MILOŠ

I wake up intermittently, sometimes blinking awake for a few seconds just to roll over and cocoon back up with him, sometimes for a little longer, rubbing my hands over his back, breathing against his chest. Sometimes I wake up thrown over his body, his arm around my back, sometimes he's got his head on my chest. This is how I wake up on days where I don't have to be up. I wake, then fall asleep, then wake, then fall asleep. It's even better to do it with him.

Eventually, I blink my eyes open, more permanently back in the land of the living than before. The first thing I notice is the lack of a heavy body next to me, no warmth right here other than my own. He's up for the day.

I rub my hand over my eyes, pinching my nose and trying to get the spots out. I blink a few times, looking down my body, just to find him sitting in the middle of the bed, leaning back on his forearms, staring out the window.

I prop myself up as quietly and slowly as I can, careful not to catch his attention.

I wasn't lying when I said he looked like a forest spirit. Like he's not human. Håkon Rex isn't beautiful by standards, his nose has been broken several times, there's cuts through his lip, a scar above his eyebrow, but he's stunning.

Leaning back against his arms is making his shoulders pitch up toward the ceiling, his chest caved down, the line of his body in an arc, legs folded over the side of the bed. I stare, he's thinner because it's still the morning, he lost water weight at night, digestion does that. His abs are poking out, the most prominent in the mornings than they are at any other time. He's pale, pale pale pale all over. I stare at him, the shallow scruff of his beard, the way the few hairs over his chest are catching the sunlight, the hair over his lower stomach doing the same thing, then on his thighs, all white hair.

I stare like I can't get enough because it's true. He'll never be exactly this ever again, he'll still be Håkon but he'll never be Håkon now again. It's slightly mournful but I'm in love. In love in love in love.

I sit up, the sheets folding around my hips, and I move toward him. His eyes flicker to me and I watch as his abs tense, shoulders too, as he pulls himself up to seated. I let one of my legs land around his back, the other laying next to his on the bed, at a right angle against his body.

I settle against him, touching my lips to his shoulder. His spine pokes out of his skin at the top, the little rises begging me to run a finger over them so I do, his skin is so soft against my fingertips that I do the motion again, remembering for the millionth time that this man, every inch of him, is a comfort texture.

"Morning," he mumbles, kissing my head.

"Morning," I respond, mouth moving against his shoulder. I press another kiss there, then run my fingers up and over the little teeth shaped bruises on his shoulder. I feel bad about them, I wasn't planning on biting down that hard, that peak just hit me like a freight train going down a hill.

"When you want to," he breathes. "We need to head back to my parents, we're cleaning up a little today, tonight, really. They were letting everyone sleep in."

I nod. "Much needed."

"Clearly," he brushes his hand over my hair. "You seem like you're gonna fall asleep again right now, against my shoulder."

"I might," I mumble. "I love you, truly."

"I love you too." He responds. "Might need an Advil, but I love you."

"Why would you need an Advil?" I ask, a little out of it. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"I'm sore," he lets out a soft laugh. "You're quite strong and as it is we haven't been keeping up well with summer workouts."

I smile, hugging him. "Sore anywhere particular?"

"Lower back." He responds, reach forward and rub the heel of my hand across the muscle groups there. "And my thighs but that's because I attempted to help."

I smile into his warm skin. "You did help."

"Mhmm." He taps his head down against mine. "Want me to make some coffee?"

"What time is it?" I mumble.

"Little before 10, why?"

"Mhmm," I close my eyes against his shoulder. "Explains why I'm still exhausted."

"Seven hours is pretty alright. Do you have a verdict on coffee?"

"Yes, please," I blink my eyes open again, forcing myself awake. "My legs hurt."

Håkon breathes in, then sets his hand on my thigh next to his, rubbing the heel down my thigh, pushing out the tension.

"H, I've got something to tell you."

"Yeah?" He seems scared.

"I'm gay." I mumble. "I just wanted to tell you before we got too deep into this very close friendship because I know it can change things about things, I just hope you don't see me any different as a person because of it." I fight off a smile.

He's clearly holding in a laugh. "Wow, really? I would've never guessed, well, that's fun because I'm gay too."

"Really?" I pick up my head. "Wanna fuck?"

"Oh my god." He laughs. "Goofball."

"But do you?"

"When we get home, yes," he yawns. "Right now I gotta brush my teeth and have some coffee and hopefully be able to sit down on a hard surface without squirming." He looks over at me, then presses a kiss to my nose. "Don't want my parents noticing I can't sit on shit and then realizing you've been living with me for like two weeks."

"Right," I mumble. "Might wanna wear something with a collar, can't have a t-shirt slipping over your shoulder and showing off that..." I brush my hand over the bite. "Again, I'm really sorry for biting you like that."

He laughs. "It's okay, really."

"That whole thing just hit me like a plane and I wasn't ready." I laugh softly.

"You'll get used to it." He whispers, then starts to move like he's gonna stand up. I lock my arms around him.

"No."

"Milo," he mumbles. "We gotta get up, it's an hour drive back to Örebro and we gotta be there by 2."

"It's ten." I groan. "And I'm tired."

"But if we wanna get there on time we have to leave a little before one, and that means we have two hours to eat and get changed and pack stuff to stay there through dinner and all that."

"Håkon, that's two full hours."

"Not a lot of time!" He argues, smiling.

"Please come back to bed with me?" I look up at him trying to baby him into doing it.

"Ugh," he's halfway through standing up.

"Please." I reach up and grab for his hands. "I'll kiss you."

At that, he sighs, then falls hard right back down into the sheets on top of me. "This has terms and conditions, you evil little thing."

"What are they?"

"Kissing me."

"Anything else?"

"If you want me to up the stakes, go ahead." He mumbles, a slight threat in his voice.

"Hmm..."

He makes a hmph noise into my shoulder. "You on your knees before we head out."

I smile into his shoulder. "Me too?"

"If you're nice to me."

"Did I tell you that you look good today? Your eyes are-"

He picks his head up and shuts me up with a kiss. "Quiet."

"Mhmm," I squeeze his shoulders. "That's all you need from me this morning? Nothing more?"

"Ugh," he groans. "Fine, lay me out again."

"Really?"

"Yes," he mumbles. "Please."

"Really? I thought you were joking around with all that and stuff."

"Hell no," he sighs. "You're leaving for the Czech Republic in like two days and I'll be damned if I'm not spending every spare second getting my guts rearranged." He rolls off me, laying his arms flat. "Now get over here, if you want, you don't have to."

"No, no," I grin, throwing my leg over his hips. "I absolutely want to." 

***

okay so monday's chapter is probably (probably) not going to happen because I'm going on a little adventure to see a college i lowkey applied to as a joke and is now one of my best options. 

which means i'm getting on a plane to go to a city i've never been to before, which, as a US citizen in a pandemic is like the scariest shit. anyway. 

i also might be using this book as a senior service project. might. if they allow it. and then i just have to wiggle my way out of letting my school administration read this.

-rabid