Oh, I feel my body shaking.
No hope is kept alive.
The fear of losin more than just my mind.

~This is what anxiety feels like by Clinton Kane~

HARRY'S POV:

    I sit down on Hallie's couch, and Mason sits across from me. It feels like for some reason he hasn't stopped looking at me all night, glaring at me. We all went out earlier, hung out at Chesney's, and then came back to Hallie's house. I had no intention of actually joining them, but Carson called and invited me when I was with Sterling, and she insisted I went. She said "I don't want you pushing all of them away because of me. If they're trying to be your friend then let them be your friend." Which personally makes no sense to me. Considering she's kind of doing the same thing.

    "Do you guys want to watch something?" Hallie asks, pulling the remote up as she plops down on the couch, sitting right next to Carson.

    "I'm fine with whatever." I smile, and look back forward, still feeling Mason's eyes on me. Everyone nods and agrees, not caring what goes on the television except Mason who stays silent.

    "Mason? Anything to add?" Claire jokes, and the tension is already built to the maximum potential because of the way he's acting.

    "Same." He speaks out, and I sigh as loud as humanly possible.

    "So.. When did we get tense here? What's going on?" Jake asks, not knowing the full situation between Mason and I. He looks between us, and Carson sits up?

    "Tension? What tension, there's no tension, let's watch TV. I like spongebob, do you guys like spongebob?" He quickly tries to change the subject completely.  He laughs, pushing the laughter, but quickly letting it die out as he sees the serious expression, and hears the lack of laughter throughout the group.

    "No there's definitely tension, and no matter what you turn on Mason won't be watching because he'll be watching Harry. What's your problem?" Claire speaks out, her voice defensive, and losing the calm nature it had before. She leans forward on the couch, and since she's met me she's been incredibly protective, and kind towards me. I know it has everything to do with Sterling, and nothing to do with me, but it's kind of her and I do appreciate it.

    "Nothing is my problem." He speaks out.

    "I'm the problem. I can go, it's not a big deal." I hold my hands up, wanting to diffuse the situation.

    "No. You're not leaving. We all want you here." Claire speaks out, and she tries to reach for me, but I stand up, moving back a bit so she can't touch.

    "It's fine really. I'm really not sure what the problem is, but I can just go. It's not a big deal." I tell them, and step back.

    "The problem is the fact that we were all fine together, and we all had fun hanging out all the time. None of us had heard from Sterling, and we were all fine. She was fine. Everything was fine, and now you're here, and you're lying to Sterling. You're making a mess for all of us, and none of us will have a chance to clean up your mistake when she finds out because she won't talk to any of us, and she'll think we were a part of it. We've all spent years building up relationships, and trust with her, and this is all going to be for nothing because you're being a selfish prick." Mason speaks out, more so spits his words, finally getting his words off of his chest.

    "Then I won't be part of this, and you can continue on like you were before I moved here. I don't really care. Everything's still fine." I wave my hands, and everyone is just staring.

"What? Do Jalyn, and Andrea have anything to say about us? You hanging out with us? And you hanging out with them? Does Sterling know about them?" He asks, and I sit quiet.

"Wait you're.. You've been hanging out with Jalyn and Andrea?" Claire asks me, and

Everyone looks over the couch towards me. I've known since I met them that Jalyn, and Andrea dropped out of the friend group when Sterling did. They told me it was because they didn't feel as close to them, and because of Mason. It wasn't intentional, they love their friends, but they just grew apart from what I understand... That's why I never brought it up to any of them.

"I.. Yeah I have been. I met them, and we became friends, it's not that big of a deal. We're friends, they know I hang out with all of you, they don't care." I shrug.

"Harry... If Sterling doesn't know about this, it is a big deal.. It-" Carson speaks out.

"It's really none of any of your concern. Sterling is none of your concern right now

Either." I tell them, and Mason stands up.

"But she is our concern. She always has been our concern, and she's important to all of us. She's incredibly important to me, and I don't like the fact that you're staking some claim on her. I don't like the fact that you're even hanging out with her. If you can't tell her the truth about something as simple as that then how the hell do you expect-"

"You seem to have a claim on her. Why's that Mason?" I ask, and he laughs.

"Because I like her. Because I really like her, and I think I deserve a chance with her, but that's beside the point. I want to protect her because she's my friend, and she's all of our friends. She deserves to know the truth." He tells me.

"Were you planning on telling her dude?" Carson asks.

"Yes of course I was. She's never really given me the chance. I want to tell her. I love her. If anyone knows that you know that Carson, you know-"

"You.. Are you fucking kidding me? Please tell me she doesn't.. You're trying to tell me

That-"

"Yes. Sterling and I are dating, we have been, and you all knew this. Sterling and I love each other. She's my best friend. That's just how it is, and i'm sorry things never worked out with all of you, and I'm not saying things never will, but I don't want her relationship with me to alter my friendship with all of you. Why can't it be separate? It's been fine since I moved here, she knows I'm friends with this group so why does it matter?" I ask the group, and Mason pushes past me. "Where are you going?" I ask, watching him walk towards the door.

"I need to go." He speaks out, and Carson and I lock eyes. He gets up, and he follows me as we walk outside, following Mason.

"Mason, where are you going?" I call out, and Mason keeps walking.

"Mason!" Carson calls out, and he's already in his car.

"I'm going to do what you can't!" He calls out, and he closes the door. I stop for a few seconds, realizing what that means, and Carson pulls me along.

"Harry.. Go.. go, go go go, Car now, go!" He yells out, and we both get into his car as quick as we can. Mason pulls out the driveway, and Carson and I drive off first as we were parked on the street. My car is still back at my house, I rode here with Carson, but right now I wish this was my car so I could speed there.

"Carson, this isn't good, this isn't how I wanted to tell her. Not with you there or Mason, not this rushed, like this I didn't think.. I mean I-"

"Harry you shouldn't really be worried about how mad she's going to be at you. You should be worried about the fact that Sterling is going to be hurt by this most likely.. That's what you should worry about." He tells me.

    "Well can you drive faster. We have to get there first, drive faster." I hit the dash, and he picks up the speed, turning down a side road.

    "You're lucky I know the back roads. What are you going to do?" Carson asks, and I shrug, feeling my palms sweat.

    "I don't know Carson, I guess I'm going to tell her? Tell her before Mason gets there, and try my best to explain calmly before he can.. Fuck, I don't know Carson." I shake my head, and he sighs, driving a bit faster.

    "You guys love each other, it'll be fine." He shrugs, and I know that he's trying to help me out, trying to calm me down, but there's no calming me down. "Tell me some science fact, tell me something weird about.. I don't know.. Anything?" He shrugs, and I shake my head.

    "I don't know any right now. I don't know, can you please just get there, please." I lean back, and run my hands through my hair, seeing the familiar houses until I finally see hers. He stops right away, and I get out before the car is even in park. Carson jogs up with me, and he stands outside, waiting for Mason I assume, but I knock once, and slowly walk in. Jon runs up to me, and I leave a hand down so I can pet him.

*play This Is What Anxiety Feels Like by Clinton Kane*

    "Sterling! Ster baby where are you?" I call out, and  she runs up wearing leggings and my sweatshirt from when we saw Haystack. She smiles bright, and runs up to me. She's so effortless it almost hurts.. Focus.

    "What are you doing here? I thought you were-"

    "I was, I am.. Sterling I have to tell you something, and I've had to tell you for a while, and I haven't had the chance, and-"

    "Harry, he's here." Carson yells out through the door, and I panic, running my hands through my hair. This is so fucked.

    "Is that? Is that Carson, why isn't he inside? Harry what's going on, who's here?" She asks, her face moving from excited to confused in seconds.

    "Yes, hey look at me, ignore everything outside that door, look at me. I have to-" I crouch down, and touch her face.

    "What's going on Harry? Who's here?" She asks, and there's almost hurt in her voice.

    "Just.. I'll explain everything Sterling. When I first met you I didn't know anything about you, and I-"

    "Sterling! Sterling I need to talk to you!" Mason's voice is outside the door now, and it's obvious Carson is trying to hold him back at least from the sound through the door.

    "Harry, what the fuck is going on." She speaks towards me in a low tone. The voice in itself scares me because I've never heard anything like it in my life. She's upset, she's hurt and she hasn't even heard what happened.

    "Sterling, let me in! Carson, let go now!" Mason's voice raises. Sterling steps forward, reaching for the door, and I move in front of her.

    "Who is that? Harry who's outside my door, who is it?" She asks, freaking out instantly. "Get out of my way! Move now Harry. You're keeping something from me? Why else would you be acting like this, you've been keeping something from me, move. I promised I wouldn't touch you, I swore I wouldn't but you can't hold it against me, get out of my way now!" She raises her voice a bit, and we've never spoken to each other in any way other than soft tones. She's never been this upset, and this is the exact thing I feared.

    "Sterling please let me explain before you open the door, please let me talk to you. Please." I plead with her, and tears well up in my eyes, but she stands strong, standing in the same place so I give in. I move slightly, and she moves around me, opening the door. Carson looks back, and Mason slips past him. Sterling steps back, shocked that he's here obviously, and she looks at me, already angered. She looks betrayed, she looks hurt. "Let me talk to you before he says anyt-"

    "He's lying to you Sterling, he's a liar, and he's been lying to you." Mason speaks, cutting me off.

    "No, that's not true, Sterling I.."

    "Mason come on.. Seriously you're not helping anything, go home." Carson tries to pull him back, but Mason pushes him off walking forward.

    "Sterling I'm telling you the truth. Listen, I know that we stopped talking when you left school, but I still like you. I would never lie to you like this, and that guy that you think you know. The boyfriend that you have has been an ass to me from the start, and he's also been lying to you." Mason stands in front of Sterling, and I catch a glimpse of her eyes. She's confused, and she has tears in her eyes. She's conflicted on who to listen to. I know she trusts me more than him but the fact that Mason is here right now and it's seemingly my fault, I can see that trust slipping away.

    "What is he talking about Harry?" She asks softly.

    "Nothing, Sterling, let me talk to you without him here, let me.. I-"

    "Harry, tell me right now what he's talking about. Now, tell me that he's lying, and that you aren't, tell me the truth."

    "Baby, I tried to tell you so many times.. It's not.. Please just let me talk to you in private and explain please."

    "Harry tell me now!" She blows, and Mason steps back.

    "Tell her..  You know what you wont I know you wont so I will.. Tell her how you've been going behind her back for god knows how long to snoop about her, and talk to her ex best friends." Mason speaks out. Sterling's jaw hangs open slightly, and her eyes are wet with tears. "Tell her how Jalyn, and Andrea know all about her and this little relationship you have together, and all the fun things you've been doing throughout the summer. Isn't that right? He's been going behind your back, prying into your life and giving them information. He's been sure to keep his mouth shut until today, openly telling all of us about your relationship together." He spits his words, and Carson steps forward, trying to help me but there's no use at this point.

    "Mason, come on.. Get out, it's time for you to-" Carson steps forward, trying to pull his arm back. Mason slams his elbow back, hitting Carson right in the mouth, and I step forward.

    "What the fuck." Carson stumbles back, and Sterling flinches away from them.

    "Mason go home, get the fuck out." I push him back, and Carson holds his mouth. He has a busted lip, and it's bloody, obviously hurting him already.

    "Don't fucking touch me." He pushes me back, and I stumble, but catch my footing.

    "You've done enough! Look at her, look! You just broke her heart, and I could've.. This could have been avoided, go home! You fucked it all up, you-" I whip my head around, and see the tears coming from her eyes now. She's never been someone who isn't sure of what's going on. Even when she's a bit confused she knows. She always pretends to at least, but there's no hiding the expression on her face. There's no hiding her eyes as they look at me, not Mason or Carson but me, lowered and sad.

    "You did this. You're the one that hurt her. I just told her because she deserved to know. Sterling you deserved to-"

    "Don't talk to her. Don't look at her, get out!" I shove him back again.

    "You have no right to do that! You have no right to-"

    "What the hell is going on in here?" Through the door walks in Sterling's dad, and I panic.

    "Mason just go, please just get out." I plead with him, and Mason gets in my face, stepping up to me.

    "If you ever thought you had a chance. Lying your way through this relationship you were wrong. You are-"

    "Don't talk to me like that, just-" I ball my fists, and Jason stands between us, pushing us back.

    "Mason, you need to leave my house now. If Sterling wants to see you she will reach out, but until that moment you need to leave." He turns to Mason who presses his lips together.

    "This is wrong. This is all wrong. All I wanted to do was protect her from someone like you." He points his hand to me, and walks out of the house, going straight for his car. I see the door close behind him, and Jason looks at me as well as Carson, but both of their eyes travel behind me, they both look at Sterling and I turn too. I turn, and she's let her tears slip now, falling down her now pink cheeks.

    "Ster, he wasn't telling-"

    "You can leave too." I hear her voice for the first time since all of this started. Her voice is low, and unsure as she speaks, but she stands still, completely still as she looks at me, and no one else.  "I said you can go. Get out of my house." Her voice cracks, and I step forward but she steps back.

    "Let me talk to you please, let me-"

    "Is it true? Is what he said true?" She asks through tears, and I hesitate.

    "Sterling it-"

    "Were you hanging out with them behind my back Harry? Were you lying to me and hanging out with them?" She asks in a raised voice. I pause, wishing I could just explain it all, tell her that the majority of what Mason said wasn't true. But if I try I know she'll just ask me the same question over and over again until I answer her straight up.

    "Yes, but-"

    "Then get out of my house, and don't come back please." She stands by the stairs, looking at me from far away. The look of betrayal on her face breaks my heart. It hurts to even look at, but I don't pull my eyes away because I need her to see my eyes, to see the pleading within them.

    "Please. Sterling I love you, and I need to explain please." I beg. Carson puts his hand on my shoulder, and I shrug it off as I watch Sterling step up the stairs, and run off, going straight to her room I assume. Jon follows and I watch, looking at the stairs.

    "Harry I-I'm sorry but..You need to go." Jason speaks to me, and I look him in the eyes.

    "Sir.. Jason, please let me.. I just need to talk to her, she doesn't know the full truth, it's not.. It's not the truth, what Mason said isn't the truth, she has to know." I plead with him

    "Harry I like you. I do like you but that's my daughter. I love my daughter more than words will ever be able to explain and when I see her like that, when I see her with tears in her eyes like that.. I have to take care of her first. She wants you gone, so you need to go. If she wants to forgive you or hear you out, she will. I'm sorry but you need to leave, both of you." He points to Carson too, and Carson opens the door.

    "Come on.. We have to go." Carson pulls on my shoulder, and I step back, walking back with him. I stand out in her yard, watching the door close to Sterling's house, and Carson stands next to me.

    "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry Harry. She'll hear you out. I know she will." He tells me, and I shake my head.

    "I just fucked up everything." I look down, and Carson sighs.

    "You did.. But you can always fix your fuck ups." Carson tries to encourage me, but none of this is going to encourage me at all. None of it. I fucked up, and I can't fix it. I can try, but from the looks of it, every bit of trust I build up inside of her is gone now., from the looks of it Sterling King doesn't want to be anywhere near me, and wont until we both go back to school.

—————————————————

A/N: well there it is.

Also, to clear confusion I know some readers have. Sterling was aware that Harry was hanging out with Carson, Hallie, Mason, Claire, and Jake. Sterling had no idea he was hanging out with Andrea and Jalyn. Andrea and Jalyn were her best friends practically her sisters. She was closest to them and she's made it very clear that her relationship with them is and was the most important that's why this is a betrayal.

Mason said he's been speaking to them the entire time, think of all the things she's told Harry about Jalyn and Andrea and what's happened in her life.. she's told him things she's kept from Jalyn and Andrea so yes this is a big deal to her because the main fear she had when meeting Harry was that he was going to go tell people about her and what's going on with her.

Also. I'm sorry. New chapter will be coming within the next few days! I love you all, please trust me with this! (I know it's hard considering my other stories but PLEASE!)

Ahh okay see you soon!