"No, this isn't okay!" I exclaimed. "I want to be with you and our baby! I want to carry her and see her take her first steps–"

"Handsome, that's impossible," my wife's smile softened. "Our journey has ended but yours hasn't, yours has just begun," in her eyes I found that lively sparkle that made my life worth living. "This might feel like the end but we both know that you're strong enough to pull yourself out of the darkness and start again."

"No, bunny," my lower lip quivered "I only want you and our baby–"

"What you want is not always what you truly need, my handsome devil," she softly chuckled before getting up on her feet. "One day we will meet again and you'll tell me about how amazing your life turned out to be; make Ellera and I proud," Davina blew me a kiss before turning around to walk away.

"No! Bunny! Come back!" My hands fell to the sand as I clutched it in my fists to try and move from my place but they kept on getting further and further. "Please don't go!" I pleaded as the beating of my heart echoed in my ears and my sight became blurry.

Rapid breathings left my mouths as my body shot up "Hey, it's okay, Diavolo," my sister sat on the edge of the bed and cupped my face.

I looked around frantically, trying to focus on something until I found my sister's eyes "How long have I been sleeping?" I breathed out.

Elena rubbed my cheeks with her thumbs as a weak smile curved her lips "Two days, you needed to rest, brother."

Two days and I only got a couple of minutes with my family...this is punishment for everything I've done in my lifetime.

"I need to get out of here, Elena," a lump formed at the back of my throat. "I can't be bound in the place where my wife and I were supposed to build a happy life."

My sister nodded softly, showing me nothing but tenderness, letting me know she understood my decision without asking any further questions which is the least thing needed in my life at the moment "Okay, Iavo," she pecked my right cheek. "I'll pack you some clothes–"

"If you don't mind, I would like to do it myself," there was a throbbing in my head that bothered me as soon as I got up.

"Whatever you wish brother. Where are you going? I'll call the pilot and ask him to prepare the jet," she offered.

"No, no," I denied with my head. "I'll do it myself, Elena."

A deep sigh left her mouth as she stood up "All right, brother. We'll do things your way."

My arms laced around her shoulders to pull her into a tight hug "Thank you for understanding."

For three hours I was in the walk-in closet, folding clothes just like Davina taught me and throwing them into big suitcases since I don't plan on coming back anytime soon. Before setting foot back into this house, I need to try and deal with my grief for my bunny and that endless love for her that will remain in my heart until I'm nothing but dust.

Upon leaving my bedroom I was wearing all black: a wool coat that goes down to my knees, a turtleneck sweater, joggers and Doc Martens. I stood under my threshold, looking at the white door across from mine which was once Davina's bedroom and that still holds her belongings in it; I've given instructions for it to be left untouched and locked until I come back.

With my thumb and code, I locked my bedroom door as quick as possible since the dark thoughts were commencing to enter my mind once again.

Downstairs, in the foyer, my sister was waiting for me along with her husband, baby girl and my brothers "You know we are always here for you, brother," Elena approached me with Alexandria.

It breaks my heart even more to hurt my fracture my family even more by leaving but this is something I have to do for my own sake "I know, Elena," my lips pecked her forehead. "I'll be back before you even know it." My sight moved to look at Alexandria who was crying "Gorgeous, I don't want you to cry, uncle Diavolo is just going through a hard time but one day things will be okay."

Alexandria's lower lip quivered as she nodded "Are you taking auntie Davina with you?" my niece can't see how broken I am, thus, I won't forbid her to say my bunny's name in my presence.

"Of course I am," my right hand patted the black messenger bag hanging from my right shoulder. "She's always with me, bun bun. I'll call every night to wish you sweet dreams, deal?"

"Deal," the blondie threw her little arms around my neck. "I love you, stupidy," my niece whispered into my ear.

A weak chuckle left my mouth "I love you more, dummy."

After saying goodbye to my family, I hopped into the back of the black SUV which took me to the private airport in New Jersey. The whole road, I held onto the urn, wishing that a fatal accident would strike the vehicle I was in so I could reunite with my family which is extremely selfish of me, considering that the man behind the wheel and on the passenger seat also have families.

"Good evening, Sir," the Captain–who has been with me for almost two decades–greeted. "Where are we heading tonight?"

A deep sigh left my mouth as I took a seat "Pisa, Italia," I replied, putting down the marble urn on the table between my seat and the one that was once Davina's.

"Sì, signore," he lightly bowed his head before going back into the cockpit.

Daphne, the flight attendant, approached me with a gentle smile –they've all given me their condolences since they were the ones on the flight back from Hawai'i with me– to ask me: "Would you like something to drink, Mr. DeLuca?"

"Whiskey on the rocks with a twist of tangerine, please," I replied with my eyes locked on the urn; that's what I was drinking when I first met Davina.

"Sì, signore DeLuca," the woman walked away to the mini-bar.

Every night my wife would thank me for saving her but she was the one who saved me.

I wonder if it was all in vain.

The end.

I've been receiving massive hate for the ending of my story that's making me want to unpublish this one and the sequel. I don't get why people have to dm me telling me the ending 'fucking sucks' and that I need to write an alternative ending to give Davina a happy ending or just plainly change the entire ending of MY story. Listen, you don't have to like it but you also do not have the right to ask me to write or modify something so it suits you. First: You don't pay me, I do this for myself and love of stories and Second: This is my story, as fucking sucky as you think it is, it's mine and if you need or want a happy ending, that's totally fair but you're not going to get it here so find another book and I'm sorry you had to waste your time on my story. This is not coming from anger, this is coming from a place of sadness and pain. Authors have feelings too and we can take hate but sometimes it's just too much, we are human, not robots sitting behind our computers. I will not write an alternate ending but you can imagine a different one and ignore the sequel. 

Know that this was a really hard ending for me to write; the last two chapters were dreadful to write since the hero of my story died and even if it was my doing it hurts like motherfucking hell.

The hero can't always survive, they're not untouchable just because they're good or have suffered. Is it unfair? Yes, but when has life been fair?

Here's a small synopsis of the second book (Beloved Chaos):

It's been 729 days since Diavolo DeLuca held the lifeless body of his wife in his arms. It's been 729 days since Diavolo DeLuca felt his world slipping through his fingers. It's been 729 days and due to lack of strenght to face his past he hasn't moved a finger to find the author of such gruesome night. However, one triggering even on the eve of the second anniversary will lead him to work on his own to find the monster behind the trigger who took the lives of his wife and unborn daughter.

Unquestionable proof will lead him to a group of people that he never considered an enemy until now.

Alone he will master a plan to steal something precious from his new-found enemy that will lead him to the architect of the darkness encircling his life for the last 729 days.