6: The Pain that He finally Knew

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Courting a child was a difficult endeavor.

Lucian being that child made it even more onerous.

I have been visiting Lucian for a week now and I couldn't see much process in our relationship. Everyone was beginning to get impatient especially Slade that Thomas had to take the twins with him for a world tour despite Sevor's claims that he was not his twin and that he was completely patient. They left on the second day since Slade was all ready to barge in and commit kidnapping. I won't mind seeing him in jail though. That was if the jail can hold him off.

"It's not that I'm impatient to see him but this is getting too long! I'm going in!" Slade growled and Sevor had to restrain his brother by the armpits before he could get out of the car.

In my second attempt, Lucian kept on hiding away from me. He hid in his usual closet the following day after our first meeting but then he ran away from me when I opened the closet. I had to follow his scent to the room in which he shared with the other orphans. He was hiding under his bed and I had to talk to him while I sat on his hard mattress. Was this really a mattress or was this a fucking cemented catacomb?

"Maybe Fenris can help?" the wolf suggested in a hoping tone.

He really wanted to get out and play with Lucian. I wanted that too but I can't take the risk of getting caught and what if we did get caught? I rather die than become a guinea pig for those wussy humans. If I had it my way, I'll feed them to the hungry cheetahs and mix their liver with Samael's lunch and Raphael's marinated body and Slade's bath soap and- I can't think of anything for Sevor. Now that I think about it, Sevor was the most tolerable supernatural among the bunch.

It had been decided, his grave shall be spared from my golden piss.

"Maybe next time Fenris, Lucian is still scared of us," I sighed.

Fenris whimpered in dismay. "Why is he afraid of Fenris? Fenris won't hurt him. Fenris is good! Fenris will cuddle him and play with him and love him and care for him and nap with him! Fenris not bad..." he ranted childishly.

I swear I knew that Fenris already learned how to speak in a first person point of view but whenever Lucian was there, he regressed back into his old and playful self.

"Lucian, are you fond of dogs?" I asked him and leaned back with the support of my arms. I stared at the rotting ceiling and wished that I could take him out of here and provide him a better roof...well with walls and everything. I can't just provide a mere roof you know?

When I didn't receive any reply, I continued to talk. "I have a dog...his name is Fenris. He really wants to see you but he's sad that you're scared of me and maybe even him."

The silence continued and I didn't mind it. As long as I knew that he was still under there and I had the chance to make him listen then I'll talk until he was all ears even if I looked hopelessly insane.

"I'm really serious about protecting you from Voltaire. I never go back on my word especially when it comes to you. You can tell me anything. You can tell me what scares you, what you want to eat or where you want to go; who you want to see and who you don't want to see because I'm here for you. I will always be here for you, waiting."

I grunted when I saw a colorful confetti coming out of nowhere from above me. Of course that would be Samael. Raphael didn't have the will in him to joke around.

I made sure to stick around for lunch time. I bought kiddy meals for all the kids in the orphanage except for the nuns and for Lucian. I bought Salisbury steak for the nuns and Tomato-Peach Salad for Lucian.

As expected, Lucian didn't want to eat the salad and preferred the bland bread. I told him that the bread wasn't available and it would be bad if he would feel hunger.

Upon hearing the "feeling of hunger" Lucian reluctantly agreed to eat the salad but the fear on his face was evident and it really tortured me. I just sat beside him and watched him eat the salad. He was getting teary eyed. I wasn't sure if it was because of happiness since he got to taste something new or it was because of fear as he tasted something great that would stimulate an emotion from him.

This was a difficult battle for him.

And it was difficult to watch him.

During the third day, Lucian seemed to get worse. He became more hostile towards me and Sister Glenda requested me to come back another day to not upset Lucian any further.

But I didn't need her to tell me to leave. Lucian's words were all I needed to give him some space even though I wanted nothing more but to embrace him and beg him to surrender all his pain to me.

"Leave me alone! I don't need you here! He's mad at me because of you! I don't want you here! Don't come back anymore! Watashi o Hottoite! (Leave me alone!)"

The window of the car rolled down and I felt someone pat my back. "You know that he's only scared right?" Samael asked me.

"I know that...I'm not giving up," I replied to him.

Raphael got out from the passenger seat and he placed his hand on my head to give me ruffle.

"He wouldn't want you to give up on him," he told me with a reassuring smile.

"I wouldn't want that either," I replied and patted his hand on my head with acknowledgement.

In the fourth day of our task, Samael handed me a small brown teddy bear for Lucian. I greeted Sister Glenda who gave me a curt nod. I guess she doubted my capabilities to tame Lucian huh? Well, I already gave up in humans anyway. They were too weak.

I sniffed out Lucian's scent and found him sitting on his bed while he stared at the wall across him. I stood there at the entrance to see if he would notice me but when he didn't even recognized my presence, I entered without permission and sat on the bed making sure that I had my distance. I held the teddy bear on my lap and waved in front of Lucian's face. He was unblinking.

I smiled sadly at him and then held the bear's fluffy arms. "I wuv you!" I stated in a cartoon-like voice as I maneuvered the arms to air draw a heart and point at Lucian. I was trying to mimic Mickey Mouse but I sounded like a sewer rat on crack. "I'll pwotect you always," I voiced covered the bear and then made the bear sit in front of Lucian.

I had a hard time making it sit but when I did, I smiled one last time at Lucian before leaving.

I won't bother him too much this day. I'll let him adjust to me.

When I left the orphanage, Samael and Raphael were already waiting for me. "I put a spell on the bear. He'll be able to sleep well at night without having those night terrors," he explained and I nodded at him gratefully.

The three of us decided to not return at the fifth day and see Lucian's response to my sudden absence. Samael watched him along with Raphael and I was left waiting at the car munching away pocky sticks to lessen my anxiety.

"He was staring at the entrance of his room," Raphael told me which brightened my mood in an instant.

"There's progress right there," Samael commented and took one pocky stick from the box I was holding.

"Is there any squid flavor?" he asked me. "This would taste better if they added the ink from an octopus."

"You're disgusting," I laughed.

"Oh shaddup, Lucian would agree with me," Samael grumbled. His face fell and he had to punch his chest multiple times like a gorilla. "He always stood up for me ya know? Even when all of you little shits were against me. He took me under his nice ass and sat on my face to keep me there. Best day of my entire reapin' life," he stated and wiped unshed tears from his eyes. "Em gettin' emotional again. Damn it Lucian! Give me that pocky you damn mutt!" He growled and then snatched the box only to find it empty. He then threw it at Raphael's face who then glared at him menacingly.

The next day, Lucian was outside with the other kids but he was on the swing with the bear in his arm. I smiled at that and I slowly approached him. When he caught the sight of my brown shoes, he immediately snapped his head to me as if he knew that these shoes belonged to me.

"How are you?" I asked in a gentle tone and bent down. Lucian's eyes kept on glancing at me and then moving down to look at the grass.

"You...didn't come yesterday," he whispered.

"I'm sorry, were you waiting for me?" I asked him.

"You left your bear..." he mumbled.

"I gave that to you," I told him. "That's yours now."

Lucian kept the bear close to him. "You can leave now..." he dismissed me but I knew that he didn't mean it. Compared to last time, his voice was much firmer before.

But I won't push my luck. "Okay then, I'll come back-"

"Don't come back anymore. I...Don't want to see you," he said without looking at me.

Even though he didn't mean that, it still hurt me. I knew that his rejection was because he was afraid but then I believed that he was going through a denial mode.

I'll grant his request then and I'll talk about this matter to the guys.

"I'll go then. I won't see you anymore. I won't ever come back," I murmured and tried to peek under to see his eyes. "Good bye then?" I stated, it was more like a question but I did stand up and leave.

I looked back at him before walking past the gates of the orphanage. He didn't even glance back. His hold on the bear gave me reassurance though. If he can cherish something that I gave then that meant that we had some improvement.

"If that's what he wants, we'll let him have it," Raphael said as we ate our dinner at a steak house.

"Annoyin' I tell ya but that's how things are gonna be," Samael stated as he shoved the whole grilled squid in his mouth. Samael was able to manipulate the workers to grill him some squid even if the house's specialty was steak.

The three of us contacted Thomas from a stolen laptop and it turned out that the fairy was teaching some kinky stuff to the twins. Slade wouldn't stop complaining about some dude trying to hit on him in a club and that he wanted to go back already.

"The people here kept on rubbing their mbolo on my leg! I had to teach them that I was bigger! Hey, why are you three in this thing? Are you devoured by this creature? Just so you know I won't save your asses even if you begged me to!"

"I think you have to wait for them to run off of immortality before they can beg you for something as ridiculous of that Slade," Sevor pointed out. "So that will take you, I don't know, the rest of your immortality too."

"Slade is a hopeless man. We had some fights since he whipped not only the collared Submissives but also slapped Dominants with a dildo," Thomas said making Samael and I laugh our butts off.

"They were eyeing me!"

"They were just asking your name," Sevor corrected.

"While eyeing me!"

"Are you saying that we are not allowed to look at you?" Sevor questioned the younger twin.

Slade scoffed. "I only allow a few. You are lucky to be granted of that privilege. And have you heard that Schlampe (slut) offer me to be a polygamous relationship? I will not involve myself in that kind of relationship!"

"But you're already in a polygamous relationship you arschloch! (asshole!)" Samael laughed out.

"Exactly!" Slade stated with such exasperation that his pea brain cannot handle. "Being involved in one polygamous relationship is already a pain in the arsch (ass) and the thought of being in another one is nerve wrecking!"

"Calm your boiling dragon balls, Goku still needs them. And besides, they are not forcing you. Just forget about them," Samael stated humorously.

"We better go. Concentrate on your sweet lover and solve this mystery so that you can all live happily ever after," Thomas said and cut off our connection.

We drove back in front of our usual parking in front of the orphanage and Raphael checked up on Lucian.

When he came back, he had a terrified expression on his face. "He's missing! The nuns were panicking. I overheard that Lucian went missing since this afternoon," he reported making Samael and I panic as well.

"Fuckin' hell. Old habits die so hard no matter how many times you choke the bitch with a banana!"

I got out of the car and sniffed out Lucian's scent. Samael and Raphael chased after me as I tracked my mate down.

He couldn't have gone far. He was just a kid. He will have unsure choices and maybe he'll even find a way back.

But I'll search for him.

Even if our distance was beyond the range between the North and South Pole, I'll keep searching for him in heaven, in hell and in this despicable mortal realm. I won't stop no matter how strained my legs become, no matter how difficult it was to catch my breath, and no matter how many times I was lifted up by my hopes only to be slammed back down to the ground. My soul had already loved him since the beginning.

Every step I make was for me to arrive at the destination wherein he and I were can be an everlasting. Every breath I take was for the sake of every tomorrow that I will get the chance to be with him again.

I need him. I need him so bad.

My speed in running shocked the people walking by as I bumped into them causing them to fly away with my strength. Samael was able to keep up with my pace but Raphael was slightly falling behind.

I shoved every person that was in my way until the amount of people we bump into lessened when we got closer and closer to the smell of tulips.

Thousands of tulips lined up in their respective colors as they grew in the wide field. A little figure stood in front of the thousands of tulips. It was windy and the flowers were being blown to one side which opposed where Lucian was facing. It was like the flowers were greeting their King.

"Lucian!" I shouted at the boy which caused him to slowly turn towards me.

"I was asking the trees to lead me to you...but they instead led me here," he said with a blank expression. He had the bear in his arms. Samael shoved me forward and I didn't even think of shoving him back.

The only thing I had in my mind was embracing him. I didn't even think that it would upset him. I just did it out of worry and panic. Lucian didn't push me away. He didn't tell me to let him go. He didn't reject me.

And it was the happiest thing that ever happened to me.

He hugged me back. He acknowledged me.

"I don't want you to go...will you stay? Come back tomorrow again?" Lucian whispered his request.

My snot started to escape from my nose and I had to sniff it up as my eyes began to water. "I'll come back for you every day for the rest of my life. I'll watch you grow. I'll hold your hand and never let go! I promise you that. I'll fix this. We'll fix this!" I pledged and held him tighter.

Lucian laid his head on top of my shoulder and I can feel him grow limp. "That makes me feel...happy. I'm not afraid anymore. It is too bad that...I cannot see your dog. I hope he does not feel sad about it?"

I chuckled through my constant sniffs. I know where this was going already but I tried so hard to hold my tears. It was so fucking hard.

"You can still see him. He's here with me," I murmured through a raspy voice.

I let Fenris take over my body. My clothes were ripped from his size. My wolf didn't move but he let out a whining voice. Lucian giggled weakly and Fenris lowered his head in a compliant bow. The boy leaned his forehead against Fenris and that was the time that he started to disappear like the toddler Lucian. It started with his feet. They faded and turned into blue sparkles of light that joined the moon in the skies. The bear that I gave to Lucian fell to the ground and Fenris stayed still while whining from the deep pain resonating within him from being left again.

"I'm not scared anymore..." he murmured with a small smile on his lips. He was glowing. He was beautiful.

Yet he was leaving us again.

He joined the skies and disappeared to the unknown.

My wolf howled in despair and he withdrew from the physical state due to the intense distress. I was left on my knees and I was bare from all the pain that would attack me. I picked up the bear and stared at its lifeless black eyes. Samael and Raphael walked to my side and I held the bear tightly in my big hand.

This sense of abandonment really fucking hurt.

The same leaves that grew before sprouted and another piece or fragment of the supposed sphere was offered to us. I picked it up and then clenched it in my hand.

"I need to know it. I need to carry what Lucian is carrying. I deserve it," I seethed.

Samael let out a breath and then I felt his hand drop on my head. He gave me all the memories that Lucian had of his childhood.

I saw everything.

I heard every cry.

I felt every pain.

I mourned for every unanswered plea.

I moved my eyes to the darkness that coated Lucian's life.

I finally discovered the voice that haunted his very existence.

And it crushed me. It plucked me piece by piece; it torn me apart.

I shakily clutched the bear to my chest and screamed the pent up frustration. Samael and Raphael had to warp us back to the car while Raphael tried to calm me down in the back. The image of Lucian being begrimed traumatized me. I was thirsty for blood. I was hunting for revenge.

But I was already chasing a ghost.

And it aggravated me further.

Samael used his power to pin me down and paralyze me but the raging and possessive Alpha within me was attempting to overpower him. Raphael placed his hand on my forehead and I green light glowed.

"Caleb, stop. Stop doing this. What happened to Lucian is not your fault. Even though it frustrates all of us, Lucian himself let those memories go. He decided to move on and be happy with all of us. He didn't live in the shadows of the past so you shouldn't stay there too. Let go Caleb. Don't stay there. Leave that room. Leave that castle. Abandon that man," Raphael ordered me as he tried to tame me with his powers but the foul images only made me desperate to shed blood.

I could already hear the car moaning from the quake and strength of my body. Samael yanked Raphael out of the car and then landed a strong punch to my face.

"The chicken has spoken! Didn't ya hear what Lucian said earlier? He's not scared anymore. He's not afraid because you saved him from those memories. Ya picked him up from his despair. His life's troubles were finally answered and that's because of you you damn mutt!" he growled at me with extreme anger in his expression.

He landed another punch on my face and I questioned if this really was his way of making me move on or it was because he was also taking out his frustrations of incapability of saving Lucian on me.

Another intense tremble of the ground broke our dispute and half of the car fell into a raft formed from the quake. The piece I was holding rose from my grasp and Samael was smart enough to grab it only to be heaved to the other door which was closed. The strength and the indestructible body of the reaper knocked the door down.

"Can we at least take the fucking airplane?!" Samael snarled at the article.

"It's happening again!' Raphael yelled through the wavering sound of the soil being shaken.

The article dragged Samael out with its speed and Raphael warped us out of the collapsing

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