I'm difficult
Don't think that I can trust you.
             I'm cynical,
   but I kinda want you to stay
              and change my mind.

THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE!! If you haven't read chapter 4 please go back and read!!!!

STERLING'S POV:

    Harry hasn't come back in a few days... I don't mind it. The silence, I mean. But I will admit.. His weird schedule and random stopping by gives me anxiety like no other.. Me going out in the backyard, waiting to see if he shows up or not. It's ridiculous that it scares me this much. He's a teenage boy. He doesn't bite... Or maybe he does... I have no idea. I shake off the thought, and run down the stairs, going straight for the freezer. I open it, and move things around but still find nothing I'm looking for.

    "JASONNNNNN!" I yell.

    "Sterling." He walks into the kitchen, and doesn't yell at me for calling him by his first name. He knows exactly what he's done.

    "You didn't buy pancakes." I thin my eyes at him, and he peeks in the freezer as he walks by.

    "Hmm. I must've forgotten." He shrugs.

    "Dad! You totally did not forget! What's your angle? What do you want from me?" I ask, and he shrugs.

    "I'd go get you some but I have to head to work. Here's some money.. I'll even leave some extra just in case you want to go have fun... You can go to the store." He tells me as if it's no big deal.

    "Dad! No!!! JASONNNN!" I grab onto his arm, and pull him as hard as I can which only results in my feet sliding on the floor as he pulls me to the front door.

    "Look! You're at the front door, your shoes are laid out.. And look! Your keys are right here! Hey, I just checked your car, and changed the oil too, so perfect timing. Have fun Ster." He pulls me in to kiss me on the forehead, and I resist.

    "You hate me. You hate me with everything in you, you want me to die of social anxiety don't you? DON'T YOU?" I raise my voice, and he pulls me in anyway.

    "I love you. Have a good day." He tells me, and I groan.

    "MY FATHER HATES ME!" I yell, and walk back into the kitchen. I open the freezer again, looking as if pancakes will magically appear, and I pout. Dammit... I close it again, and close my eyes too, waving my hands in front of the fridge. "Pancakus mquakus!" I chant, and open the freezer again, still seeing nothing. "Fuck you Harry Potter. You taught me nothing." I spot the waffles, and gag. Who the fuck bought waffles? And why? Waffles are the devils food. Pancakes, on the other hand, belong to the heavens... Yet I have none. I walk back to the front door, and look at the keys hanging there, and the shoes, and I sigh outwardly. Fine. I'll go... But only for pancakes.

    I run up the stairs, and grab a hoodie, and a hat as well, placing it on my head, and throwing the hoodie on, pulling the hood up as well. Dammit I still look like Sterling... Sunglasses, perfect. I grab a pair, and run back down the stars, slipping on the moccasins, and walking... More like running to my car. I don't even look at the Navy Jeep Liberty as I jump inside of it. I just duck and cover, and hope to god I don't hit my head on the way in.

    I sigh in relief as I sit in my car, thankful no one stopped me on my way in, and hoping no one stops me on my way out either. I pat the steering wheel ,and start the car, plugging my phone up to start the soft hum of music.

    "I missed you Deborah." I speak to the car as if it will speak back, and then pull out of the driveway. I didn't forget how to drive despite the fact that the last time I got in my car was a good few months back... just to go on a drive... but even that gave me too much anxiety. I didn't want anyone to spot me while I was stopped at a redlight to try to talk to me. I just didn't want to be seen or found out. Now I'm going head first into the deep end as I go straight into the shark tank of people which is the grocery store... but I'll be fine.

    I drive with shaky hands towards the local store, trying my best to keep a positive outlook on this... I will admit that the negatives are definitely outweighing the positives in these moments but i'm just going to stop thinking all together to make it all go away. No positives, no negatives.. Nothing is better than any of it. I find a peaceful moment as I drive but as soon as I sit in the parking lot, staring at the neon grocery store sign, all the peace is gone.

    "Sterling... Just go inside. and if anyone says your name... pretend you don't know who Sterling is... That's all you have to do." I speak to myself and straighten my hood on my head, making sure I don't look like myself at all. There's no way anyone is going to know who I am anyway... And, the parking lot looks decently empty. Maybe no one's here. Optimism... That's all I need.

*play Difficult by Amy Allen*

    I get out of the car, the cash from my dad in my pocket, and my hands shoved deep inside of them. My fingers toil with the money in my pocket as the nervous energy takes over, but I try to keep my mind clear. I haven't been inside a public place since last year. Not since December of last year and it's now May... I walk through the automatic doors of the grocery store, and no one even looks in my direction... No one's looking at me at all.. Well that's a start... I won't lie. I completely imagined myself walking in here, and everyone looking at me and then screaming my name out, asking me questions... Odd.

    I walk in slowly, and move out of the main aisles, going through the deli to get to the frozen food section. I continue walking briskly, and just as soon as I feel like I'm in the clear I hear a group of voices. I turn to the sound, and I see red flag after red flag. Carson, Hallie, Claire, and fucking Mason. Fuck me. Fuck me fuck. I dart towards the bread, and go behind the shelves, moving the bread so I can peek through. They're walking towards the back, but.. What the fuck... Why are they splitting up? Why the fuck are they not staying together so I can leave? I lean into the bread, craning to see which direction they're going in and-

    "Why are we hiding in the bread?" I hear a whisper behind me, which causes me to jump, and shoot myself back. "Why are we wearing sunglasses inside... Here I'll put mine on too." Harry speaks out, and I take a loaf of bread off the shelf and throw it at his head.

    "Are you stalking me!" I whisper shout, and throw my hands up. He catches the bread, and holds it like a baby as he looks at me, obviously wondering why the hell I threw bread at him.

    "No. I was told to get hot dog buns, so I came to find them but I found Sterling Silver instead." He speaks out as he places the bread back on the shelf next to my head.

    "Don't call me that. It's weird..." I say, and look through the hole I've made to see where everyone went. "Where did they go?" I whisper to myself.

    "Where did who go?" He asks, and I huff out, looking around me. I grab something random, and push it into his chest.

    "There. Hot dog buns, you can leave now." I sigh.

    "These are hamburger buns... and if you're asking where Hallie and Claire went.. They're walking this way." He tells me, and I swear my blood is white hot. I'm sweating through my hoodie, and I panic.

    "You have to get me out of here. I mean it please get me out of here, they can't see me... Please I'm asking you for help, and I never do that.. Please." I panic, knowing how out of character it is for me to even ask for anything from someone. Especially a stranger like him.

    "Okay. I'll distract them, you make a run for it." He agrees with no hesitation, no questions asked which surprises me, but I don't question it. I hide where I am, and he walks around the aisle. "Hey ladies!" He speaks out, and I peak around the corner, catching his eye.

    "Who are you talking to back there?" Claire's voice asks.

    "Myself. I'm a pretty funny guy." He nods his head, and smiles wide, and then makes eye contact with me, nodding his head towards the doors so I move quickly.

    "Who are you looking at-" I see Hallie start to turn, but Harry grabs her shoulders.

    "I need... I need your- TAG YOU'RE IT!" I hear him speak out, and see him tap Claire's shoulder, and then run away.

    "You're being so weird." Claire speaks out, and I don't stay long enough to listen to the rest of the conversation. I'm too flustered... I move back towards the front of the shopping center, and as soon as I get outside I feel somewhat relieved, but I feel even better as I throw my back against the driver side door, and lift my head up to the sky.

Why the fuck did I think that was a good idea? Who said this was smart? My dad, but he's not smart.. I will never think he's smart because he thought up this plan. I fumble in my bag for my keys, but I stop instantly when I see feet stop in front of me.

    "Are you okay?" I hear the deep voice, and I look up to Harry.

    "Fine... Thanks for the help." I tell him, still searching for keys with shaking hands.

    "Hey... You're shaking. Let me drive you home." He speaks out, and I pull back.

    "I'm fine. You're with your friends." I shrug it off, and can't find my keys still. I want him to leave.

    "I don't care... You're shaking. At least let me stay until you calm down." He tells me, and I don't speak, I just search harder for my keys until he grabs my hands, and stops me from moving at all. I close my eyes tight, and take a deep breath.

    "Fine. You can drive." I speak out softly, the part of me that wants him to stay speaks out, knowing damn well I would've been found out if he wasn't there to help me.

    "Where are your keys?" He asks.

    "Somewhere in my bag, I can't... I couldn't find them, I-"

    "Can I?" He asks softly, holding his hand out. I hand him the bag, and walk around the car to the passenger seat. The car unlocks, and I climb inside, and see him do the same, handing me my bag again.

    "You don't have to help me." I speak out.

    "I'm not helping you. I just wanted to drive your car." He lies, and I shake my head.

    "I didn't even get my pancakes." I whisper to myself. I should have just went to McDonald's and got some hot cakes, and forced my dad to go to the store the next day... Why don't I think things through?

    "So you want pancakes?" He asks.

    "Well yeah, that's the only reason I left my house." I tell him.

    "Okay." He speaks out, and I think nothing of it until I see him make a turn which is not the way to either of our houses.

    "Where are you going?" I sit up, and look at him.

    "You asked if we could go get pancakes." He tells me.

    "Noooo. I specifically said I wanted them, I didn't ask for them." I correct him.

    "Wanting, asking.. Same thing." He shrugs, and I scoff.

    "Not the same! I've had my fair share of being in public today, I don't think I want a second go at it!" I shout, and he shakes his head.

    "It would be such a waste if I just drove us home.. You see I'm already breaking the law by driving this car, I might as well get some excitement out of it." He informs me.

    "Breaking the law! Breaking what law?" I panic, and he looks at the road still, not giving me a second look. He keeps his face completely unalarmed, and calm as he speaks.

    "Unlicensed driving in the state of Oregon is a class B traffic violation and carries a fine anywhere from 135 US dollars to over 1000... Depending on the cop I assume. But all cops are assholes so I'd assume the higher price." He shrugs, and I scoff.

    "Unlicensed driv- Harry!!! What the fuck! If I knew you didn't have your license I wouldn't-"

    "You would've said no... At least that's what I assume." He smiles at the road.

    "Damn right I would've said no! Pull over, seriously you can't-"

    "Well I can... I'm doing it right now aren't I? Besides, if I pull over now then all the fun stops. We're getting pancakes." He smiles, and I sit in my seat, completely defeated.

    "No matter what I say, you're not going to give me what I want, are you?" I ask.

    "I'm giving you pancakes." He clarifies.

    "You're infuriating." I speak under my breath, and he finds amusement in this. "After pancakes, you're taking me straight home. Agreed?" I ask, and he nods his head. I sit in my chair with a huff, and watch as he pulls around street corners, and goes towards an unknown location in my mind. I watch the road, not speaking at all, just listening to the air flow into the car, as Harry sits in the driver's seat, driving peacefully.

    He's not a bad driver... He's decent, but not bad. I look at him, and watch as he looks to the road with his sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose. He's got soft skin... It looks incredibly soft, and the more I look at him the more I search for some type of imperfection... One thing that makes me want to look away but I see nothing. He's pretty... Every time I've looked it's been from afar, but he's right next to me now. I look at his face, and see his lips slowly turn up into a soft grin, causing a dimple to carve into his cheek.

    "You know why people stare?" He asks, and I look away.

    "I.. I wasn't-"

    "They stare because their brain is trying to sort the other person into a category.. A broad category.. It's a type of survival instinct. You want to classify if I'm deemed safe or potentially unsafe... People stare at the eyes because the eyes tell you socially relevant information... They provide non verbal clues.. But the lips.." I look down to his lips to watch him speak the words out now. "The lips to see emotion.. Mood.. So a smile or a frown, or if they can't hear you... People stare at the hands if others move them a lot when they speak." I look to his hands, and notice a small cross tattoo there, something I was too far away to notice before.

    "Interesting." I nod, and look back at the road.

    "So why were you staring at me?" He asks.

    "Cause you're a stranger driving my car. I've only ever seen you from beyond a fence. I wanted a good look at my captor." I tell him.

    "I didn't kidnap you." He laughs.

    "Could've had me fooled." I sigh, and he shakes his head, pulling up to Chesney's, and I shake my head. "I'm not going in there. If Carson and his crew aren't here it means-"

    "Andrea, and Jalyn aren't here. They're getting ready to go to Carson's party for the end of the school year... Carson told me." He speaks out, and I turn to him with furrowed brows. "But if you're still worried I'd be more than happy to go inside to get pancakes and coffee and bring them out here for us to enjoy in the comfort of your car." He tells me, and I nod.

    "You go do that." I tell him, and he smirks.

    "I'm going to need a pinky promise that you won't leave that seat." He tells me, referring to me moving to the driver's seat. I sigh, and lean myself towards him, giving him my pinky to lock with his own. He gets out of the car, leaving it running for me, and he goes inside. I sit here, waiting in the car for him, waiting for him to return with pancakes, wondering why the hell I said yes to any of this. I swear... The one time I leave my house in months, and this is what comes of it? He comes back out after a little bit, and I watch as he approaches the door, opening it, and passing me the food as he does.

    "Now that I've gotten you pancakes, I do need to inform you of something." He speaks out as he brings a takeaway coffee cup to his lips.

    "Normally people don't warn you if they've poisoned you." I mumble, and open the bag.

    "So.. Remember that agreement we made? The one about after we finish eating?" He asks, and I nod my head, already knowing I'm going to hate what comes from his mouth next. "Well I thought you'd want to know that unless I pinky swear it... I'm probably not going to stick to it... Rookie mistake you made, not making me promise, but you'll learn... So Sterling Silver... Where do you want to go?" He asks me, and I stare straight at his face, a cheesy grin plastered to it, and I don't know what to say or do... but I know if I reject it he's going to do it anyway... He's in the driver's seat. He's in control, and right now I'm royally fucked.

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IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!

Also! Do you guys need pictures to help you visualize Carson and the whole bunch? If so comment on this and I'll upload pictures on the next chapter!